MANDARC//

I had a vision in the Haunt. It's no real mystery why I was subjected to this vision - it was inspired by a struggle I'm having with caring for Dexx, but it was... vivid.

CEDRIC//

They always are. What did you see?

MANDARC//

Maggots. Or some kind of beetle larvae. IDK. There were so many of them. Uncountable. No matter how many I killed, more appeared to take their place.

CEDRIC//

Ugh.

MANDARC//

It's all to do with an issue I keep having with Dexx's food. I never wanted to feed him in the house, but I have to. And I keep finding bugs where I feed him. I've been trying to deal with it best I can but... I hate these creepy crawlies. Something about the way they wriggle really disgusts me.

CEDRIC//

No joints.

MANDARC//

Something like that.

CEDRIC//

Reminds me, if you don't mind me interrupting--

MANDARC//

Go ahead.

CEDRIC//

Toonces ran away.

MANDARC//

Aw. I'm sorry. Maybe she'll come back.

CEDRIC//

And maybe she won't. AVAEL and I neglected to feed her and she escaped out the window. Ripped the screen and everything.

MANDARC//

I thought you had taken her to the old Vatore place.

CEDRIC//

Yeah, I did. But then I brought her back when I returned.

MANDARC//

You tried your best.

CEDRIC//

I don't know about that. I forgot to feed her.

MANDARC//

AVAEL?

CEDRIC//

AVAEL is going through something.

MANDARC//

She coulda fed the cat.

CEDRIC//

I coulda fed the cat. I didn't. Anyway that's where we're at. Maybe it's for the best. From the wild she came, to the wild she returns.


I had a lot on my mind. Tonight, in this moment, the insubordinate son demanded my attention. But the truth was that I could not render my full consciousness.

Thankfully Cedric rose from the table to greet Makoa and his daughter. I did not, in my gut, feel like I had a dog in this fight.

Yes, it seemed that my Master had a strong opinion on this matter. Where I knew him so often for his tolerance and patience, here he seemed as an immovable object. It seemed far from my concern - I was not about to argue for the Islander’s mercy. He had never affected me one way or the other. He was a non-entity to me. I did not understand what the Master had seen in him so I tried not to dwell on the mystery. It was not mine to comprehend.

As far as converting his daughter was concerned, it did seem somewhat perverse to me. Cedric greeted him with the genteel civility he was due as the Master’s Childe, but my feelings regarding the Prohibition became ever more cemented as Makoa and his daughter Nani made their way into the throngs of mortals at the Blue Velvet. She did not belong here. Oh, she was cute enough, and perhaps if I were to linger in one frame of mind I could see the appeal. But my feelings, my gut, would not permit it. She was small, standing half the height of those she divided. The manner in which she clung to her father’s hand felt wholly out-of-place in this realm. To be a vampire was to stand alone against the world, to endure in spite of the eras, it was a place where self-reliance was a necessity rather than a luxury.

And perhaps it was also true that children simply made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t that I hated them, resented them, or envied their youth, I just simply did not like them. They were small, delicate, even more easily broken than the Mortals from whom they sprang. They were chaotic and unpredictable, slave to emotion rather than Logic. And as if to betray all this, they even looked strange, and I could not help but regard them as incomplete, very partial versions of their future selves. A star, I had learned, only ignited once it reached a critical mass. Below this threshold, it could not maintain the processes necessary to produce photons.

The Master wore a stern frown as Makoa weaved through the crowd. I did not like to see him this way. But soon, very soon, I would be the cause of this same grimace.

For I, Mandarc, am troubled by a secret. I had not yet told Cedric, nor AVAEL, nor anyone else. I was alone with this knowledge and knew I could tell no one else but the Master.

Davian was gone. For months their coterie had buzzed with suspicion and gossip, theory and hypothesis. But Davian himself had removed I, Mandarc from doubt and brought me into the light of confidence. It was now my responsibility to inform the Master.

It had all happened just a few nights ago. I, Mandarc, had been outside. It was all a chance, a random event. I did not often go outside, but something had possessed me. I snatched my starcharts from the shelf and stole into the inky blanket of night. But the clear night would provide me no respite, not would I be granted the opportunity to open my reference materials.

Almost as soon as I turned my eyes to the sky, I observed a strange star. Brighter than it should have been amidst the city lights - did that make it a planet? I still found myself a novice of astronomy but I could not refute my senses as I noticed it seeming to become larger, brighter, nearer?

Quicker than my skepticism could coalesce, it was all too evident what was occurring.

I was reminded of the Disney schlock, Pinocchio. The one who wishes to become a real boy. He wishes on a star and a fairy appears as if from the asterism, growing larger and larger until she finally appears before the puppet. It was much like that for me, except instead of a fairy, it was a tiny image of the mage himself.

DAVIAN

MANDARC–

ARE YOU THERE?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?


I did not know exactly what to say at the onset. I replied the only way I knew how.

