VATORE 008: Hierarchy

// VATORE ESTATES //

CALEB is sitting in his living room when his phone goes:

[BZZT!]

CALEB

[thinking] Oh, finally! It’s the Moon Priestess! Probably about our astronomy lesson.

(he did, so love, his astronomy lesson)

(he inhales and swipes open the screen.)

TRENTE//

Caleb. Are you... decent?

CALEB//

Yes ma'am. Always 4 u.

TRENTE//

fine. I'll pick you up in an hour.

CALEB//

An hour?

TRENTE//

Yes, Caleb. It takes a while to get to your house.

CALEB//

Why don't you just have your friend drive u?

CALEB//

Now, what was 'er name again?

TRENTE//

Eri.

CALEB//

Yeah, that's it. Eriolanna.

TRENTE//

I have no idea what you're talking about, Caleb.

CALEB//

TRENTE//

Ugh, whatever. Caleb! An hour. B there.

CALEB waits around for what seems like an eternity.

Finally, the car rolls around.

He goes outside of his house and gets in the car.

CALEB//

Finally! u got here! I was starting to think you weren't gonna show.

CALEB//

I do so love our astronomy lessons, Rini.

TRENTE

… YES.

CALEB//

Soo let's get rite in2 it.

TRENTE

CALEB. I DON’T REALLY LIKE TO TALK IN THE CAR. IT’S TOO… FUCKING…

NOISY.

CALEB//

NOSEY?

TRENTE

NO, CALEB. NOI-SY.

CALEB//

Yeah, whatever u say. Ur the teacher.

TRENTE

… YES.

SO I’D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU’D

SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHILE I’M DRIVING.

CALEB//

OK. Can do. U da boss.

There is a pause in the car.

CALEB//

Soooo.

CALEB//

Where we goin'.

TRENTE

Y. Y DOES IT MATTER.

CALEB//

Becaaaaause.

CALEB//

I wanna kno.

[she puts her hand to her forehead, exasperated.]

CALEB//

Wouldn't want to...

CALEB//

spoil

CALEB//

the

CALEB//

surprise.

TRENTE

BUT THAT’S XACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO.

SPOIL THE FUN.

CALEB//

Sooooo.

CALEB//

Where we goin'?

TRENTE

CHARM.

MANSION.

CALEB//

o i c.

CALEB//

charm mansion.

TRENTE

… YES. CHARM MANSION.

CALEB//

It's just.

CALEB//

thaaaat...

TRENTE

WHAT

CALEB.

CALEB//

That's not where I took your lesson last week.

TRENTE

I DON’T

CARE

WHERE U HAD YOUR LESSON

LAST WEEK

THAT’S WHERE WE’RE HAVING LESSON

THIS

WEEK.

CALEB//

o. OK. whatever

CALEB//

say.

CALEB//

u're the boss.

TRENTE

YEAH

THAT’S RIGHT.

CALEB//

Uh... sorry.

CALEB//

Can you say that a little louder?

CALEB//

U were mumbling under your breath again.

TRENTE

I

SED.

…

U DA BOSS.

They finally arrive at the Charm Mansion. No one else is home.

They go upstairs into the classroom.

CALEB sits down in the chair, his favorite chair, the one right up front.

CALEB//

Finally, some time alone with my

CALEB//

favorite teacher.

CALEB//

Everyone else must be out sick or something.

CALEB

OK TEACH!!!

WUT WE LERNIN’ 2DAY?

TRENTE

ASTRONOMY

MY

DEAR

PUPIL.

CALEB

OOOOOOOOOH ASTROMY.

CALEB//

my favorite.

TRENTE

THE WORD IS

AST-RON-O-MEE

CALEB.

CALEB

ASTRONOMY.

OK.

CALEB//

i can remember that.

CALEB

ASTRONOMY

[the pink haired woman sighs, removed a piece of white chalk from the pocket of her dress.]

CALEB

OOOOOH, THE WHITE CHALK.

CALEB//

That's my favorite.

TRENTE

IT’S

“YELLOW”

CALEB.

