// STRAUD MANSION //


I knew I had to tell the Master the truth before I let my chattering teeth give me away. I knew that it was my own weakness that would keep me from keeping the secret from him.

MANDARC

MASTER, IT IS LOOKING SO FAR THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO ATTEND UNIVERSITY, BUT I NEED YOU TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH IS THAT I APPLIED WHEN I LIVED HERE WITH FRIDAY PERKINS.

SHE ENCOURAGED ME, SAID IT WAS A GOOD IDEA, BUT I THINK IT WAS JUST HER WAY OF SAYING SHE WANTED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

STRAUD

YOU DID THIS WHILE YOU WERE UNDER MY EMPLOY?

WAS MY GUIDANCE NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU THAT YOU WERE SEEKING THE WISDOM OF THE MORTALS?

MANDARC

IT IS NOT WISDOM, BUT CONNECTIONS.

STRAUD

YOU WERE NOT LOOKING FOR CONNECTIONS THREE YEARS AGO.

YOU DID NOT HAVE THIS IDEA THREE YEARS AGO.

MANDARC

I WAS UNAWARE OF THE IMPORTANCE MORTALS PLACED ON THEIR SOCIAL STRUCTURES.

STRAUD

THEY CALL IT NETWORKING.

MANDARC

YES, PRECISELY.

STRAUD

YOU ARE AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE, ARE YOU NOT?

THEIR WORLD WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CERTAIN ALLURE TO YOU.

MANDARC

IF THE WORLD TRULY IS CHANGING, I WANT OUR INTERESTS TO BE AT THE FOREFRONT.

STRAUD

YOU BELIEVE IN THE FRUIT.

MANDARC

IT’S BEEN KEEPING ME GOING THROUGH MY TIME WITH EMMITT.

STRAUD

SURELY YOU HAVE NOT ENTERTAINED THE IDEA OF –

MANDARC

NO, MASTER, I WOULD NEVER!!

NOT THE LITTLE ONE WHO YOU SAVED FROM THE PITS OF DESPAIR.

I WOULD NEVER SINK TO SUCH A LEVEL AS TO TAKE FROM SOMEONE YOU’VE TASKED ME TO PROTECT.

STRAUD

HIS FATHER IS AN ELF.

MANDARC

AN ELF, SIR?

STRAUD

DO YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION FOR ANOTHER TITLE FOR THEM?

MANDARC

ELF SEEMS GOOD ENOUGH TO ME, JUST…

STRAUD

JUST…WHAT?

MANDARC

HUMANS USUALLY THINK OF ELVES AS BEING LOCAL-TYPE CREATURES.

NOT SPACE-FARING.

CREATURES FROM THEIR OWN PLANE.

THEY’RE USUALLY A MORE ANCIENT VERSION OF THEMSELVES. A LOVE-LETTER TO THEIR PAST GLORIES.

THERE’S SOMETHING ALWAYS ELUSIVE ABOUT ELVES – THEIR TRIUMPHS OFTEN THOUGHT UNATTAINABLE BY MODERN MAN.

STRAUD

AND HERE I THOUGHT IT JUST CAME DOWN TO THE POINTED EARS.

MANDARC

THAT’S CERTAINLY PART OF IT.

STRAUD

ALL I NEED IS SOMETHING WITH WHICH THE MORTALS ARE VAGUELY AWARE.

MANDARC

I’LL SAY SOMETHING ELSE TOO.

THE HUMANS AREN’T USED TO THINKING OF THE ELVES AS EVIL.

STRAUD

EVIL?

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT EVIL?

MANDARC

UH…

STRAUD

THE ELVES ARE LOOKING FOR A HOME.

I CANNOT, AND DO NOT, BEGRUDGE THEM THAT.

I SIMPLY WISH THEY’D INVESTED MORE TIME IN TRYING TO SALVAGE WHAT THEY ALREADY HAD.

MANDARC

SO THEY’RE COLONIZERS.

STRAUD

THEY ARE WOULD-BE COLONIZERS, YES.

MANDARC

I THINK, WITH THE PROPER LEADERSHIP, WE COULD EASILY SHOW OURSELVES AS ADVOCATES FOR MANKIND.

STRAUD

WE ARE HUNTERS, PREDATORS, EVEN AT TIMES OPPRESSORS.

I DOUBT THE HUMANS WILL SEE US AS ANYTHING BUT MONSTERS.

AND THEY WOULDN’T BE WRONG.

MANDARC

BUT…THE FRUIT…

STRAUD

CANNOT REPLACE OUR NEED FOR LIFEFORCE.

IT MAY SLAKE THE COMPULSION TEMPORARILY BUT EXTENDED WITHDRAWAL FROM THE HUNT WILL LEAVE US EXHAUSTED AND USELESS.

MANDARC

THEN WE’LL JUST USE IT AS ANOTHER TOOL IN OUR ARSENAL.

STRAUD

AND YET, WHAT ARE YOU PROPOSING?

TO TELL THE WORLD OF OUR NEFARIOUS PAST AND EXPECT ACCEPTANCE AND UNENDING FORGIVENESS?

MANDARC

WE COULD SHOW OURSELVES INTERESTED IN MAKING AMENDS.

STRAUD

THEY WILL TAKE THE FRUIT FROM YOU.

MANDARC

GOOD THING WE HAVE YOUR RESERVES.