MANDARC

YES, MAGISTER.

I CAN HEAR YOU.


Standing before me, in miniature, was the grand worker of feats himself. Whether it was truly him or just a facsimile, I could not be as of yet sure, but I thought it prudent to act in good faith.

DAVIAN

MANDARC.

I AM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO REACH YOU.

I DID NOT KNOW WHO ELSE IN THE COTERIE MIGHT BE ABLE TO RECEIVE MY MESSAGE.


Surely he and Cedric had similar ground, as a former mage? And the Master and he–

DAVIAN

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH SOMEONE FOR DAYS.


For days? Have we all just been twiddling our thumbs?

DAVIAN

DON’T GET THINGS CONFUSED, THIS IS JUST A MESSAGE YOU’RE SPEAKING TO.

A GLORIFIED ANSWERING MACHINE, ONE OF MAGICAL MAKING, BUT LET IT BE CLEAR, THERE IS LITTLE I CAN CONVEY TO MAGISTER DAVIAN SAVE A SUCCESSFUL RECEIPT OF HIS MESSAGE–

MANDARC

I AM NOT SPEAKING TO THE MAGISTER HIMSELF?

DAVIAN

NO, YOU ARE NOT.

I AM A TINY FRACTION OF HIS GREATNESS SENT INTO THE COSMOS FOR ONLY ONE MISSION, AND THAT IS TO RELAY A MESSAGE TO YOU.

MANDARC

TO ME?


Really? Of all persons in the coterie, he chose me?

DAVIAN

YES, YOU.

THE MAGISTER PREDICTED YOU WOULD BE MOST LIKELY TO DETECT THIS MESSAGE, AND LO AND BEHOLD, AS YOU ARE THE ONE RECEIVING HIS MESSAGE, I WILL HAVE THE JOY OF RELAYING THAT HIS PREDICTION WAS CORRECT.

MANDARC

WHY ME?

DAVIAN

ARE WE REALLY ENTERTAINING THIS DIVERSION?

TO PUT IT SUCCINCTLY AS POSSIBLE, THE MAGISTER PREDICTED YOU AS THE MOST LIKELY TO HAVE HIS HEAD IN THE CLOUDS.

AND BEFORE YOU REMARK ON THE CLEAR WEATHER, KNOW THAT HE MEANT IT ENTIRELY METAPHORICALLY.


And here I had been, staring at the sky. The Magister had been correct.

DAVIAN

I WOULD LIKE TO HUMBLY REQUEST OF YOU A SIMPLE TASK.

IT MAY NOT BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE SIMPLE.


I paused to allow the figment time to speak.

DAVIAN

THE MAGISTER LAMENTS THAT HE MUST NOTIFY THE COUNT OF HIS ABSENCE.

HE IS REQUESTING A SABBATICAL OF SORTS.

HIS APPRENTICE HAS GOTTEN HERSELF IN, FOR LACK OF BETTER WORDS, A WORLD OF TROUBLE, AND HE FINDS IT HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE IN HER TIME OF NEED.

MANDARC

LILA BLACK?


He sighed emphatically.

DAVIAN

YES, LILA BLACK.

THAT YOUNG SCAMP, FINDING HERSELF LACKING OF BETTER JUDGEMENT POSSESSED BY HER ELDERS AND BETTERS, HAS FOUND HERSELF IN A GRAND HEAP OF TROUBLE.


My heart sank.

MANDARC

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?


The projection chuckled, and I felt insulted.

DAVIAN

NOT UNLESS YOU’VE SUDDENLY BECOME CAPABLE OF INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL.


I may have been liberated from the threat of Death’s guillotine, but I still paled against the Enchanted.

MANDARC

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

DAVIAN

RIGHT-O.

YOUR PLACE IS ON EARTH, PROTECTING THE MORTALS FROM THE TYRANNY OF TRENTE GAGARIN AND HER LACKEYS.

I - ER - MAGISTER DAVIAN - WILL ADDRESS MY WAYWARD APPRENTICE AND DELIVER HER SAFELY HOME.

ALL I ASK OF YOU IS THAT YOU NOTIFY THE COUNT THAT I AM DISTRACTED, INDISPOSED, AND OTHERWISE BUSY, FOR THE TIME BEING.

OF COURSE, I WILL RETURN, BUT NOT UNTIL I HAVE MY CHARGE SECURED.


I was filled with memories. Lila had helped me challenge the Sabbat fortress. She had helped me spit in the eye of my former master. Yes, she had joined with me, hand-in-hand, paw-in-paw, and treated me as an equal.

MANDARC

I WILL DO THIS FOR YOU.

DAVIAN

NOT FOR ME.

FOR THE MAGISTER.

AND FOR EARTH.


And like that, the hologram disappeared. As quickly, no, quicker, than it came, the night asserted its dominance and I was alone in the dark. In an instant, I was filled with the weighty, foreboding knowledge that I alone could move the story forward–

I had to speak to the Master.


