// STRAUD MANSION //

The faintest whisper of wind has started to pick up outside the Straud Mansion. A stream of young snow trickles over the air, adding a chill that hadn’t been there before.

Standing on the stoop of Straud Mansion is the young woman Friday Perkins. Her tightly crimped brown hair waves in the breeze. We can’t see her eyes; she’s wearing dark blue sunglasses. She wears a black t-shirt with a violet power symbol.

In the distance, the sun threatens to set. She’s been here all day, pounding on the heavy stone door.

Yet the stamina of the young witch is surprising. The anger in her voice has merely intensified over the hours she’s been demanding an audience.

PERKINS

MANDARC!! VLAD!! I’LL BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!!


But there is no response from the house. Inside are four men standing absolutely still, moving not even their eyes. Even their minds are empty in their meditation.

PERKINS

I’LL TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME. DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT. MYRTLE, TRELAINE, MOM!!


But the house remains silent.

Finally she growls and turns around to sit on the first stair of the stoop. PERKINS peels up the side of her shirt to reveal a wide leather strap about her waist. She readjusts it to allow access to her right hand – it’s a carrying contraption for numerous vials.

Each vial is hardly larger than her hand, largely cylindrical but flared at the bottom. Blue, like cobalt glass. They’re witch’s potions.

Without looking, she removes the first one in line and smells the cork while smoothing over her t-shirt.

PERKINS

(yelling) MMM!! DELICIOUS!


With a clear “pop”, PERKINS uncorks the bottle. A disgusting smell fills the air, indistinct yet extremely loud to the nose – the smell of a Harvestfest dinner brewed into half a cup of mysterious liquid.

But before she can pour the serum down her throat, the crack of a gunshot echoes in the clearing. The glass in PERKINS’ hand shatters. The greenish-brown liquid scatters on the ground.

She is grimacing angrily when she looks toward the source of the gunfire. Behind some messy ferns is the vampress ELIZA PANCAKES. She has a dark pistol in hand.

E.PANCAKES

(yelling) GIT OFF MA PROPERTY!

PERKINS

(defiant) THIS AIN’T YOUR PROPERTY YOU HILLBILLY!


PANCAKES remains still, staring with dead eyes toward PERKINS.

PERKINS

HARLOT! SLUT! ‘HO’!


PANCAKES starts to step carefully through the snow and brush toward the stoop where PERKINS stands.

E.PANCAKES

‘REDNECK’. YA WANNA TEST ME?! JUST TRY SOME FAIRY SHIT!


A motor’s roar begins to approach. “VROOoooOOMM” it bellows, filling the air between the women until a motorcycle careens into the clearing. The snow that was clean and undisturbed this morning lays in a tangle of wheel prints.

The man on the motorcycle is BRONALD WEASLIE, dressed in a dark purple riding jacket. WEASLIE dismounts and engages the kickstand. He yells:

WEASLIE

HEY SWEET CHEEKS, YOU NEED A RIDE?


Inside the building, MANDARC struggles to maintain stillness.

PERKINS

THANKS HOT STUFF.


Again PERKINS peels up her t-shirt to reveal the vials. After descending the stoop, she takes each of them and smashes them on the stairs. A number of them melt the snow with a terrifying sizzle.

PERKINS turns around and yells toward the house.

PERKINS

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, THANKS FOR THE JOKES, THANKS FOR ABSOLUTELY FUCKIN’ NOTHING!!


PANCAKES, silent through most of this ordeal, cocks her gun and aims it toward the motorcycle.

E.PANCAKES

I GOT ONE SHOT LEFT, YA WITCH – GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

PERKINS

(yelling) AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!


PERKINS, WEASLIE board the motorcycle. She flips her hair and wraps her arms around WEASLIE’s waist.

PERKINS

SEE YA ON THE FLIP SIDE, SUCKAS!


// INSIDE //

STRAUD, CEDRIC, MANDARC stop their statuesque stillness, softening and looking at each other awkwardly. Incredibly aware of each other’s presence during the day, they were forced to freeze completely so to give no hints to the witch about the contents of the building.

KEVIN keels over, gasping for air, able to hold the stillness but uncomfortable doing so. The four simply look at each other. They’ve been here all day.


MANDARC//

Dexx... my... Puppers.



STRAUD walks over to the stone door and pulls it open. ELIZA is standing next to the stairs, looking intently in the direction the motorcycle disappeared.

STRAUD

THEY’RE GONE. GET INSIDE.


Reluctantly, she follows his instructions. He disappears inside the door and once inside, she pushes it closed behind her.