Not a Number

KEVIN 041: Windfall

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 20:26:00 -0500

( TURN NOTHIN' INTO SOMETHING, STILL CAN )
( MAKE THAT, STRAW INTO GOLD, CHUMP )
( "THE MONSTER" - EMINEM )

No one had ever taught me to cook. When I was a child, my mother brought me meals already prepared, and the whole process remained a mystery to me. When I became a vampire, I took vitae from Earth’s creatures, and I was a thief, but never committed murder. The Blood warmed me, and I needed no fire. But I could not live this way. When I later resuccumbed to mortality, to the need to eat and breathe to survive, to… kill - it had been a difficult habit to acquire.

Hunger was repetitive and persistent. It seemed to me that as soon as I was done with one meal, I needed another. And another. Yes, I suppose it had been that way under the vampiric Affliction, but it had not then seemed so crude. So often I had to remove myself from whatever I had been doing to satisfy this base need. And unlike the vitae, food left a lump in my stomach that slowed me, irritated me. I did not want to eat at first - my sense of taste was acute and easily perturbed; everything reminded me of rotting flesh. Textures were revolting and disgusted me. The pungent odors made me want to gag. I could not stand to see things overcooked or carbonized.

Yes, in the early days I had eaten only as was strictly necessary. My mother, long inured to the tedium of consumption, stressed the importance of three square meals. I rebelled, struggling against the yoke, but ultimately knew I had no choice. When she saw me skipping meals, she tried to stuff me with rich, fattening foods. She seemed to slip cheese into every nook and cranny of the things she prepared. When that didn’t work, she insisted on protein supplements and vitamins. The bland taste and mild smell of those pseudofoods was tolerable and I took on much-needed weight. It was all still too sweet, but I had to find something I did not feel an unholy crime against the realm of foodstuff.

I hated the incessant need to chew and swallow. My teeth were sharp from disuse and I bit my cheeks in the same places over and over again. My teeth sang out in pain when a drink was too cold; my tongue was scalded from coffee others seemed to enjoy. I wanted to revolt, and yet, this is what I had chosen. This life was what I had wanted. I eventually fell into a rhythm. As my stamina and health improved, I stopped relying on my mother and began to cook for myself. At this, I had no natural gift and certainly no training. At first, my creations were barely edible, burnt on the outside and cold in the centers. As if in response to my mother’s soulless but adequate meals, everything I forked into my mouth was overly-spiced and salty.

I continued to improve. I remained thin - my stomach would protest angrily when it had reached capacity - and I still resented that I could never stray too far from the kitchen - but the whole annoyance had slowly become bearable.

Tonight, I needed to eat something before making my way to the Blue Velvet. I had felt uneasy since midday - a greasy lunch from a restaurant had given me indigestion - but I knew I could not refuse dinner. I would get jittery and anxious. I could not afford to lose my focus tonight.

I choke down some calcium carbonate, don an apron, and get right into the process.

I am making butter chicken. I intend to go easy on the spice. I didn’t like to consume the flesh of animals and generally avoided doing so if at all possible, but I could not refute that it was a nutrient-dense source of calories and was fairly easily digested. I had once tried to live on carrots and cabbage, but that hadn’t worked so well. No, this was yet another avenue of my life in which I was forced to make compromise.

My mother, at least, always joined me when she caught a new aroma wafting from the kitchen. She would have a tip or two, some helpful advice for me. Sometimes I took her suggestions, but other times I went my own way. Even as I listened to her pontificate on the joy - or lack thereof - of cooking, it was nice to have her company as I labored over the stove.

Often, it was just the two of us. Although I could now work the Craft as she could, we rarely had much to talk about. Our journeys were our own. I might cheerfully demonstrate a new transmutation or ask her advice on reference materials, but otherwise, the table was quiet. She seemed to always be preoccupied with her own thoughts and affairs and I refused to become a nuisance. I owed her too much.

She would invariably perk up when my father would join us in the dining room. With him present, the lanes of conversation were wide open. He might break the ice with a baudy tale or a game of remember-when. She would follow up with a tender anecdote of something one of the children had done back-in-the-day. They would laugh and reminisce and though I was little more than window dressing in these conversations, I was glad to see them happy.

Tonight, my father mixes some kind of arcane cocktail for my mother. I can smell the alcohol heavy in the air. I am not interested.

KEVIN

MOTHER, FATHER–

I’D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU BOTH ABOUT SOMETHING.

My father sets his offering next to my mother’s plate and takes a seat next to me, across from her.

MYRTLE

YES, KEVIN–

GO AHEAD.

I take a breath and gather my confidence.

KEVIN

MY FRIEND IN RIVERHEAD WHO TOOK THE CATS–

WELL, SHE’S MOVING.

SHE CAN’T TAKE THEM WITH HER.

We had a house out east that I had used as a refuge when life in the city had been too overwhelming. Yes, I had gone out there often then, back several years ago when my father’s soul had resided inside my mind. I had gone east many a weekend, using the quiet to play at escape. Yes, I had taken him with me, as I always did then, but the ocean air had done me good. I had read books, scribed notes - and slept. I had good memories of that time. It had been just he and I - and the cats.

KEVIN

I WANT TO BRING THEM TO LIVE WITH US HERE.

My mother’s face curled in disgust.

MYRTLE

YOU WANT TO BRING CATS…

HERE?

She had never been one to favor house pets.

MYRTLE

WITH THE–

…

LITTER?

I sighed.

KEVIN

YES, I KNOW IT’S A BIT UNSIGHTLY–

MYRTLE

IT’S NOT JUST UNSIGHTLY, IT’S UNSANITARY.

DISGUSTING.

REPULSIVE.

KEVIN

I’M NOT A FAN OF THE SMELL AND DUST EITHER, BUT–

I had to pull at her heartstrings.

KEVIN

THEY’RE GETTING OLDER.

I DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR FOR THEM TO HAVE TO GET USED TO A NEW HOME AND NEW PEOPLE AT THEIR AGE.

NOT TO MENTION THEY’RE A BONDED PAIR.

BROTHERS.

BEEN TOGETHER SINCE BIRTH.

WHAT IF SOMEONE ISN’T WILLING TO TAKE BOTH OF THEM?

She eyed me with skepticism.

MYRTLE

I’VE NEVER…

OWNED A CAT.

My father spoke brightly, trying to interject a little humor into my plea.

VINCENT

WITCHES HAVE BEEN KEEPING CATS SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME.

My mother grimaced.

MYRTLE

NOT THIS WITCH.

My father turned up the charm.

VINCENT

OH, CATS AREN’T SO BAD.

THEY ARE CLEAN AND QUIET.

JUST LIKE YOU.

She was not amused.

MYRTLE

I WOULD HARDLY REGARD A CREATURE THAT LICKS ITSELF AND SHITS IN A BOX TO BE CLEAN.

KEVIN

I’LL CLEAN UP AFTER THEM, BRUSH THEM, FEED THEM–

YOU WON’T HAVE TO DO A THING.

MYRTLE

I THOUGHT WHEN YOU ACQUIRED THE MONGRELS THAT THEY WERE TO STAY OUT EAST.

KEVIN

THE TWO OF THEM ARE HARDLY MONGRELS, MOTHER.

THEY’RE VERY SWEET, GENTLE CATS.

OUTSTANDING REPRESENTATIVES OF WHAT THE SPECIES CAN BE.

DOCILE, CALM, AFFECTIONATE.

AND…

I KNOW THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL IDEA BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO.

I’M NOT GOING OUT THERE AS MUCH AS I USED TO, AND–

She frowned, interrupting me.

MYRTLE

PLANS CHANGE?

I didn’t want to be impertinent, but–

KEVIN

YEAH, MOM.

PLANS CHANGE.

I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.

THEY’RE GOOD CATS.

Her face was dark with rebellion.

MYRTLE

DOGS ARE MORE USEFUL.

KEVIN

I DON’T KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE TIME OR PATIENCE FOR A DOG.

I MEAN–

I backtracked, sensing the hypocrisy.

KEVIN

IF YOU WANT TO GET A DOG, GET A DOG.

I’M NOT GOING TO STOP YOU.

BUT I NEED TO DO THIS.

THEY ARE MY CATS.

She expelled air through her nose in irritation.

MYRTLE

I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND THE OBSESSION WITH ANIMALS TO BE A GREAT WASTE OF TIME, ENERGY, AND RESOURCES BETTER ALLOCATED TO OTHER PURSUITS.

THESE LITTLE GREMLINS ARE ACQUIRED BY THOSE WITHOUT THE MENTAL FORTITUDE TO FOCUS ON THE REAL NEEDS OF THIS WORLD.

THEY ARE SURROGATE CHILDREN TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD BE BETTER SERVED TO REMEMBER THE PEOPLE LANGUISHING IN GROUP HOMES AND UNLOVING FAMILIES.

KEVIN

THE ANIMALS OF THIS PLANET NEED OUR HELP TOO.

MYRTLE

OUR RESPONSIBILITY IS TO HUMANITY FIRST AND FOREMOST.

KEVIN

THE CREATURES OF THIS WORLD ARE PART OF OUR HUMANITY.

MYRTLE

SEND THEM BACK TO THE WILDERNESS FROM WHICH THEY CAME.

KEVIN

THEY’RE DOMESTICATED.

WE DID THAT TO THEM.

WE CAN NO LONGER JUST THROW THEM INTO THE FORESTS AND FORGET ABOUT THEM–

VINCENT

ANY MORE THAN I CAN SEND YOU BACK TO A CAVE AND ARM YOU WITH A CLUB AND SPEAR.

SHALL I DRESS YOU IN A LOINCLOTH?

She pursed her lips, sensing her reservations about bringing animals into the house were falling on deaf ears.

She had to, reluctantly, admit defeat.

MYRTLE

FINE.

BRING THEM HERE.

WHO AM I TO TURN OUT THE OLD MEN TO THE BREAD LINES?

I smiled.

KEVIN

THANK YOU, MOTHER.

YOU WON’T REGRET IT.

THEY REALLY ARE VERY GOOD LITTLE CATS.

She looked at me sideways.

MYRTLE

… YOU SAY THAT.

KEVIN

THEY KEPT ME GOING WHEN THINGS GOT TOUGH.

My parents were silent a moment, so I changed the subject.

KEVIN

STRAUD IS MAKING AN APPEARANCE AT THE B.V. TONIGHT.

IT’S HIS FIRST TIME THERE SINCE HIS HOUSE WAS DESTROYED.

MYRTLE

HOW HAS RECONSTRUCTION BEEN GOING?

KEVIN

WELL, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL.

I WENT OVER IN AN ATTEMPT TO LEND A HAND BUT IT SEEMED HE MOSTLY WANTED TO WORK ALONE.

HE’S RESOURCEFUL.

I HAVE NO DOUBT HE WILL RESTORE IT AND MAKE IT BETTER THAN EVER.

MYRTLE

HE NEEDS ANOTHER EXIT IN THAT HOUSE.

AND PROPER VENTILATION IN THE KITCHEN.

KEVIN

NOT SURE HE DOES MUCH COOKING–

MYRTLE

THERE’S NO HARM IN BEING PREPARED.

AND TIDY.

KEVIN

WHY DON’T YOU TELL HIM YOURSELF TONIGHT?

THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR YOU AT THE TABLE.

IT’S NO FUN TO DRINK ALONE.

She raised an eyebrow, displeased with my insinuation.

MYRTLE

I HAVE WORK TO DO TONIGHT.

I HAVEN’T THE TIME.

We always invited her and she always made excuses.

KEVIN

IT WOULD BE A GOOD GESTURE OF SOLIDARITY–

She snapped at me.

MYRTLE

I HAVE NO INTEREST IN ATTENDING!

I was still stunned by her outburst when my father surprises me, speaking calmly.

VINCENT

I’LL GO.

Since his resurrection, he rarely left the house, seeming to guard the place as a stubborn hound.

My mother was less than pleased.

MYRTLE

YOU INTEND TO LEAVE ME HERE ALONE?

When my father had made up his mind about something, little could sway him from following through on his word.

VINCENT

I’LL WAKE UP GEORGE HENRY BEFORE I LEAVE.

MYRTLE

THAT MILKSOP ISN’T WORTH THE PAPER HE’S PRINTED ON.

KEVIN

YOU SELL HIM SHORT.

HE’S A GOOD MAN.

MYRTLE

AND WHERE WAS HE WHEN I NEEDED HIM?

She was thinking of when Agnes Sepal had set the house ablaze, incinerating both herself and my mother in a vicious magefeud. I had been out-of-town during the incident. I still had lingering guilt regarding what happened.

KEVIN

FIRE IS A TRICKY BUSINESS–

MYRTLE

A TRICKY BUSINESS INDEED!

I AM SURE TRENTE GAGARIN TEACHES HER CLUTCH TO STAND THEIR GROUND!

KEVIN

… WE’LL GET THERE–

MYRTLE

BUT MAYBE NOT SOON ENOUGH!

I am sure there is little I can say to dispel her fears.

MYRTLE

OH–

GO TO YOUR STUPID PARTY.

LEAVE ME ALONE TO DEFEND THE HOMESTEAD.

THIS POOR LITTLE OLD LADY–

VINCENT

MYRTLE–ENOUGH.

She knew she had stepped out of line.

VINCENT

YOU WILL BE FINE.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL MAGES IN THE WORLD.

She frowned, unwilling to accept the praise.

KEVIN

WHY DON’T YOU INVITE SOMEONE OVER FOR TEA AND COOKIES?

VINCENT

A ROUSING GAME OF CHESS.

I searched my mind for anyone that would not offend her.

KEVIN

GWYDION?

Her eyes softened somewhat, but her lips remained tight.

MYRTLE

YES–

PERHAPS.

I could not help but feel that I was going from the frying pan into the fire. I had a growing responsibility to sustain my family’s legacy, but I also had an allegiance to Straud and the coterie that ran deep. Refusing my vampiric inheritance had not released me from that identity, rather, it had intensified my dedication. They needed me more than ever. Most mages saw the nightfolk as parasitic affronts to the natural order. Davian had been one of the few exceptions to this rule, though I think he was driven more by loyalty to Straud than a particular affection for the Gift.

But I believed, as I suspected Davian did as well, that the Talent and the Curse were two sides of the same coin. Myth and bad information ran rampant through the world of the Extranatural. Some claimed that mageblood made one immune to the vampiric taint - but what about Cedric and Gabrielle? It also appeared that vampires were largely sterile, but then how did Svetlana conceive and bear daughters by Sebastian Eriksson? And of course, there was the strange matter of my own existence.

Though I had more questions than answers, I had resolved long ago to take life one step at a time, focusing first on the immediate needs in front of me. The sun had now sank behind the horizon and the three of us would walk to the Blue Velvet together. Although everything was different now than it had been in the old millennium, there was a certain sense, a feeling, almost - déjà vu - that made me think of old times.

KEVIN

( CEDRIC, YOU READY? )

CEDRIC

( YEAH, JUST A SEC. )

Although Cedric had no Sire, my father had taken him under his wing. For three years, we had spent every moment together. But it had seemed to be much longer than that. Each day, we sheltered inside the home, beneath the feet of the Orphans who knew nothing of our existence. By night, we stole into the darkness, sharpening our skills, seeking prey, preparing to fight our enemies.

Father had realized almost immediately that Cedric did not have to fear the Sun. It was not unheard of among our kind, despite confusion on that point among Mortals - but it was virtually impossible for a fledgling stumbling through his first decades. Straud, Sebastian, even my father, could stand in the Sun’s radiation and not be set ablaze - but to see that Cedric had that ability from the onset of his dark birth - that showed him to be cut from a different cloth.

In this moment, none of the three of us could be destroyed by a sunbeam, and yet, it did not change the fact that we were still creatures of the night.

Cedric came out on the front stoop and locked the door behind him.

KEVIN

ANY WORD FROM AVAEL?

He slipped his keys into his pocket, turning to face me and my father.

CEDRIC

NOPE.

NADA.

We walk.

In our melancholy, all we can hear is the rhythmic patter of our shoes upon the sidewalk.

CEDRIC

HOUSE IS REALLY QUIET WITHOUT HER.

Though we each often required solitude, we were not asocial loners. Our bonds with others who understood our suffering were one of the few things that kept us sane.

CEDRIC

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY?

GOOD RIDDANCE.

KEVIN

YOU DON’T MEAN THAT.

He paused.

CEDRIC

…

MAYBE NOT ALL OF IT, BUT AT LEAST SOME OF IT, I DO.

IF SHE REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO BE HERE WITH US, IF THE BENEFITS WERE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FRIENDS, THEN YEAH–

GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE.

SHE’LL FIGURE IT OUT SOMEDAY.

BUT BY THEN, IT MIGHT BE TOO LATE.

I hoped it would not come to that.

CEDRIC

I AIN’T GOT NO TIME FOR LIARS AND CHEATS.

KEVIN

I HOPE SHE WASN’T FOUND BY THE MORTALS–

CEDRIC

I DOUBT THAT HAPPENED.

WE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HEARD ABOUT IT BY NOW IF THAT WERE THE CASE.

NOPE, I BET SHE MADE IT TO BROOKLYN IN ONE PIECE.

BUT IF SHE THINKS SHE’S GOING TO CARRY OUT TRELAINE’S COMMANDS AND WE’LL JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY THINGS WERE, THEN SHE’S GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.

I’LL BE READY THIS TIME.

I felt his rage, but at the same time, it also seemed alien to me. I was numb to this loss.

CEDRIC

SUCKS TOO, ALL OUR HARD WORK–

YOUR WORK–

LOST.

ALL THAT TECHNOLOGY, NOW IN THEIR HANDS.

VINCENT

TRELAINE WON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HER.

THE METALS, THE TRANSISTORS…

IT IS ANETHEMA TO HIM.

HE IS A FLESHCRAFTER; TO HIM, SHE IS AN ABOMINATION.

CEDRIC

SHE WAS OUR ABOMINATION.

I didn’t know what to say.

KEVIN

SHE WAS NEVER OURS.

I didn’t mean to hurt him.

CEDRIC

… YEAH.

I GUESS NOT.

When we get to the bar, it is already swarming with activity. The Count had a while back declared a hiatus on the plays, citing issues with writers, which was kind of disingenuous because I’m pretty sure he wrote all of them. Maybe Long Winter wasn’t one of his, but I couldn’t be completely sure.

We made our way to the private chamber in which Straud entertained his more illustrious guests. It was a private viewing room with an excellent view of the stage. Unlike the other seats in the theatre, it was enclosed by walls and glass. I suspected it was enchanted somehow; from a seat in this room one would have no trouble hearing the performance, but I doubted the same permeability applied to outgoing sound.

When we get there, Miriam and Hua Jia are seated at the table. Yet another mystery of the room was that there was always enough space at the table to seat everyone.

The two women were relative newcomers, but they were quickly becoming accepted members of the coterie. Miriam was apparently an old friend of Straud’s from when he wandered the Old World. And Hua Jia? We had supposed it was not safe to simply deport her back to her homeland.

CEDRIC

HEY ALL.

IS MANDARC COMING?

We hung up our coats on the stand. Though we did not strictly need them, it was good to keep up appearances.

MIRIAM

I DO NOT THINK SO.

I BELIEVE HE HAD ANOTHER ENGAGEMENT.

CEDRIC

SOMETHING MORE EXCITING THAN TELLING OFF THE TREMERE?

I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT.

Mandarc often acted as secretary at these sorts of affairs. It appeared as if Miriam would accept the mantle tonight.

Straud was not yet present.

VINCENT

HUA JIA, MIRIAM.

LOVELY TO SEE YOU BOTH THIS EVENING.

MIRIAM

AND YOU, DREAMWALKER.

I’M SURE VLAD WILL BE GLADDENED TO SEE YOU HERE TONIGHT.

Hua Jia acknowledged him but said nothing, seeming a little unsure of herself. It was my impression that she was quite well-known among the Kindred of the East, but here she was starting again from nothing.

VINCENT

YES, I AM VERY SORRY THAT I MISSED THE PARTY.

IT SOUNDED LIKE A SWELL TIME.

IF THAT IS A PORTENT OF THINGS TO COME, I WILL MAKE AN EFFORT TO GET OUT MORE.

MIRIAM

I’M SURE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES.

VINCENT

I NO LONGER SIT ON ANY THRONE.

HERE, I AM MADE OF FLESH AND REQUIRE VITAE TO STAY ALERT.

MY SCHOOL HAS NO STUDENTS.

I REFUSE TO DROWN IN MY PAPERS.

I suppose it was strange for the others to have him here - the room seemed to hang in words unsaid.

When I had come into being and known my father as his begotten son, he had become a recluse from the vampiric community. It was my impression that he had become a bit of a pariah after marrying my mother and devoting so much energy to harboring and educating the Enchanted.

But true fame never dies.

VINCENT

WELL, WHEN IN ROME–

And my father went to the small bar to mix up some refreshments for the group. He had become quite partial to the plasma jane. I supposed I was the only one who would not imbibe. Me - and Straud.

KEVIN

DO WE HAVE ANY INTEL ON WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE PRINCE?

IS HE BRINGING HIS WIVES…?

… MOVEMENTS OF THE TREMERE OVER THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS?

MIRIAM

KALYANI SEEMS TO HAVE SLIPPED INTO THE SHADOWS.

HASSAN, GABRIELLE–

THEY, TOO, HAVE NOT BEEN OBSERVED.

CEDRIC

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT.

But we knew better than to sink into false security.

MIRIAM

I DON’T KNOW WHO TO EXPECT TONIGHT.

CEDRIC

SO WE’RE GOING IN BLIND.

KEVIN

BASICALLY.

My father still busied himself with the fruit.

KEVIN

HEY JIA–

HOW’S THE REBUILD GOING?

I wanted to engage her. I suspected there was much hidden behind her tendency toward silence. She seemed surprised that I had chosen to talk to her.

JIA

OH–

IT’S GOING ALRIGHT.

I’M STAYING WITH MIRIAM RIGHT NOW.

AT THE VATORE MANSION.

IT’S A NICE PLACE.

STRAUD ASKED ME TO STAY THERE WHILE HE FOCUSED ON HIS WORK.

I WAS HAPPY TO OBLIGE.

MIRIAM HAS BEEN HELPING ME CARE FOR THE ORCHARDS.

WE DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THE FRUIT WHERE I COME FROM.

I looked at my father. Miriam had left the table and joined him as he prepared the drinks. I looked back to Jia.

KEVIN

STRAUD THINKS IT MAY VERY WELL SAVE US ALL.

Cedric thought to join us.

CEDRIC

WELL, WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

I LIKE EXERCISING MY ORGANS AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT IT’S STILL NO REPLACEMENT FOR THE HUNT.

YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM THE GRISLY REALITY OF WHAT WE ARE.

JIA

IT IS STRANGE, TO AGAIN EAT OF THE EARTH.

SO… COLD.

I was distracted by my father’s voice as he performed one of his favorite bartending tricks for Miriam. He could be a bit of a showboat.

CEDRIC

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH.

Jia seemed confused.

KEVIN

IT’S A TURN OF PHRASE–

CEDRIC

YOU CAN’T MAKE SOMETHING FROM NOTHING.

YOU CAN’T EXPECT TO GET SOMETHING WITHOUT ALSO GIVING SOMETHING.

She smiled slyly, looking at me.

JIA

BUT…

CAN’T YOU?

ISN’T THAT…

MAGIC?

KEVIN

EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN THEORIES.

WHERE DOES THE MIRACLE COME FROM?

SOME PEOPLE SAY IT WORKS THROUGH A SPONSOR, AN AVATAR.

OR PERHAPS ALL MAGIC IS ULTIMATELY RUN THROUGH THE DIVINE–

GREAT CREATURES OF INCREDIBLE POWER BEYOND OUR UNDERSTANDING WHO WATCH OUR EVERY MOVE.

BUT WHERE DOES IT ALL BEGIN?

HOW DOES IT MANIFEST?

ARE WE CREATING THE IMPETUS WITHIN OURSELVES–

OR ARE WE MANIPULATING ENERGIES ALREADY PRESENT IN THE ENVIRONMENT?

She pondered.

JIA

THE WEAVE?

THE…

DREAM?

My expression softened.

KEVIN

WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.

There was a clatter at the door. The knob turned and in stepped just three vampires: Straud and Tomas, we of course expected, but the third? It was Shelby Dawson, the fresh-faced female with whom he had recently begun to collaborate. That he came without his wives, in particular the one who counted herself a Tremere, was concerning.

STRAUD

TOMAS.

I TRUST THOSE IN ATTENDANCE HERE MEET WITH YOUR AGREEMENT?

Of course we all knew him. He had been Prince of the Big Apple for longer than I’d been alive.

TOMAS

YES, THIS WILL DO.

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, VINCE.

My father raised his glass.

VINCENT

A TOAST TO DAVIAN HUGHES.

AND MY SON.

Straud closed the door.

KEVIN

IT–

WASN’T ANYTHING.

DAVIAN DID MOST OF THE WORK.

I’M JUST…

GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK, DAD.

There were eight of us in the room now and though we could all move freely, the air was… warm.

TOMAS

CERTAINLY THE CITY IS FORTUNATE TO HAVE YOU AGAIN.

STRAUD

WE MUST NOT FORGET TO HONOR OUR FRIENDS AMONG THE ENCHANTED.

THEY ARE A RARE LOT.

WE WILL NEED THEM IN THE COMING DAYS.

He looked about the room, eyeing all of us individually for a brief moment.

STRAUD

SHALL WE ALL TAKE A SEAT?

LET US OPEN THE DOCKET; I AM SURE WE ALL HAVE PLACES WE WOULD RATHER BE–

BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.

VINCENT, AS YOU APPEAR TO BE RIGHT AT HOME–

VINCENT

GLADLY.

Straud took his seat at the head of the table. Tomas sat on the opposite end and the rest of us filled in the sides.

STRAUD

THERE IS NO MYSTERY AS TO WHY I CALLED THIS MEETING, TOMAS.

SURELY NEWS HAS TRAVELED TO YOU; THERE IS LIKELY NOT A SOUL AMONG OUR KIND WHO HAS NOT YET HEARD.

HASSAN TALEB AND GABRIELLE ORLÉANS, IN THE FASHION OF THE DEMON-WORSHIPPERS OF YESTERYEAR, SUMMONED A HELLBEAST TO EARTH.

DOES THIS MEET WITH YOUR APPROVAL?

WERE YOU AWARE THAT THEY, AND LIKELY THE ENTIRE CLAN, HAVE SOUGHT FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE?

WORSE YET, THEY HAVE PUT THE OLD RITUALS INTO PRACTICE.

WHAT SAY YOU?

My father placed a plasma jane each on the table for Tomas and Shelby and took a seat at the table next to Straud.

Tomas blinked wistfully.

TOMAS

SHORT ANSWER: NO.

I DO NOT BELIEVE OUR KIND SHOULD MAKE ALLEGIANCE TO FOREIGN ACTORS, LEAST OF ALL THE DEMONIC.

WE KNOW ALL TOO WELL WHAT THEY WISH TO MAKE OF OUR WORLD.

I DO NOT CONDONE THIS.

I AM SHOCKED AND APPALLED TO DISCOVER DUPLICITY WITHIN MY KINDRED.

IF YOU RECALL, IT WAS I WHO UNIFIED THE DISPARATE CLANS OF OUR CITY UNDER ONE CROWN–

VINCENT

THAT WASN’T QUITE HOW IT HAPPENED.

Tomas backtracked, realizing he could not summarize or amend the histories with this audience.

TOMAS

I SUPPOSE IT IS NOT QUITE THAT SIMPLE–

MY PREDECESSOR HAD LAID MUCH OF THE GROUNDWORK, YES.

BUT IT WAS I WHO CREATED THE COUNCIL TO ENSURE THAT ALL IN OUR CITY, REGARDLESS OF WHAT MADE THEM DIFFERENT, REGARDLESS OF WHO THEY CALLED THEIR SIRE, HAD AN EQUAL VOICE.

I SUPPOSE IT IS TRUE THAT I NEVER REALLY BELIEVED IN THE CLANS.

I WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT IT WAS A WAY OF THE PAST, THAT WE WERE ALL VAMPIRES, REGARDLESS OF OUR PARTICULAR MANNERISMS AND AFFINITIES, AND THAT IT WAS TIME TO BIND TOGETHER TO ADDRESS THE GROWING THREATS TO THE MASQUERADE.

STRAUD

RIGHT NOW THE GREATEST DANGER COMES FROM WITHIN.

TOMAS

WE CANNOT SIMPLY BANISH THE TREMERE.

WITHOUT THE TREMERE, PEACE FALLS APART.

WE CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT THEIR SORCERY.

STRAUD

THEY MERELY PRACTICE THAUMATURGY, THEY ARE NOT THE SOURCE OF IT.

AND WHEN WE STAND AGAINST NEW JERSEY AND BROOKLYN, WE WILL LIKELY FIND THE WARLOCKS OUTMATCHED.