But I could not do it now. No, for now the spotlight was on Makoa and his transgression, this tiny sprite of a girl who dared step into this colosseum of immortals.

She could not possibly understand where she found herself.

None of the Mortals were any the wiser as the pair were led to the table by Cedric. Nani had eyes to match her hair, dark and limitless. But those orbs set above plump cheeks shone with an impossible luster, seeming to take in everything set before them.

CEDRIC

COUNT–

MAKOA KEALOHA AND HIS DAUGHTER, NANI.


There is a heavy, invisible piece of punctuation only perceptable to the Extranatural.

STRAUD

MY CHILDE.

WELCOME BACK.

MAKOA

IT IS GOOD TO BE HERE, MY MASTER.

THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING US ENTRANCE.


Makoa bows, and his daughter follows with a curtsey. It is practiced and stiff. Or maybe my mind was already made up.

STRAUD

AND WHO IS THIS YOUNG LADY YOU HAVE BROUGHT WITH YOU?

NANI

NANI.

STRAUD

NANI.


His expression softens, small wrinkles appear at the corners of his eyes, but yet, he does not smile.

STRAUD

YOU HAVE INHERITED YOUR FATHER’S SPIRIT, THAT MUCH IS EVIDENT.

NANI

THANK YOU, SIR.

STRAUD

HAD YOU EVER BEEN TO NEW YORK CITY BEFORE?

NANI

NO, SIR.

IT IS MY FIRST TIME.

STRAUD

HOPEFULLY YOUR FATHER WILL TAKE YOU SIGHTSEEING.

NANI

THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE.

AND THE BUILDINGS ARE SO TALL.

I AM AFRAID THEY WILL FALL ON ME.

STRAUD

I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEAR.

I ONCE FELT THAT WAY, TOO.

SOMETIMES, I STILL DO.


Cedric takes a seat at our long table. The attendees observe the silence.

STRAUD

TELL ME, MY CHILDE.

WHY HAVE YOU COME TO ME?

MAKOA

I HAVE COME TO ASK YOU TO ACCEPT MY DAUGHTER, NANI, INTO OUR COTERIE.

STRAUD

OUR COTERIE?


His voice holds steady but there is a certain change, as if color threatens to creep in at the edges.

STRAUD

SURELY I KNOW NOT OF WHOM, PRECISELY, YOU REFER TO.

FOR THERE IS LESS WE NOW SHARE THAN THERE ONCE WAS, NOW THAT YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME AND TAKEN A NEW MASTER.

MAKOA

YOU CREATED ME.

STRAUD

AND YOU CREATED HER.

I CANNOT ACCEPT HER.

NANI

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, SIR?


I do not think any of us expected the girl to interrupt. Many eyes lock on to her without making a sound.

NANI

TELL ME, SIR.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

STRAUD

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, NANI.

NANI

THEN WHY CAN’T WE STAY HERE?

STRAUD

YOUR FATHER HAS COMMITTED A CRIME.

HE HAS DONE SOMETHING HE SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE.

SOMETHING I ORDERED HIM NOT TO DO.

NANI

YOU ORDERED HIM NOT TO CREATE ME?

YOU ORDERED HIM TO MAKE ME GROW OLD?

STRAUD

THAT IS WHAT I COMMANDED.

NANI

I DID NOT WANT TO GET OLD.

I TOLD HIM THAT.

I DID NOT WANT TO GROW FLOPPY BREASTS UPON MY CHEST OR HAIR BETWEEN MY LEGS.

I DID NOT WANT MY CUNT TO LEAK FLUID OR CURSE ME WITH CHILDREN.

I DID NOT WANT STRETCH MARKS OR BODY ODOR.

I DID NOT WANT TO WEAR BRAS OR TAMPONS OR HIGH HEELS.

I DID NOT WANT–

MIRIAM

IS THAT ALL IT IS TO YOU?


She was standing now, and all eyes were on her. The Salubri with the yellow eyes. She turned toward Makoa and we could all feel the rage rise off her like a wave of heat.

MIRIAM

IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TAUGHT HER ABOUT WHAT IT IS TO BE A WOMAN?

FIXATED ON A FEW TEMPORARY INCONVENIENCES TO BLIND ONESELF TO THE WORLD BEYOND?

STRAUD

WHAT OF YOUR WIFE, KEALOHA?

NANI IS OF HER AS SHE IS OF YOU.

MAKOA

DO NOT SPEAK OF MY WIFE.

NANI

MY MOTHER IS A TRAITOR TO OUR FAMILY!

SHE BROUGHT IN AN OUTSIDER AND ALLOWED HIM PRIVILEGE HE HAD NOT EARNED!

CEDRIC

DID YOU EVER BRING HER INTO THE INFORMED?


Makoa fumed, humiliated. Cedric was his senior, but only just barely, by the standards of the immortal.

To add insult to injury, Nani spoke for him.