CALEB

O IT IS?

HA!

CALEB//

I didn't notice.

TRENTE

RIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

CALEB

RIGHTO!

TRENTE

… YES.

[she goes to start scribing upon the chalkboard when CALEB starts speaking]

[Again.]

CALEB

CAN YOU GET OUT THE STICK?

UH.

THE WAND. THE RULER. THE DIS-I-PLINN –

TRENTE

YES

CALEB

I WILL

GET IT OUT

SINCE U ASKED

SO

DAMN

NICE-LY.

CALEB

O-K!

GOOD.

CALEB//

I Learn best with the focusing

[FWWWAP!!!]

CALEB//

it makes upon the slate.

TRENTE

OKAY.

SINCE I’VE HAD

JUST ABOUT ENUFF

OF

THAT

COULD YOU PLEASE

COME TO THE BOARD

AND

SCRIBE

THE

DATE.

CALEB

STARDATE?

TRENTE

NO.

CALEB!

JUST

THE

DATE.

CALEB

O-K!

FIRST THINGS FIRST,

AFTER ALL.

U KNO,

U ARE SUCH A GOOD TEACHER.

IF ONLY ALL TEACHERS

WERE

AS BRIGHT

AS YOU.

TRENTE

YES CALEB.

BEAUTIFUL.

[she begrudgingly hands him… the chalk.]

CALEB

O-K!

SO!

IT IIIIIS…

MAY THE SECOND IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2021.

TRENTE

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Y U ALWAYS GOTTA WRITE IT ON LONG FORM?

YUR GONNA TAKE UP

THE

WHOLE

DAMN

PAIGE.

CALEB

BORED.

TRENTE

BOARD.

JUST –

CALEB

WAIT!!!

CALEB//

forgot

CALEB//

rite

CALEB//

name!!

TRENTE

YOUR

NAME?

CALEB

YEAH MY NAME!

U SED

IT WAS

A

CHALKBOARD.

TRENTE

YEAH.

CALEB.

IT’S A CHALKBOARD.

SO YOU DON’T

HAVE

TO WRITE

YOUR NAME.

…NOW!

CALEB

LET’S CONTINUE.

TRENTE

LET’S

CONTINUE.

TODAY ~!

I INTEND TO LECTURE YOU ON

ASTRONOMY.

CALEB

U

SED THAT ALREADY.

TRENTE

YEAH.

I KNOW.

BUT

THAT

IS OUR

TOPIC

TODAY.

CALEB

CAN WE DO SCIENCE TOMORROW?

TRENTE

… SCIENCE?

CALEB

YEAH.

U KNO

SCIENCE!!!

TRENTE

CALEB.

YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU…

CALEB

SHOUT?

YEAH.

I KNOW YOU DO.

I’M SORRY.

IT’S MY

ADD

ACTING UP.

TRENTE

ARE

U

TAKING

UR

MED-I-KATION?

CALEB

WELL…..

NO.

I’M NOT.

CALEB//

I ran out of pills.

TRENTE

WELL.

THEN.

WHY.

DON’T.

I.

JUSSSST–

CALEB

CAN WE GET BACK TO THE LESSON, PLZ?

[she sighs and wrings her hands about her wand]

TRENTE

WE

WILL

START

WI–

CALEB

LUMINOSITY OF STARS!!!

[she grimaces]

TRENTE

NO

CALEB

WE.WILL.NOT.START.WITH.THE.LUMINOSITY.OF.

STARS.

CALEB

THHHHHHE….

BIG BANG THEORY!

…THEN.

[she grits her teeth and tries to regain her composure]

TRENTE

I.WILL.BE.LECTURING…

UPON–

CALEB

THE DIAMETERS OF THE PLANETS!!!

CAN WE DO BOTANY TOMORROW?

[rini slaps her stick on the table with a]

[THWAP!!]

CALEB

O-K!

SO!

THE DIAMETRA OF THE PLANTS.

TRENTE

PLAN-ETTES, CALEB.

CALEB

O!