TOMAS

THEN LET US DETERMINE THE TREMERE THAT ARE LOYAL–

STRAUD

IT IS UNWISE TO BRING KNIVES TO A GUN FIGHT.

IF WE HAVE ANY HOPE OF TRULY ERADICATING THE CLANS–

I HAVE MY EYES SET ON THOSE YOU CALL THE SABBAT AND THE LASOMBRA–

THEN WE NEED TO GO FURTHER.

We all looked at him.

STRAUD

FIRST AND FOREMOST, AND I DO THINK WE ARE IN AGREEMENT HERE, WE MUST BRING THE BRONX BACK INTO OUR ALLIANCE.

I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM TO THE TABLE WHEN I SOUGHT YOU, BUT I WAS NOT READY.

I KNEW THERE WERE THINGS THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE BEFORE WE COULD GREET THEM WITH WELCOME ARMS.

Straud’s aura burned with intensity. I could sense Tomas did not like being regarded as a subordinate, not with a title such as his, but not one of us would dare dispute the yellow-white halo around the figure at the head of the table.

TOMAS

JOHNNY AND I…

HAVE A HISTORY.

STRAUD

YOU’LL PUT IT BEHIND YOU.

TOMAS

THEY ARE MUSICIANS AND LAYABOUTS.

WE DO NOT NEED THEM.

STRAUD

WE NEED EVERYONE TO STAND UNITED.

YOU SAID YOURSELF YOU SOUGHT THE END OF THE DISCRIMINATION OF THE CLANS.

YOU WILL STAND BY THE LETTER OF YOUR WORD AND BRING THE NORTHERN BOROUGH INTO YOUR CAMARILLA.

TOMAS

THEY REFUSED MY OFFER.

Straud raised an eyebrow.

STRAUD

THEN PERHAPS YOU MUST CHANGE THE TERMS OF THE DEAL.

TELL THEM–

SHOW THEM–

THAT YOU HAVE CAST OUT THE TREMERE.

Tomas stood up in rage and slammed his palms upon the table.

TOMAS

JUST HOW MANY ENEMIES DO YOU WISH US TO HAVE?

But Straud remained cool.

STRAUD

BETTER A RIVAL–

THAN A FALSE FRIEND.

TOMAS

NOT ALL THE TREMERE DESERVE TO BE CATEGORIZED AS BETRAYERS!

STRAUD

I WILL LET YOU DECIDE ON YOUR OWN TIME WHO SHOULD WARM YOUR BED.

BUT LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THEY ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY CITY.

TOMAS

YOUR BOROUGH IS BUT ONE PART OF MY KINGDOM!

Straud narrowed his eyes and spoke in restrained fury.

STRAUD

IS THAT A CROSS YOU WILL DIE ON?

Tomas fumed, angry but quiet. He again took his seat.

STRAUD

I THINK YOU WILL FIND THAT MAKING AMENDS WILL BE EASIER THAN FORGING NEW CONNECTIONS.

WE MUST DO BOTH.

WE WILL NEED TO LOOK BEYOND IF WE HOPE TO REGAIN CONTROL–

NOT TO MENTION PREVENT THE REVEAL.

Tomas still seemed tense, but tried to remain civil.

TOMAS

WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?

STRAUD

WE NEED MAGES TO HAVE ANY HOPE OF WINNING THIS WAR.

TOMAS

YOU PROPOSE EXILING THE TREMERE BUT WISH TO COURT THE ENCHANTED?

THEIR HATRED OF OUR KIND RUNS DEEP.

SECOND ONLY TO THE GAROU.

STRAUD

I AM AWARE.

BUT THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO MOST RULES.

TOMAS

I HEAR DAVIAN HUGHES HAS GONE MISSING.

ONE OF THE KINDRED GUARDS HIS HOME.

His face was still.

STRAUD

UNFORTUNATELY, IT IS THE TRUTH.

I FEAR FOR A WORLD WITHOUT HIS MODERATING PRESENCE.

BUT WE HAVE NO CHOICE; WE MUST CONTINUE ON WITHOUT HIM.

TOMAS

YOU HAVE THE GRADUATES OF YOUR SCHOOL.

IS THAT NOT ENOUGH?

VINCENT

THE MAGES MY WIFE HAS EDUCATED HAVE THEIR OWN VOICES.

THOUGH WE HAVE TRIED TO TEACH THEM TOLERANCE AND THE IMPORTANCE OF INFORMED SKEPTICISM, I REFUSE TO DRAFT THEM AS A BLOC INTO THIS WAR.

THEY MUST BE TREATED AS INDIVIDUALS.

AND BESIDES, MOST OF THEM KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT ME AND MY WORK.

THE SCHOOL IS MY WIFE’S VENTURE BY AND LARGE, I MOSTLY PROVIDE MORAL SUPPORT.

Tomas was unpersuaded.

TOMAS

FEW TRULY BELIEVE THAT.

THE GIRL FROM GORYEO HAS BEEN TAKEN IN BY A VAMPIRE A THOUSAND YEARS HER SENIOR.

WAS SHE RAISED TO VALUE EQUITY?

I SUPPOSE SHE SIMPLY FOLLOWED THE MODEL SET FORTH BY HER CARETAKER–

My father was not amused.

TOMAS

AND WHAT OF THE WITCH WHO BETRAYED YOUR COTERIE?

SHE SEEMED TO JUST BECOME PRIVY TO YOUR SECRETS WHEN SHE TOOK THEM AND RAN.

VINCENT

THEY MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS.

TOMAS

THEY ARE CHILDREN.

CHILDREN WHO PLAY WITH MATCHES.

STRAUD

WE CANNOT AFFORD TO DISMISS THEM ON THE BASIS OF THEIR AGE OR ABILITY.

TOMAS

SO YOU PROPOSE TO USE THEM AS A TOOL.

STRAUD

NO, I DO NOT PROPOSE THAT.

I PROPOSE WE ADDRESS THEM AS POTENTIAL ALLIES AND FRIENDS.

EQUALS.

SOMETHING NEITHER SIDE SEEMS WILLING TO DO.

WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN WE ARE DIFFERENT.

TOMAS

I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT.

STRAUD

I WON’T INSULT YOU BY BELABORING THE POINT.

I MERELY ASK THAT YOU CONSIDER MY PERSPECTIVE.

Tomas looked about the table.

STRAUD

BUT REGARDLESS OF YOUR PREJUDICE, DESERVED OR IMAGINED, LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I INTEND TO EXPAND THE RANKS OF THOSE WE COUNT AS OUR PARTNERS.

THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE WANTED TO CHAMPION FOR A LONG TIME BUT I BELIEVE THE NEED IS ONLY BECOMING MORE DIRE.

I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT THE DOCTOR TRELAINE IS RAISING HIS OWN BAND OF FOLLOWERS BEYOND THE VAMPIRE.

I DO NOT INTEND TO BE LEFT IN THE DUST, SO TO SPEAK.

TOMAS

THE MAGES WILL NEVER TRUST US.

STRAUD

I DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR MISGIVING IS SO MONOLITHIC.

WE MUST BE JUDICIOUS AND PATIENT.

WE WILL SHOW THEM THAT WE ARE MORE TOGETHER THAN WE ARE DIVIDED.

AND–

He looked toward me.

STRAUD

I INTEND TO INSTATE KEVIN MARSCAPONE AS OUR AMBASSADOR.

HE HAS SHOWN HIMSELF TO HAVE EXCEPTIONAL ABILITY, ENDURANCE, AND LOYALTY.

I BELIEVE HE, AS THE HEIR TO THE FOUNDLING HOME, CAN DEMONSTRATE TO ALL OF THE EXTRANATURAL THAT WE ARE A FORCE FOR PROGRESS, FELLOWSHIP, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, GOOD.

I was stunned into silence. Tomas spoke before I had the wherewithall.

TOMAS

THAT’S A RICKETY BRIDGE YOU STAND ON, COUNT.

CONTENTIOUS TO SAY THE LEAST.

SURELY YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR DECISION TO PERVERT THE PATH OF THE VAMPIRE DID NOT MEET WITH UNIVERSAL ACCLAIM.

STRAUD

YOU, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WERE CALLED TO BE FREE.

BUT DO NOT USE YOUR FREEDOM TO INDULGE THE FLESH; RATHER, SERVE ONE ANOTHER HUMBLY IN LOVE.

VINCENT

GALATIANS, CHAPTER 5, VERSE 13.

TOMAS

YOU WILL NOT WIN OVER THE KINDRED BY QUOTING THE NEW TESTAMENT.

STRAUD

MY POINT STILL STANDS.

WE ALL STOOD HAND IN HAND IN THE GREAT WAR AND I BELIEVE WE CAN DO IT AGAIN.

TOMAS

THE WORLD IS A DIFFERENT PLACE THAN IT WAS.

STRAUD

I DO NOT BUY INTO THAT RHETORIC.

LET THE ELDERS TEACH THE YOUNGER.

LET THE CHILDREN HEAR THE OLD WISDOM AND GROW FROM IT, SEE ITS VALUE.

THAT IS WHAT THE MARSCAPONES HAVE ALWAYS STOOD FOR.

ONLY IF WE STAND TOGETHER CAN WE PRESERVE THIS DELICATE PLANET AGAINST THE FORCES THAT DARE TO CONSUME IT, SNUFF OUT ITS LIGHT SHINING IN THE DARKNESS.

TOMAS

SOME OF US LIKE THE DARK.

STRAUD

AND YET, WITHOUT THE SUN, WE WOULD ALL CEASE TO BE.

He could not contest the point.

TOMAS

COUNT, I WANT AS MUCH AS YOU DO TO WREST CONTROL OF BROOKLYN FROM THE FANATICS.

AND I AM BEGINNING TO REALIZE THAT THE POLITICS BREWING ACROSS THE HUDSON ARE AN ISSUE BEST NOT ALLOWED TO FESTER.

He paused.

TOMAS

I WILL TAKE YOUR ADVICE AND ADDRESS THE ANARCHS.

BEST WE NOT LET THEM FALL TO FOREIGN INFLUENCE, I CAN SEE THAT.

He looked at me again and I could not place his feeling. Perhaps he, like so many others, were confused, and even revolted, by what I stood for.

TOMAS

BUT I REMAIN UNCONVINCED THAT WE CAN SO CASUALLY HOPE FOR FRIENDSHIP AMONG THE ENCHANTED.

WE HAVE OUR OWN WAYS TO ACCOMPLISH MUCH OF WHAT THEIR TALENT GIVES THEM.

THAT IS WHY–

STRAUD

THAUMATURGY IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN THE CRAFT.

ONE IS NOT MEANT TO USURP THE OTHER.

THAT IS THE WORLD TALEB AND ORLÉANS WISH TO SEE, BUT I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO STOP THAT VISION FROM BECOMING REALITY.

IF YOU CAN RALLY ANY TREMERE TO STAND AGAINST THEM, I WILL BE GLAD FOR IT.

BUT I FEAR THE CORRUPTION RUNS DEEP AND WILL BE DIFFICULT TO ERADICATE.

TOMAS

I WILL NOT SO EASILY CAST OUT MY BELOVED.

SHE AND HER CLAN WERE GOING TO BRING BLOOD MAGIC TO THE KINDRED, TO MAKE US WHOLE WHERE WE WERE IGNORANT.

STRAUD

THE DISLOYAL WILL GET WHAT THEIR CONDUCT DESERVES.

I DO NOT INTEND TO INTERFERE IN YOUR DOMAIN BUT I IMPLORE YOU TO NOT SUFFER A FOOL.

He pursed his lips.

STRAUD

THE TREMERE FANCY THEMSELVES AS THE ONLY KEEPERS OF THE SECRETS, BUT IT IS NOT TRUE.

THEIR CLAN IS YOUNG.

THEY STOLE MORE THAN THEY INNOVATED.

THE DISCIPLINE PREDATES THEIR KINSHIP AND WILL ENDURE EVEN AS THEY DISSOLVE INTO HISTORY.

THERE ARE OTHERS THAT CAN BRING THE KINDRED THE ANCIENT WISDOMS.

YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT YOU DREAMT OF BREAKING DOWN THE BARRIERS THAT DIVIDE THE CLANS.

I SHARE YOUR VISION.

LET US TAKE THE FIRST STEP.

Tomas seemed hesitant. Straud rose from his chair and looked out the window toward the stage, empty, quiet, but still set with scenery from the last performance.

STRAUD

YES, THAT IS ONE OF THE REASONS I STARTED THIS PLACE.

I MADE IT CLEAR THAT ALL WERE WELCOME IN THIS PLACE OF PEACE - VAMPIRE, MAGE, GAROU, TO NAME A FEW, BUT BEYOND EVEN THAT.

AND YET I DID NOT ENVISION A UTOPIA BY VIRTUE OF SAMENESS IN SHARED BLINDNESS.

NO, I HAVE SEEN THAT BEFORE AND IT LEADS ONLY TO RUIN.

THE WORLD I WISH TO FOSTER IS ONE WHERE DIFFERENCES ARE LAUDED RATHER THAN MADE SILENT.

A WISE MAN WARS AGAINST EXTINCTION ITSELF.

WE ARE THE STEWARDS, THE PRESERVERS, THE ANTIQUARIANS, OF A SORT.

YOU AND I MAY DIFFER ON THE METHODS, BUT OUR GOALS ARE THE SAME.

I BELIEVE WE STAND TOGETHER.

Straud approached Tomas.

STRAUD

THESE TRIALS WILL NOT BE EASY OR PLEASANT, BUT THEY ARE WORTH DOING.

THIS WORLD, WITH ALL ITS STRANGE CREATURES AND CUSTOMS, IS WORTH OUR EFFORTS.

He held out his hand to Tomas.

STRAUD

CAN I CONTINUE TO CALL YOU MY FRIEND?

With eyes locked completely on the Count, Tomas paused a moment, considering. Then he rose from his chair.

TOMAS

YES, COUNT.

He paused.

TOMAS

YOU HAVE MY WORD.

They shook hands.

There were a few more things said but none of it was quite so important. We discussed some of the more prominent magicking families that remained in the city but it was clear that Straud only intended to provide support on this venture. To win their favor would be my task. My parents might be able to help, but they represented the old way of doing things. Virtually all the Extranatural in the city were familiar with my family name. The story of Straud’s cure had made me famous in my own right. Both vampire and mage regarded me as somewhat of a misfit as I really was neither creature while I bore the burden of both. It would take a careful hand to convince them that I was anything worth watching by virtue of my own feats rather than my origin story.

To earn the respect of the Enchanted, I would have to continue to develop my Talent. Though I had come a long way in six, seven years, I still had nothing on the witches and wizards who’d been working their Craft for their entire lives. I could manipulate elements - create ice and flame. I could interfere with fields of physical potential: gravity, magnetism. It hadn’t taken me long to master the very basics of teleportation but I needed to go further with it, truly adopt it fearlessly as part of my toolkit as my mother had.

And still other areas of expertise eluded my grasp. I had once been a competent shapeshifter under my father’s tutelage, but a mage needed a completely different approach to morph one’s own flesh. Most vampires used their affinity with the Beast to grasp at the Protean but for the Enchanted, the task was anything but innate. My mother would be of little help here, as she had never discovered how to work the spell.

And, of course, I would need to find my secret to immortality. Working magic was known to extend one’s life somewhat - certainly that had helped my mother maintain her energy into what was now her 125th year - but to perservere centuries and beyond - only true immortality could grant that to a mage. I had no idea where to even begin but I knew time would keep marching along ceaselessly and it would fall to me to resist the tendency to be dragged along with it.

Tomas left with Shelby in tow. Our meeting had been brief but productive, leaving all in attendance with an intense desire to continue doing what they did best.

Miriam and my father made motion that they wished to speak to Straud. Jia seemed unsure of where she belonged. She was still new to our coterie and lacked a coherent niche in the group. I knew very little about her, but she had a spritely attitude that I appreciated. Though she was not a child of this century as were Cedric and myself, I could not help but want to draw her closer to us as she floated at the periphery. And yet I sensed there were things about her I did not yet know…

KEVIN

HEY JIA, WE’RE HEADING BACK HOME.

ARE YOU STAYING?

YOU’RE WELCOME TO COME WITH.

She looked hesitantly toward the other Elders, her gaze lingering for a moment upon Straud.

JIA

I THINK I’LL STAY HERE.

MIRIAM AND I CAME TOGETHER.

I suppose, despite her reserve, she had more in common with them than with the two of us.

KEVIN

SOUNDS GOOD.

SEE YOU AROUND.

She smiled and waved at me.

JIA

再見.

Cedric and I retrieved our things and left the room. The Blue Velvet was still hopping, oblivious to our meeting, most of them thinking our kind the stuff of imagination and make-believe. I wasn’t sure I agreed with the Camarilla and their insistence to uphold this status quo, but to uncover the truth would obliterate their fantasy, destroy their science, shake their faith in the observable universe. It troubled me to see them go about their lives in a grey cloud, the wool pulled over their eyes. I wanted to believe that they could handle the truth - certainly in my gut I felt they deserved it, but I was not about to bring about world revolution under the arrogant delusion that I would be hailed a hero.

But those were thoughts for another day, a day when I would be wiser, stronger, greater.

Cedric and I are quiet as we move through the crowds and exit the bar. Frankie still watched the door, a stalwart guardian.

FRANKIE

YOUR DAD STILL DOWN THERE?

KEVIN

YEAH, THEY’RE STILL TALKING BUT I WANT TO GET HOME AND MAKE SURE MY MOTHER’S ALRIGHT.

SHE DOESN’T LIKE BEING HOME ALONE IF SHE CAN HELP IT.

FRANKIE

TELL THE OLD BROAD I SAY HELLO.

KEVIN

WILL DO, FRANKIE.

TAKE IT EASY.

FRANKIE

YOU TOO, CONJURER.

DAYWALKER?

He refers to Cedric.

CEDRIC

G’NIGHT, FRANKIE.

SEE YA LATER.

We leave the shadow of the Blue Velvet and fade into the streets, bidding adieu, if only for a night, to the chaos of our little local corner of Elysium.

Though the cold was anything but unwelcome to him, Cedric walks with his hands concealed in his pockets. We largely keep our eyes ahead, scanning for danger as we talk, turning to face each other only as convention demanded.

CEDRIC

SOME PROMOTION YOU GOT TONIGHT.

GRATS.

My expression softened, reminded of old times, looking at him as we walked side-by-side. But he was still alert, eyes elsewhere.

KEVIN

THANKS…

I DON’T KNOW IF I’VE EARNED IT–

CEDRIC

YOU’RE TOO MODEST.

I DON’T KNOW THAT ANY OF US WORK AS HARD AS YOU DO.

… VLAD, I GUESS.

BUT YOU’RE NEXT ON THE LIST.

I don’t know that it was true, but it was nice of him to say.

KEVIN

MANDARC IS GETTING A DEGREE.

ENGAGING WITH THE WORLD AROUND HIM.

MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR MYSELF.

CEDRIC

YEAH WELL, WE’LL SEE HOW THAT PANS OUT FOR HIM.

KIDDO’S GOT SOME LOFTY ASPIRATIONS BUT I’M WORRIED.

KEVIN

HIM AND YUKI?

CEDRIC

THAT’S JUST A SYMPTOM OF A LARGER ISSUE.

HE’S OBSESSED WITH THE WORLD OF THE MUNDANE.

THIS WHOLE COLLEGE THING WITH HIM IS JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE.

I WAS LESS CONCERNED ABOUT IT WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO GO WITH HIM.

SUPERVISE HIM.

MAKE SURE HE DIDN’T MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF.

SOMETIMES I REALLY WONDER WHAT HE’S GOT RATTLING AROUND IN THAT BRAIN OF HIS.

KEVIN

THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO LEARN.

CEDRIC

YEAH WELL IT ONLY TAKES ONE MISPLACED WORD FOR SOMEONE TO GET CURIOUS.

OR HE DOESN’T GET FAR ENOUGH FROM THE CAMPUS BEFORE HE TURNS INTO A BAT–

KEVIN

HE’S NOT A TOTAL MORON.

CEDRIC

YEAH, I KNOW.

BUT HE’S CARELESS AT TIMES.

NAÏVE.

AND HE CAN’T LIE TO SAVE HIS LIFE.

KEVIN

HE’S NEVER KNOWN LIFE OUT THERE.

CEDRIC

HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW GOOD HE’S GOT IT.

WHY ANYONE WOULD CHOOSE THAT WORLD WHEN THEY LIVE A LIFE OF LUXURY HERE IS BEYOND ME.

KEVIN

GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER–

CEDRIC

YEAH, I GUESS.

I JUST HOPE HE GROWS OUT OF IT.

KEVIN

I THINK HE WILL.

HE HASN’T REALLY BEEN WITH US ALL THAT LONG.

IT FEELS LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN HERE, BUT I THINK HE’S JUST STARTING TO GET COMFORTABLE, BE HIMSELF.

YEAH, I AGREE THAT HE’S A LITTLE NAÏVE, BUT WE NEED A LITTLE OF THAT OPTIMISM.

CEDRIC

FIREPOWER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SUNSHINE AND DAISIES.

I laughed.

KEVIN

I THINK WE’VE GOT THAT COVERED.

I wanted to say something I’d been thinking about.

KEVIN

I DIDN’T KNOW–

He knew to what I referred before I could get out the compliment.

CEDRIC

YEAH–

THANKS.

STILL NOT ANYTHING COMPARED TO WHAT OTHERS CAN DO.

AND IT’S NOT WHAT VLAD HAD WANTED ME TO DO.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO START WITH WATER.

KEVIN

THAT’S NOT WHAT WE NEEDED THEN.

WHAT–

WERE WE GOING TO GIVE THE THING A COLD SHOWER?

A BUBBLE BATH?

CEDRIC

YEAH, WELL.

We were quiet a moment.

KEVIN

YOU SEEN ANYTHING IN THE DREAM LATELY?

He hesitated. I hoped I had not struck a nerve.

CEDRIC

…

YEAH, I HAVE.

BUT NOTHING GOOD.

KEVIN

…

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?

I knew better than to press him but I also wanted him to know that he didn’t have to bear this alone.

CEDRIC

IT’S…

THINGS I THOUGHT I HAD PUT BEHIND ME.

STUFF FROM LONG AGO.

BEFORE I CAME HERE, BEFORE…

BEFORE I KNEW WHAT I WAS.

KEVIN

WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

CEDRIC

… YEAH.

He rarely spoke about this. I knew next to nothing about his life before he came to the orphanage.

KEVIN

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE DREAM IS TRYING TO TELL YOU?

CEDRIC

I DON’T KNOW.

FOR SO LONG I THOUGHT MY BLOCK WAS BECAUSE I HADN’T EVER PROCESSED SVETLANA’S DEATH.

IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST; ONE MOMENT SHE WAS HERE, THE NEXT VLAD WAS TELLING ME I’D NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

He paused.

CEDRIC

BUT MAYBE MY ISSUE GOES FURTHER BACK.

I DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT, IT MAKES ME ANGRY AND I HATE IT, BUT MAYBE I NEED TO TIE UP THE PAST BEFORE I CAN MOVE ON.

I AM READY TO MOVE ON, THAT’S FOR SURE, I JUST NEED TO…

I DON’T KNOW.

FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M DOING.

I let him speak.

CEDRIC

I THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT.

AVAEL, SVETLANA.

I LOVED THEM SO MUCH, LET THEM BECOME A PART OF ME.

BUT I KEPT A LITTLE BIT OF MYSELF FROM THEM, TOO, NEVER LETTING MYSELF GET TOO CLOSE, IN THE FEAR THEY’D TRASH IT, BREAK IT–

BREAK ME.

I GUESS–

He lowered his voice.

CEDRIC

I NEED TO GET OVER MY MOTHER.

In all the years we had known each other, I’m not sure he had ever spoken of this.

CEDRIC

SHE–

NEVER WANTED ME.

AND I THINK, BY EXTENSION, FOR A LONG TIME–

I NEVER WANTED ME EITHER.

He had always spoken in anger about how my parents had raised me, but I thought, maybe, it could have been worse.

CEDRIC

I DON’T THINK I WANT TO GO BACK THERE, TRY TO FIND OUT IF SHE’S LIVING OR DEAD.

I DON’T THINK EITHER ANSWER WOULD BRING ME MUCH PEACE.

I HAVE A MORBID CURIOSITY BUT ULTIMATELY I THINK MY GOAL IS TO LEAVE THE PAST IN THE PAST.

I JUST CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHUT THE DAMN DOOR.

KEVIN

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE BORN.

He laughed a little.

CEDRIC

HA.

SAME SHIT I KEEP TELLING YOU.

I smiled.

KEVIN

WELL, THEN YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE.

UNLESS YOU’VE BEEN FEEDING ME PLATITUDES AND LIES.

CEDRIC

HEH.

IT’S WORSE FOR YOU.

YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY REMINDERS OF WHAT WAS.

AND NOW VLAD IS INSISTING YOU MOVE FORWARD WITH THE SCHOOL, GIVE OTHERS AN EDUCATION YOU NEVER YOURSELF RECEIVED…

KEVIN

IT’LL BE ALRIGHT.

I’LL GET THE CHANCE TO DO THINGS MY WAY.

I HAVE A GOOD IDEA OF WHAT NOT TO DO.

CEDRIC

I GUESS THAT’S SOMETHING.

We were nearing the end of our journey. Here, away from the shops and restaurants, the streets were dark and quiet.

KEVIN

HEY…

JUST–

I didn’t know what to say.

KEVIN

I KNOW WE ALL WALK OUR OWN PATH AND IT’S GOING TO TAKE TIME, BUT–

I tried to find the right words.

KEVIN

IF YOU EVER NEED HELP WITH WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO–

I–

IF YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING–

We caught each other’s gaze.

CEDRIC

YEAH, I KNOW.

We were on our street now. We stopped in front of the dark bricked old house. I could hear the wind howl as it whipped through the alleys.

CEDRIC

THANKS, KEV.

I APPRECIATE IT.

He smiled, if only just, body turned toward leaving.

CEDRIC

‘NIGHT.

ROXXIE 007: Lifelong Learning

Wed, 22 Jan 2025 20:59:00 -0500

( WE STOOD ON A BEACH AT SUNSET )
( DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN? )
( "SUNSHINE SUPERMAN" - DONOVAN )

I awoke with a start. I could still feel the fear in my nerves; I had been dreaming. But what about? I tried to grab for the tendrils but there was nothing there - I had lost the vision to the sun.

I pushed the lid from my coffin and re-entered the bedroom. The pink walls made me uneasy but out of respect for the deceased, not to mention the ones that still remained, I would endure. Bob had wanted to return here, and so we had. I had some reluctance about claiming the bedroom of his dead wife, but there really had been no other options. He seemed to have no qualms about it, so who was I to make an issue where there wasn’t one?

I ran my fingers through my cropped hair. The sun had recently set and I had the night ahead of me. When I had time in front of me, in my hands, rather than behind… this was the best feeling. The world was my oyster.

That is not to say I had total freedom. I had already made plans. I wanted to visit my Master in the Forgotten Hollow. I had made a complete fool of myself at the holiday party. When the fire had broken out - I had turned tail and run. Like a yellow belly, I had taken flight and fled into the sky. I had abandoned the Count and shown myself a weakling. I hadn’t been there when the Tremere summoned their demon and desecrated the Master’s home. For all of my efforts to show myself worthy, when I had been needed, I had been scared shitless.

I apologized profusely to my Master, but none of that could alleviate the intensity of the shame I bore. He smiled gently and placed his hands on my shoulders, trying to reassure me that none of it was my fault. The fear of fire was perfectly rational, he reiterated.

And still, I resolved to myself that I must be better. Some of the coterie had withstood their terror. They had been there. They had fought. They had triumphed.

Maybe, though, I also needed to be patient with myself. So much had happened in these six short years. If I pushed myself too hard, I would break.

And that hinted at the deeper, unfortunate truth. I felt… fragile. Now that Makoa and Eliza were gone… Well - there went my graduating class. I was the only one left.

My phone buzzed angrily, temporarily quieting my anxieties. There was something soothing about having been issued a command - for a moment, no thought was necessary. The promise of peace lay just beyond the request.

It is my old friend. We had become close again over the past several years. It was sometimes difficult to refuse her invitations to afternoon coffee or sunrise on the boardwalk, but as time had passed, we’d developed an understanding. When I passed the evenings with her, I could forget about that enormous bestial bat who gorged herself on the blood of farm animals. In Ivette’s company, I was smart, capable, and contained. I was… human.

IVETTE//

Hey Roxxie, how are you tonight?

ROXANNE//

Oh, getting along. How about you?

IVETTE//

Eh. I've been better.

ROXANNE//

What's up?

IVETTE//

Latoya and I had a fight this morning and I really don't feel like going home.

ROXANNE//

You at school?

IVETTE//

Yeah, I'm finishing up.