NANI

MAMA HAD NOT SHOWN HERSELF WORTHY OF THE RIGHT!

MIRIAM

BECAUSE SHE WAS A WOMAN?


Miriam revealed that she knew the truth: Lilliana was dead. And the au pair? I supposed that was even more obvious.

STRAUD

PERHAPS THIS IS MY FAULT.

I SHOULD HAVE INTRODUCED MYSELF TO YOUR FAMILY AS I HAD DONE WITH OTHERS.

IT WAS MY ERROR OF JUDGEMENT.

EXCUSE ME FOR NOT TREATING YOU AS…

A CHILD!


The last words are accented with a telepathic burst of emphasis. Whether intentional or no, all in attendance wince. The televisions at the bar, which had been relaying some seasonal sporting event, erupt into static, upsetting the Mortals who had been enraptured by their chatter.

MAKOA

YOU GIFTED ME THE BLOOD THEN LEFT ME TO ROT!

CEDRIC

YOU CHOSE TO ROT!

YOUR MASTER GAVE YOU THE PLASMA FRUIT AND FAT LOT OF GOOD YOU DID WITH THAT!

ALL THE REST OF US HAD TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!

MAKOA

I WASN’T READY FOR THAT AND YOU KNEW IT!

YOU GAVE ME A TASK ABOVE MY CAPACITY AND PUNISHED ME WHEN I FAILED!

WHAT KIND OF JUSTICE IS THAT?

STRAUD

I AM NOT PUNISHING YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR REFUSAL TO DO WORK.

I AM PUNISHING YOU FOR YOUR FLAGRANT, KNOWING, INTENTIONAL DISOBEDIENCE.

MAKOA

YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT ME IN A STATE OF WANT FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS.

BECAUSE YOU SUFFER, YOU WANT TO BRING THE REST OF US DOWN WITH YOU!

STRAUD

YOU THINK YOU SPEAK OF ME, BUT YOU KNOW ONLY HOW TO SPEAK OF YOURSELF.

YOU COULD NOT BEAR THE PAIN OF BEING AND SO YOU BROUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER INTO THE CURSE AND BONDED HER TO YOU WHERE YOU HAD DEEMED YOUR WIFE UNWORTHY.

YOU DENIED HER LIFE AND TOOK IT FOR YOUR OWN.

NANI

I CAME OF MY OWN FREE WILL!

STRAUD

YOUR FREE WILL IS AN ILLUSION.

A FARCE.

SOMETHING MORTALS HAVE CONCOCTED TO BRING MEANING AND MOTIVATION TO THEIR TRAVAILS.

WE ARE ALL SUBJECT TO FORCES FAR GREATER THAN WE CAN IMAGINE.

WE TRANSLATE THESE MANIPULATIONS AS EMOTIONS, PASSIONS, DRIVE, REASON, LOGIC.

BECAUSE WE CANNOT TOLERATE THE IMAGE OF AN INVISIBLE HAND PLACING US AS PAWNS IN A GAME OF CHESS.

YOU MAY YET BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE PATH OF DESTINY, BUT YOU ARE A FOOL TO IGNORE THE PLAYS THE GODS MAKE FOR YOUR FUTURE.

MAKOA

WE HAVE FORSAKEN THE GODS AS THEY HAVE LEFT US TO LANGUISH IN HELL.

STRAUD

YES, I AM AWARE.

YOU HAVE TAKEN A CONDUIT AS YOUR MENTOR.

MAKOA

NOT JUST ANY CONDUIT.

STRAUD

ERIKSSON RELAYED THE NEWS TO ME.

THE SHARKS.

MAKOA

YES, THE SHARKS.

THE MASTERS OF THE SEA.

STRAUD

THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.

MAKOA

THE WHALES?

THEIR TIME IS DONE.

THEY CANNOT ADAPT.

LIKE YOUR SALUBRI, THEY ARE AN ENDANGERED SPECIES.

OVERWHELMED BY SUPERIOR FORCE.

STRAUD

YOU LIKEN THE GENOCIDE AGAINST THE SALUBRI TO THE STRUGGLES OF THE CONDUITS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER?

MAKOA

YOU HAVE DARED BEFRIEND THE CAMARILLA SO I IMAGINE ONE DAY YOU WILL TRULY HAVE TO SELECT A SIDE.

OF COURSE, YOU ARE WELL-VERSED IN THAT, HAVING ALWAYS SIDED AGAINST ME.

CEDRIC

WE WELCOMED YOU WITH OPEN ARMS!

YOU FORSOOK US BY DECLARING YOUR FEELINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR LIFETIMES OF EXPERIENCE!


The Master raises a hand to silence Cedric. Of course he did not need the gesture as he sent the same message telepathically, but I supposed he did this for the benefit of everyone watching.

STRAUD

I SHOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH YOU.