SORRY.

ADD.

AGAIN!

CALEB//

or is it the -- aspergers?

TRENTE

YEAH

CALEB.

IT’S THE

ASSBURGERS

AGAIN

NOW

CAN WE PLEASE

CONTINUE?

[caleb shifts about, uncomfortable in his seat]

CALEB

PUH-LEEEEEZE?!

PRETTY

PUHLEEEEZE?

TRENTE

[carefully] ‘Please’.

CALEB

O-K!

CALEB//

B.R.B.

CALEB

O-K!

BACK!

TRENTE

… YES.

I

SEE THAT.

[she sighs]

[enunciating] Recite the final admonishun.

CALEB

“ADMONITION?”

TRENTE

RECITE THE FUCKING PLANETS U DUM FUCK!

CALEB

O

RITE.

CALEB//

almost forgot.

CALEB

WELL FIRST OFF, THERE ARE 7 PLANETS.

TRENTE

7?

CALEB

SORRY.

EIGHT.

TRENTE

EIGHT?

CALEB

NO NO NO NOOOO SORRY.

THERE IS

BUT 1

BEAUTIFUL GEM

IN THE SKY…

TRENTE

CALEB!

CALEB

OK OK GEEZ YA AIN’T GOTTA B SUCH A BEEEEEOTCH.

ANYWAY.

AS I WAS SAYING

B EFORE

U SO

RUDELY

INTERRUPTED ME…!

THERE ARE NINE PLANETS IN OUR DEAR OL’

SOLAR SYSTEM

…

AAAAND

TRENTE

START

FROM THE BEGINNING

CALEB.

CALEB

OK

O

K.

SO.

UH… SORRY.

OH SHIT,

UH.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

TRENTE

I.DON’T.CARE.WHAT.TIMMME.IT.IS.CALEB.

U.WERE.RECITING.THE.PLANETS.4.YOUR.CLASSMATES.

CALEB

…

O YEA!

I ALMOST… FORGOT.

IT’S SO QUIET IN HERE.

MAKES IT

SOOOOOOOO

DIFFICULT

TO

FOCUS.

…

ANYWAY!

CAN I WATCH SOME LOONY TOONS?

[she fingers her stick]

TRENTE

NO.CALEB.

I.DON’T.HAVE.THE.PROPER.KIND.OF

TEL-E-VI-SION

FOR.YOU.

CALEB//

awwwww maaaaan!!!!!

CALEB

FIRST.

THERE WAS NEPTUNE.

TRENTE

CALEB.

WE ALWAYS START WITH.THEPLANET

CLOSEST.

TO.THE.SUN.

CALEB

PLUTO?

TRENTE

NO

CALEB

THE

OTHER.DIRECTION.

CALEB

DIRECTION?

TRENTE

UP. IN. OUT.

U KNO.

CALEB!!

PLZZZZ

KONTINUE.

CALEB

I WOULD. IF YOU WOULD JUST.

SHUT

THE

HELL

UP.

ANYWAY!

AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I WAS –

SO

RUDELY

INTERRUPTED.

THERE ARE FIVE.

NO.

UH….

SEVEN.

ERRR…

NINE!

YEAH, NINE!

9.

OR WAS IT…

NINE?

NINE PLANETS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM.

CALEB//

yeah yeah yeah that's it. excellent. haha. excellent.

[he laughs manaically]

[TRENTE GAGARIN.HATES.WHEN.HE.DOES.THIS]

CALEB

THERE ARE NINE PLANETS IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM AND THEIR NAMES ARE

[sing-song] JUPITER, SATURN, EARTH & MARS!

UH. WAIT.

NO.

THAT WASN’T IT.

GIMME A SEX.

–UH.

SEC!

UH.

A SECOND!

TRENTE

YES.CALEB.

ANYTHING.YOU.SAY.CALEB.

CALEB

THE FINAL ADMONITION… [dreamily…]

TRENTE

CALEB!

CALEB

MERCURY–VENUS–EARTH–ANDMARS–JUPITER-SATURN

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