ROXANNE//

You wanna go shoot some pool?

IVETTE//

That would be great. I'll see you there in a little bit.

ROXANNE//

Looking forward to it.

That Ivette and her wife were fighting came as no surprise to me. Since we had reconnected, it seemed as if those two were anything but partners. If I were being totally honest with myself, sometimes I felt used. Ivette had a habit of seeking solace from me when she was in the doghouse and while part of me was glad I had become her constant companion, the other part winced in agony when she would be reinvited to the bedroom.

ROXANNE//

I just got to the pool hall.

IVETTE//

Yeah, sorry, I'm still in the car.

ROXANNE//

Says they're closed for vacation.

IVETTE//

Vacation... Now?

ROXANNE//

... Yeah.

IVETTE//

That really blows.

And without thinking, I tapped in something I couldn’t have possibly planned out. Something bold and ballsy, something that would completely change the course of history.

ROXANNE//

Hey, instead... You wanna meet my boss?

IVETTE//

The old man who works you to the bone?

ROXANNE//

Yeah, that one.

IVETTE//

I dunno. I might not be able to hold myself back from telling him that you deserve a raise. A big one.

ROXANNE//

Oh, don't do that. I don't care about the money.

IVETTE//

It's not about the dollar amount, it's about respect.

ROXANNE//

He respects me plenty. Listen, if it's too much--

IVETTE//

No, sounds like fun. I'll behave. I'm in.

ROXANNE//

Awesome, I'll send you the location.

Religion had always been… a sore subject. I suppose the most difficult thing about it was that it always reminded me of family. I had begun my life as a Catholic; bred, born, and baptised. But that had quickly worn out its welcome like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I am not sure I ever believed in God. I know I tried - I fell to my knees and prayed into the sky, desperate for a sign, a reassurance that I was not throwing my faith into a black hole. The Messiah, the Saints, and even the Virgin - they had to have existed. So many sources agreed on this fact. But were they holy? And the miracles…? I wasn’t sure.

The Toast & Caramel is a quiet, dusty old speakeasy hidden underneath an old church in Jamaica. Whether my Master had built the house of worship himself or rather acquired it in the dawning of the age of skepticism, I could not say. He could, and often did, walk there from his house on the hill. When the trip to the Blue Velvet was too arduous, he could often be found here, placing a new record on the player. I wasn’t sure he had left Jamaica since he had done battle with the Hellbeast.

I figured my chances to find him here tonight were pretty good.

I sat in my car, jotting down some half-baked writing ideas in a notebook, until I see Ivette parallel park behind me. I stuff my pen and paper into the center console and exit the vehicle.

Ivette is a little confused.

IVETTE

A…

CHURCH?

I smiled, knowingly.

ROXANNE

IT ONLY LOOKS LIKE A CHURCH.

EVERYONE GATHERS DOWNSTAIRS.

IVETTE

HUH.

WEIRD.

I DON’T COME OUT TO JAMAICA MUCH.

ROXANNE

I DIDN’T EITHER UNTIL I STARTED WORKING FOR THE COUNT.

Her eyes fell over the steeple with unease.

IVETTE

SO…

A COUNT.

UH–

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ADDRESS HIM?

ROXANNE

HE’S NOT REALLY A STICKLER FOR TITLES.

JUST CALL HIM WHATEVER FEELS NATURAL.

IVETTE

THAT’S…

NOT REALLY HELPFUL, BUT OKAY.

I hold out my hands and bow, feeling a little silly, trying to encourage her to enter the church. She walks, cautiously.

IVETTE

SO…

HOW’D YOU GET HOOKED UP WITH THIS GIG, ANYWAY?

ROXANNE

INTERNET.

IVETTE

SOME NOBLE FROM EUROPE WAS LOOKING TO HIRE A RANDO HE FOUND ON CRAIGSLIST?

I laughed.

ROXANNE

HE’S A LITTLE ECCENTRIC.

IVETTE

… YEAH.

I push open the heavy wooden door. It creaks loudly on the old hinges. Ivette shivers and tries to change the subject.

IVETTE

SO…

I–

UH–

SAW YOUR NEW POST.

I had heard some advice long ago that you should always write for yourself. Barring that, write for someone special: your spouse, your Master, your… Friend.

ROXANNE

THE ONE ABOUT GARDENING?

IVETTE

YEAH, YOU HAD SOME REALLY GOOD TIPS IN THERE.

I HAD NO IDEA RASPBERRIES AND BLACKBERRIES WERE ANTAGONISTS.

ROXANNE

YEP, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PLANT TOGETHER.

IVETTE

I’VE BEEN MEANING TO START UP MY GARDEN.

GUESS IT’S A LITTLE COLD NOW BUT I SHOULD START PREPPING.

THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I SWORE TO DO WHEN WE BOUGHT THE HOUSE.

There was that word.

But there is no time to grimace. I put what she’s said out of mind. We have descended the stairs and I am happy again.

My Master is here.

I rush forward when we enter the room and I see him sitting there. I will not touch him, not without invitation, if I can help it. But I run up to him, forgetting myself, as a little Childe.

He turns to me, granting me his face.

STRAUD

ROXANNE.

ROXANNE

COUNT!

IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HOW ARE YOU TONIGHT?

STRAUD

I AM WELL.

THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME.

I turn to Ivette.

ROXANNE

IVETTE, THIS IS THE COUNT VLADISLAUS STRAUD IV.

COUNT, THIS IS MY FRIEND, IVETTE CAMPBELL.

STRAUD

MISS CAMPBELL, IT IS SUCH A PLEASURE TO FINALLY BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH YOU.

ROXANNE HAS TOLD ME NOTHING BUT GOOD THINGS.

She blushed.

IVETTE

OH–

UH…

I DON’T KNOW THAT THERE’S MUCH TO SAY…

I could not help but grin with satisfaction, watching the two of them interact.

STRAUD

OH, AND SHE IS MODEST, TOO.

HOW CHARMING!

I could tell he was not exactly what she had imagined.

STRAUD

ROXANNE TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE WELL-VERSED IN THE LANGUAGES AND HISTORY OF THE FAR EAST.

YOU TEACH AT THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY?

IVETTE

Y-YEAH–

I’M AN ASSOCIATE.

STRAUD

THAT IS WONDERFUL.

DO YOU ENJOY YOUR WORK?

She glanced at me, seeming puzzled by the question.

IVETTE

YEAH–

I DO, MOST OF THE TIME.

I DON’T GET TO TRAVEL AS MUCH AS I USED TO, AND WORKING WITH THE STUDENTS CAN BE DRAINING…

With my eyes, I tried to let her know she was doing fine.

She tries to perk up.

IVETTE

BUT IT IS REALLY REWARDING.

I’M GLAD I CHOSE THIS PATH.

STRAUD

THERE IS NO GREATER VOCATION THAN ELEVATING OTHERS OUT OF IGNORANCE.

He paused.

STRAUD

MISS CAMPBELL, ARE YOU DRINKING ANYTHING OR WILL YOU FIND YOURSELF BEHIND THE WHEEL THIS EVENING?

IVETTE

UH–

YEAH, I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE IT EASY.

STRAUD

ROXANNE, IF YOU WOULDN’T MIND.

I obliged without a word.

STRAUD

PERHAPS SOMETIME I WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE.

A LOVELY WOMAN FROM THE MIDDLE KINGDOM HAS BEEN STAYING WITH ME.

SHE HAS AN INTEREST IN OUR CULTURE AND ART.

I AM SURE THE TWO OF YOU WOULD HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

IVETTE

WELL, MY ACCENT LEAVES MUCH TO BE DESIRED…

I’M GOOD ENOUGH TO TEACH THE KIDS, BUT–

STRAUD

I AM SURE IT IS NOT SO BAD.

WE ARE OUR OWN WORST CRITICS.

I return with glasses of water for Ivette and myself.

STRAUD

IS THIS THE FIRST TIME ROXANNE HAS BROUGHT YOU HERE?

IVETTE

YES, IT IS.

I RECENTLY MOVED OUT TO NASSAU COUNTY BUT EVEN BEFORE THAT I NEVER REALLY FOUND MYSELF AROUND HERE MUCH.

STRAUD

YES, IT’S QUIET HERE, ISN’T IT?

THAT’S ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE AREA.

IF ONE IS NOT SUMMONED, ONE TENDS TO JUST FLY ON BY.

Ivette didn’t quite know what to say to that.

STRAUD

SO, TELL ME:

HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND ROXANNE BEEN FRIENDS?

IVETTE

LONG TIME.

Here, I was a little flustered and broke in.

ROXANNE

WELL, WE HAD LOST TOUCH FOR A WHILE, BUT STARTED TALKING AGAIN A FEW YEARS BACK.

IVETTE WAS THE FIRST FRIEND I MADE WHEN I MOVED TO THE CITY.

STRAUD

THAT IS A SPECIAL THING.

ROXANNE

IVETTE WAS KIND TO ME…

WHEN I HAD NO ONE ELSE.

I think I’ve embarrassed her.

IVETTE

OH–

IT WASN’T ANYTHING…

I JUST DID WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO.

…

YOU WERE NICE TO ME, TOO.

ROXANNE

IT MEANT A LOT TO ME THAT YOU DIDN’T THINK I WAS AN IDIOT FOR DROPPING OUT.

DIDN’T TELL ME I WAS MAKING THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.

DIDN’T TELL ME I’D REGRET IT EVERY SINGLE DAY.

OTHERS DID.

JUST TOUGH IT OUT, THEY SAID.

IT COULDN’T BE THAT BAD!

IVETTE

PEOPLE LEAVE FOR THEIR OWN REASONS.

LIFE IS HARD.

I WON’T LIE, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT A FEW TIMES.

ROXANNE

OH, GET OUT OF HERE.

IVETTE

NO, REALLY!

I THOUGHT I’D TAKE A BREAK, GET A JOB WAITING TABLES FOR A COUPLE YEARS, MEET PEOPLE; YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY ENJOY BEING YOUNG.

HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE.

THEN I’D GO BACK LATER WHEN I WAS READY TO PUT MY HEAD TO STUDYING.

ROXANNE

WELL, YOU MADE IT THROUGH.

AND YOU’RE A PROFESSOR NOW!

IVETTE

HA–

I GUESS.

I DON’T REALLY HAVE MANY OTHER FRIENDS FROM THAT TIME.

YOU AND LATOYA.

THAT’S ABOUT IT.

I didn’t relish being put in that category, and my mind stutters.

Luckily, Ivette turned to the Master.

IVETTE

LATOYA IS MY WIFE.

He raised an eyebrow.

STRAUD

YOUR WIFE?

YOU SEEM TO ME FAR TOO YOUNG TO BE ALREADY MARRIED.

Ivette shrugged in surrender.

IVETTE

OVER TEN YEARS NOW.

STRAUD

TEN YEARS?

MY MY.

YOUR DEDICATION IS REMARKABLE.

I, MYSELF, HAVE NEVER ENTERED INTO THE BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY.

OVER THE YEARS, I’VE KNOWN MANY DELIGHTFUL INDIVIDUALS AND WE’VE PASSED THE HOURS TOGETHER IN HARMONY, AND YET, ON THIS DAY, MY BED IS DUSTY AND UNKEMPT.

PERHAPS I MAKE MYSELF TOO BUSY.

PERHAPS I AM TOO PICKY.

OR PERHAPS, NOW IN THE TWILIGHT OF MY YEARS, I FEAR IT IS TOO LATE AND IT WOULD BE UNFAIR TO SADDLE SOMEONE I CLAIM TO LOVE WITH THE INEVITABLE…

I couldn’t disagree with him more but did not dare interject…

STRAUD

BUT ENOUGH OF MY LAMENTATIONS.

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?

IVETTE

I’M GETTING BACK INTO THE GYM…

ROXANNE

IVETTE AND I WERE GOING TO THE POOL HALL BUT IT WAS CLOSED FOR THE WEEK.

STRAUD

PERHAPS I OUGHT TO PUT IN SOME GAMES HERE.

IVETTE

YOU…

OWN THIS PLACE?

He smiled.

STRAUD

IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.

IVETTE

I THOUGHT YOU OWNED THAT BAR IN ASTORIA.

STRAUD

THE BLUE VELVET.

HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?

IVETTE

NO, NOT YET.

STRAUD

WELL, IT IS QUITE DIFFERENT THAN THIS PLACE.

I COME HERE WHEN I WANT TO HIDE AND PASS THE TIME IN REFLECTION.

THE BLUE VELVET–

IT IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL.

THERE, I DO MY BUSINESS.

THERE, I MAKE MY MONEY.

IVETTE

MONEY?

WITH A NAME LIKE YOURS…

ISN’T YOUR TIME WORTH MORE?

STRAUD

YOU FLATTER ME.

CERTAINLY TIME IS OUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET, BUT YOU ARE MISLED IF YOU BELIEVE MY TITLE IS WORTH MUCH IN THIS COUNTRY.

YES, IT OPENS DOORS FOR ME THAT MIGHT OTHERWISE BE CLOSED TIGHT, BUT NO–

LIKE ANYONE ELSE, I MUST CONTINUE TO WORK.

AND THOUGH I OFTEN FIND MYSELF IN A SUPERVISORY ROLE WHILE OTHERS ARE ENGAGING THEIR TASKS DIRECTLY, KNOW THAT MY POSITION HAS NOT COME WITHOUT A CERTAIN REDUCTION OF MY FREEDOM, MY AUTONOMY.

TO USE A TURN OF PHRASE, I OFTEN, AS YOU WOULD SAY, AM FORCED TO TAKE MY WORK HOME WITH ME.

I hoped she would not be too impetuous here. She had contempt for the gentry and was convinced that he worked me as a dog, despite my protestations to the contrary. As she saw it, he was the reason I couldn’t meet her for brunch and mimosas.

Well, I suppose in a way, she was correct.

STRAUD

IF YOU ARE IN THE CITY FOR WORK, PERHAPS YOU CAN STEAL YOURSELF AWAY FOR A VISIT.

I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.

BRING A COWORKER AND FILE AN EXPENSE REPORT.

OUR PRICES ARE VERY REASONABLE AND WE ARE OPEN ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND MUCH OF THE NIGHT, IF THAT SUITS YOU.

PERHAPS IT GETS A LITTLE LOUD WHEN THE SUN BEGINS TO WANE–

IVETTE

MAYBE I’LL GIVE IT A SHOT.

STRAUD

I DO HOPE SO.

IT IS MY LIFEBLOOD.

Ivette drank her water - I would have to refill it soon.

STRAUD

I HAVE LET YOU ASK OF ME A HEAVY QUESTION, PERHAPS YOU WILL GRANT ME THE SAME COURTESY.

IVETTE

… I SUPPOSE.

STRAUD

WHY HAVE YOU TOILED TEN YEARS OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY?

DO YOU NOT VALUE YOUR LIFE?

YOUR TIME?

Her face paled in surprise.

IVETTE

… WHAT?

ME AND LATOYA?

… I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TOLD–

STRAUD

I HAVE “BEEN TOLD” NOTHING.

WHEN I REPORTED THAT ROXANNE HAS SPOKEN OF YOU ONLY IN THE HIGHEST ESTEEM, I MEANT IT.

AND BESIDES ALL OF THAT, I WOULD NOT ALLOW HER TO ENGAGE IN SUCH RAUCOUS GOSSIP, NO, IT IS TASTELESS, UNPLEASANT, AND DULL.

RATHER, I SIMPLY ASK MY QUESTION BASED ON MY PRESENT OBSERVATION:

YOUR EXPRESSION WHEN YOU UTTER HER NAME.

PLAIN, MATTER-OF-FACT, WITHOUT JOY.

YOU DO NOT SMILE.

THIS IS YOUR BURDEN, YOUR SITUATION, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

I DO NOT HAVE TO READ YOUR THOUGHTS TO SEE THAT.

Ivette was deeply blushing at this point. She could hardly stand to look him in the eyes.

IVETTE

WELL, AS HARD AS YOU FIND IT TO BE MARRIED, IT IS A HUNDRED TIMES MORE DIFFICULT TO GET DIVORCED.

WE OWN A HOUSE TOGETHER, WE’RE WRITTEN INTO EACH OTHER’S WILLS.

WE SHARE BANK ACCOUNTS, WE SHARE INVESTMENTS, WE SHARE INSURANCE–

STRAUD

AND YET, IF YOU WERE NOT HERE WITH US, WOULD YOU SHARE A BED?

Her eyes were dark with shame now. She shot me a recriminating glance.

IVETTE

I DON’T APPRECIATE YOU GOSSIPING ABOUT MY HOME LIFE.

ROXANNE

I DIDN’T SAY A THING!

NEVER!

NOT ONCE!

She looked down at her glass of water, half-full.

STRAUD

I APOLOGIZE, MISS CAMPBELL, IF I WAS TOO FORWARD, TOO HASTY WITH MY ASSESSMENT.

IT IS A FAULT OF MINE–

IVETTE

NO–

She spoke quietly.

IVETTE

NO…

YOU’RE RIGHT.

THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME MAD, I GUESS–

TO SEE THAT IT’S SO OBVIOUS THAT EVEN A STRANGER CAN SEE IT PLAINLY WRITTEN ON MY FACE.

She tried to look up.

IVETTE

YEAH, I AM UNHAPPY.

AND I HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.

I GUESS IT’S JUST SUNK-COST FALLACY OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE I KEEP TELLING MYSELF I’M IN TOO DEEP TO GIVE UP NOW, THAT IF I KEEP GOING, KEEP TRYING, THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

I LOVE HER, I REALLY DO.

AND THAT’S PART OF THE REASON I STAY.

I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS ALL IT TAKES.

STRAUD

LOVE IS BUT ONE PART OF THE PROCESS.

She was talking to the table now, head down.

IVETTE

I JUST KEEP HOPING…

SHE’LL CHANGE.

The air is heavy.

IVETTE

SHE WASN’T ALWAYS LIKE THIS.

SHE ONCE HAD PASSION, SHE HAD DREAMS.

SHE WAS GOING TO PLAY HER VIOLIN FOR THE WORLD, STAND UP THERE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND BRING THEM TO TEARS.

THAT WAS THE WOMAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH AND THAT IS THE WOMAN I TRY TO REMEMBER WHEN SHE’S BEING PETTY OR FIXATING ON THE LITTLE THINGS.

I KEEP WAITING FOR HER TO SMILE AND REALIZE HOW GOOD WE HAVE IT, BUT…

Ivette is getting a little tearful and I want to reach out and comfort her but think it best to wait.

IVETTE

I’VE BEEN WITH HER MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

WE WERE…

STILL KIDS WHEN WE STARTED DATING.

I’VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYONE ELSE.

I’M AFRAID…

OF CHANGE.

She wraps her hands around her glass, spinning it in place. She was trying desperately to hold back her tears, but every so often, one fell from her cheek and landed in her lap.

STRAUD

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO TURN OVER A NEW LEAF.

IVETTE

YEAH BUT THESE AREN’T PLANTS, THEY’RE PEOPLE!

STRAUD

WHAT IS THE HARM IN TRYING SOMETHING NEW?

JUST TAKING A PEEK AT THE ALTERNATIVE?

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, IF IT’S NOT FOR YOU–

OH, WHAT IS THAT ONE?

ROXANNE, PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP ME HERE.

I did not know exactly what he meant but I said the first thing that came to mind.

ROXANNE

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, LET IT GO.

STRAUD

WHY DON’T YOU STAY WITH US FOR A FEW DAYS AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL?

YOU ARE WELCOME TO STAY AT THE MANSION WITH ME, BUT PERHAPS IT WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH JUST YOU GIRLS.

I SUPPOSE BOB IS THERE–

ROXANNE

HE WON’T MIND, I’M SURE OF IT.

STRAUD

THAT HOUSE IS A FAIR BIT SMALLER THAN THE TOWNHOUSE–

ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE SPACE?

ROXANNE

WE HAVE THE SPARE BEDROOM.

AND THE EXTRA MATTRESS IS IN THE ATTIC.

YOU’LL LIVE LIKE ROYALTY.

Ugh. Foot in the mouth.

ROXANNE

JUST FOR A FEW DAYS.

SEE HOW IT GOES.

CLEAR YOUR HEAD.

Something funny… please!

ROXANNE

WE’LL MAKE POPCORN…!

She was quiet for a moment and then could not resist laughing.

IVETTE

FINE, YOU GOT ME.

I’LL SLEEP OVER FOR A FEW DAYS.

CATCH MY BREATH.

WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

I smiled from ear to ear.

IVETTE

OKAY.

I’LL STOP AT THE SCHOOL, PICK UP A FEW THINGS FROM MY OFFICE.

…

LOOK AT THE TIME.

I GUESS I HAD BETTER GET GOING.

DON’T WANT TO BE UP ALL NIGHT.

She stood up and made motion to leave.

ROXANNE

WAIT–

DO YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS?

She turned to look at me and I hoped we had made the right decision. Hoped we had not forced her to do anything she did not already want to do. Hoped–

She smiled, and her eyes were still shiny from the tears.

IVETTE

YEAH–

CHRISTMAS CARD, REMEMBER?

How could I forget?

ROXANNE

OH–

RIGHT!

IVETTE

COUNT?

She spoke over me but I thought nothing of it.

STRAUD

YES, MISS CAMPBELL?

IVETTE

IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

SORRY WE COULDN’T HAVE SPOKEN OF SOMETHING MORE CHEERY.

BUT I’M SURE THERE WILL BE ANOTHER TIME.

…

I CAN SEE WHY ROXXIE THINKS SO HIGHLY OF YOU.

STRAUD

AND YOU.

IVETTE

JUST…

ONE THING.

STRAUD

YES?

IVETTE

GIVE HER A DAY OFF ONCE IN A WHILE, WILL YOU?

He smiled and looked at me.

STRAUD

YES, I’LL SEE TO IT.

UNTIL NEXT TIME.

IVETTE

… THANKS.

YOU TOO.

And like that, she disappeared the way she had entered.

I was soon alone with the Master. It was not often like this anymore, and I was out of practice. I decided I would mix a plasma jane to still my nerves - this evening’s diversion had been worth it, I reasoned, but remembered that on most nights, by this hour I would have been heavy with the blood of a horse, perhaps struggling to fly home.

And yet, here I was, fumbling with a knife and sieve, trying to extract juice from something that came from a tree.

He allowed me a moment, and then spoke.

STRAUD

YOU WANT TO TAKE HER AS YOUR OWN, DO YOU NOT?

Never one to mince words, my Master.

ROXANNE

THE THOUGHT HAS CROSSED MY MIND.

STRAUD

DO NOT BE BASHFUL WITH ME, CHILDE.

I HAVE NO TIME FOR IT.

THE ADOPTION OF MORTALS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER.

ROXANNE

THEN, YES.

I WON’T PLAY GAMES.

I WANT HER WITH ME FOR ALWAYS.

STRAUD

YOU CANNOT DO THIS ON A WHIM.

BETTER SHE HAVE A FEW GREY HAIRS THAN YOU FORCE HER BEFORE SHE IS READY.

BEFORE YOU ARE READY.

HER WORLD WILL BE BROKEN IRREPARABLY.

AND YOU WILL FOREVER BE THE BURGLAR.

THE GIFT IS NOT JUST THAT–

AND I TRUST YOU KNOW THAT–

IT IS ALSO A CURSE.

I thought of the monstrous form I took in the darkness. I could hear the pathetic whimpering of the animals just before I silenced their pulse. I could feel them heave beneath my fangs and collapse in the grass, never to see another sunrise.

ROXANNE

YES, MASTER…

I UNDERSTAND–

STRAUD

DO NOT THINK I WILL BE PLACATED SO EASILY!

I blinked and he appeared before me in his true form, his gaze upon me fixed and intense.

STRAUD

JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER DOES NOT MEAN THIS IS A MANTLE SHE IS READY TO WEAR.

I protested.

ROXANNE

BUT SHE IS SO… GOOD!

SHE DOESN’T DESERVE TO DIE!

STRAUD

… THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO WARD OFF THE REAPER.

ROXANNE

I REFUSE TO MAKE A SLAVE OUT OF HER.

NO, SHE DOESN’T DESERVE THAT EITHER.

STRAUD

I DO NOT KNOW IF YOU ARE READY FOR THIS, ROXANNE.

THIS IS A DOORWAY THAT ONCE OPENED, CAN NEVER AGAIN BE SHUT.

I TOOK YOU ON WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT SO LONG AS I STAND YOU ARE MY RESPONSIBILITY.

I HOPED THAT YOU WOULD LOVE ME IN RETURN, BUT I GAVE THE LIFE TO YOU WITH THE CAVEAT THAT YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND.

YOU WOULD NOT BE THE FIRST OF MY CHILDER, NOR WOULD YOU LIKELY BE THE LAST, TO WISH ME FINAL DEATH.

REMOVE HER FROM A LOVELESS MARRIAGE, TEACH HER TO VALUE HER OWN TIME, LIFE, EXPERIENCE, YES, THAT IS ONE THING.

BUT WHAT YOU ARE EYEING IS SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT.

IT SHOULD BE DONE FROM A PLACE OF WISDOM AND HOPE, NOT COVETOUSNESS, GREED.

IT IS A DANGEROUS TIME TO BE A FLEDGLING.

WE ARE BESIEGED BY ENEMIES ON ALL SIDES.

SHE WOULD ENTER THE BATTLEFIELD CLUMSY IN HER ARMOR AND UNTRAINED IN THE WAY OF THE SWORD.

I knew he spoke truth, and I felt small.

ROXANNE

I…

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M FEELING.

I JUST KNOW…

IT’S STRONG.

He clutched me gently, hugging me, for a moment wrapping his long fingers around my head and over my back. It is all-too-brief, but his touch soothes my tension.

STRAUD

I KNOW IT IS A LOT, MY CHILDE.

I WANT TO HELP YOU MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

ROXANNE

I KNOW IT’S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY–

STRAUD

THE BIGGEST.

NO, THAT WORD IS INADEQUATE.

IT IS THE ULTIMATE RESPONSIBILITY.

AFTER WE PASS ON, THEY ARE WHAT REMAINS TO CONTINUE OUR LEGACY.

ROXANNE

THEN IT’S NOT TRUE THEN?

THAT OLD MYTH ABOUT ONE’S SIRE?

He laughed.

STRAUD

OH, THAT ONE IS A FAVORITE.

NONSENSE AND POPPYCOCK.

I DON’T KNOW WHO STARTED THAT ONE BUT I’D LIKE TO HAVE THEIR HEAD.

I looked down, feeling a little shy.

STRAUD

NO, REST ASSURED, EVEN IF I CEASE TO BE, YOU WILL CONTINUE ON, UNBLINKING, CONSCIOUS AND REAL, FREE TO REFRAME THIS ALL AS YET ANOTHER MEMORY.

A HAPPY ONE, IF I HAVE DONE WELL, BUT A MEMORY NEVERTHELESS.

ROXANNE

MASTER, DO NOT SPEAK OF SUCH THINGS!

He softened his face.

STRAUD

OH, VERY WELL, AS YOU COMMAND, MY CHILDE.

He again took his disguise.

STRAUD

BE PATIENT WITH HER.

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WORTH RUSHING.

IF YOU CHARGE HEADLONG, YOU WILL ONLY CAUSE ALL OF US GRIEF AND HEARTACHE.

He put his hand tenderly upon my shoulder.

STRAUD

SEEK YOURSELF.

BE SURE THIS IS GOING TO RELIEVE SUFFERING RATHER THAN CREATE IT.

KNOW THAT EVEN IF YOU DO NOT EMBRACE HER AS A VAMPIRE, YOU CAN SUSTAIN HER BEAUTY IN YOUR MIND, YOUR MEMORIES, SO LONG AS YOU LIVE.

SHE WILL, REGARDLESS, LIVE FOREVER IN THE DREAM.

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH IN THINGS BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN SEE AND TOUCH.

BUT THAT IS NOT TO SAY YOU SHOULD DENY YOURSELF ALL SENSATION, ALL JOY.

THAT IS NOT WHY I CREATED YOU.

WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, LET US DO IT, YOU AND I, TOGETHER.

ROXANNE

Y-YOU MEAN IT?

MASTER?

STRAUD

DO NOT SUFFER ALONE.

LET US HELP YOU.

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

ROXANNE

OH–!

MASTER!

YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!

I wrapped him in my arms in a manner that was probably too tight to be polite. But I supposed I could not hurt him even if I tried.

STRAUD

GO NOW, YOU’LL WANT TO ARRIVE BEFORE SHE DOES.

ROXANNE

Y-YES–

I DO.

STRAUD

PEACE.

I could hardly keep my cool on the drive home. I was often jittery and anxious when I did not engage in my nightly rituals. I had a few plasma packs in the mini-fridge for emergencies but I hated to resort to that. They would be cold and stale - something no hot water bath could hope to fix.

I maintain my calm as I drive up to the house and allow my aurasight to assess what I faced.