MAKOA

MAYBE IF YOU’D HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO CREATE MORE OF MY KIND–

STRAUD

I’M NOT SURE I EVER WOULD HAVE TAUGHT YOU THAT.

MAKOA

THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE ME?

STRAUD

I SAW SOMETHING OF MYSELF IN YOU.


And he is taken aback by the comparison, the implication of similarity. If he takes it as a compliment, he should.

MAKOA

IF YOU WILL NOT ACCEPT NANI INTO THE COTERIE, THEN I WILL BE FORCED TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

STRAUD

DO NOT INSULT ME, CHILDE.

YOU HAD ALREADY MADE UP YOUR MIND LONG BEFORE YOU ENTERED THIS COURT.

MAKOA

I CAME HERE TO OFFER HER TO YOU.

STRAUD

AND YET MY CAPTAIN HAD CONVEYED MY LAW.

NO, IT WAS NOT JUST HIM.

YOU KNEW MY WORD, AND YET I SUSPECT IT ENTICED YOU ALL THE MORE.

MAKOA

I WANTED HER TO BE TRAINED BY YOU.

STRAUD

I CANNOT DEMONSTRATE TO THE WORLD THAT I CONDONE YOUR CRIMES BY GRANTING YOU A PARDON.

MAKOA

WHAT ABOUT THE ZHOU SISTERS?

STRAUD

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

MAKOA

THEY ARE CHILDREN AND YOU ACCEPTED THEM WITH WELCOME ARMS.

STRAUD

THESE GIRLS ARE INNOCENTS.

IT IS THE REST OF THE WORLD AROUND THEM THAT FAILED TO PROTECT THEM.

NANI

I NO LONGER NEED PROTECTING!

MY FATHER HAS GRANTED ME THAT!


Everyone in attendance cannot help but be stunned silent at her naïve outburst.

STRAUD

NO, NANI.

THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE MISTAKEN.

YOU NEED PROTECTION NOW MORE THAN EVER.


Soon, the pair leaves, quiet in their shame, embarrassed by the refusal. The Master clarified that though they could not be friends, this did not make them enemies lest Makoa’s actions infringed upon the rights of those he, Straud, had sworn to protect. But I wondered, silently, if he’d already done that.

After they left, the mood was somber. A good number of the Mortals had left due to the broken TVs. And the rest of us felt heavy, tired, laden with the knowledge that the world was changing. Things weren’t going to get easier until they got a lot harder first.

I wanted to stew in whatever it was I was feeling but I could not rest even for one second. Matilda came to the table with a tall glass overfilled with the vibrant purple drink that helped focus my nerves. But instead of pushing it across the table to me, she waved me over with an air of urgency.

When I get to her, she holds out the drink to me. Today it smells extra strong, if such a thing were possible. Matilda raises her hand as if to keep anyone else from hearing her. Of course, it is futile.

MATILDA

MANDARC, YUKI IS AT THE BAR.

SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.


My forehead wrinkles in surprise. Yuki wanted to talk to me? It had admittedly been at least several days, maybe a week since we had been in contact. It had felt ominous, her radio silence, but I hadn’t been able to focus on it, not with everything that had been going on lately.

Matilda was right though. Yuki wore an unhappy, pensive expression. Her glass had long been emptied - the icemelt pooled at the bottom. She had been drinking liquor. She usually drank liquor when she was upset. She drank plum wine when she was happy. But tonight I smelled only vodka on her breath.

She toyed with the glass, swirling the remains anxiously, the clinking lost in the surrounding din.

MANDARC

HEY YUKI.

WHAT’S UP?

YUKI

YEAH, SORRY ABOUT BUGGING YOU.

IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE PRETTY INVOLVED IN ONE OF THE BOSS’S MEETINGS.

MANDARC

YEAH… HE, UH.

FIRED SOMEONE.

YUKI

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?

THAT’S ROUGH.

MANDARC

WELL IT DIDN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY, BUT THIS GUY BROKE THE LAW.

THEN HE COMES BY ON THE BOSS’S DAY OFF.

WANTED TO MAKE A BIG STINK ABOUT IT.

YUKI

WAS IT THE GUY WITH THE MOHAWK?

MANDARC

YEAH.


Her face twisted to display her disgust.

YUKI

WAS THAT HIS KID HE BROUGHT IN?

TO A BAR?

MANDARC

YEAH…

YUKI

TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

MANDARC

YOU’RE TELLING ME.

YUKI

ANYWAY, I HOPE I DIDN’T INTERRUPT ANYTHING.

I JUST NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU.

MANDARC

NO, YOU’RE FINE.

THAT’S ALL OVER.

FOR NOW.

I HOPE.


She pauses for a moment and she almost tries to smile to release the tension, but she can’t quite make it there. She exhales.

YUKI

SO, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?


Sometimes the self-censorship was exhausting. But her presence was calming none-the-less.

MANDARC

OH, OKAY.

GETTING ALONG.