STRAUD

YOU SHOULD NOT REST YOUR HEAD ON SUCH AN UNEVEN FOUNDATION.

MANDARC

OH, MASTER, YOU’LL ALWAYS BE HERE.

STRAUD

NOT IF YOU’RE HELD UP IN ONE OF THE MORTAL’S PRISONS.

NO, THERE ARE PLACES I MAY NOT GO.

I WILL TRY TO AID YOU IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN TROUBLE BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS EVEN I CANNOT DO.


Mandarc opens his mouth to speak but he is quickly pre-empted.

STRAUD

THAT IS, OF COURSE, ASSUMING THEY DON’T CAPTURE YOU AND STAKE YOU FIRST.

OF COURSE, THEY’D HAVE TO BELIEVE IN SOME OF THE OLD MYTHS, AND THAT LEAP OF FAITH IS DIFFICULT FOR OUR CONTEMPORARIES.

MANDARC

NONE OF THEM CAN CAPTURE ME IN A FIGHT.

STRAUD

A FAIR FIGHT.

NONE OF THEM CAN CAPTURE YOU IN A FAIR FIGHT.

BUT THERE ARE SEVEN BILLION OF THEM AND ONE OF YOU.

MANDARC

POPULATION GROWTH FOR HUMANS ON EARTH IS APPROXIMATELY 1.04% PER YEAR.

I THINK WITH OUR NEW ACQUISITIONS, WE’RE DOING BETTER THAN THAT.

STRAUD

TOO GOOD.

WE DEPEND ON THEM, TOO MANY OF US MEANS MORE COMPETITION.

MANDARC

AND MORE THINBLOOD.

STRAUD

YOU KNOW I HATE THAT TERM.

MANDARC

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE US CALL THEM?

STRAUD

NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS A NAME.

MANDARC

BUT THEY ARE A PEOPLE.

STRAUD

THEY ARE OUR KIND AND CAN BE REFERRED TO BY THEIR GIVEN NAMES.

TO DO OTHERWISE IS TO REDUCE THEM. AND TO REDUCE OTHERS IS TO REDUCE ONESELF.

MANDARC

I’D THINK THEY’RE JUST HAPPY TO BE INCLUDED.

STRAUD

INCLUDED?

THEY ARE HARDLY INCLUDED.

MANDARC

YOU’VE GOT FRANKIE DOWN AT THE BAR…

STRAUD

AND WHERE WOULD HE BE WITHOUT OUR SPONSORSHIP?

MANDARC

YOUR SPONSORSHIP.

STRAUD

AS WITH EVERYTHING, IT’S A GROUP EFFORT.

WE ARE INDELIBLY CONNECTED TO ALL OF OUR KIND AND IT BEHOOVES ONE TO PAY THE NECESSARY RESPECT.

THEY’RE THIS WORLD’S HALFLINGS.


I stop. I was unaware the Master was familiar with such terminology.

MANDARC

SIR, YOU AREN’T SUGGESTING…?

STRAUD

THAT NEITHER TRUE HALFLINGS NOR DWARVES EXIST ON THIS PLANE.

MANDARC

OH.

WELL, THAT’S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT.

STRAUD

WHAT DID YOU MEAN?

MANDARC

I…I DON’T REMEMBER.

STRAUD

YOU DON’T REMEMBER.

MANDARC

I DON’T REMEMBER!

STRAUD

YOU WERE SPEAKING ABOUT FRIDAY PERKINS.

MANDARC

I WAS?

I WAS – WELL – IT WAS WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH HER THAT I FILED MY INTEREST LETTER AT THE UNIVERSITY.

…YOU KNOW, THAT BRINGS UP ANOTHER TOPIC: ONE OF THE FEW DREAMS I HAD INVOLVED FRIDAY.

I DREAMT THAT SHE – OR SOMEONE WHO LOOKED SIMILAR TO HER – WAS EITHER KEVIN OR VINCENT’S GIRLFRIEND FIRST.

SHE DIED IN A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY AND THEN CAME BACK AS A SHADOW VERSION OF HERSELF BEFORE QUICKLY MORPHING INTO THE FRIDAY I KNOW.

IS IT TRUE KEVIN WAS –

STRAUD

YOU DON’T DREAM, YOU ITERATE OVER THE PATH.

MANDARC

WHAT I SAW ISN’T DREAMING?

STRAUD

NO, I DON’T THINK SO.

MANDARC

BUT IS IT TRUE?

STRAUD

NOT IN THIS REALITY.

BUT IT IS TRUE IN SOME REALM OR YOU WOULDN’T HAVE SEEN IT.

MANDARC

ISN’T THAT CIRCULAR LOGIC, SIR?

STRAUD

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUGGEST AN IMPROVEMENT?

MANDARC

IT COULD JUST BE A VISION OF NOTHING.

OF RANDOMNESS.

OF MY OWN INSECURITIES MADE MANIFEST IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS.

MAYBE I’M NOT DREAMING, BUT MAYBE I’M NOT ITERATING OVER THE PATH, EITHER.

STRAUD

MAY YOUR CYNICISM SET YOU FREE.

MANDARC

IS THAT SARCASM I DETECT?

STRAUD

YOU’RE REMINDING ME A GREAT DEAL OF WEASLIE THESE DAYS.

MANDARC

TOO SIMPERING?

STRAUD

OH, FORGET IT.

MANDARC

I’M SORRY, MASTER.