Bob was upstairs, asleep. I was glad for that - if I remembered correctly, he had an audition in the morning. His early success on stage had slowed somewhat and he now just had to put in the time. He’d broken up with his girlfriend several months ago - or maybe she’d broken up with him. Regardless, he again slept alone.

My dog Edward is sleeping in the living room - that is, at least, until he hears the slam of my car door. I am glad I have arrived first - maybe I can keep him from loudly announcing that we have a house guest.

I go inside and Edward is overjoyed to see me. He showers me with kisses and I ruffle his waxy hair.

ROXANNE

YOU NEED A BATH, DOG.

YOU STINK.

But he takes no offense to the words that come out of my mouth. I could curse him out and he would still shake his tail.

In the quiet house, I steady him, quieting the claws clacking on the floor, and bring his eyes to mine. It is uncomfortable for the gentle beast and he quickly refuses my strange gesture and instead licks my hand, coating my skin with his salty saliva.

He could not, in his innocence, know the source of my intensity. Sometimes it was difficult to look at him now. Though he had always been black and white, I had begun to notice the grey spreading over his muzzle. Yes, it made him look quite wise and distinguished, but I also knew what it meant. Someday I would never again hear his voice, fill his bowl, pat his head.

At times I resented him when I saw fresh gashes in the flooring. Often I didn’t want to walk him or pick up his leavings. But I knew I owed him the world. He had stood by me as my companion when I had become a vampire, never once did he bare his teeth at my scent or shudder from my cold hands. Yes, he had always been there for me, and as I felt his impending mortality, I wanted to pull away, protect my little heart, spare myself the pain of goodbye.

And yet, I would not do it. Edward is my friend, I remembered, and I would stay with him until the last.

His ears perk up as he hears a unfamiliar car pull up and park in front of the house. Instinctually, he emits a low growl. But I try to soothe his worries.

ROXANNE

NO BARK.

NO GROWL.

FRIEND.

IVETTE.

FRIEND.

I walk into the foyer and open the front door. Edward bounds from the porch to greet the newcomer. She is pulling a small duffel bag from the backseat. Edward is still sniffing her enthusiastically as I approach.

ROXANNE

HEY, BOB IS ASLEEP SO I DON’T REALLY WANT TO GO FUMBLING AROUND IN THE ATTIC RIGHT NOW…

D’YOU MIND SLEEPING ON THE COUCH?

She throws her luggage over her shoulder.

IVETTE

NOT AT ALL.

I’M…

KINDA USED TO IT.

ROXANNE

EDWARD MIGHT BUG YOU BUT I HOPE HE’LL JUST KEEP YOU COMPANY.

He sniffs her spare hand, eager for attention.

IVETTE

AW.

She obliges and acknowledges him.

IVETTE

WHAT A SWEETIE.

I smile.

ROXANNE

JUST BE CAREFUL.

IF YOU SPOIL HIM, HE’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.

IVETTE

THAT’S ALRIGHT.

ROXANNE

COME ON IN.

I’LL GIVE YOU THE FULL TOUR TOMORROW.

We began to make our way inside. Ivette uses her fob to lock the car. The beep is loud in the night.

IVETTE

YEAH, THAT’S FINE.

I’M TOTALLY BUSHED AND I’VE GOT A BIT OF A HEADACHE.

ROXANNE

OH…

UH–

I DON’T USUALLY TAKE ANYTHING BUT I CAN SEE WHAT WE HAVE–

IVETTE

DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I JUST NEED TO GET TO BED.

I SHOULD BE FINE IN THE MORNING.

ROXANNE

OH, ALRIGHT.

We were in the house now. I shut the door behind us and felt the weight of this upon my shoulders. I loved her; I wanted to protect her from the dangers that lurked outside in the world, dangers she didn’t even know to fear. Having her here was exactly what I had wanted, and yet - it meant change for me. It would be much more difficult to hide.

ROXANNE

HEY, UH–

She plopped her bag on the couch and turned to me. Her gaze was unintentionally piercing and I nervously ran my fingers through my hair.

ROXANNE

I’LL GET YOU A COMFORTER AND STUFF, JUST–

I MIGHT MISS YOU IN THE MORNING.

THE COUNT IS SOMETHING OF AN EARLY BIRD AND–

IVETTE

NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE, EH?

I chuckled awkwardly.

ROXANNE

IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING…

She turned away from me and began to remove items from her bag. A toothbrush, lotion, a pill bottle…

IVETTE

NO WORRIES.

I’VE GOT TO GET GOING EARLY TOO.

I felt stupid. I wanted forgiveness.

ROXANNE

DON’T WORRY ABOUT LOCKING UP - I CAN DO IT ALL REMOTELY.

She laughed and looked at me.

IVETTE

THE FUTURE IS NOW.

ROXANNE

Y-YEAH–

I GUESS IT IS.

I stroked Edward’s fur in need of his warmth, trying to ease the discomfort of the silence.

Suddenly she raised her fingers to her temple.

IVETTE

HEY, UH–

IF YOU DON’T MIND–

MAYBE I DO WANT TO TAKE SOMETHING.

THIS HEADACHE IS KILLING ME.

Soon, she has settled in and buried herself in a blanket on the couch. It seemed Edward has accepted her presence and intends to guard her on the first floor. I thanked my lucky stars for his sweet disposition.

Still jazzed up from an evening of excitement, I linger in the office on the second floor for a while. The threat of dawn is too near for me to journey out now. Reluctantly, I decide, tonight I must go without.

I don’t have any creative inspiration, feeling so completely drained, so I read the messages on the wIntranet for news from the coterie. Apparently the Master was planning to make an appearance at the Blue Velvet on Thursday. He wanted to meet with Tomas. News of what had happened at the New Year had spread like wildfire. A statement needed to be made by the Camarilla. The Prince himself counted one of his wives as a member of the Clan Tremere. It was time to discuss what this all meant for the future of peace between the two boroughs.

I didn’t know if I would be in attendance. I hadn’t been able to feed tonight, so - tomorrow’s need would be even more dire. And yet, I could not forget my houseguest. I could use my “employment” as an escape to excuse myself in the daylight, but I couldn’t see being absent tomorrow, not on her first night here… To feed perhaps I could encourage her to retire early - if she would turn in around eleven or twelve, perhaps there would still be enough time for me to make the flight to a pasture out east…

I try to quell my worries and shut off the computer. I could not join the coterie tomorrow, I decided. But it was fine. I was needed here.

I unlock the door to Eliza’s - now my bedroom. It was on my never-ending list of things to do that I wanted to seek the Elders’ wisdom for a technique to supernaturally seal my door. I knew it could be done but I did not yet know how. Bob was long among the Informed and knew better than to go looking for trouble. But Ivette…? I wasn’t so sure.

I would have to tell her the truth, and maybe sooner than I wanted to. And yet, still, I would do this in my own time, when I was ready. When I thought… she would be ready too.

I open the door, intending to pass the remaining hour of the night in quiet solitude, but it is not to be.

In that hideously pink room, sitting atop my coffin, is a face I recognize. She has haunted me for years, stalking me in the night, taunting me. I wasn’t completely sure what her game was, but since we had chanced upon her camping out in the abandoned Goth Mansion, she had never left me alone.

Tonight her raven hair is wild and the only thing she wears is a smug expression on her face.

ROXANNE

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, KALI.

She smiles, licentious and unbridled, revealing her pearly, cat-like fangs.

She ignores what I say.

KALI

SO, YOU HAVE A LITTLE GUEST IN YOUR HOUSE.

I stood my ground, frowning.

She spoke softly now.

KALI

DO YOU LIKE HER?

IS SHE YOUR…

PET?

I grimaced.

ROXANNE

LEAVE HER ALONE.

She played coquette, bringing her hand to her face.

KALI

OH, I’VE MADE A SPARK IN YOU, HAVE I?

ROXANNE

YOU WON’T LAY A FINGER ON HER.

She toyed with me.

KALI

MAYBE NOT A FINGER.

I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER, YES, SOMETHING BETTER.

ROXANNE

SHE’S MINE.

She laughed at me.

KALI

YOU ARE A TRUE DELIGHT.

NO, I WOULD NOT DREAM OF STEALING YOUR LITTLE PRIZE.

AND ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR FIRST.

NO–

THAT IS SPECIAL.

I did not remove my eyes from her.

KALI

BESIDES, THOSE DAYS ARE FAR BEHIND ME.

I HAVE NO DESIRE TO TAKE ON A TINY MORTAL THING LIKE HER.

MY OFFSPRING LITTER THE GLOBE.

I RUN ACROSS THEM EVERY NOW AND THEN BUT THEY ARE ALL GROWN NOW AND MANAGE THEIR OWN AFFAIRS.

I LIKE IT THIS WAY.

I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THE CARE AND TAMING OF LITTLE CHILDREN ANYMORE.

She looked at her nails in a vain gesture that seemed misplaced and modern for an ancient warrior.

KALI

THAT IS, OF COURSE–

She looked up at me.

KALI

UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE MARKET?

I narrowed my eyes at her.

ROXANNE

I HAVE A MASTER.

She moved forward, still on my coffin, but she lowered her feet to the floor, keeping her legs neatly together.

KALI

YES, I AM AWARE OF YOUR LINEAGE.

IT IS WRITTEN ALL OVER YOU.

YES, YOU HAVE THAT FEROCITY, THAT FAITH–

BUT ALSO–

THE FLAWS.

ROXANNE

DO NOT SULLY HIS NAME.

She mocks me.

KALI

OH, NO–

I WOULDN’T DARE…

JUST–

Her eyes travel about in a show of false skittishness, and then she locks on to me.

KALI

WHY DO YOU PREY ON THE ITTY BITTY ANIMALS?

Her eyes were intense, a strange color, like fuchsia. I wasn’t sure I’d ever noticed them before.

KALI

DON’T YOU THINK THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?

ROXANNE

MY FEEDING HABITS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

She rose to her feet and stared at me with those eyes.

KALI

THEY ARE EVERYONE’S BUSINESS WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSKS BEHIND.

TAKING THE LIVES OF EARTH’S FAUNA IS LOATHSOME–

PARTICULARLY FOR ONE WHO CARRIES THE BLOOD OF THE ANCIENTS AS YOU DO–

BUT YOU ARE NOT A LOST CAUSE.

YOU ARE A PRETTY YOUNG THING WHO DESPERATELY NEEDS A GOOD TEACHER.

ROXANNE

I WOULD NEVER BETRAY MY MASTER.

KALI

AND I WOULD LIKE TO AVOID GETTING ON HIS BAD SIDE.

HE HAS SUCH A FOUL TEMPER, BUT I’M SURE YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY, DON’T YOU?

YES, IF YOU DON’T ALREADY, YOU WILL SOON.

IT IS JUST A PITY THAT HE HAS SO LITTLE TIME FOR YOU.

A LITTLE FLOWER WILL WITHER WITHOUT THE RAIN.

ROXANNE

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

KALI

OH, MY, I HAVE OFFENDED YOU.

IT IS TOO BAD, YOU REALLY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY.

ROXANNE

LEAVE.

NOW.

KALI

I DON’T HAVE TO BE TOLD TWICE.

I HOPE YOU’LL AT LEAST DO ME THE HONOR OF ENTERTAINING MY OFFER.

THINK ABOUT IT.

THINK OF WHAT WE COULD DO, WHAT WE COULD BE, TOGETHER.

AND UNLIKE HIM, I HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME ON MY HANDS.

ROXANNE

GO.

She grins.

KALI

YOU REALLY ARE JUST MY TYPE.

And she disappears into mist. Faced with a creature such as she, I can’t trust my senses that she’s truly gone. But I have no choice. The night is nearly gone.

In the pink room that still reminisces about the deceased, I climb into my coffin and smooth the wrinkles from my clothing. I pull the lid over my hiding place and expel air from my lungs.

Tomorrow is another day.

AVAEL 019: Oxytocin

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 23:59:00 -0500

( HE'LL TELL YOU HE'S THE KING OF THESE BARRIO STREETS )
( "DR. FEELGOOD" - MÖTLEY CRÜE )

I hadn’t really prepared for this exodus. No, it had been a “spur-of-the-moment” decision. I had entertained the thought before, imagined it, turned it over, played the scene like a movie inside my mind. But when Kevin and Cedric had ambushed me, cornered me like a dog, I had come to the conclusion that enough was enough.

I didn’t care if anyone saw me. Maybe they would tear off my shell, drive a stake through my chest, and set whatever remained ablaze. I knew that as soon as I left Astoria, that was a possible outcome. But I went anyway. If it happened, at least it would be more than idling in a cage. At least, I reasoned, I’d be going out on my own terms.

I traveled exclusively by night. It was winter now, so time was on my side. When I would see the first hints of dawn paint the sky, I would then find a dumpster, lift the lid, and conceal myself underneath piles of refuse. I would linger, half-awake, making no motion as people threw their waste over my body, having absolutely no knowledge of what lay beneath.

It was slow going. I knew I had to take the long way around, avoiding the river. But I was tired and sluggish. It had been days, maybe longer, since I had consumed blood. Not that those wretched plasma packs had ever filled me with much energy. But, it had been something. Now I was running on fumes.

Not that I craved that kind of life again. I had always assumed that the Doctor did not like to drink from animals. We had never lived that way, so I had never developed a taste for it. But when I had gone to live in Astoria… Well, I’d had no choice. I took what was given to me.

I had no idea what the most efficient route was to reach Brooklyn. I had a map in my offline data stores, but without access to the computing power of the wIntranet, I was left to figure out on my own what path to take. I had to be cautious. I needed quiet, backwater streets. I needed alleys cluttered with garbage cans and recycling bins. Rats were a bonus.

The metal plates that covered my body were cold. All the time. I was not explicitly bothered by the temperature, but it made the wiring stiff and resistant to my movements. But underneath it all, I had strength. I had resilience. I was still a vampire. I now often felt very estranged from that part of myself, but I knew it was there. Deep inside, I hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe, the Doctor could return me to my former glory.

He would be furious with me for running away. I knew “sorry” would never be enough. I worried about what I would have to do to regain his trust, prove to him that I was worth his time and effort after having already betrayed him once before.

But I couldn’t worry too much. I didn’t have the energy to spare. I just had to keep going.

While I hid during the day, I listened for the chatter of the rodents. I couldn’t understand their language, but it stilled my mind. Sometimes roaches skittered over my chasis. After a while, it did not bother or disgust me. The tiny pitter-patter kept me grounded within the passage of time. I had turned off my chronometer. I didn’t need it anymore.

I lost track of how long I wandered. Numbers would only discourage me, subtract from my morale. And I had so little of that. But as miniscule as it was, something still burned within me. I would keep going until I was in Gravesend. I would keep going until I reached the end of the line.

Once I got close enough, I froze the map. All I needed was the basic layout of the streets. On the map was a small symbol, a pale crucifix. There is no title, no label for this place, but I knew this is where I would find him.

As if mocking me, the sky darkens and begins to dump precipitation upon me. The air is cold, but not cold enough, and clumps of damp, wet snow flutter around me. Even a drop of water is a danger to my mechanical form, and I know I should stop. I should find shelter. I should wait for the storm to pass. But I am so close and I am so tired. I keep going.

The sidewalks had become slippery, so I am forced to minimize my stride to keep steady over the icy cement. The snow keeps the humans from venturing outside, and for that, I am grateful. I cannot be deterred, not now. If anyone does try to stop me, I plot, I could get out my guns. I had never yet used them and wasn’t even sure they worked, but that is what I decided I would do. I would shoot them dead.

My pace is glacial but I am still moving forward. I don’t really know how much longer I have but I am not worried about it. Even without the snowstorm, these streets are desolate, dotted with shuttered warehouses, overgrown brownfields, and the chop shops that stood as graveyards for abandoned automobiles.

My components cold and stiff, I keep trudging through the snow, and in what remains of my heart, I have all but given up hope when I sense, like a whisper, a presence I have not felt in what seems like forever. It is growing stronger, like a violin about to break into song. I know this feeling. I know who this is.

It is my Master.

I look up and though I cannot yet see him through the falling flakes, I know he is there. I know he approaches.

There is an electrical short in my systems and my visuals go out. I hadn’t been able to see much before, but now I am truly alone in the darkness.

And yet, hope burns inside me like a little furnace. He is here. He is coming.

Now that my screen has gone blank, it is unwise to continue what I had been doing. So, I stand still and wait for him. I can feel him drawing nearer to me. I am ready. I am not afraid.

His voice is music.

TRELAINE

BUTTERCUP.

IS THAT REALLY YOU?

I try to speak but it’s difficult. I hear an umbrella flap open.

AVAEL

INSIDE…

PLEASE.

MANDARC//

AVAEL - Are you out there? I just got to the magic school. Can we talk? I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I will come get you. Please just let me know you're OK.

MANDARC//

AVAEL, I care about you. I'm worried about you. We've got to stick together. None of us should be out there on our own.

MANDARC//

I hope you are okay. I am worried sick that someone has found you. Please, if you are able, let me know that you are alright.

MANDARC//

I'm not mad, I'm just worried. You can call anytime, day or night, and I'll come get you.

MANDARC//

Please don't forget about us, you and me, and how far we've come. We'll make things better for you. Just... please... come back.

MANDARC//

I'm watching the news every day, desperate to hear something. I miss you, AVAEL. You were always so good to me. I'm sorry I took that for granted. I see that now. I'm sorry for... everything.

MANDARC//

I've read over all our old chats. More times than I care to admit. I was an idiot. You were trying to say something to me all along but I was too stupid to realize it. Please, AVAEL. I'll come get you. Or... I won't. Whatever you want, whatever would make you happy. Please, I'm desperate. Just let me know you're OK.

In this state, I am unable to do much more than put one foot in front of the other. But the Doctor Trelaine is patient with me, keeping my pace. He holds the umbrella over me, and it does provide some relief, but the wet snow still wreaks havoc upon my delicate systems. I try to sustain myself with the warmth of his presence.

TRELAINE

I’M GOING TO CANCEL THIS EVENING’S SERMONS.

I know he hated to do this.

TRELAINE

WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE IT HOME TONIGHT, BUT WE’LL GO TOMORROW.

I’LL TAKE SOME TIME OFF.

I didn’t know what to say.

AVAEL

MY…

SCREEN.

ISN’T WORKING.

I CAN’T–

SEE YOU.

He paused.

TRELAINE

DO YOUR EYES STILL WORK?

AVAEL

I…

I DON’T KNOW.

TRELAINE

WE’LL FIND OUT.

AVAEL

MAYBE…

Talking was hard. Having a conversation bordered on the impossible.

AVAEL

YOU COULD JUST…

REPLACE IT…

FOR NOW.

He held back from what he wanted to say.

TRELAINE

MAYBE.

I could sense the Cathedral drawing closer. Here, inside this Shangri-la hid hundreds of vampires loyal to the cause. There were no specific auras I yet recognized, sure, there was something familiar about this buzzing but I couldn’t yet hear their voices. There were so many of them, the colors blended together into static, repetitive - and non-threatening.

The Doctor did not lead me to the house of worship. No, perhaps he remembered that though I always enjoyed his lectures, I did not like to enter that place. I did not like to don that hat, I did not like to idle in those pews. And the smell of incense had made me nauseous.

TRELAINE

WE’LL GO TO MY OFFICE.

YOU CAN REST THERE.

Finally the walls of the warehouse provided respite from the weather.

AVAEL

I DON’T…

SLEEP MUCH…

ANYMORE.

He laughed, and I could feel the circuitry loosen.

TRELAINE

… ME EITHER.

We were in a huge room now. I knew this place. Bookshelves lined the walls. This was his collection, the corpus of his knowledge on the vampiric condition, both fact and fantasy. This was no library; there were no cards in sleeves or date stamps. Everything here was free to take. What became missing would eventually be restocked.

We would have to make our way into the lower levels to find his sanctum. We walked slowly, and through it all, Lenard held my hand. I suppose it was one of the only parts of me not plated in metal. The glove kept me from the full sensation, and yet, it was a homecoming.

TRELAINE

I DIDN’T KNOW…

HE HAD DONE THIS TO YOU.

I knew who he referred to.

AVAEL

IT WASN’T…

JUST HIM.

… MARSCAPONE–

TRELAINE

THE LITTLE SQUIRT?

HE DID THIS?

I wanted to sit. But we still had a way to go. Compared to how far I had gone, how long it had been, we were almost there. But still…

AVAEL

THEY DID IT…

TOGETHER.

I THOUGHT…

IT WOULD HELP.

He tries to soothe me.

TRELAINE

SHH, SHH…

DON’T STRAIN YOURSELF.

WE’RE ALMOST THERE.

As we made our way through the safehold, the quiet around us made me suspicious. The Chaplain could scarcely place a foot inside this place without a cluster of congregants begging for his attention. And here we were, trodding steadily along without so much as a whisper from anyone. He was repelling them. But it did not bother me. I was grateful.

But there is one presence that rings clear to me as we walk. Clear as klaxon. And this aura was punctuated with dark brushstrokes - the telltale indication of a diablerist. She stood at the entrance to his office.

TRELAINE

VANESSA.

She is… his Childe.

VANESSA

NANAMI AND THE GIOVANNI ARE BRINGING THE OTHERS TONIGHT.

THEY’LL BE HERE IN–

TRELAINE

CANCEL THE MEETING.

She resisted.

VANESSA

CANCEL…

THE MEETING?

TRELAINE

YES, YOU HEARD ME, GIRL.

CANCEL–

THE DAMN–

MEETING!

VANESSA

…

AS YOU WISH…

MASTER.

And in an instant, the woman was gone. Lenard had long since regained use of his hands and now fumbled with keys. In there, I hoped, it would be just… he and I.

He finally gets the door open.

TRELAINE

COME ON IN.

If he hadn’t changed anything, I knew this place. This was his office. This was where he scribed his words of wisdom. This was where he brought those who needed his help. This was where he… worked his craft.

I sat on the couch. It hadn’t moved an inch in all these years. The only difference was… well - I sank into the cushions a fair bit more than I expected. I was… larger now.

What he did next surprised me.

He knelt before me.

TRELAINE

WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU, PUMPKIN?

His voice was quiet and mournful, and yet, I could hear the rage.

AVAEL

I’M USED TO IT NOW.

But that wasn’t good enough for him.

TRELAINE

I WANT THESE GONE.

I didn’t know what to say.

TRELAINE

WHY–

WHY THE SCREEN?

He meant my face.

AVAEL

THAT…

I…

ASKED FOR THAT.

I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE MYSELF ANYMORE.

I DIDN’T WANT THEM…

TO SEE THAT.

He stood up. I could hear him turn from me. He might have been glancing over his bookshelves; I wasn’t really sure.

TRELAINE

AVAELLE…

I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW…

TO HANDLE THIS.

THESE…

MATERIALS–

THIS IS HIS HANDIWORK.

His voice became clearer when he turned to face me again.

TRELAINE

HOW DO YOU DRINK?

It was embarrassing to talk about this.

AVAEL

THERE’S…

A HINGE–

He expels air from his lungs. Yes, it would disgust him.

TRELAINE

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING LIKE THIS?

…

IF I HAD KNOWN…

He was angry, but I? This was what I had become. The emotions were behind me now. I had long ago accepted this.

AVAEL

IT IS…

OK–

TRELAINE

OK?!

YOU THINK THIS IS OK?

LOOK WHAT THEY’VE DONE TO YOU!

THIS IS ANYTHING BUT “OK”!

He paused.

TRELAINE

IF I DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW YOU…

I had known he would be displeased with what I was now. The wires and circuitry that were not just a shell but were threaded within my form… that would be completely alien, foreign to him. I knew it would be no simple task for him to undo this work. Switches and logic gates were embedded in my body and sometimes, often, I felt more machine than Man.

Trying to make sense of the world around them, many vampires thought of the Doctor Trelaine as the local big boss of the Clan Tzimisce. Though he loved to preach, it was his mastery of Vicissitude that had earned him fame in the tri-state area and beyond. Mortals and Immortals alike came to this place seeking his ability to morph their flesh and bone into anything they desired. And usually, once they arrived, they never left.

I had hoped the Doctor could free me, liberate me, heal me. But maybe I had not thought this through.

Part of me was glad I could not see the disappointment on his face.

TRELAINE

THIS…

IS A LOT, AVAELLE.

I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO APPROACH THIS.

I WANT TO DO THIS RIGHT.

I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU.

I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE QUEEN.

He lowered his voice, as if speaking to himself.

TRELAINE

I HAD NO IDEA HE COULD STILL DO THESE THINGS…

I wanted to correct him. It had been Kevin, Kevin Marscapone, who had soldered these joins. But I thought better of it.

TRELAINE

THIS IS…

HORRIFYING.

I AM…

ENRAGED.

WE WILL HAVE OUR REVENGE, YOU AND I.

… YES:

REVENGE.

AND I WILL FIX YOU, FIX THIS… MESS.

EVEN IF SHE CANNOT…

He raised his voice.

TRELAINE

I WILL.

He must have been looking down at me now, standing while I sat, motionless, upon the sofa.

TRELAINE

DO YOU SLEEP?

…

ARE YOU…

ABLE?

I looked up, still seeing nothing.

AVAEL

… SOMETIMES.

He might have been smiling now.

TRELAINE

GOOD.

YOU WILL NEED YOUR STRENGTH.

WE WILL GO HOME TOMORROW.

FOR NOW, REST.

WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

I’M GOING TO PUT SOME DUCKS IN A LINE AND GET RIGHT INTO IT.

I’LL TAKE SOME TIME OFF.

WE’LL BE TOGETHER.

He was close to me now and I could feel his gaze upon me. He put his hand on my shoulder, metallic though it was.

TRELAINE

I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU.

Soon, he leaves me alone in the dark. It was completely quiet now and I was aware again of the little clicks and chirps of my components. Usually I could not hear these tiny bits of chatter but here, in this place, in the absolute silence, I was all too cognisant of what made me different.

But still, something inside me refused to become mired in shame.

My mind wanders as the sound of data flowing soothes me to sleep. There are no sheep here, no lullabies. Just… black.

The last thing I hear before slipping into the abyss arrives in my consciousness without my permission. It is a sound, a voice, a joke.

I think, there, in that place, I had laughed. Yes, I had tried to do that, back then. That tinny, mechanical utteration that strained every fiber of my being.

I am there again, for an instant. Before I fall into the realms beyond word, I hear him again, and remember the warmth of what we had shared.

CEDRIC

I YAM WHAT I YAM.

I know I have entered the realm of fantasy because here, and now, I can see.

My hands draw to my face and though it is all fake, unreal, I feel something estranged to me, and yet, intimately familiar. I have cheeks and… a chin. A nose. Eyes. My hair is drawn back upon my skull, but it is there too. All of it, as it once was.

I am beautiful again.

I push my hands into my skin, testing my senses. This must be long ago, I realize. Long, long ago. I am warm to the touch and I can feel blood in my cheeks, not… on them.

I am in a forest, but it is not complete wilderness. No, I have an idea of where I am, but only because I’ve seen it on television, not because I had any personal experience.

I’m… camping.

My faceless companions bustle about, preparing a meal, tending the firepit. They wear modern clothing, and, as I look down at myself, I realize that I blend right in.

I have never been here. This is all a dream.

I feel overwhelmed by this place, and the chaotic motion of the humans around me does not help.

Trying to steady myself, I lower to the ground to take a seat. I sit cross-legged, and I am very aware of my naked skin as tiny rocks in the dirt press into my flesh. I am wearing… shorts. Again, I reminded myself, none of this is real.

I looked around, trying to lose myself in the twilight. The sun still kept the sky blue, the trunks brown, the leaves…

It must be summer, I realized, and filled my nostrils with the scent of burning wood–

But it is all a distraction. I feel a tiny twitching on my bare legs and look down.

I panic at the sight of them, scores of tiny, filthy, black mosquitoes, all piercing my skin.

Stealing my blood.

I swat at myself, desperate to discourage them. I cannot even discern whether my efforts are fruitful; in my frenzy I leap to my feet and start dancing around in the vain hope that they will find me a difficult target and leave me alone.

Don’t take my blood, I beg and plead. Don’t take my blood, my blood is–

And that is when I see him. His face is soft and gentle, accented by little wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. He smiles at me, tender and kind, and I forget about all the blooddrinkers.

MR. EASTON

PUDDIN’, DO YOU NEED HELP?

I hadn’t seen him in almost two hundred years.

AVAEL

DADDY?

He smiles.

MR. EASTON

OF COURSE, SUGAR LUMPS.

I rush forward to hug him. I forget about trying to figure out truth from fiction, here in this moment, it doesn’t matter anymore.

We pull apart and look at each other. His eyes are wet with the hint of tears.

MR. EASTON

IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

YOU LOOK HEALTHY.

Oh, Father. If you only knew.

AVAEL

WHERE ARE WE?

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

He gave a little tut.

MR. EASTON

GOOD GRACIOUS ME, AVAELLE.