I smile weakly, superficially. Here, in this place, with her, Yuki, with gentle Yuki, I hid my fangs behind my smile.

MANDARC

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT.

YUKI

WERE YOU LUCID?

I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT.


I chuckled. It was nice of her to remember.

MANDARC

NO, NOT QUITE.

BUT I WASN’T SCARED.

YUKI

THAT’S GOOD!

MANDARC

I WAS IN NIHON.

ON A BUS OR TRAIN OR SOMETHING.

AND EVERYONE AROUND ME WAS SPEAKING THEIR NATIVE TONGUE.

I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING AND THE PATH WAS TWISTED LIKE A CORKSCREW, A ROLLER COASTER OF SORTS.

BUT I WASN’T AFRAID.

YUKI

NIHONGO IS EASY.

YOU’RE SMART, YOU’D PICK IT UP IN NO TIME.

MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A CLASS WHILE YOU’RE IN COLLEGE.

MANDARC

I DON’T THINK I HAVE THE TIME.

YUKI

YOUR EXAMS COMING UP?

MANDARC

YEAH, I HAVE A FEW THIS WEEK.

YUKI

I’M SURE YOU’LL DO GREAT.

MANDARC

THANKS, YUKI.


A blush spread across her pale cheeks. Our eyes met for a moment, then she tore away.

YUKI

LISTEN, MANDARC.

I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU RIGHT BEFORE YOUR FINALS, BUT I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.


Pleasantries now gone, she couldn’t bear to look at me. Her voice quavered just perceptably and I wondered if she were about to cry.

YUKI

I DON’T THINK WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.


My mind immediately lept to my list of transgressions. I hadn’t called her enough. I hadn’t bought her expensive gifts. I hadn’t been affectionate enough. Mortals were always seeking to share warmth with one another… But I had no heat, no blood… No heart.

MANDARC

WHY?

DID I DO SOMETHING TO UPSET YOU?


Finally, she turned toward me with a pleading, tearful face.

YUKI

NO, MANDARC!

IT WASN’T YOU.

IT WAS ME.


I felt confused. Wasn’t that one of those things people said when they didn’t want to tell the truth? I went back to my list of sins.

MANDARC

WERE THINGS GOING…

TOO…

SLOWLY?


Her eyes were brimming with tears now. It was almost hard to find their color beneath the water’s shine.

YUKI

NO!

IT’S NOT THAT.

I LIKED TAKING IT SLOWLY.

YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PUSHY, YOU’VE BEEN A GENTLEMAN–

I LIKED THAT!

YOU RESPECTED ME.

I…

I AM THE ONE WHO MADE A MISTAKE.


Our gaze met and for a moment I thought I could see into her soul, but she quickly hid again.

YUKI

I CHEATED ON YOU.


I was dumbfounded. Was that all?

MANDARC

I DON’T RECALL EVER ENTERING INTO A CONTRACT OF EXCLUSIVITY…


She looked at me again. Clearly she was as confused as I was.

MANDARC

YUKI, I NEVER DEMANDED MONOGAMY AS THE PRICE YOU WOULD PAY FOR MY COMPANY.

I JUST LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.

I WAS TOLD THAT THE MORTAL HEART IS LIMITLESS; JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE DOESN’T MEAN YOU LOVE ME ANY LESS.

YUKI

BUT THAT’S THE THING–

I DON’T LOVE ANYONE ELSE!

I MADE A MISTAKE!

MANDARC

THEN… UM…

YUKI

I HAVE ITCHY PLUMBOB!


I was not terribly well-versed in Mortal pathology but I did not want to admit my ignorance.

MANDARC

UM…

CAN’T YOU JUST TAKE MEDICINE FOR THAT?

YUKI

DON’T YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET ITCHY PLUMBOB?


I did not know what a plumbob was but I knew this was neither the time nor place to ask.

MANDARC

I… UH…

YUKI

I HAD SEX WITH HIM!

THAT’S HOW I GOT IT!


She still refused to look at me, her gaze fixed on something, anything else. The glass, the barback…

YUKI

AND I COULD GIVE IT TO YOU!


I didn’t know what to say. But I did know I desperately wanted to be back to normalcy.

MANDARC

IS… THAT WHY YOU WANT TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER?

BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID I WILL GET SICK?


She seemed to calm down, but for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t like what was going on; I’d said something wrong.

YUKI

THIS ISN’T THE COMMON COLD!

I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!

I COULD HAVE TO TAKE MEDICINE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I CAN’T MAKE YOU SUFFER BECAUSE I MADE A MISTAKE.

MANDARC

I DON’T THINK THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.


But now she was getting angry.

YUKI

MANDARC, YOU CAN’T JUST FUCK AROUND WITH THIS!

THIS IS A CONTAGIOUS DISEASE!

MANDARC

LISTEN, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ME ANYMORE, I UNDERSTAND.

YOU DON’T NEED TO MAKE UP EXCUSES–

YUKI

I’M NOT MAKING EXCUSES!

I DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU SICK!

MANDARC

YOU WON’T MAKE ME SICK.

YUKI

I KNOW WE HAVEN’T…

BEEN

TOGETHER YET…

BUT IT STILL COULD HAPPEN, EVEN IF WE TAKE PRECAUTIONS–

MANDARC

NO.

IT COULDN’T.

YUKI

YES, IT COULD!


How could I make her understand? Was there any lie I could concoct to get me out of this pit we’d worked our way into? But I had never been the most skillful liar - No. It was not my forte.

MANDARC

NO.

…

IT COULDN’T.


Finally, she was quiet. Her rage and frustration, however, yielded to an even more dangerous emotion.

Fear.

She retreated, even if only metaphorically. When she did break the silence, she spoke slowly, choosing each word very carefully.

YUKI

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

MANDARC

I CAN’T GET SICK, YUKI.

I DON’T GET SICK.

WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE, I CAN’T CATCH IT FROM YOU.

YUKI

EVERYONE…

EVERYONE GETS SICK SOMETIMES.

MANDARC

NOT ME.

I DON’T GET SICK.

YUKI

HOW…

HOW CAN THAT BE?


Without forsaking eye contact, I allowed myself to become aware again of where I was and who and what surrounded me. I was on a cliff, standing on the precipice, and I was gripped with an intense desire to live.

MANDARC

YUKI…

I CAN’T TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.


I reached out my hand and placed it upon hers. I could feel a chill emenate from where her fingertips made contact with the cold glass.

We sat there, just touching, until she spoke.

YUKI

WHEN?


Again, I gave a truth where a falsehood might have served me better.

MANDARC

I DON’T KNOW.

MAYBE SOMEDAY.

I NEED TO THINK.

YUKI

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY THAT.


The Master. I had to drive him home. He was done with the debrief and wanted to be gone.

MANDARC

HEY, I, UH, HAVE TO DRIVE THE–

MY–

BOSS HOME–

SO I GOTTA GO.

I’M SURE I’LL SEE YOU AROUND, OKAY?


She looked grateful, through all the tears. She even managed to smile a little bit. It was so nice when she smiled.

YUKI

YEAH.

YOU GET GOING.

I’LL SEE YOU AROUND.

MANDARC

SEE YA, YUKI.


Ever since I had learned how to drive, it had become my task. At first, climbing into the front seat felt awkward and inappropriate. Like climbing over a fence, I knew that fence had been constructed for a reason, a purpose, and I was not about to break the laws of the universe willy-nilly. But the Master insisted that it was good practice for me, even adding an addendum that he thought we were safer this way. I think he said something about my mind being less cluttered than his own. I wasn’t sure how to take that, though I suspected he was right.

Not that you’d ever know it.

Tonight, he didn’t say much. It was like that more often than not, I suppose. I always guessed that’s the way he liked it.

At first I hated playing music in the car. I always felt self-conscious about my taste in music, but especially around him. It is hard not to imagine him irritated at the simple melodies and shallow lyrics of modern music. But he had never said a word to me, so eventually I gave in to my impulses and began to fill the space with my creature comforts. I needed to keep steady and I did not think a thermos of plasma jane was a good way to keep under the radar.

STRAUD

WHAT DID MISS YUKI WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT?


I turned the radio down.

MANDARC

SHE… UH… WENT OUT WITH SOME OTHER GUY AND HE GOT HER SICK.

SHE DOESN’T WANT ME TO GET IT.

STRAUD

I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT THE YOUNG WOMAN IS NOT WELL.

MANDARC

ME TOO.

I LIKE HER.

STRAUD

I KNOW YOU DO.

I’M GLAD FOR IT.

MANDARC

I JUST CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF MAYBE I’D BEEN MORE…

I DON’T KNOW…

AVAILABLE–

MAYBE SHE WOULDN’T HAVE SOUGHT COMFORT IN A STRANGER.

THEN SHE WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN SICK.

STRAUD

TRY NOT TO BLAME YOURSELF.

YES, IT IS TRUE THAT WE CAN BRING MISERY AS AN INVISIBLE BEDFELLOW TO ANY RELATIONSHIP WE ARE A PARTY TO–

BUT I AM CERTAIN YOU DID NOT PUSH HER AWAY INTENTIONALLY.

NO, SHE IS STILL GROWING AND LEARNING AND SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW TO FIND THE COMFORT SHE CRAVED.

IT IS GOOD SHE CAME TO YOU AND YOU MUST RECOGNIZE THAT SHE IS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.

MORTALS MUST VERY TENDERLY GUARD THEIR HEALTH–

THIS IS SOMETHING YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND BUT MUST GRASP WITH YOUR REASON.

MANDARC

I TOLD HER I CAN’T GET SICK.

STRAUD

A DANGEROUS PIECE OF A LARGER TRUTH.

I AM SURE YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH PANDORA?