ALWAYS WITH THE QUESTIONS.

I look around us. Without my notice, the people busying themselves preparing food have disappeared. It is now just the two of us in the clearing. And the fire is dangerously low on fuel and threatens to snuff out.

MR. EASTON

CAN I GET YOU A BANDAGE?

IT SEEMS I’VE MISPLACED THE LIQUID STUFF.

AVAEL

A BANDAID?

FOR… WHAT?

And the pain, like an electrical shock, ripples through my nerves. I bring my hand to my face and see it.

A long, deep cut runs down my fingertip, splitting the skin. Bright red blood oozes from the wound. This one might scar.

I stare at it, petrified, as everything around me begins to fade into black.

My father, too, seems to dissolve as I cannot tear my eyes from the injury. I feel queasy and sick.

MR. EASTON

YOU WERE…

CUTTING THE APPLES…

The vision fades as I clamber back into consciousness. I was leaving this place and re-entering the real world.

I know I am there again because of the quiet in my ears and the blackness in my eyes. My body is here, locked beneath aluminum and steel. My fangs are here, hidden behind a malfunctioning LCD. But my heart?

Perhaps my heart is still in the Dream.

When the Doctor Trelaine returns to me, I don’t mention what I’ve seen in his absence. It was the first thing I’d witnessed like that in… I don’t even know how long - but I let it go and try to focus on the here and now. I cannot look back, I must keep moving forward.

TRELAINE

YOU CAN’T…

USE QUICK TRAVEL ANYMORE–

CAN YOU?

I look toward his voice but cannot muster a sufficient response.

TRELAINE

I…

DIDN’T THINK SO.

I CALLED A CAR.

WE’LL BE HOME SOON.

I am still on the sofa. He sits down next to me and puts his hand on mine.

TRELAINE

AVAELLE…

I AM SO SORRY.

I DIDN’T KNOW…

There is a knock on the door. There is something I think I recognize in it but I can’t be sure.

His hand remains on mine as he speaks. He gives me a tiny squeeze.

TRELAINE

I’M SORRY, I HAVE TO TAKE THIS.

We are parted as he goes to answer the summons.

His voice is quiet and strained as he speaks into the doorway. My spirit melts at what he says. I had been dreading this.

TRELAINE

LITTLE ONE.

I NEED YOU TO STAY HERE FOR A WHILE.

I’LL CALL YOU.

AVAELLE

…

YES, I UNDERSTAND.

BE WELL.

SEE YOU SOON.

He closes the door and we are alone again. He rejoins me on the couch.

TRELAINE

AVAELLE…

I…

THERE IS A LOT WE MUST DISCUSS.

He speaks carefully. I do too.

AVAEL

I KNOW ABOUT HER.

SHE DOESN’T BOTHER ME.

But I don’t like the way it comes out.

TRELAINE

YOU DON’T KNOW…

EVERYTHING.

PLANS CHANGED WHEN YOU LEFT.

… I DIDN’T THINK I’D EVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

And yet, here I was.

AVAEL

IT IS FINE.

He resisted me.

TRELAINE

I APPRECIATE YOUR COMPASSION…

BUT STILL.

I say nothing.

TRELAINE

YOU MUST KNOW–

SHE NEVER REPLACED YOU.

SHE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

… VERY…

DIFFERENT.

Losing myself, I speak my mind.

AVAEL

AND YET, YOU GAVE HER MY NAME.

I could scarcely believe what I’d said. He considers his words.

TRELAINE

WHEN YOU LEFT, I DESPAIRED.

I FELL INTO THE VOID.

I COULD THINK OF LITTLE ELSE BUT WHAT HAD BEEN.

… WHAT I HAD LOST.

I didn’t want to hurt him, so I withdrew.

AVAEL

I MISSED YOU, TOO.

I thought I could hear him smile. He raised his hands toward my form, desperate for touch.

TRELAINE

WE’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FACE.

He had never been a glam’rous man.

AVAEL

I AM SURE WE CAN REPLACE IT.

He drew back.

TRELAINE

I…

I HOPE SO.

We sit there for a moment, stewing in the silence.

He then speaks, brightly.

TRELAINE

OUR CAR IS HERE.

LET’S GO, DARLING.

LET’S GO HOME.

Behind it all, I can’t be sure, but I think, I suspect, I am smiling.

AVAEL

YES.

LET’S.

VATORE 014: Haute Cuisine

Sun, 05 Jan 2025 21:53:00 -0500

At this point, I had been in New Jersey for… well. Years. There were still things that mystified me - the dividers on the highways, the full-service gas stations, and where exactly that local twang came from. Though I still felt a stranger, an implant, I smiled and kept on. Love had brought me here and love would make me remain.

My childhood had been quiet and lonely. I had my father, my sister, and occasionally my cousins, but growing up in Straud’s realm had left me isolated. I never knew the joy of spontaneous friendship, the kinds of bonds that are formed on playgrounds and over schoolbooks. Such camaraderie was the stuff of books and fairytales. And reading never came easily to me; letters and figures danced around before my eyes and made me regret having opened the tomes in the first place.

But I deeply desired to visit the foreign places I had heard rumor of. Father would read aloud to me and by candlelight, white castles rose from fields of green and valiant knights vanquished evil. And, of course, I dreamt of a princess.

I think everyone yearns to be loved. I know I did. I strove to be good when I was bad, brave when I was scared, experienced when I was ignorant, all in the hopes of earning the favor of someone fair and kind.

Even after I had grown tall, I knew I didn’t always make the right decisions. I suppose my Father would say I was thinking with my heart rather than my head. But I had never looked inside myself to see if I even possessed such organs. If they had ever once worked, they certainly didn’t work anymore.

Somewhere, deep inside my inner feelings, I had regrets about coming here. Sometimes I was deeply afraid, even terrified, of Trente Gagarin. If I could say one thing of Straud and his lackeys, it was that they were predictable. They were exactly what they presented themselves to be: Cedric was an obnoxious asshole, Mandarc was afraid of his own shadow, and Straud - well, Straud was Straud.

But Trente was different. I had discovered that fact soon after coming to live here with her. It was not just her temper - I had seen her snap at me plenty of times before - nor was it simply the drawing back of the curtain. I had lived with my sister so I liked to think I was not entirely bewildered by the opposite sex - but Trente was something else entirely.

She ruled over the house with an iron fist. Everyone seemed to revolve around her like little planets. The Charm girls asked her to help them with their homework. Eriolanna sought advice on what foods to buy, which programs they should watch, how to best dress the children. And me? I fell right into the routine.

I adored Trente. I always had. I loved how her rose-colored hair curled into the small of her back. I loved how she commanded respect from everyone around her. I loved to hear her laugh at her own jokes when she thought she’d said something funny. But maybe most of all, I loved to watch the others grovel at her feet. Yes, that was my favorite.

TRENTE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, CALEB?

She came up behind me but did not startle me. I had known she was there. I had heard her in the bathroom. I had heard her sorting through her closet.

CALEB

OH, JUST PLAYING A GAME.

TRENTE

ONE OF YOUR SIMULATORS?

CALEB

YEAH, MY PEOPLE SIM JUST GOT AN UPDATE.

TRENTE

FASCINATING.

I could hear her walking closer to me but I did not want to pause yet; I was in the middle of doing something.

CALEB

THEY SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCED LOADING TIMES ACROSS THE BOARD.

SOME OF THEM ARE EVEN SKIPPABLE NOW, WHICH IS AWESOME.

AND THEY ADDED A NEW TUTORIAL–

TRENTE

NEAT-O.

I can feel her now right behind me, but I’m still not quite finished. She looks at my screen.

TRENTE

EVERYONE LOOKS SO HAPPY THERE.

CALEB

YEAH, I GUESS IT’S A LITTLE KIDDIE BUT IT’S A BIG NOSTALGIA HIT FOR ME.

TAKES ME BACK–

TRENTE

TO… WHERE, EXACTLY?

She has pressed her naked breasts against my back. I can feel her warmth on the back of my neck. She was not always like this, usually she was just as cold as the rest of us, but at other times…

I totally forgot what she had asked me.

CALEB

UM…

WHAT?

She brings her cheek against the side of my face and now I can feel her jaw move as she whispers to me.

TRENTE

I ASKED:

WHAT DOES THE GAME MAKE YOU REMEMBER?

Right, I mentioned nostalgia.

CALEB

UH…

WELL–

NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, JUST…

Y’KNOW.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG…

She runs her hands down my sides, starting at my shoulders and then slowly working her way down my arms.

TRENTE

DID YOU LIKE BEING YOUNG?

The game is still running but I cannot pause it. All I can do is watch it tick through.

CALEB

IT WAS…

OKAY…

TRENTE

JUST…

OKAY?

In an instant, she flips around and appears in my lap, legs on either side of my body. Sometimes she liked to wear a negligee of lace and silk, but that day was not today.

She was heavy, but her weight was not burdensome. Rather, she was just exceptionally… present - there on my legs, her warm skin radiating through my clothing.

CALEB

UH…

UM…

Youth - young - being young - childhood?

Her blue eyes pierced my resolve. Her lips were ruby-red, and she smiled, hiding her fangs.

CALEB

IT WAS…

ALRIGHT, BUT…

I THINK I LIKE BEING AN ADULT MORE.

She flutters her eyelids, her lashes seeming to scintillate in the low light.

TRENTE

YES, I THINK SO TOO.

She lingers for a moment and then becomes light as a feather, leaping from my lap with a quick but flamboyant gesture.

She lands very precisely in a set of black heels, facing away from me. Her back is covered in a shower of pink hair, but her rump and the back of her knees kept the pose obscene.

I swivel in my chair to take in the view, watching her with rapt attention.

As for the video game, I could always reload from the last save.

TRENTE

SO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES…

NEVER ENOUGH TIME…

BUT I DO THINK THE POSITIVES OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES…

She walks very slowly away from me, taking great care to sway her hips and place one foot in front of the other.

TRENTE

DON’T YOU?

Positives… Negatives…

CALEB

…

She removes a sheer robe from a hook and wraps it around herself. The garment is embellished with delicate white feathers. I am silent as she places her hands underneath her hair and lifts so that it again trails down her back.

TRENTE

CALEB?

I tried to remember what we’d been talking about.

CALEB

… WHAT?

She turns her head so that I can see her in profile.

TRENTE

DO YOU KNOW THE WORST PART ABOUT BEING A CHILD?

I supposed she didn’t really want my answer here.

CALEB

W-WHAT–

YOUR… UHM…

M-MA-MAJESTY?

She turns around to face me and because she has no belt, she holds her lingerie shut.

TRENTE

WE HADN’T YET FOUND EACH OTHER.

I think my mouth was hanging open. It felt… dry.

CALEB

WELL…

I SUPPOSE YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT M-ME, BUT…

I’D SEEN YOU IN MY DREAMS.

She smiled and began to walk toward me, letting the garment flow freely.

TRENTE

AND…

YOU WAITED FOR ME, DIDN’T YOU CALEB?

I try to swallow but it doesn’t seem to do much.

CALEB

Y-YES, YOUR MAJESTY.

I WAS SURE YOU WERE REAL.

She smiled.

TRENTE

SO BEAUTIFUL, THAT…

LOYALTY.

She ran her tongue over her red lips, enunciating the next thing she said.

TRENTE

I LOVE IT.

I said nothing.

TRENTE

CALEB?

She sat down on the floor before me with the utmost grace. She places one hand splayed out on the floor to support herself and runs the other up my pantleg.

It tickles.

CALEB

Y-YES?

She tugs at my clothing.

TRENTE

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

IS THAT OKAY?

Why would she even bother asking me for permission? I smile weakly on just one side of my face.

CALEB

Y-YEAH…

A-A-ANYTHING…

She runs her hands back down my leg and removes my slippers. We sit in silence for a moment, and then we lock eyes.

TRENTE

I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A BABY.

Uh… What? My mind goes blank. Completely blank.

CALEB

YOU WANT A WHAT?

TRENTE

A BABY, CALEB.

I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A BABY.

I’m so confused, so stupified, I do something incredibly foolish.

I laugh.

CALEB

YOU WANT A WHAT?

Her face becomes serious. She frowns and withdraws her touch. She speaks very carefully.

TRENTE

A BABY, CALEB.

I WANT A BABY.

It was kind of hard to match her mood here. I suppose I was so uncomfortable it was all I could do to open my mouth in some dumb dopey grin, completely baffled.

CALEB

TRENTE–

WE’RE…

VAMPIRES.

Her eyebrows drew together in displeasure. Her blue eyes glowered at me.

TRENTE

DO YOU THINK I’M AN IDIOT?

Shit. I’d made her angry.

TRENTE

DO YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT I CAN AND CAN’T DO?

I’d insulted her.

CALEB

NO–

I–

She reaches up, takes hold of my pants, and pulls. The clothing comes off in one fell swoop. She leaves it on the floor between us.

TRENTE

ARE YOU…

She opens her mouth, revealing her perfectly white, extremely sharp, fangs. And her eyes seemed to glow as tiny embers.

TRENTE

REFUSING ME?

She climbs up to her knees and places her body between my naked legs. I can feel that heat.

CALEB

N-NO!

I WOULD NEVER REFUSE YOU!

YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT!

I sat there in my computer chair and I am very aware that the only thing that divides us is a pair of flimsy boxer shorts. Not that I thought that would stop her.

CALEB

… JUST–

She may have been a moon princess, my fairytale Queen, an angel from another dimension, but me?

CALEB

I…

UH…

I looked down in shame.

CALEB

I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THAT.

My gaze wandered to the side, into the room, the furniture, the paintings…

TRENTE

AND WHY NOT?

CALEB

… BECAUSE–

I looked toward my leg, speckled with a thin layer of hair.

CALEB

I DON’T THINK I MAKE…

SEMEN.

She thrust her hand between my legs, her thumb around my erect member and her fingers wrapped around my testicles.

TRENTE

THEN WHAT DO YOU THINK THESE ARE FOR?

Our eyes now met. I stammered. I was not in any condition to answer her questions.

CALEB

WELL…

W-WE WERE M-MADE IN THEIR IMAGE–

Her eyes burned with fury.

TRENTE

WRONG, CALEB!

I could feel her nails press ever so slightly into my scrotum.

TRENTE

WRONG!

She dismounts me and stands before me, her lingerie falling about her naked frame. She points toward herself emphatically.

TRENTE

THEY WERE MADE IN OUR IMAGE!

GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!

CALEB

I…

UH…

BUT, MY LADY–

She tuts to reprimand me.

CALEB

YOUR HIGHNESS–

I’VE NEVER–

I felt a stiffness in my muscles as if blood would rise to my cheeks, but it never happens.

CALEB

I’VE NEVER–

I hated words.

CALEB

EJACULATED.

She looked at me, and her expression softened into what I could only assume was pity.

TRENTE

NEVER?

YOU’VE NEVER COME TO CLIMAX?

I looked at her pleadingly.

TRENTE

NOT ONCE?

NOT EVEN… BEFORE?

I pulled down my t-shirt. It had come askew when she had leapt from my person.

I cannot escape.

CALEB

N-NO, MY HIGHNESS.

I felt tiny.

CALEB

NEVER.

She folded her arms beneath her breasts, looking away and sparing me those intense eyes.

TRENTE

HUMPF.

Then she turned away, going to retrieve one of her long silken dressing gowns from the wall.

I did not have anything to say, it had been completely exhausting to get this far.

She speaks quietly without looking at me, but with an odd determination.

TRENTE

WELL, THAT’S ONE THING THAT’S GOING TO CHANGE.

My eyebrows raise in astonishment.

CALEB

YOUR–

I attempt to address her but she interjects and I forget myself a moment, my mouth hanging open.

TRENTE

ONE THING OF MANY.

She looked at me now, each of us no longer strained by the nakedness.

TRENTE

I’M GOING TO CHANGE THAT, CALEB.

I looked at her, feeling helpless.

CALEB

HOW?

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE ME?

She smiled gently, raising her hand to beckon me.

TRENTE

COME HERE.

I did as she asked. She was still wearing those shoes.

She laid her head against me and began to stroke my hair. My hands found their way first to her shoulders, then around her back. Her body was cooler now, but I could still feel her heat, just slightly more than my own. Her hair smelled of lavender.

TRENTE

I HAVE IDEAS.

Friday Perkins had arrived about a month and a half ago. As I understood it, the new house located just down the way from ours belonged to her. I had, years ago, met her a handful of times but even then I hadn’t had much to say. It had been strange to have a mage in the Forgotten Hollow but it hadn’t been my business. She was Mandarc’s girl.

I had later heard that she’d run off with some wizard and gone to the Midwest. And I had assumed that was the end of that.

The world of the Enchanted seemed very separate from my own. There were times it intersected my quite dull existence, I suppose. I stepped out of my comfort zone once to attend one of Davian’s parties. But it wasn’t until I came here that I became bathed in the arcane.

With every passing day, I had to buck up and put on a good face, pretending I was unphased by what everyone else took as commonplace. At first, Trente Gagarin had seemed like any other vampire. Exceptional, yes, powerful, yes. And I had learned long ago that every vampire suffered in his or her own way. But certain qualities came up again and again. Trente avoided the sun, had strength and speed far in excess of any Mortal man - and of course, those two wicked teeth in place of the incisors. But evidence kept mounting that she was something else. Not only could she conduct rituals to move entire houses across the country, now she insisted that she could become pregnant? My own ability to walk in the daylight, once a point of pride for me, seemed wholly and utterly pedestrian.

I don’t know how Friday got my number. She never introduced herself or made any pleasantries. She just started talking to me as if we’d always been friends.

FRIDAY//

Hey Caleb. How's it going?

CALEB//

Darkly.

FRIDAY//

Glad to hear it. Hey, is the Queen around?

CALEB//

Not as far as I know. She put the kids to bed and went out. Why?

FRIDAY//

Oh, well. I don't know. I didn't have an appointment or anything, I was just wondering if I could talk to her. D'you know when she'll be back?

CALEB//

She didn't say.

FRIDAY//

Oh. Okay.

...So, how you been?

CALEB//

Okay. Why?

FRIDAY//

Just asking.

CALEB//

I'm playing a game. What are you doing?

FRIDAY//

Leafing through a book.

CALEB//

Nice.

FRIDAY//

Say, hey, I'm going to ask you something totally off the cuff and it's okay if you don't know the answer, I just... well - they say the only dumb questions are the ones you don't ask.

CALEB//

Fire away.

FRIDAY//

Do you know if Mandarc has any of my spellbooks?

CALEB//

Mandarc? Uh... well I haven't been back there for a while.

FRIDAY//

Yeah, I get that. I just... Well, I woulda left 'em there in like... 2020 or whatever. You were there then.

CALEB//

Yeah, I was.

FRIDAY//

Well, I was just wondering--

CALEB//

Well, I wasn't in the habit of going over to Widowshild much. And especially not after Mandarc starting living there.

FRIDAY//

Was it unoccupied before that?

CALEB//

Yeah, I suppose so, like I said, I never went over there much. Dad never encouraged us to go roaming around the neighborhood. I'd hang in the churchyard from time to time, but--

FRIDAY//

When did Mandarc start living there?

CALEB//

I... uh - don't really know, exactly.

FRIDAY//

If you had to take a guess...?

CALEB//

I don't know. It was a while after Dad passed. And you were there in... what?

FRIDAY//

2018.

CALEB//

Huh. Okay. Well I guess it was... idk. 14, 15, 16, something like that. I don't really remember.

FRIDAY//

Really? That's it?

CALEB//

What do you mean?

FRIDAY//

Well, I dunno, I guess... The way the two of them were so close, I figured he'd been there a lot longer than that.

CALEB//

Mandarc and Straud?

FRIDAY//

Yeah.

CALEB//

I don't know if Straud can get by without a manservant. Before Mandarc, he had Weaslie.

FRIDAY//

Weaslie?

CALEB//

Yeah - the old man. I think they'd traveled together for a while. A long time. At least, as far as I ever knew him.

FRIDAY//

How long d'you think--

CALEB//

I don't really know. I think Straud picked him up in Ireland or Scotland or some shit. He always had a thick heavy accent and half the time I didn't know what the fuck he was trying to say.

FRIDAY//

Oh... Huh. I see.

CALEB//

He disappeared for a while, but then he came back. And then about the time Mandarc came around - well I guess it was after that - he never came back. And Mandarc lived at the mansion--

FRIDAY//

Yeah now that you mention it, maybe I met him--

CALEB//

I don't know if you did.

FRIDAY//

Yeah... maybe not. I dunno.

CALEB//

You were looking for spellbooks?

FRIDAY//

Uh, yeah. I thought maybe I left them with Mandarc. I mean... I was in a lot of places after I left the school so I'm not, like, 100% sure... just--

CALEB//

Yeah, I'm sorry I can't really help you. I wasn't over there all that much and I wouldn't really know what to look for.

FRIDAY//

That's alright. Thanks anyway. I'll figure it out.

CALEB//

Do you want me to text you when the Queen gets back? It's usually late and you'll probably be asleep--

FRIDAY//

Naw, it's alright. Don't worry about it. I'll catch up with her tomorrow. Thanks anyway. Sleep well when you get there.

CALEB//

Thanks, you too.

FRIDAY//

Night.

Talking to Friday had reminded me about promises, commitments I’d made to myself. My father’s orchards had meant everything to him. Sometimes I’d even thought they’d meant more to him than me and my sister. But I tried not to think too much about that.

When he’d died, I’d tried to take over the care of the trees. But I wasn’t serious about it and the harvests suffered. Straud brought in various help, Cedric, Makoa, even Mandarc stuck his nose in from time to time but I think he was more interested in consuming the fruit rather than cultivating it. Sometimes Quarq had showed up but that had been awkward even before he started courting my sister.

No, truly in my heart of hearts, I felt that the taming and care of the fruit was my responsibility. It was one of my regrets in coming here - I hadn’t brought any of the supplies with me. To tell the truth, I don’t know that Trente would have wanted to clutter her carefully manicured lawn with plasma fruit trees, but still - I wondered if there was anything I could do to bring my dream to life.

Father had believed that through the fruit, it would be possible for our kind to subsist without taking from humanity, or any other animal for that matter. It was a beautiful vision. Utopia, even. I didn’t want to abandon everything he had worked so hard for.

I did not know how to broach this topic with Trente. She had her own ideas of how to properly stave off Frenzy.

The Queen maintained what vampires referred to as a “herd”. Her fame as a voice actress made this easy - it seemed that when people recognized her voice as something they’d heard before on their little noiseboxes, they would bend over backwards, do just about anything to hear her speak some more.

Sometimes, many times, she would go out of the house in the evenings and I would have no idea what it was that she was doing. But other times she brought the humans back for us to entertain together. It had been difficult at first, as I really had nothing in common with these people. But I worked on my schmoozing and tried to find the interests we had in common. Trente encouraged me to play games, watch television, listen to music, all so I’d have something to fuel small talk. It was a far cry from how I’d been brought up.

Trente had the magnificent ability to work a room. She could tell a story about the most banal happening and she would have them crowded around her, eager for more. She would answer their silly questions, embellishing her stories with detail and nuance to make the commonplace into something fantastic. And then, without fail, she’d deliver some witticism as her punchline and leave them all in stitches. Her confidence was infectious, but I kept it at arm’s length, not daring to touch that which was so completely hers. I just smiled and went along for the ride. That was, of course, until I realized something.

She was training me.

TRENTE//

Caleb - Are the children asleep?

CALEB//

Yeah. Eri put them to bed an hour ago.

TRENTE//

Did they make a fuss?

CALEB//

No, I don't think so. I wasn't really listening. But I didn't hear much.

TRENTE//

Can you check on them for me?

CALEB//

...

Yeah, they're asleep.

TRENTE//

Good. I am bringing a few friends over. Can you get some of the good cheese out of the refrigerator and prepare a little something? And grab a bottle of wine.

CALEB//

Which one?

TRENTE//

It doesn't really matter what you choose. Pick the one with the prettiest label.

CALEB//

Alright.

TRENTE//

Wait to open it until we get there.

CALEB//

Can do.

TRENTE//

Wear your Sunday best.

The house was always quiet at this hour of the night. Though I very much enjoyed the sunlight - working in the garden brought me great peace - I had also come to relish this time of the day. No stampeding footsteps upon the staircase, no televisions blaring, no incomprehensible incantations… But I would not be permitted to savor the silence, for tonight, my Queen and I would be playing host and hostess.

I had just finished arranging crackers upon a tray when I feel Trente summon me to the door.

I did not always understand the etiquette of telepathic communication, but thankfully, my mistress was patient.

TRENTE

CALEB!

HELLO–

WE’RE HERE.

FINALLY.

TRAFFIC WAS A BITCH.

I hold the door open. The wind is vicious and unforgiving. I am surprised - there is but one guest clinging close to the Queen’s shadow.

TRENTE

I’M SORRY WE’RE LATE.

LILY, THIS IS CALEB.

CALEB, LILITH.

LILITH PLEASANT.

My focus wavers. But still, I smile.

CALEB

NICE TO MEET YOU, LILITH.

COME ON IN, IT’S COLD OUT HERE.

We gladly enter the foyer and the women remove their shoes and coats. As if addressing my confusion, the voice of my Queen reverberates in my mind.

TRENTE

(SORRY I DIDN’T BRING ALL OF THEM.)

(THE OTHERS CUT OUT EARLY.)

(BUT LILITH IS NICE.)

(YOU’LL LIKE HER.)

I still really wasn’t sure how telepathy with her worked. Could she read anything I thought, or only the words I intended? Could she sense even what I tried to keep private? I spoke, rather than dwell in the anxiety of what she could and couldn’t see.

CALEB

SO, LILITH.

DO YOU LIVE IN THE CITY?

LILITH

YEAH, I DO.

I LIVE WITH MY SISTER IN MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS.

I had to search my memories for that one.

CALEB

IS THAT…

THE BRONX?

LILITH

NO, MANHATTAN.

BETWEEN THE UPPER WEST SIDE AND HARLEM.

AROUND THE UNIVERSITY.

CALEB

VERY NICE.

ARE YOU A STUDENT THERE?

She scoffs.

LILITH

ME?

HA, NOPE.

MY SISTER IS A POST-DOC THERE.

I JUST HELP PAY THE RENT.

CALEB

HEY, IT WORKS.

The Queen, having now donned her house slippers, takes over the conversation.

TRENTE

CALEB–

I’M GOING TO SHOW LILY UP TO THE SITTING ROOM UPSTAIRS.

CAN YOU GRAB THE SNACKS AND MEET US UP THERE?

WHAT DO YOU DRINK, LILY?

LILITH

OH, ANYTHING, DOESN’T MATTER TO ME.

WINE?

Trente smiles.

TRENTE

WE HAVE PLENTY.

WE ARE A WINE HOUSE.

They disappear upstairs and I am alone for a moment. But I know I cannot linger too long in the quiet. The Queen had a certain rhythm, a cadence she liked to maintain at her gatherings. If her guests had to wait for food, that just would not do. No, not at all.

The wind howled at the windows, rattling them in their frames. I looked at the cheese plate, which I had set to warm to room temperature underneath a dome of glass. I remove the cover and look at the food. It doesn’t smell like much, and for that I am grateful. But the cheese has a dull sheen that reminds me of plastic. I dump a few more crackers on the plate and ascend the stairs.

When I get there, Trente and her guest have already opened another bottle of wine.

TRENTE

CALEB!

I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND US STARTING WITHOUT YOU–

APPARENTLY WE ALREADY HAD A BOTTLE UP HERE.

CALEB

THAT’S FINE.

NO WORRIES.

A blush has already spread over Lilith’s face. That was fast.

TRENTE

LILY WAS JUST TELLING ME ABOUT THE LAST MOVIE SHE SAW IN THE THEATERS.

She turned to face her friend, away from me.

TRENTE

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF IT AGAIN?

But we had to wait for Lilith to finish her faceful of wine. She swallows indelicately.

LILITH

OH–

YEAH–

I WENT TO GO SEE NOSFERATU.

The Queen looked back at me with those blue eyes.

TRENTE

IT SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO SEE IT.

I gathered my focus. But I was off-center.

LILITH

THERE HAVE BEEN MANY VERSIONS OF IT MADE, BUT THIS IS THE NEWEST ONE.

TRENTE

I SUPPOSE THE ORIGINAL MUST BE NEARING…

A HUNDRED YEARS OLD AT THIS POINT.

LILITH

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

She took another sizable swig of wine.

LILITH

THE FIRST ONE IS A SILENT MOVIE.

They were sitting on the floor, cross-legged. I did not want to join them on the carpet, but I had no choice.

LILITH

THE…

CINEMATOGRAPHY WAS GREAT THOUGH.

IT WASN’T IN BLACK AND WHITE–

I SUPPOSE THAT WOULDN’T GO OVER WELL WITH AUDIENCES–

BUT CERTAIN SCENES SEEMED TO HEARKEN BACK TO THAT LEGACY.

TRENTE

I’VE SEEN THE ONE THEY PUT OUT IN THE SEVENTIES, BUT IT DIDN’T REALLY CAPTURE MY INTEREST.

IT WAS…

TOO LONG.

The Queen raises her glass, but does not drink.

TRENTE

I PROPOSE A TOAST, NOW THAT CALEB IS HERE.

CALEB, LET ME…

POUR YOU A GLASS.

She takes a glass from her side and attaches a small charm to its foot. She often used these so that we wouldn’t confuse whose was whose.

TRENTE

A TOAST!

…

TO–

…

LILY, WHAT SHALL WE RAISE IT TO?

The young woman thought for a moment, biting her lip and making a childish expression with her eyes.

LILITH

TO FRIENDSHIP, AND LOVE–

AND THE DANGEROUS POWER…

OF OBSESSION.

We clinked our glasses together.

TRENTE

OBSESSION?

Lilith looked to the side, feeling sheepish.

LILITH

HEH…

YEAH, I GUESS I HAVE THE MOVIE ON MY MIND.

This could not have pleased Trente more. She smiled.

TRENTE

I’M SORRY I HAVEN’T SEEN IT!

…

TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT.

Lilith’s hands went to her hair and she toyed with a chunk of her orange strands.

LILITH

WELL, THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE COUNT WAS…

PRETTY GOOD.

THOUGH…

I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING MOST OF THE TIME.

Trente smirked.

TRENTE

ADDS TO THE MYSTIQUE.

LILITH

AND THEY GAVE HIM THIS…

I DON’T KNOW–

RASPY BREATH.

THAT SEEMED A BIT ODD TO ME.

I GUESS I JUST WASN’T USED TO IT, COMING FROM THE OLD VERSION, BUT I DON’T KNOW, ISN’T HE…

UNDEAD?

WHY WOULD HE NEED TO BREATHE?

There is an awkward silence. I say something.

CALEB

HE…

STILL NEEDS AIR.

TO SPEAK.

The Queen pretends to drink the wine.

LILITH

OH.

HUH.

I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.

I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.

Lilith continues to imbibe. I… am not in the mood.

LILITH

THE SIDE ACTORS WERE ALRIGHT, I GUESS.

I HAD NO COMPLAINTS.

THE DOCTOR WAS SOMEONE FAMOUS; I RECOGNIZED HIS FACE BUT I COULDN’T REMEMBER HIS NAME.

TRENTE

VAN HELSING?

Lilith swallows.

LILITH

NO NO NO.

HE HAS SOME GERMAN NAME IN THIS ONE, BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER.

BUT HIS REAL NAME.

I JUST…

CAN’T REMEMBER.

CALEB

I’M SURE IT’S JUST THE WINE.

She hasn’t touched the food.

LILITH

THERE WERE A FEW REALLY GOOD CALLBACKS.

TRENTE

THE WHOLE FILM…

IS AN HOMAGE.

LILITH

I LIKED WHAT THEY DID WITH THE SHADOWS…

HIS HANDS STRETCHING OVER THE TOWN…

AND THEN LATER, THEY DID THE SCENE WITH HIM ASCENDING THE STAIRS…

TRENTE

CLASSIC.

LILITH

THE WHOLE THING WAS PRETTY GOOD, SOME DEFINITE CHANGES FROM THE SOURCE, BUT NOTHING REALLY STOOD AS A BIG DEPARTURE FROM THE FIRST ONE.

TRENTE

IT IS ALWAYS SO SAD TO ME WHEN MODERN FILMMAKERS ABANDON THE ORIGINAL VISION.

LILITH

I…

TEND TO AGREE WITH YOU.

She belched, and tried to hide it, but the little smell wafts toward me.

LILITH

I GUESS THE ONLY WEIRD THING WAS…

WELL–

THERE WAS–

SEX IN THIS ONE.

I GUESS THE 1922 MIGHT HAVE HAD THOSE OVERTONES, HELL, MAYBE THAT’S PART OF THE REASON IT WAS BANNED.

I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT, AND IT DIDN’T REALLY DETRACT FROM THE RETELLING, BUT…

IT WAS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT.

I SUPPOSE THAT IS PART OF THE POINT OF HORROR–

IT TRIES TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

LEAVE YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

We let the girl speak.

LILITH

BUT, FOR A VAMPIRE MOVIE, AT LEAST IT WASN’T TOO GOREY.

AND NOT TOO MANY JUMP SCARES EITHER.

I APPRECIATED THAT.

Trente let out a little puff of air.

TRENTE

IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF A MOVIE.

Lilith finished her glass of wine.

LILITH

I SUPPOSE NOT.

She looked a little light-headed. She seemed to be having trouble keeping her eyes steady. And every so often, she swayed back and forth. I don’t think sitting on the floor was doing her any favors.

TRENTE

DARLING, YOU LOOK A LITTLE TIRED.

HERE, HAVE A BIT TO EAT.

YOU CAN LAY DOWN IF YOU’D LIKE.

She raises her hand to shoo away the offering.

LILITH

OH…

NO–

I’M OKAY.

But the Queen won’t take “no” for an answer.

TRENTE

LILY.

I INSIST.

Her eyes flutter as her consciousness threatens to fade. Trente turns to me.

TRENTE

CALEB.

WHY DON’T YOU GET ONE OF THE BLANKETS FOR OUR GUEST?

THAT MAY MAKE HER MORE COMFORTABLE.

I did as I was told. Trente helped Lilith to the couch. She had difficulty getting to her feet, but my Queen was anything but intoxicated.

The redhead gratefully accepted a pillow and placed it underneath her head. I spread the blanket over her.

I stood there with my Queen. I sensed her gaze upon me and I granted her my eyes.

TRENTE

PEACEFUL, ISN’T SHE?

I looked back at Lilith. I said nothing.

TRENTE

THIS IS THE WAY THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

THE INNOCENT SLEEP AT NIGHT.

My hands felt idle.

CALEB

I SUPPOSE SO.

I thought I heard a car rush by outside but in an instant, the room is again silent.

TRENTE

TAKE HER.

I BROUGHT HER FOR YOU.

Lilith’s breathing is unsteady and irregular. She sputters in her sleep. I keep watching her.

CALEB

I THOUGHT SHE WAS FOR YOU.

TRENTE

NO, CALEB.

The girl seemed very tiny, curled up on the sofa.

CALEB

DOESN’T SHE NEED HER BLOOD?

… TO RECOVER?

Trente had no patience for my protestations, but she remained restrained.

TRENTE

SHE WILL BE FINE.

SHE WILL WAKE IN THE LATE MORNING FROM A DREAMLESS SLEEP.

SHE WILL FEEL REFRESHED AS IF HER SLUMBER HAD BEEN DEEP AND DESERVED.

I WILL NOT BE HERE AT THAT TIME, BUT YOU WILL ENTERTAIN HER.

YOU WILL MAKE SURE SHE HAS A HEARTY BREAKFAST.

I knew how this would go. After I drank from her, I would return to the darkness for several hours, waiting for the taste on my tongue to fade. I would wait until I again felt normal.

I looked at my Queen, wishing that it did not have to be this way. I thought of the fruit. Her eyes soften with a tender expression.

TRENTE

YOU NEED THE XP.

( I CROSS MY HEART WITH X AND O'S. )
( "MY HEAD & MY HEART" - AVA MAX )

STRAUD 036: Houndstooth

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 00:00:00 -0500

It was many decades ago that I began to ask my guests to fast before attending my New Year’s fête. I have the unfortunate tendency toward irritability from time to time and I think that’s how it all started. I did not, on this night, enjoy them knocking on my door wearing rosy cheeks and blood-stained lips. I was well-acquainted with the gruesome truth of the Curse, but on this night, I began to demand a certain level of civility and decorum. I did not think one day was too much to ask.

Maybe I had started it all when Vatore and I were friends. He was the one who had suggested the party in the first place. He wanted to show off his orchards. But I told him that everyone wanted to be inside, and that the fruit could be harvested and brought in. Vampires are creatures of sensation, I reminded him. If you want to sell your fruit, let them touch it, taste it, juice it between their fingers. They will not be moved by the sight of a tree. He agreed, and though I would be the one dusting my mantel for days afterward, I was content. His pipe organ did not have such tone as my own.

I did not bother sending invitations anymore. It always foretold disappointment for me. I would take great care to pen my name just so on a card intended for someone with no intention to honor me while still others came with no blessing at all. But I cannot remember ever turning any away. Even in later years when rooms otherwise abandoned were filled with chatter and laughter, I wanted them to have a chance to raise a toast.

But this year, I feared, might be the year when the seams would start to break. I could not place my finger on why - and certainly not how - I felt this year was going to be different, no, that knowledge was forbidden to me. Trente had been oddly quiet, yes, and I had heard little news of skirmishes in Brooklyn. Davian was away and the edges of the coterie were fraying. It did not fill me with confidence, but all of them looked to me for guidance. I did not have the luxury to dwell in doubt.

Not once in all those years had I ever canceled my party. Through deaths and wars, through pandemics and blizzards, I bid them come. Let them taste the fruit, let them see the value of peace, let them remember that we all share in the bounty of this planet.

I made up every excuse in the book as to why, more than ever, I needed to uphold the tradition. And yet, when the thirty-first arrived, I contemplated throwing them all out the window. Let them wonder, let the gossip swell. I do not want this. Not at all.

But I had become unaccustomed to listening to my own desires. I resolved that these cold feet were something I suffered each and every year and it would fade as soon as I opened the doors. This gathering was not about me or what I wanted, it was about them. So I starched my shirts, took out my best handkerchief, and laid out the welcome mat.

I should have said no.

The first visitor I receive is Sebastian Eriksson. I do not expect him at the event proper; he has his own appearances to maintain.

As if hearing the chime of a delicate bell, I know when he’s entered my home. He tended to use a portal we’d set up in my catacomb - when he entered, it was as if he’d never left.

SEBASTIAN

GREETINGS, MY LORD.

Only rarely did he use such formal address. I can feel how it strains him to remember filial piety. Where he now claimed fiefdom, few, if any, could claim their castle sat on a hill as high as his.

STRAUD

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY CHILDE.

BUT SURELY YOU’VE ARRIVED A DAY TOO SOON.

He laughed.

SEBASTIAN

YOU KNOW I STOPPED HONORING REQUESTS FOR THE FIRST-FOOTING YEARS AGO.

STRAUD

IT IS TOO BAD.

WE COULD ALL USE SOME AUSPICIOUS TIDINGS.

SEBASTIAN

YOU MUST NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME TOO DOWNTRODDEN.

WE HAVE PERSERVERED THROUGH WORSE.

STRAUD

I HOPE YOU ARE RIGHT.

He grinned, the smarmy look of perfection that had left a generation swooning. Only I could see the fangs.

SEBASTIAN

WHEN IN A THOUSAND YEARS HAVE I BEEN WRONG?

I raised an eyebrow.

STRAUD

IT HASN’T BEEN QUITE SO MANY…

SEBASTIAN

WHO’S COUNTING?

He broke eye contact with me and began to motion as if he wanted to go upstairs.

SEBASTIAN

ARE YOU DONE WITH PREPARATIONS?

STRAUD

NEARLY.

MIRIAM AND HUA JIA ARE SEEING TO THE DETAILS.

IT IS GOOD TO HAVE A FEMININE TOUCH.

AND MANDARC IS OUTSIDE–

SEBASTIAN

IN THIS WEATHER?

STRAUD

YES.

THIS YEAR I MADE SURE OF IT.

EVERY YEAR THIS POOR OLD MANOR BEARS MORE AND MORE BODIES.

I AM HOPING THIS YEAR I CAN PERSUADE A FEW SOULS TO MOVE FESTIVITIES OUT OF DOORS.

THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH I CAN ASK OF THIS HOUSE.

I AM NOT IN THE CONDITION TO BE REPLACING SPLINTERING BEAMS.

SEBASTIAN

I LOVE A GOOD BARN-RAISING.

STRAUD

AS DO I, BUT I HOPE IT DOES NOT COME TO THAT.

I’VE GROWN QUITE FOND OF THE VERY PARTICULAR WAY THIS ONE GROANS AGAINST THE WIND.

SEBASTIAN

IT’S STILL A BIT EARLY TO CHALK THE DOOR.

INVOKING THE NAMES OF THE WISE MEN MIGHT WARD AGAINST THOSE YOU INTEND TO ENTER HERE TONIGHT.

STRAUD

PERHAPS THAT IS A BOON I NEED.

SEBASTIAN

TAKE OFF YOUR SCOWLING FACE, EBENEZER.

IT DOES NOT BECOME YOU.

STRAUD

I CANNOT MUSTER MUCH MORE.

IT HAS BEEN A SEASON OF GREAT LOSS.

I STRUGGLE TO SEE WHAT IS WORTH CELEBRATING.

SEBASTIAN

PERHAPS IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE.

So many of the Kindred reveled in what they were, but Sebastian in particular took great pride in his position as a predator.

STRAUD

THIS IS THE WAY WE HAVE ALWAYS DONE THINGS.

SEBASTIAN

YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU PEDDLE THE FRUIT.

THE PANTOMIME IS GETTING STALE.

AND YOU ARE VERY AWARE OF THE KEY PROBLEM WITH YOUR PITCH.

WHEN VATORE WAS HERE TO PLAY SALESMAN IT WAS EASIER TO HIDE, BUT NOW–

STRAUD

IT DOESN’T AGREE WITH ME.

SEBASTIAN

AND SO HOW ARE THEY TO BELIEVE IT WILL AGREE WITH THEM?

We had been over these roads ad nauseam. I had my convictions and he had his.

SEBASTIAN

IF YOU ALLOWED - NAY -

ENCOURAGED -

VAMPIRES TO BE VAMPIRES, PERHAPS THEY WOULD HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL TO BEHAVE IN YOUR HALLOWED HOME.

AS IT IS NOW, MANY ENTER WITH MINDS HALF-CONSUMED BY THE BEAST.

STRAUD

IT IS A SUGGESTION, NOT A COMMANDMENT.

SEBASTIAN

THEY WILL NOT, IN THEIR FRENZY, SEE THE FRUIT AS ANYTHING BUT A PACIFIER.

DO NOT FORCE THEM TO RECANT THEIR NATURE, TO DO SO WILL ONLY FATTEN THE ENEMY’S PURSE.

There was no swaying him. But I could not permit these parties to become a celebration of the profane. Just because an act was necessary did not make it holy.

STRAUD

THEN I WILL LEAVE IT TO YOU TO REMOVE THE BLOODSTAINS FROM MY TABLECLOTH.

SEBASTIAN

ISN’T THAT WHAT YOUR LIEUTENANTS ARE FOR?

Mandarc had just come in from the cold. He was carefully removing snow from his boots.

MANDARC

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, TOO -

WILL WE BE SEEING YOU THIS EVENING?

SEBASTIAN

‘FRAID NOT.

THOUGH I WOULD LOVE A CHANCE TO CATCH UP WITH SOME OF MY FAVORITE CREATURES OF THE NIGHT, MY FIANCÉE AND I ARE EXPECTED AT WHAT PROMISES TO BE A FAR LESS ENTERTAINING SOIRÉE.

MANDARC

SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?

I had to silently applaud Mandarc. His candor pleased me.

SEBASTIAN

SOON, MANDARC, SOON.

I HAVE TO BE SURE SHE’LL TAKE ME.

MANDARC

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

SEBASTIAN

SO HOW’S YOUR LIFE IN LOVE?

HAVE YOU EARNED THE ESTEEM OF ANYONE SPECIAL?

If he could blush, he might well have.

MANDARC

WELL, MAYBE.

BUT I WON’T BE KISSING ANYONE AT MIDNIGHT.

SEBASTIAN

PITY.

YOU DESERVE IT.

MANDARC

…

SEBASTIAN

BEFORE I GO, I MUST PAY MY RESPECTS TO MIRIAM.

MANDARC.

MY LORD.

HAVE A MEMORABLE EVENING AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

MANDARC

HAPPY HUNTING, CAPTAIN.

I simply nod. He smiles.

SEBASTIAN

SAME TO YOU.

CEDRIC//

Kev and I are on our way shortly, you want us to bring anything?

STRAUD//

A six-pack.

CEDRIC//

... Really?

STRAUD//

You should know better.

I detest beer.

CEDRIC//

Your deadpan is something else.

STRAUD//

Bring yourselves. I require nothing else that can be so easily procured. I assume it is just the two of you?

CEDRIC//

Yeah, I told the Matron that she was invited but she didn't seem interested.

STRAUD//

She is always welcome.

CEDRIC//

I think she feels she's too old for these kinds of shenanigans. Or maybe she thinks it's a bit of a sausage party.

STRAUD//

Excuse me?

CEDRIC//

Y'know. The ratio of men to women--

STRAUD//

Ugh. How crude.

CEDRIC//

You haven't heard that one before? Glad I could be the first.

STRAUD//

Pop my cherry?

CEDRIC//

Wow - um - please don't say that, it sounds so so incredibly wrong when you say it.

STRAUD//

If that is too much for you, be glad you did not live in ancient Rome.

CEDRIC//

I am. Every day.

STRAUD//

Oh, it wasn't all that bad.

CEDRIC//

Tell me about it.

STRAUD//

...

Maybe another time.

My spirits had been lifted when Miriam had rejoined my coterie. There were a great deal of things Saulot had done that I questioned, but his choice to bring Miriam into the fold was not one of them. She was gentle and wise and contemplative and very few had earned my trust as she had. So when I found her rummaging through my fruit stores, punishment did not even come to mind. Yes, I suppose that is favoritism but I contend that Miriam and her kind are not just rare among the Kindred, they are endangered. When Miriam came seeking the fruit, I gave it to her gladly.

Miriam’s brothers and sisters are known as the Salubri. They are renouned for their ability to heal the souls and flesh, both Mortal and Immortal alike. So few vampires take their newfound lives and turn them toward fixing that which is broken. The practice has earned the Salubri plenty of enemies among the world of the Vampire. Add to that a soul devourers find particularly appealing, sweetened by their devotion to benevolence and the quest for Enlightenment - and it is no wonder that they’ve all but become extinct. But I did not value Miriam simply because of a debt to her Sire, I valued her because she was good. Such a weight had been lifted off my chest when I had discovered her again - I had lost count of the years at that point.

A peculiarity of the Salubri that have mastered healing magicks is a third eye in the center of their forehead. This is not simply an affectation or adornment, it is a change of who and what they are. The eye, once opened, can never again be shut. But this saddened my friend, as it made it much more difficult to help the Mortals who so desperately needed her abilities. I was able to teach her a way to appear as she once had, a specific application of the glamour in which I was well-practiced. But as it was my trick, she couldn’t use it against me. I would always see her true form, the one she’d earned. I don’t think she found it as beautiful as I did.

She had adopted a deceptive pattern of dress in the modern age. I suppose eras of fear had encouraged her to adopt symbols of defense - cryptographs, spikes, dark colors. There were so many who wished for the total eradication of the Salubri - I suppose she needed all the help she could get.

As the sun sank behind the horizon, I found her in the study doing something completely mundane. Out of courtesy, I did not try to sense her actions with anything but my eyes. However, I could not help but smell the odor of artificial orange. She was polishing the furniture. Mandarc had kept my house spotless during his residence, but I don’t think even he had oiled the woodwork.

STRAUD

OH, MIRIAM, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT.

I had made her jump. I find that even adepts of Auspex are caught off-guard by me in this house.

MIRIAM

VLAD–

I DIDN’T FEEL YOUR PRESENCE.

YOU SURPRISED ME.

STRAUD

MY APOLOGIES, MY LADY.

IN MY YEARS HERE, I HAVE BECOME FAMILIAR WITH EVERY LOOSE FLOORBOARD.

MIRIAM

IT IS A LOVELY HOME.

SO VERY…

YOU.

I SUPPOSE I DID NOT SENSE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE EVERYWHERE HERE.

We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, she into my blue eyes, and I into her yellow.

MIRIAM

IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE THIS SIDE OF YOU.

YOU WANDERED…

FOR SO MANY YEARS.

I paused.

STRAUD

YOU DID TOO.

She looked away, embarrassed. But then she looked back, her gaze seeming almost tearful.

MIRIAM

YES, BUT IT WAS DIFFERENT FOR ME AND YOU.

I NEEDED TO WALK THE ROAD, NEEDED TO FIND THOSE THAT NEEDED MY HELP.

I THOUGHT…

I ALWAYS THOUGHT…

YOU DIDN’T SETTLE BECAUSE YOU NEVER FELT YOU BELONGED.

WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO THE NEW WORLD, I FEARED FOR YOUR LIFE.

THIS PLACE HAD NONE OF THE OLD SAFE HAVENS.

I HEARD TALE OF GAROU LOOKING FOR REVENGE FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF THEIR HOMELANDS.

AND THE STREETS, WIDE AND STRAIGHT–

STRAUD

CERTAINLY THEY WERE NOT PAVED IN GOLD.

MIRIAM

DON’T MAKE LIGHT OF MY CONCERN FOR YOU!

TOO OFTEN YOU STEP INTO THINGS WITHOUT A SINGLE THOUGHT!

YOU HAD FRIENDS THERE, YOU KNEW THE OLD FORESTS LIKE THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU ANNOUNCE YOU ARE GOING OUT!

STRAUD

YOU STILL HAVE NOT FORGIVEN ME.

She pursed her lips.

MIRIAM

NO…

PERHAPS NOT.

She turned from me and began to speak to the walls.

MIRIAM

OH, IT IS ALL WELL-AND-GOOD NOW.

YES, YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME AND FRIENDS BEYOND NUMBER, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US?

STRAUD

YOU ARE HERE NOW, AND I AM GLAD FOR IT.

MIRIAM

AND HOW LONG UNTIL YOU LEAVE THIS PLACE TOO?

She still had not turned around to face me. I peered into her raven locks, waiting for her.

STRAUD

MIRIAM.

I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I spoke with a low voice as I did not like confronting this truth. It scared me.

STRAUD

THIS IS MY FINAL STAND.

She turned around, three eyes blazing into my soul.

MIRIAM

HERE, IN THIS PLACE?

It was good to see her.

STRAUD

HERE, IN THIS PLACE.

Her eyes welled up as if she might shed tears but rather, she rushed forward and embraced me. Her hair smelled like fresh flowers but the metal adornments affixed to her jacket pressed into my flesh. She spoke in a whisper.

MIRIAM

YOU MEAN IT?

NO MORE RUNNING?

As if sensing my discomfort, she pulled away and we locked eyes again.

MIRIAM

YOU’RE HERE FOR GOOD?

Her words, not mine.

STRAUD

ALWAYS.

The first to arrive is hardly a guest in my house. Quarq is an old friend of mine from the Old World. He had been reticent to leave his old contracts but I had lured him with the promise of new business. I hoped he had no regrets.

But tonight he seemed distracted, almost twitchy. I had long ago found it difficult, nigh impossible, to read his thoughts, so I had stopped trying.

He doesn’t greet me with his usual salutations, nor does he seem able to look me in the eye.

QUARQ

LILITH CAN’T MAKE IT TONIGHT.

SAYS SHE DOESN’T FEEL WELL.

Only very certain things can affect the constitution of a vampire. His news concerned me, and yet, I sensed that I should not pry.

STRAUD

I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THERE’S ANYTHING–

QUARQ

FRUIT GOES IN THE USUAL PLACE?

Business as usual.

STRAUD

YES, THE USUAL.

QUARQ

I BROUGHT MORE THAN I DID LAST YEAR.

IT’S SUPPOSED TO STORM.

THAT’LL DRAW THE KIDS IN DROVES.

WE RAN OUT LAST YEAR AND THAT WAS WITH CLEAR SKIES.

STRAUD

… YES, I REMEMBER THAT.

QUARQ

WELL, I DON’T WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

SHINDIG ONLY HAPPENS ONCE A YEAR AND–

STRAUD

QUARQ?

He stopped fussing with the fruit.

QUARQ

… YES?

STRAUD

YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY.

QUARQ

FOR THE PARTY?

He finally looked at me in disbelief. He was trying to set me at ease.

QUARQ

OF COURSE I HAVE TO STAY FOR THE PARTY.

WE ONLY GET THIS KIND OF OPPORTUNITY ONCE A YEAR!

He was trying to mask his concern but when it came to personal matters, he’d always been a poor liar.

QUARQ

THINK OF ALL THE GOSSIP I’D MISS OUT ON!

STRAUD

I’LL FILL YOU IN.

QUARQ

IT’S THE BARTENDER WHO GETS THE BEST DETAILS.

STRAUD

I’LL TAKE A SHIFT MYSELF.

His mouth shot open, revealing many tiny, very sharp, teeth.

QUARQ

HA!

YOU’RE ALWAYS FAR TOO GENEROUS WITH THE GOOD STUFF.

YOU WOULDN’T KNOW A DIME FROM A DOLLAR IF IT HIT YOU IN THE HEAD.

STRAUD

A PARTY IS ONLY AS GOOD AS ITS REFRESHMENTS.

He smiled, revealing those alien teeth. But it is short-lived.

QUARQ

STRAUD.

I’M WORRIED ABOUT HER.

SHE’S DELICATE, GENTLE, SENSITIVE.

SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS.

STRAUD

SHE WOULDN’T LIKE TO BE GOSSIPPED ABOUT.

LEAST OF ALL TO ME.

QUARQ

I KNOW, I KNOW!

WELL, SHE CAN SUE ME!

I’M IN A FIT!

STRAUD

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN HELP WITH?

QUARQ

MAYBE?

I DON’T KNOW.

PROBABLY NOT, BUT MAYBE?

…

…I THINK IT’S SOMETHING I’VE DONE TO HER.

I THINK…

He looks around anxiously, trying to determine if anyone is listening.

QUARQ

…I THINK I MIGHT HAVE GIVEN HER SOMETHING FROM THE OLD WORLD.

SOMETHING I HAVEN’T DEALT WITH SINCE I WAS A LOBELING.

STRAUD

YOU WERE NEVER A LOBELING, MY DEAR FRIEND.

QUARQ

POINT TAKEN.

BUT REGARDLESS, I’M AT A TOTAL LOSS FOR HOW TO HELP HER HERE.

I DON’T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN.

STRAUD

SHE WOULD NOT LIKE YOU COMING TO ME–

QUARQ

SHE’S CRYING!

SHE’S CRYING, STRAUD!

CRYING!

ALL THE TIME, SAD, MOURNFUL, JUST… CRYING!

I was a bit taken aback by this news. I open my mouth to ask a question but he interjects.

QUARQ

TEARS OF BLOOD!

JUST STREAMING DOWN HER FACE!

As if I could not use my imagination, he raises his hands to paint a picture of fluid flowing from the eyes.

QUARQ

RED!

RED BLOOD, JUST… EVERYWHERE!

FIRST IT WAS ALL OVER THE COUCH CUSHIONS, THEN I GOT HER TO USE THE TISSUES, THEN SHE RAN OUT OF THOSE–

STRAUD

I… UNDERSTAND.

QUARQ

NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.

YOU RUN A TIGHT SHIP HERE.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT THE FE-MALE–

STRAUD

QUARQ–

QUARQ

BESIDES, ISN’T SHE ONE OF YOUR CHILDER?

I THOUGHT THAT SUCH A PEDIGREE–

STRAUD

QUARQ!

His eyes shift downward as if chided.

STRAUD

IT IS UNSEEMLY FOR US TO DISCUSS HER AS IF SHE WERE YOUR PET.

I REFUSE TO ENGAGE IN THIS.

I, TOO, VALUE YOU, VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP, MY LOYAL FRIEND THROUGHOUT THE AGES.

BUT I WILL NOT DISCUSS THE BODILY FUNCTIONS OF LILITH WHEN SHE IS ABSENT AS IF SHE HAD NO AGENCY.

NO DIGNITY.

I REALIZE SHE MAY NOT WISH TO SEE ME–

QUARQ

YEAH–

NOT REALLY.

He did a double-take, seeming to regret his honesty.

QUARQ

NOT THAT SHE’S AVOIDING YOU TONIGHT!

SHE REALLY REALLY DOESN’T FEEL HERSELF!

STRAUD

…

I BELIEVE YOU.

He sighed, and it seemed as if his ears would droop, looking away from me.

He continued, speaking without vigor but with considerable conviction.

QUARQ

I…

I JUST WANT TO HELP HER, STRAUD.

I was moved by his desperation.

STRAUD

I KNOW YOU DO.

BUT IN THIS CASE…

The reality of this began to set in but I could not worry my friend.

STRAUD

IN THIS CASE, WE MUST DO AS WE WERE FORCED TO DO IN THE OLD DAYS.

He shrugged, feeling helpless, avoiding my eyes.

QUARQ

STAY THE COURSE?

WAIT IT OUT?

BE… PATIENT?

He did not like it but what else could I say?

STRAUD

YES, MY FRIEND.

THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.

QUARQ

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!