MANDARC

VAGUELY.

STRAUD

SUFFICE IT TO SAY YOUR DISTASTE FOR UTTERING FALSEHOOD MAY BE YOUR UNDOING.

WE MUST BE CAREFUL LEST IT UNDO THE REST OF US.

MANDARC

I AM SORRY, MASTER.

STRAUD

I PREDICTED THIS DAY WOULD COME AND AM NOT SURPRISED.

IF ANYTHING, I AM ASTONISHED YOUR COURTSHIP HAS BEEN THIS PROLONGED.

IT SAYS GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE BOTH OF YOU.

CERTAINLY THINGS WERE NOT LIKE THIS WITH THE WITCH.

MANDARC

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID THINKING ABOUT HER.

STRAUD

I KNOW YOU HAVE BUT AVOIDANCE WILL ONLY ALLOW THE WOUNDS TO FESTER.

MANDARC

I THOUGHT I NEEDED TO MOVE ON.

STRAUD

YOUR WORDS, NOT MINE.

AN INJURY NOT PROPERLY TREATED TURNS TO GANGRENE, OR AT BEST, A SCAR.

RED, INFLAMED TISSUE THAT CAN SPIKE PAIN AND DISCOMFORT INTO AN OTHERWISE HEALTHY BODY.

MANDARC

HOW CAN I HEAL FROM WHAT FRIDAY TOOK FROM ME?

STRAUD

I CANNOT SPEAK TO THIS.

I DO NOT KNOW THE HEART AND FIND ANY SUGGESTION I MIGHT MAKE UNSUITED TO YOUR EMOTIONAL MAKEUP.

MANDARC

I’M OPEN TO SUGGESTION.

STRAUD

WELL, I AM NOT OPEN TO SUGGEST.

BUT ALLOW ME TO DELIVER A RELEVANT PIECE OF INFORMATION ADJACENT TO THIS MATTER.

MANDARC

I’M ALL EARS.

STRAUD

BRONALD WEASLIE HAS DISAPPEARED FROM THIS REALM.

MANDARC

DISAPPEARED?

STRAUD

YES, DISAPPEARED.

I CAN PROVIDE LITTLE ELSE OF USE.

I SIMPLY KNOW THAT HE IS NOT PRESENT IN THIS SPACE ANYMORE.

WHETHER THE WITCH KILLED HIM, OR BANISHED HIM FROM THIS PLANE, I CANNOT SAY.

PERHAPS THE EXPLANATION IS EVEN MORE BENIGN.

IT OFTEN IS.

MANDARC

I CAN’T IMAGINE SHE HAD ANY REASON TO BE RID OF HIM…

STRAUD

AT ANY RATE, SHE IS NOW, AS FAR AS WE KNOW, ALONE AND WITHOUT AN INTIMATE COMPANION.

WHERE WE HAD LITTLE REASON TO BELIEVE SHE MIGHT RESIST THE NSR IN OUR FAVOR–

SHE HAS EVEN LESS REASON NOW.

NO, I EXPECT SHE IS FINDING HERSELF QUITE ALONE AND IN DIRE NEED OF COMPANIONSHIP.

THE NSR WILL PROVIDE THAT TO HER IN SPADES.

WHAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW IS THAT THEY WILL ASK A PRICE SHE CANNOT HOPE TO PAY.

BUT WE HAVE NO WAY TO CONVEY THAT TO HER.

MANDARC

SHOULD WE TRY TO SAVE HER?

STRAUD

I WOULD NOT, AND DO NOT, ASK THAT OF YOU.

AS FOR ME, I THOUGHT HER NOT BEYOND THE HOPE OF REDEMPTION BUT I WAS NOT SURE THE PATH WE SHOULD TAKE.

I ONCE THOUGHT THAT LAY WITH YOU, BUT I NOW BELIEVE I WAS MISTAKEN.

MANDARC

YOU THOUGHT I COULD REDEEM HER, SIR?

STRAUD

YES, THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT.

THAT IS WHY I DID EVERYTHING SHORT OF WELCOMING HER INTO THE COTERIE.

MANDARC

I’M SORRY I FAILED YOU.

STRAUD

FAILED ME?

NO, ANYTHING BUT.

YOU PERFORMED ADMIRABLY.

THIS STORY IS FAR FROM OVER.

WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

MANDARC

DO YOU THINK SHE’LL BE BACK?

STRAUD

YES, I DO.

I DON’T KNOW WHEN OR HOW, BUT SHE WILL RETURN.

AND I THINK YOU WILL BE READY.

MANDARC

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, MASTER, I WILL NEVER BE READY.

STRAUD

WE SHALL SEE.

DROP THE CAR OFF AT WIDOWSHILD AND I WILL WALK UP TO MY DOMICILE.

MANDARC

ARE YOU SURE?


He paused, as if to refute the question.

STRAUD

YES, MANDARC.

I AM SURE.