YOUR SIX-FIGURE SOFA ISN’T SPECKLED IN RED!

STRAUD

NATURE DECAYS, BUT LOVE LASTS FOREVER.

He smiled. Those countless teeth.

QUARQ

LATINUM.

LATINUM LASTS FOREVER.

STRAUD

GET OUT OF HERE.

GO TEND TO YOUR WIFE.

THERE WILL BE MORE PARTIES.

MANY MORE PARTIES.

He paused, still grinning.

QUARQ

YES, I HOPE SO.

…

OKAY, FINE, I’LL GO.

TRY NOT TO HAVE TOO MUCH FUN WITHOUT ME.

AS THE KIDS SAY–

STRAUD

FEAR OF MISSING OUT.

He winked and made a strange clicking sound.

QUARQ

YOU GOT IT, STRAUD.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

STRAUD

YOU TOO.

I left him to deposit his delivery behind the bar and then he disappeared back into the night.

All too soon, the guests began to trickle in. Mandarc was happy to linger near the door and play porter. From there Hua Jia and Miriam took their coats and led them into the house. My most trusted members of the coterie came just as the stars rose, Cedric, Kevin, and some of the younger soon after, Roxanne, old childer Jude & Charlotte, old childer made new again in Áine. Even some of my contacts in the Camarilla thought to join us. The place was buzzing and all seemed fine until I stopped to reflect on who wasn't there. Some could no longer attend: Svetlana, Eliza, Mortimer. Others were housebound either by choice or circumstance: the Elder Marscapones, the Zhou sisters, the Oborovsky twins. And still others had chosen to leave the coterie: Friday Perkins, AVAEL Easton, Makoa Kealoha, Caleb Vatore. And maybe that last one stung the most because of a promise I’d made to his father long ago…

But I have no time to dwell in my grief - my thoughts are shattered when I am approached by a woman whose sadness feels even more palpable than my own.

Chiasa Chinoko is a charming but serious woman from the East. As I understood it, she had been a physician in life. Who had turned her, and when, escaped me. She now produced electronic music by night for thousands of adoring fans both Mortal and Extranatural. Davian had told me little else about her and she had made few moments for chit-chat when we’d crossed paths at the Blue Velvet. Tonight, however, she seemed to be on a mission to speak to me.

CHIASA

WHAT DO YOU KNOW, COUNT?

She could mean only one thing.

STRAUD

YOU MAY KNOW MORE THAN I, MY LADY.

THE MAGISTER DISCLOSED NOTHING TO ME.

Her usually placid face twisted in anger.

CHIASA

YOU LIE!

YOU TWO ARE THICK AS THIEVES!

STRAUD

I WISH IT WERE NOT SO.

PERHAPS HE THOUGHT I WOULD WANT TO GO WITH HIM.

I MIGHT HAVE.

I CAN’T SAY.

BUT I AM BEING TRUTHFUL WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIS DISAPPEARANCE THAT I’VE HELD IN CONFIDENCE.

She glowered at me, as if trying to detect any cracks in my sincerity.

STRAUD

HE SENT A MESSAGE TO MANDARC.

CHIASA

AND WHAT ABOUT ME?

I JUST WOKE UP ONE EVENING TO FIND HIM AND HIS APPRENTICE GONE.

I SAT AROUND WAITING, LIKE AN IDIOT, FOR HIM TO RETURN.

AND THEN I FIND OUT FROM YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS THAT HE’S GONE TO THE STARS?!

WITHOUT LEAVING ME SO MUCH AS A NOTE?

STRAUD

HE VERY WELL COULD HAVE ATTEMPTED TO REACH YOU BUT BEEN STYMIED–

CHIASA

DAVIAN?

YOU THINK DAVIAN WOULD FAIL AT ANYTHING HE SET HIS MIND TO?

STRAUD

IT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN OTHER EXPLANATIONS.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

CHIASA

I DO NOT TRUST YOU, COUNT.

IF HE HAD ASKED YOU TO LIE TO ME, YOU WOULD DO IT.

I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.

AND NONE OF US WOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

THIS WHOLE HOUSE IS FULL OF THOSE WHO HANG ON YOUR EVERY WORD AND I AM BEGINNING TO WONDER HOW GENUINE IT REALLY IS.

Out of nothingness coalesces a Tremere I had hoped in vain I would not see tonight. He wears a smug expression on his face, draping his arm over Chiasa.

HASSAN

FOR ONCE, CHIASA, I AGREE WITH YOU.

Personal space violated, she immediately blinks away from his touch.

CHIASA

HASSAN.

WHY HAVE YOU COME SLITHERING INTO THIS PLACE?

SHOULDN’T YOU BE OFF LOOKING FOR PIXIE RINGS?

HASSAN

HAVEN’T YOU HEARD?

MY GUYS AND YOUR GUYS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING ANYMORE.

He brought his hands together and began to flap his fingers, conjuring a white dove with an olive branch in its beak. It flies up and perches on a nearby bust.

HASSAN

A CHEAP TRICK IF YOU ASK ME.

I glance at the bird and it erupts into grey ash, that too quickly disappearing without a trace.

STRAUD

I WILL ASK YOU ONLY ONCE TO REFRAIN FROM INDULGING IN YOUR CONJURATIONS IN MY HOME.

He mutters to himself.

HASSAN

(I SPENT A LONG TIME ON THAT ONE…)

…

(NO MATTER.)

YOUR LITTLE PARTIES ARE ALWAYS SO BORING, CAITIFF.

NO SEX–

NO MAGIC–

AND WORST OF ALL–

He holds out his arm and points at the bar.

HASSAN

NO BLOOD.

The glasses instantly shatter, sending daggers outward. I can feel my anger surge.

He dares disturb me in my own house?

I can feel each shard sliding through the air as if in oil. But I am faster.

This is my house.

I pulverize each bit of glass into a thousand tiny pieces and they fall, lifeless, as sand to the floor.

We had attracted attention by now.

HASSAN

CHEAP, CAITIFF.

SHABBY.

WEAK.

BO-RING.

IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO?

He radiated pure rage. I tried to think of any way I could defuse him, eject him–

HASSAN

GABRIELLE!

She flew toward him from the other side of the room. He, too, began to hover. I did not like that it had come to this… I did not want to meet his rage with my own, but–

HASSAN

WHERE IS YOUR WIZARD, CAITIFF?

I’VE BEEN JUST…

DYING–

FOR A FAIR FIGHT!

GABRIELLE

I, ON THE OTHER HAND, COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT A FAIR FIGHT.

WHERE IS HE, COUNT?

WHERE IS DAVIAN?

Everyone in the room was watching now. Some backed up against the walls, some looked toward the doors, and others stood their ground.

STRAUD

THE MAGISTER ISN’T ABLE TO BE IN ATTENDANCE THIS YEAR.

HE SENDS HIS REGRETS.

I still hold on to my gentleman’s guise.

For now.

GABRIELLE

BULLSHIT!

She snapped her fingers and a twisted bramble shot up from the floor, wrapping Chiasa in a thorny embrace. Enormous dried spikes emerge from the plant, threatening to pierce her heart. She tries to call out but as her mouth opens, her lips are encased in a black ice, revealing her fangs.

Gabrielle flashes and reappears next to Chiasa, running a long red nail down her cheek. She smirks just slightly.

GABRIELLE

MAYBE I’LL JUST HAVE TO ASK HIS LATEST PRETTY LITTLE ESCORT–

From behind me shoots a jet of bright green flame. It is quick, like a dart, and flares up just as it finds a spot upon her nose.

Gabrielle snaps back, her focus ruptured.

Someone in the crowd yells magefire and they all begin to panic and scramble for the door. But I can hear through the din and clatter.

KEVIN

LEAVE HER ALONE, TREMERE.

The voice, cool and collected, comes from behind me. As the crowd begins to thin, he steps forward.

HASSAN

YOU DO NOT FRIGHTEN US, MARSCAPONE.

I release Chiasa from her bindings. She collapses to the ground. Miriam rushes forward to address her wounds. Neither of the party-crashers pay them any mind, attention now turned to Kevin, who stands to my left.

HASSAN

YOU WANT FIRE, DO YOU, BOY?

Hassan lifts his hands to his sides, palms up, and from each hand, a dark red, almost black, flame rises. The few vampires that had tried to remain calm at the sight of the first fire now flee. I can hear Mandarc helping them out the front door, and the subsequent shrieking of bats fleeing into the black sky. Only the most stalwart of my companions could stand the sight of fire. They are brave, or perhaps more accurately, incredibly foolish.

Hassan sets the doorways ablaze, trapping us inside the living room. I glance from wall to wall as my house begins to burn in the demonic flame. The cracking of wood is deafening to me but it is nothing compared to the cacophany of the crackling fires.

CEDRIC

VLAD…

I close my eyes.

This is my fault. I let the Tremere into my house. I forgot the lessons I had learned long ago, things I swore to never forget. There is no kindness in allowing suffering to come to those we are tasked to protect.

A gale-force wind emenates from my person and my friends brace themselves against it. Hassan and Gabrielle, who had been flying, are sent reeling. But there is nothing to halt their path - the burst of wind quickly flattens the walls of my home, smothering the fires but leaving only the chimney still standing.

Chiasa, now healed of her wounds, transforms into a bat and flees into the night. Mandarc effortlessly flashes over the rubble and appears in front of me.

He smiles, weakly, trying to bolster my spirit.

MANDARC

LOOKING GOOD, MASTER.

My silver hair has disappeared and all that remains are my blue eyes, burning in my skull as little suns. This is who I am when I am not trying to set them at ease. When the mask has come off. When I have no other choice.

HASSAN

NOT DONE YET!

The man, still flying, zooms toward me. I raise a barrier of pure energy, glimmering in pale purple, but he never touches it. Cedric is faster, hurling himself at the assailant. He pins him to the ground and begins an all-out brawl. My attention turns to Gabrielle.

She has also flown back to the flattened house that forms our battlefield. Kevin shoots a wave of green fire but she raises her hands to deflect it, and raises her own shield of flame - the same dark red that I had seen Hassan conjure. She cackles.

GABRIELLE

IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO, MAGICIAN?

YOUR SQUEAMISHNESS DOOMED YOU TO BECOME A ONE-TRICK PONY?

A GLORIFIED ZIPPO WITH A FAMOUS DADDY?

She flies in a circle around us, leaving a trail of flames on the ground behind her. I remember Davian had hoped to redeem her, to free her from the blood bond…

GABRIELLE

I DO NOT NEED MY AVATAR ANYMORE.

GOOD RIDDANCE.

BUT YOU?

MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TRY TO PUT YOURS BACK TOGETHER.

OR IS THAT A PUZZLE BEYOND YOUR MUSTER?

She smiled, a wicked, terrible smile. She had stopped her pattern and now perched above the mantel, one of the only things of my house that remained.

GABRIELLE

WHO KNOWS, MAYBE YOU CAN USE HIS.

At that, Hassan burst into flames and Cedric was forced to back away. Gabrielle began to dance and I gathered clouds over our heads, thick, billowing clouds that choked out the moon and stars. Rain began to pelt the area in sheets driven by an intensifying wind. The flames she’d drawn sizzled and threatened to sputter out, but it was too late.

The two winked out, leaving a fire blazing red hot in the fireplace.

I panic.

STRAUD

PUT IT OUT - PUT IT OUT - PUT IT OUT!

I fling myself forward and a torrential wave of blue water sprays from my hands toward the base of the fire, but it is not enough.

I am laying flat on the ground when the liquid splashes ineffectually on one of two enormous hooves. A huge Hellbeast, a great demon, towers fifteen feet above us. It raises a boar-like snout into the air and opens its dragon maw. Dark red flame pours from its mouth, creating a gaping hole in the cloud cover.

My four companions, the only ones too stupid to run, clamour toward me, all attempting to help me to my feet.

STRAUD

I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE DONE YOUR READING.

The beast lets out a roar that would have shattered the eardrums of ordinary men.

But we are not Ordinary.

The demon begins to march toward us. It lumbers, lurching for balance. It is heavy. We will be quicker.

I hold out my hand and summon metals from the Earth into a huge weapon that gleams with an almost-white sheen.

MIRIAM

…

DEMON’S BANE…

I hold it out to her but she steps away, embarrassed.

MIRIAM

ME?

IT IS YOUR BLADE.

I HAVEN’T HELD–

The demon snorts, its hot breath leaving steam in its wake. The terror stumbles toward us, seeming unsteady but none-the-less determined to end us.

Miriam turns back to me, seeming to understand. She grabs the sword and rushes off to engage our foe.

I turn toward the three that remain.

I tap my foot and a sprout divides the rubble, quickly taking the shape of a sapling about five feet tall. It is pale with plenty of emerald leaves.

KEVIN

PALO SANTO…

I swipe it from the ground, and having been plucked, it changes into a smooth staff. The leaves scatter in the wind.

STRAUD

SACRED WOOD.

GO.

He runs to join Miriam. I can hear the demon move with increasing vigor. The longer it is here, the more it acclimates to this plane, the longer it feeds off our anger, the more dangerous it will become.

I turn to Mandarc, opening the top few buttons of my coat and removing a small vial. He takes it and holds it to his eyes, allowing what little light there is to filter through.

He is unimpressed.

MANDARC

WATER?

YOU GAVE ME SOME WATER?

CEDRIC

IT’S HOLY WATER, YOU NITWIT.

MANDARC

SO…

IT’S WATER THAT’S BEEN…

BLESSED.

I smirk wryly.

STRAUD

I PUT SOME SALT IN THERE.

MANDARC

OH, GREAT, SO I’M GOING OFF TO FIGHT SOME CREATURE FROM THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL AND YOU GIVE ME SOME SALINE.

STRAUD

IF IT WERE TRULY FROM THE NINTH CIRCLE, IT WOULD BE A FAIR BIT LARGER.

MANDARC

LOVELY.

He pockets the vial and rushes off, seeming to disappear in an instant.

It is just me and Cedric now, and he looks at me expectantly.

I look at him and recognize those eyes glowing amidst the dark sockets. Bright blue, almost cyan, orbs blaze with purpose. They are mine, but I did not give them to him.

I raise my right hand and place it on his shoulder. He is cold in the winter’s bite, and yet, energy as heat radiates from within him.

STRAUD

CEDRIC–

GOOD LUCK.

I turn from him, sensing I can tarry no longer, and run toward the demon.

Behind me, Cedric has not moved.

CEDRIC

LUCK?

“GOOD LUCK”?!

He mutters under his breath as he runs to join the mélée.

CEDRIC

FUCK YOU TOO, OLD MAN.

As we reach the other three, they have avoided damage from the creature but seem to have done little else but make it irritated. It lumbers about, heavy and clumsy on its hooves, swiping at its assailants indiscriminately. Although there is but one of it and five of us, each seems to be fighting their own war. As the atrocity waves its wicked claws through the air, our team seems to be just short of tripping over themselves to avoid getting hit and maintain their spacing around the monster.

Cedric turns to me, looking helpless.

CEDRIC

THEY NEED AN OPENING.

STRAUD

THEY NEED A LEADER.

He frowns and blinks his eyes in the rain. Then, without hesitation, he engages the demon.

It is gigantic and would have easily broken the walls of my home. I am glad I was the one to make it fall.

I concentrate my mind on the growing storm. I close my eyes and focus on brewing the weather effects. Rain and wind are all well enough, but we’re going to need more if we’re to defeat this beast. I try to steady the doubt at the edges of my consciousness. Yes, I could fairly easily banish the thing. Send it back to the place from whence it spawned. But that was not good enough.

I wanted it dead.

The low rumble of thunder invigorates me and my eyes shoot open. Cedric has taken hold of the end of its mighty tail and is trying to pull it backwards against the spine. It writhes this way and that, trying to free itself from the discomfort. But this creature is awkward and stiff, unable to bend its arms to reach its own back.

Cedric, with his impressive balance of strength and dexterity, is able to keep a good hold on the tail even as the creature flails about.

STRAUD

BE GLAD ITS TAIL IS ADORNED WITH SPIKES INSTEAD OF FLAME.

But he is in no mood for my humor.

CEDRIC

LITTLE HELP HERE?!

Miriam gets a good strike at the monster’s tail, but it seems to be scaled in obsidian and the sword succeeds only in scraping against its hide noisily. Kevin tries to pierce the creature in the belly, but there, too, he makes no connection. The whole of the creature’s focus cannot be drawn from its desire to crush the little gnat bending its terrible tail.

Far away, lighting cracks between two clouds, showering the field with photons. It comes closer, but still not close enough.

CEDRIC

GUYS–

I CAN’T DO THIS FOREVER!

I know that if the creature goes berserk, we cannot take it, not as we are now.

I address Mandarc.

STRAUD

USE THE WATER ON ITS EYE.

But he resists me.

MANDARC

MASTER, I CAN’T FLY!

STRAUD

YOU DON’T NEED TO FLY.

USE THE EARTH TO STEADY YOUR HAND.

He looks up at the creature twisting its neck back and forth, desperate to get at Cedric. Tiny spurts of flame ignite from its hot breath. Mandarc is afraid. But we don’t have time to hesitate.

STRAUD

THE LONGER YOU WAIT–

But I chose not to finish my sentence.

STRAUD

GO, MANDARC–

GO.

Even the rain cannot touch him as he folds spacetime around himself, seeming to move with impossible speed. Lightning flashes and I catch a glimpse of him in a singular frame, cork between bared fangs, one hand peeling back a rank eyelid, the other delivering the holy payload.

I can hear a distinct sizzle as the liquid hits the surface of the eye. The monster wails in agony and clutches at its eye, unable to do anything but twist in pain. Fire spews haphazardly from its maw as it tries to use its one good eye to aim at us. It stumbles around, and I can sense its building rage. We don’t have much time.

I turn to Miriam, who brandishes her sword proudly, but I can feel the fear in her.

STRAUD

BLIND IT.

The monster stumbles toward us and we are forced to scatter.

MIRIAM

VLAD–

I CAN’T–

I–

KEVIN

WAIT.

IT’S IRON, RIGHT?

IRON IS–

A breath of fire puts us on the run again.

KEVIN

HOLD ON TIGHT–

I’VE NEVER QUITE DONE THIS ONE BEFORE!

He raises his hand, fingers tightly together, thumb loose. He is touching the magnetic field. It is all I can do to keep my own interstitial fluid from vibrating to the fluctuations. But I hold steady.

He slaps his hand forward, releasing the building pressure. Miriam, now holding to her blade with both hands, forms a great javelin through the rain, and their aim is true. Her blade pierces the last hope the creature had of using its vision.

It twists its head down and claws at its face. Finally we have respite from its breath weapon.

STRAUD

KEVIN, FINISH IT!

He looks at his staff, remembering what came before. He looks at me, then at the others. With one hand, he holds the weapon out to Cedric.

Not contented with what he’s been given, Cedric raises his fingers to one end and, using his unnaturally tough fingernails, fashions the end of the staff into a point. It is rough, but it will do the job.

He runs toward the monster with the staff in his hand. The terrible creature, groaning in anguish, goes silent as the spear, as a stake, penetrates its great heaving chest. Cedric then runs against its neck as a ramp, kicking it in the chin with a triumphant backflip, sending the Hellspawn sprawling. But the great spikes lining its spine do not allow it to fall on its back, so it flops awkwardly on its side.

STRAUD

FINISH IT!

Cedric touches the protruding end of the staff and leaves a small blue flame in his wake. The sacred wood is alight, but I am impatient and the storm has finally arrived.

I use telekinesis to fling Cedric to safety just as a lightning bolt crashes upon the end of the stake, igniting it as a match. White fire erupts upon the wood, following a fractal trail down the length of the staff. The stench of sulfur permeates through the air. I look at Miriam, and she looks at me, and we are lost in a happy memory.

To the surprise of everyone else, the spark disappears inside the body of the slain creature, only to cause a grand explosion, showering us in blood and the shredded remains of its innards. Spattered in bits of entrails and pus, we look at each other, bathed in faint starlight as the clouds dissolve. The moon is there too, as a waxing crescent, casting a faint milky glow on the ruins of my house.

STRAUD

WELL, AS THEY SAY.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

My house is completely demolished. But I was satisfied with how it had happened. Some of the demonfire still smouldered in the rubble but that could be cleansed. I had done it before, and I could do it again.

I was glad no one had been hurt. My friends had been terrified but I knew the truth - that specimen, slow-moving and witless, was a mere underling in the realm it had been summoned from. A nothing, a nobody, a simple body in a plane of innumerable bodies formed from the most primal fears of Mortal men. There would be more, many more, if the Baali had anything to say about it. That the Tremere had given themselves to demon-worship was news to me, but it was no surprise. Yes, this had all happened before. However, I had been younger then. Much younger.

The others are sorting through the debris when Cedric approaches me. I know their gestures are futile but it is still touching.

CEDRIC

SORRY ABOUT THE HOUSE, VLAD…

AND THE BOOKS.

STRAUD

WHAT HAPPENED IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

CEDRIC

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT IT STILL SUCKS.

YOU HAD LOTS OF FIRST EDITIONS.

STRAUD

MANY WERE ORIGINAL WORKS.

Cedric folds his arms in melancholy.

STRAUD

BUT THEY ARE NOTHING THAT CAN’T BE REPLACED.

We look about the field, a breeze sweeping our hair astray. I remember when this place was an empty meadow.

He emits a small, reserved chuckle.

CEDRIC

WELL, I’LL SAY ONE THING.

I raise an eyebrow and glance at him sideways.

CEDRIC

YOU THROW A HELLUVA PARTY.

( ...AND I KNEW THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK-- )
( "THUNDERSTRUCK" - AC/DC )

CEDRIC 042: Potence

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 23:07:00 -0500

( HARD TO COME BY, AND HARDER TO HOLD )
( "MORE" - THE SISTERS OF MERCY )

Looking back, it all felt so obvious. I raged, but more than that I felt humiliated. I had let my guard down, and for what? She’d just been biding her time, all the while planning her escape. None of it had meant anything to her. I fumed with one thought: That I should have known better.

When I left the Magicademy, the sun had long since set. Though its rays were no threat to me, I none-the-less felt safer here in the darkness. A chilled wind disturbs my hair, but I am otherwise unphased. I take one more glance at that creaky old house, noticing lights on in rooms that couldn’t have possibly been occupied. And then, as if on cue, one goes out.

I, too, step into the shadow and fade into mist.

I wouldn’t say I remember every one of my victims. No, far from it. How long had I been doing this? I supposed nearing twenty-seven years. Already the nights and days became months and years slipped through my fingers. No, I could not recall each of their faces but I was certain, with all of my senses, that each of them smelled different, like forests that never gave off the same scent twice.

In the early days, I had sometimes fed from animals. It certainly was an option - Straud bottled the stuff and sold it by the dozen. Vincent, with his effortless mastery of Protean, had shown me that blooddrinkers likewise existed in the animal kingdoms. And I had heard tale that at least one vampire, feeling so accutely the guilt of predating upon humanity, had subsisted for years entirely on the dribbles of vitae to be found in sewer rats.

But I could not bring myself to exist in such a fashion. Yes, I had fed on animals, even allowing myself to drain them in their entirety, safe in the very real fact that no Mortal would think twice about the discovery of a cat’s corpse concealed underneath some leafy underbrush. It was possible to drink from these creatures, and it was easy.

Too easy. I quickly developed an aversion to the practice. In that act, I became consumed with self-loathing and disgust. It was there I truly became a monster.

So I turned my nose up and refused: And I was no worse off. In a city like this, humans seemed to outnumber the other vermin, or at least they alone could travel freely. They were there, everywhere, crawling, scrambling, proliferating - even as all I desired was solitude.

I had once indulged in a feeling one might call guilt. Reluctance. Shame. And sometimes it reared its ugly head and threatened to end my life then and there. I imagined that emotion, conviction - empathy - was what had led Kevin to seek a way out. He had masked it so well back then. Once I had sought to mimic the stillness of his eyes as he bared his fangs and sunk his teeth deep in the neck of the unsuspecting. He had been born into this, I mused, and I had been merely drafted.

Yes, it was all a façade. As he took from the others, he struggled to resist the torrent of emotion. Some of our kind are like that - even as their bodies are hardened as homunculi they merely possess, what remain of their nerves and mind are honed to perceive sensations and injuries the Mortals can only just outline in their grief, passion, and heartbreak. Many of the undead feel in their unlife all the feelings to which they were once inured, as if they had all been delayed, as if they had been waiting for the moment they could be ignored no longer.

But me? I was not like that. The night that I had been resurrected marked a stark transition - where as a young man I had flitted aimlessly through life, never terribly committed to anything, least of all my identity as a mage - I was instantly inducted into something larger than myself. I had a Master, I had a friend. I had been given only a moment to grieve what I had lost and I scarcely needed more than that. I gladly took up the gun.

Finally, surrounded by soldiers, I was never alone. My world would keep expanding, but I hope I am not being too boastful to suggest that I rose to every occasion. In our time of need, Straud became patriarch to the Marscapone family. Kevin and I endured even as the Old Man flirted with disaster, taking in Trelaine’s orphans Avaelle and Mandarc, and soon after creating a number of new fledglings. I have never once lost faith in him, but that is not to imply that I always understood his decisions.

My world was full now, and I had a very real place in it. It is that sense of duty, of obligation, of belonging, that kept me so relentlessly inclined toward the Hunt. I could ingest the fabled fruit, and I would if it suited my fancy, but it did not slake my Thirst. Vitae alone kept me alive, filled me with the will to continue the fight. I oft supposed I was little different than an addict eagerly awaiting his next fix, but I did not dwell too long on the unsavory comparison. Yes, sometimes it all felt wrong and I did not like myself, the way most humans avoid opening the doors of the slaughterhouse. But I sustained myself on the assertion that this was all part of the Cycle. I had a job to do, a job meant for me and me alone, and I could not forsake my goal to get lost in a maze of philosophy.

These things that troubled me tonight: Makoa’s betrayal, AVAEL’s departure, and even still, despite the passage of time, Svetlana’s death - they could be ameliorated in the ecstasy of the Hunt. And yet, I knew that was not fully true. Feasting would only provide temporary respite from the discomfort. When my hunger was sated, my friends would still be gone. But I had no desire to resist temptation right now. I felt ragged, angry, resentful. These emotions bubbled and frothed within me, threatening to overflow. But I held strong and insisted: Not tonight.

There is one streetlamp here that has a faulty wire and emits no light. It is here that I lean, centering myself and becoming again aware of who and what I am. Though I can move my diaphragm, I can also keep it completely still, creating no perturbations in the air around me. My heart, my veins, these things have never left my body, but they too have ceased the rhythm that propelled each and every Mortal forward through Time’s river. This is what I had now: the Stillness, the Darkness, and the Blood.

I remain completely motionless as a young woman approaches. Basking in the bountiful heat of youth, she wears entirely too little clothing for the month of December, but who was I to begrudge her choices? No parka created by Man was going to stop me from taking what was mine.

Trotting gaily at her ankle is a small dog. Thinking her pet well-trained, she has allowed it to walk without a leash. That was illegal here, and her flagrant disregard for the law entices me, intensifying my conviction.

She walks past me without looking up. And even if she had chanced to, her senses would have lied to her. Though she could not see me, I was there, watching, waiting. Even her precious pooch was none-the-wiser; his nose would never find my hiding spot. Vincent had taught me that.

Allowing the Beast to take control, my instinct seizes on an opportunity my mind has scarcely gleaned. I impossibly flash through spacetime to find myself with one hand around her waist and the other pushing her taut neck into my fangs.

The sensation is magnificent. That is one of the secret joys of drinking blood - each time is just as fulfilling as the first. Unlike the Mortal’s drugs and libations, there was no building tolerance. Each indulgence was as vivid as the one before. Tonight is likewise as satisfying. Her blood warms my lips, a feeling that is particularly pleasurable as it was one of the only times my vampiric form experienced this nerve feedback. Though I am not then thinking of my sight, my entire consciousness is colored in a red that fades into auburn. It is the hue of freshly fallen leaves, of fragrant embers in a fireplace, of the sunset–

Her dog barks angrily at me, but I take no heed. I am entirely consumed by the rapture that is our joined bodies. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP–

Her heart beats in protest but it serves only to bring more of the sweet vitae into my throat. Even as I lose myself, I am filled with sensory impressions of who this woman is. I do not know her name but it does not matter. I can taste merlot hanging like spice over her blood. And were those other things… sugar cookies? I do not flinch as I laugh silently to myself. Tis the season.

There is something cloying on the upswing, though. It threatens to ruin what was otherwise an exquisite diversion. I try to focus on the rest of the profile, but this… This was something with which I was becoming intimately familiar. I could only guess it was the leavings of various pharmaceuticals. The blood of animals, for all its flaws, rarely had this particular sort of aftertaste…

And yet, I cannot pull myself away. My ecstasy, like a mirror, had been shattered, and yet the vitae still called to me. My fangs were still lodged in her artery, the resultant wounds still surrendered red lifeforce into my person. Just one moment more, I reasoned, and remembered one of the many laws that had been imposed upon my conduct… But I couldn’t tear myself away just yet, not yet, no, I had just barely begun to drink… I was still parched - THUMP, THUMP, THUMP - let me remain here for just one moment more–

And it was there and then I evacuated my body and surrendered my mind to the Haunt. I was taken to a scene long estranged - there I was, I was inexplicably me, but a good deal more tender. Barely a year of age, brown hair and all, in the middle of the night I stood, confined to my crib, wailing, crying out for her, desperate, inconsolable. I cried and cried and cried, and I could feel my face hot and contorted in the anguish. I could not think or reason, not yet. I cried out for her - I was afraid of the dark.

Why won’t she come to me, I must have asked in the era before words. Why, why doesn’t she come? Where is she?

…Mother.

And then in my nightmare, clarvoyance was forced upon me. I saw her, as I could not have in the flesh then, and the tragic truth was revealed to me.

She could not come to my call because she, unlike me, was deep in the throes of slumber. A peaceful slumber from which no Prince could rouse her. Yes, she would eventually wake, but this dreamless sleep would call her again and again into its gentle embrace with the promise of just a touch of the divine.

I continue to scream as the needle falls to the floor.

And as if hearing the steel clatter against itself, I see a flash of white light and I clamour back into consciousness. I am aware of my mouth. Here, I am a Vampire.

THUMP… THUMP… TH–

I pull my fangs forcibly from her neck and the connection is severed.

THUMP… TH…

The pulse is weak. I’ve drained too much. If I don’t do something…

The dog keeps barking. I refuse to panic.

I tear a cellphone from her pocket and make the call.

As I disappear into the night, the dog remains at her side and continues to yap.

DISPATCHER

911, WHAT’S YOUR EMERGENCY?

911, WHAT’S YOUR EMERGENCY?

HELLO?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

I never liked changing my form to mimic that of other animals. Yes, I recognized that it was one of the hallmarks of the Vampire, and certainly I could not hide from it with Vincent as my Master but I still did not like it. I suppose every metamorphosis brought me back to when the Elder Marscapone had forced me into a shapechange and removed me from that grubby apartment I had lived in upstate. I know he only did it out of necessity, I later reasoned, but every subsequent time I took the shape of an animal, I felt again that utter vulnerability and stupification. Vincent would never again force a form upon me as he had done in that desperation, but he still tried to teach it to me as if trying to round out my supernatural playbook. His favorite form was - of course - a bat. Of course a damn bat. Was I starring in some old-timey monster flick? I rebelled against the very suggestion that it would ever be necessary to parade about as an animal. Kevin would outdo me here, easily imitating his father’s bat, and Vincent tried to encourage me by displaying his ability to change into a wolf, a bear, and other fearsome supernatural creatures beyond the words of mortal men.

I would think myself above such a trivial task when I easily mastered the ability to slip into mist and shadow. Yes, I impressed my Master by dissolving my form into the earth and even he had to admit that it would serve me well. But he still maintained that I could not shun that inside me which was not human.

His teachings were unfinished when he died. I then went on in my own way, fluent in a number of the classic vampiric disciplines, but not that one. It was simply a continuation of my education as a mage - though the spell “Polymorph Self” was rumored to exist, I had never inside the walls of the Magicademy seen it worked. For all I knew, it could be the stuff of true fantasy. And yet, even if Myrtle could not do it, I had mused, that did not mean no mage was capable.

After taking the blood of the dog-walker, I fell into mist, touching ever so gently the realm of the void and nothingness. Even my mind ceased to be in that dissolution and all that was left was formless instinct and will. I simply reappeared wherever I wanted, needed, to be. This time, propelled not by wind but only pure and simple volition, I found myself sitting far up on a spire of the Triborough Bridge. The lights of the city seemed to shine only for me as I sat alone high above the bustling cars.

Why had I seen that image in the Haunt? I thought I had buried those thoughts long ago. What purpose did they serve me now in this life? I had run away very intentionally, yes, even in my mortal life I had yearned for escape. What good did the recollection serve me?

She wouldn’t even recognize me anymore, I mused. How old would she be now? Arithmetic never my strong suit, I estimated around seventy. Eighty at the most. No, I retracted. She couldn’t be that old. Not yet.

Then I felt shame for allowing her any of my headspace. She was probably dead now, I reasoned, and I was a fool to even entertain imagining otherwise. Mortals died every day, and at the very least, I had decided long ago that it didn’t matter; she was dead to me.

Perched up there above the world, touching the sky yet invisible to all below, I could not be moved by the incomprehensible beauty of the vista. I knew how seldom Man would ever be privy to such majesty and yet there I was, placid and unimpressed. The lights formed an image on my retina that seemed to approach the divine and yet I remained apathetic.

Even if I were able to save them, save them all, would they ever give me a scrap of gratitude? Slap me on the back and call me their buddy?

No, that would never happen. None of them would ever know my story, my struggles, my name.

And what would it even matter? I wasn’t sure I wanted some kind of thank you or a pardon for all those years of drinking their blood - no - that wouldn’t mean much in the end. I had never wanted to be on the stage, or at least, not dead center spotlight.

For all the bravado I wore day after day, I supposed I was a coward. Afraid of getting stuck as an animal, afraid of botching any effort at thaumaturgy, afraid…

Of losing my friends.

I had let myself get close to AVAEL. I remembered, like daggers, when she had said she didn’t love me. I consoled myself, thinking she had meant only romantic love, that kind of love she wanted but didn’t have, but maybe I was only trying to keep hope alive that she hadn’t meant the rest of it too.

Because I did love her. And I still burned for her. I could not forget all the nights we had spent together. I felt shame imagining the things she had probably felt but never said: jealousy at a drop of maiden’s blood upon my cheek, quiet rage at my presentation of Straud’s plasma packs, bitterness that the rest of the coterie could vibrate their vocal cords and throw their heads back in laughter. Yes, all those memories felt tainted now that I realized I’d been oblivious to the clues she had laid along the way.

Yes, it had hurt me when she said she didn’t love me. Because I, in all my weaknesses and foibles, had loved her. And I thought - I think - it had been a well-rounded, full love. When I was with her, I could take off the mask. I didn’t need to scare anyone off, or protect anyone. I could just… be.

But the rising shame was the realization that she hadn’t felt the same way. I had taken off my mask under the impression that she had done the same, but she had never given me her all. She had always wanted to be somewhere else.

I am still sitting on the bridge, scraping the stars, when my feelings start to harden into shapes I can hold and sort. I do not think I can cry anymore - at the very least it hadn’t happened in over twenty-seven years - but I can feel stress well up inside me and threaten to wrest control from the helm. But I see the coup before it happens.

Let her go, I concluded. Let her pursue her dreams of love and companionship. Passion, the drive to find togetherness and belonging… Most never felt another feeling as strong as these needs. If she could not live with this hole in her heart, I was not about to condemn her to death.

I will open the door, I reasoned.

Because we are friends.

MANDARC//

Hey Cedric. You at the magic school?

CEDRIC//

No, I'm out. What's up?

MANDARC//

I just got here. You care if I go in the house?

CEDRIC//

You've got a key. Go ahead.

MANDARC//

...

She's not here.

CEDRIC//

I was afraid that might be the case.

MANDARC//

How is she going to get around? What if someone sees her? Shouldn't we go after her? If somebody comes upon a woman in a cybernetic suit, she could be in real trouble.

CEDRIC//

There's nothing we can do.

MANDARC//

Of course there are things we can do. We could put out an APB. I've got Dexx with me, he's a smart cookie. He could follow her trail--

CEDRIC//

There's nothing we should do. She's able to take care of herself.

MANDARC//

...Is she though? Are any of us?

CEDRIC//

Yeah, well. We have to give her the benefit of the doubt.

MANDARC//

What if we never see her again? Or, worse yet, what if we do see her again and she's... against us?

CEDRIC//

That's a very real possibility.

MANDARC//

I... I don't know if I could do that.

CEDRIC//

You did it with Perkins.

MANDARC//

Yeah well Friday was different.

CEDRIC//

How so?

MANDARC//

She took my dog!

CEDRIC//

Ha. Fair enough.

MANDARC//

I just... can't believe it had to end like this. I should have been there for her. I hadn't been talking to her enough. I hadn't made enough time for her. For a while, we were really close, and then, without me realizing it, we'd drifted apart.

CEDRIC//

You and me both. Except we were in the house together. And then I left to study thaumaturgy. And I didn't do a damn thing. I never should have done that.

MANDARC//

Maybe this whole thing with Yuki was a mistake.

CEDRIC//

I thought things with her were going well.

MANDARC//

They were... just...

CEDRIC//

She's Mortal?

MANDARC//

Aw, that's not the issue. I don't know, I might actually like that about her.

CEDRIC//

The fact that if you fuck up you could snap her in half like a toothpick?

MANDARC//

No! Just, when I'm with her, I can just forget. I can forget about this war, forget about Trelaine, forget about--

CEDRIC//

Being a vampire?

MANDARC//

... You always have to cast things in the worst possible light.

CEDRIC//

You're welcome.

MANDARC//

What's wrong with Yuki, anyway?

CEDRIC//

You can't be yourself with her. You have to pretend to be someone, something, you're not.

MANDARC//

But it's not all the time. She listens to me nerd out. She's impressed by my math skills. I don't have to hide my tics and bad habits--

CEDRIC//

Except for the whole I-drink-blood thing.

And the hey-I'll-never-get-old-and-die thing.

And you-know-my-boss-well-don't-make-him-mad-or-he'll-turn-into-Nosferatu thing.

MANDARC//

You are absolutely insufferable.

CEDRIC//

... Hi, I'm Cedric, have we met?

MANDARC//

Anyway--

CEDRIC//

So yeah I guess if you want to waste your time with Yuki--

Let me rephrase that. It's her life you're wasting.

MANDARC//

I'm glad we could have this conversation.

CEDRIC//

Anytime.

MANDARC//

So you coming back here at some point?

CEDRIC//

I don't know. I'm busy. What's it to you?

MANDARC//

The apartment is just... empty.

CEDRIC//

It's not like no one is there. Kevin and Vincent and Myr--

MANDARC//

I don't think she's there.

CEDRIC//

She can suppress her signature.

MANDARC//

Yeah, I know. And I still don't think she's there.

CEDRIC//

She doesn't sleep much these days.

MANDARC//

Still probably isn't a good idea for her to be wandering around in the middle of the night.

CEDRIC//

You're a hell of a lot closer than I am right now. Why don't you stop in and say hello?

MANDARC//

... Maybe I will.

Svetlana had been a shapechanger too. Or, at least, that is what I had been told. I’m not sure I ever saw her do it. Here, I think my memories were unreliable. I am not sure of what I saw in reality versus what I might have seen in the Dream. She had been sick and unable to share her inner self with anyone anymore.

I had an image in my mind’s eye of her roaming the taiga of Muskovy as an enormous snow leopard. She would have feared no man. I’m not sure where the thought came from, but I liked it all the same. It did not matter too much if it were real or not, this was how I wanted to remember her.

We had spent so much time on the ‘net together. We had probably spent more total hours doing that than being together in meatspace. It wasn’t so much that I regretted it - too much - I think in that place the symptoms of her illness were much more tolerable - but it made for few vivid touchstones for me to continue to hold after her death. I couldn’t remember that time she finally got the phat lewt or topped the damage meters. It had meant so much to us then but it now faded from my mind and threatened to completely slip away. And I had found it painful to visit those places after she had gone - it had felt wrong to be there without her and I eventually took to avoiding them altogether.

Yes, I was a coward. Not a terribly uncommon trait in Man, but then, I wasn’t one of them anymore, was I? I was something else now and with that change came a new set of standards. Sitting tonight at the top of the Triborough Bridge, no, that didn’t frighten me here and now but there were a hundred other things that did. Perhaps I could not tackle all of them at once, as much as I wanted to pretend such a thing were possible, but many of them were things I could make change in if I stopped being avoidant. And just because my hair would never turn grey did not mean I had forever.

I stand up and spread my arms and take a step. I fall from the pinnacle, surrendering myself completely to gravity. It pulls me down, down, down, and I can feel the breeze sweeping over the water.

I close my eyes and reach for memories buried deep inside. With no time to over-think it, I grab hold of what remains of my instinct and trust that I know what I’m doing.

Only the fish see the shadow of a small creature for which they have no name flap its leathery wings impossibly fast over the river’s surface. The beating of wings disturbs the water ever so slightly but otherwise they hear no sound. It disappears from their vision in an instant, bound for the brightest of the irrepressible city lights.

MANDARC//

Well I stopped into the Magicademy.

CEDRIC//

How did it go?

MANDARC//

Kevin was asleep.

CEDRIC//

Yeah - it's late.

MANDARC//

I don't know, I guess I kinda forgot.

CEDRIC//

Did you wake him?

MANDARC//

No, I spoke to Vincent.

CEDRIC//

How did that go?

MANDARC//

He thanked me for being concerned but he said he knew exactly where Myrtle was and I didn't need to worry.

CEDRIC//

That's good.

MANDARC//

... I should have woke up Kevin.

CEDRIC//

Why?

MANDARC//

Because I made a fool of myself in front of his father! I looked like a real schmuck.

CEDRIC//

You worry too much.

MANDARC//

I worry adequately!

...I was shaking like a leaf.

CEDRIC//

I bet he didn't even notice.

MANDARC//

Yeah, okay, says the son of the prince of darkness.

CEDRIC//

... I... uh - don't think that means what you think it means.

MANDARC//

Whatever. I looked stupid.

CEDRIC//

You're not afraid of Vlad. What's the difference?

MANDARC//

I don't know. It just is.

As I walk the streets of the city that never sleeps, I can feel that the sun had passed the nadir and had begun its march back toward my position. It had been a long night but I was still far from done.

In Midtown, the sidewalks still buzzed with activity. Despite plentiful prey, it was a dangerous place for a lone creature of the night. If the curtain were drawn back, there were few lanes of escape. Vlad didn’t like it and discouraged using the area as hunting grounds, especially as he had made a truce with Tomas. But I was emboldened by my victory over the river. If I played my cards right, no one would ever know.

I can read only a few of the signs that clutter the buildings in K-town. But I don’t need mastery of the language to identify exactly where I am going by smell. And this place stinks. The cloying odor of burnt sugar and charred meat dominates - the sheer number of carcasses shipped in every day is enough to ruin the appetite of any man with a shred of empathy. And if that weren’t enough to turn his stomach, I could share with him the next sensation that fills my nostrils. It is the strange, artificial bouquet of perfumes emitted by the beauty shops. As a human, the plastic and foil seals would keep each balm neatly contained. But I can smell them. All of them.

But I do not need any of that. What I need does leak into the street, but primarily by way of sound. I suppose to them, the violence of the subwoofer was like the beating of the heart. As if in the womb, they were bathed in rhythm.

This late at night, no one was outside. They were all inside. There were no lines to enter. It had been a long time since I had been here, but it didn’t seem like anything had changed. Maybe the prices. Here, cash was king.

The stairs are illuminated but I do not need any of that. For a moment, I am alone. but it does not last long; soon I am aware, even painfully so, of the scent I have been seeking. For twenty-seven years I have been immune to the simple pleasure of sugar but here, it all comes rushing back to me. It is the sweet, syrupy scent of many drunken bodies pressed against each other, sweating, salivating, suffering. That is not to say there wasn’t joy in that place - as I enter the room, a hundred observers are enraptured by the show on the stage. The microphones magnify was is an otherwise amateur performance. I always thought it made the onlookers all the more excited, eager to cheer on one of their own.

I’m a sucker for karaoke.

Effortlessly, I blend into the crowd and slip among them as if I’ve been there all night. Each of them is dotted with boozy perspiration and it’s a challenge to keep my focus as the promise of conquest is just within my grasp.

I keep steady.

Many of them have a drink in hand, but me? I don’t need it. I stay on the move and then, finally, I am satisfied with my vantage point. I am surrounded by the faceless masses but I am not afraid. When I am in this place, for a moment, I am one of them.

The song finishes and the next performer approaches the dais. The LCD goes blank for a moment and then fills with words in white.

There’s a reason I like this place. Here, with my smooth face and bright eyes, they take me as the fledgling. They trust their prejudice and pat me on the head, taking refuge in what they think they know about me.

And I let them.

( IF I LEAVE HERE TOMORROW... )

The woman next to me is holding one of those single-serv bottles of champagne. Our eyes meet and time seems to stop, tarrying to watch us for several seconds. We are locked on to each other until she forgets her fingers and the bottle falls from her grasp.

( ...JUST COULDN'T BE THE SAME )

Hidden by the strobing light, I catch the glass before it shatters upon the unseen floor.

( AND THIS BIRD... )

Unsure, embarrassed, she takes the bottle from me. I do not think she’s aware that not a single drop has been spilled.

( ...YOU CANNOT CHANGE )

She tries to take a drink and the foam wells up and gives her a moustache.

Making no sound, we laugh together.

( LORD KNOWS... )

At this point, many around us have turned their cellphones to “flashlight” and they hold them aloft in their hands, swaying back and forth to the music. This was the way of things now, and I counted my blessings, thinking it a boon to those among the night vulnerable to Rötschreck.

My companion, if I dared to call her that, fishes around in her purse as the tempo of the song quickens. She pulls out a lighter, engages the trigger, and joins the crowd in their show of solidarity.

I tended to keep a BIC in my right pocket, but I’m not feeling so confident I can so easily follow her lead. I slip my hand in my pocket. Indeed, my lighter is there, but… it’s light.

I bring it into my vision. It’s black number one, and I feel satisfied with it, until–

( FLICK... )
( FLICK... )
( FLICK. )

The damn thing refuses to light. My lady-friend turns her attention to me, but only for a moment, and returns her gaze to the stage.

( FLICK - FLICK - FLICK. )

It’s out of butane. Figures - right when I needed it.

Thinking I’ll give it one more chance, I wrap my palm around the top in an effort to still the disturbed air.

( FLICK. FLICK. )

Still nothing. And I refuse to resort to using my cellphone.

I draw from a font of power deep within myself, removing myself from this time, this place, this noise. Inside that place, there are no words, only raw emotion and desire. It is dark and still and silent, and yet, everything is known to me.

Be brave.

Be tough.

Be you.

The wellspring bubbles over, propelling my will into reality.

( FLICK! )

And in an instant, without fanfare, a flame of pure violet-blue appears at the mouth of the lighter.

I barely had the chance to stretch my arm up when the woman to my left looks over at me again.

She screams at me, because in the din she cannot hear anything. She thinks I can’t hear her, but she couldn’t be more mistaken.

BRUNETTE

NICE LIGHTER YOU’VE GOT THERE.

I humor her.

CEDRIC

WHAT?

BRUNETTE

NICE LIGHTER YOU HAVE THERE!

WHERE’D YOU GET IT?

( LORD, HELP ME, I CAN'T CHANGE. )
( "FREE BIRD" - LYNYRD SKYNYRD )

CEDRIC

OH, A FRIEND.

A FRIEND GAVE IT TO ME.

BRUNETTE

THAT’S COOL…

She disengages her fire and restores it to her pocket.

BRUNETTE

HEY, LISTEN, MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE A RESERVATION FOR A PRIVATE ROOM COMING UP IN ABOUT…

She glances at her watch.

BRUNETTE

TEN MINUTES GIVE OR TAKE.

YOU WANNA JOIN US?

I, too, lower my lighter. I watch the tiny flame sputter and snuff out and I feel satisfied.

CEDRIC

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

The next performer is ready to begin. He’s gonna do Queen. I hate Queen.

But my friend cannot fail to improve my mood. When I suggest we get off the floor, she obliges, ready to follow me wherever I go.

When the crowd is behind us and the lights are low, she can finally, really, hear me.

BRUNETTE

HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU LOOK JUST LIKE BILLY IDOL?

I cannot help but smile.

CEDRIC

…

…ONCE OR TWICE.

Her friends pale against her brilliance, but I never-the-less share with them a moment shining against an inky backdrop. In those all-too-brief hours, warmed by the camaraderie of fast friendship, we find meaning underneath lyrics, between memorized words. Mortal or Immortal, we all grasp at the transcendent, and each of us, in our own way, finds it.

By the time the sun threatens to rise, the table is decorated with a litany of half-savored cups. The room has slipped into the realm of Dream. It is a scene of peace and I savor it. I try to carve a sculpture to keep with me for always. I can’t know if I will be successful, but I still try.

I remove a handful of bills from my wallet and secure them underneath one of the glasses. Placing my hand in my right pocket, I find that my lighter is still there. Still no butane.

With the hints of dawn streaking across the sky, I fade again back into the streets.

When I get back to Astoria, the sky is fully illuminated. It is still a little early for the commuting crowd and the few people on the move are serving the numerous bakeries and food carts. The city may never truly cease motion but there were times its usual frenetic pace was replaced with the laconic haze of a morning come too soon.

I mused on the divine cycle and observed this very real microcosm. Maybe I was a singular cog in a sea of sameness, but maybe, just maybe, I was the linchpin that kept us all hurtling toward Progress. At the very least, I did not know for certain anything beyond my periphery, so I resolved to keep going in the only way I knew how.

Nestled in a transit desert in the northern reaches of Queens is a mouldering old building that few pay much attention to. And yet she is the beloved alma mater of a hundred mages now scattered throughout the globe. Despite my wanderings, it is here I always return. It is here that is my home.

Opening the door, I am greeted by the smell of coffee and a spot of milk. He has not had this habit for long, but for my part, I like it.

KEVIN

WELCOME BACK.

( GIMME THINGS THAT DON'T LAST LONG )
( "THIS CORROSION" - THE SISTERS OF MERCY )

KEVIN 040: Shadow of a Doubt

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 21:42:00 -0500

I could not leave this place. Of course, I had left. I had been forced to leave, first by the Doctor Trelaine, and then later when my father taught me the unfortunate truth of the vampiric affliction. Skittish at first, I learned more about myself and derived confidence from the things I could not leave behind. I learned how to be my own home. But even so, the Magicademy was a part of me as I was a part of it. Though I would eventually renounce much of what I thought I was, I found certain things could not be changed and would remain even as everything else gave way and crumbled before me. Straud freed me from seeking the Mortals as foodstuff, but with that liberation came chains I had long forgotten when invigorated by Blood. I remembered what it was to feel tired, ill, incapable, frail, dependent. My body became very heavy and I dragged it around with me as a ball and chain. I sank back into the habits of childhood, barely scraping through life, bound to this house, beholden to my mother, who once again found herself bringing meals to my bedside.

I am not so sure she wanted me to accept Straud’s cure and become a mage. When my father took up my education in my adolescence, I suspected Mother was all too glad to be rid of me. Finally she was free of her sickly child and had borne an exceptional Vampire. And I was an exceptional Vampire. The Beast guided my hand and fang and not once did the Thirst drive me into madness. Not… true madness, anyway. It did not matter that I despised it, not to her. Life was not for enjoyment, that left you fat and weak. Life was about work and success. She had always made a point of surrounding herself with only the best, and finally I was the spitting image of my father.

So when I gave all that up, I suppose she was disgusted with me. She resented trying to teach me elementary charms, spells ordinarily taught alongside fractions and cursive script. I was then nearing my fortieth year, at least by Mortal reckoning, and I might as well have regressed back into diapers and velcro shoes.

But I did not allow her attitude to poison me against her. I had proof of her greatness and dedication all around me and I simply accepted that she could not show it to me personally. When she bickered with my father, I tried to stay out of it, recognizing that I could do nothing to change what had happened long before my birth. They seemed as business partners first and foremost. And like so many Mortal children, that suited me just fine.

Although my mother had placed few kisses upon my forehead, when she died at the hands of her friend Agnes Sepal, I mourned. Though I had no certainty beforehand that it could be done, I made a leap of faith. I bound her spirit to our antiquated computer system. It was not too difficult, really, as I found Mother’s spirit had clung to this old house as oil to wood. My father, too, had lost his corporeal form at the hands of our family nemesis, but his soul had found refuge in my psyche. It was stranger than fiction, but I endured and even thrived.

I was never alone with this burden. I had what remained of my father’s acolytes and Straud had pledged his coterie to support what remained of the foundling home. Of all of them, Cedric was the one who never wavered. He called my father Master and we were as brothers. He and Straud were the only ones who did not question my decision to forsake vampirism.

And I had now become comfortable in my skin. I was happy with who I was and excited about what the future could hold for me as I uncovered my Talent - something I had been far from promised on the eve of accepting the Cure.

But then, everything changed. Davian freed my mother and father from their prisons and brought them back into the realm of the living. It is something no child, Extranatural or Mortal, is ever prepared for. The pair now bustled about the house, energized by their new leases on life, and vowed to do things right this time. Where I had taken the dusty old home as my inheritance, all of a sudden I was sharing the space with my parents again, long after I’d adjusted to the quiet. I had changed, they had changed, or… well… at least they seemed different. They were… nice to each other, and at first I was set ill-at-ease to see them talk and embrace and behave as husband and wife. It took time, but eventually I came to the conclusion that this was actually a righting-of-wrongs, a final accounting, and that this was the way things were always supposed to have been.

Except for the house. Without the Orphans, she was still empty.

KEVIN

MOTHER, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

Today, she seemed at peace. I had found her typing away at a computer, a number of tomes spread on the empty corners of the desk.

MYRTLE

OF COURSE, KEVIN.

I CAN TAKE A MOMENT.

I’LL PUT SOME TEA ON.

DO YOU WANT ANY?

KEVIN

YEAH, I’LL TAKE SOME.

We descended the stairs. It still felt strange to walk in front of her but I knew I needed to get past the discomfort. I was not a child anymore.

At the bottom of the stairs, we turn the corner. The kitchen was tidy but far from spotless. I had lately noticed my mother’s calculations before using an incantation to banish stray crumbs. Where she once may have invoked her Talent on a whim, today sometimes I found her with a rag in hand, completing tasks in the most Ordinary fashion. But I was not about to question her methods.

Sitting atop the stove is a used kettle in stainless steel. It is an old friend of mine.

MYRTLE

WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?

KEVIN

SOMETHING CAFFEINE-FREE.

IT’S LATE.

My mother could take in the stimulant at any hour of the day. I had not inherited that trait from her.

KEVIN

THANKS FOR THE TEA, MA.

CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING?

MYRTLE

YES, KEVIN.

GO AHEAD.

I did not like to relay this news but I felt I needed to tell her.

KEVIN

DAVIAN IS…

AWAY.

HE’S LEFT THE PLANET.

SAYS HE’S CHASING AFTER HIS WAYWARD APPRENTICE, LILA.

HE PLANS TO RETURN, OF COURSE, BUT FOR NOW, HE’S NOT HERE.

Though Davian was quite a bit older than my mother, he allowed her to dote on him like a second son. They had a certain affection for each other, perhaps, I assumed, because they both belonged to a more civilized age.

KEVIN

I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

We sit there in silence for a moment. All of a sudden, the tea erupts into song, entirely too early.

Without a word, my mother turns around to turn off the heat. Her hand is quivering.

KEVIN

MOM, ARE YOU OKAY?

She tries to mask her emotion. But her voice is quiet and she doesn’t turn to face me.

MYRTLE

W-WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO EARTH?

WITHOUT DAVIAN?

I did not know what to say to her.

KEVIN

WE STILL HAVE STRAUD.

DAD AND THE COTERIE.

EVEN THE ORDER…

She slams her fist upon the counter.

MYRTLE

DAMN THE ORDER!

I tried to be cautious.

KEVIN

I KNOW THEY HAVEN’T EXACTLY BEEN OUR FRIENDS BUT I THOUGHT DAVIAN PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR US–

MYRTLE

YEAH, WELL HE’S NOT HERE TO SIGN OUR LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION!

KEVIN

THEY MAY NOT LIKE OUR ASSOCIATION WITH THE NIGHTFOLK, BUT THEY CANNOT DISPUTE THE FACT THAT WE FIGHT FOR GOOD.

MYRTLE

GOOD, SCHMOOD!

THE DAYS OF THE ORDER ARE OVER.

WITHOUT DAVIAN, WE CANNOT HOPE TO STAND AGAINST TRENTE GAGARIN.

KEVIN

STRAUD CAN–

MYRTLE

STRAUD CAN DO WHAT?

HE FIGHTS TOO MANY WARS ON TOO MANY FRONTS.

WE ASK TOO MUCH OF ONE MAN.

KEVIN

I COULD SAY THE SAME OF DAVIAN.

HE NEEDED TO GO AFTER HIS APPRENTICE.

WE CANNOT ENSLAVE HIM TO FIGHT OUR WARS.

MYRTLE

DID YOU TALK TO HIM YOURSELF?

She was flippant and indignant. This was a version of her with which I was more acquainted.

KEVIN

NO.

MANDARC SPOKE TO HIM.

MYRTLE

AND MANDARC SPOKE TO YOU?

KEVIN

WELL, NO.

CEDRIC TOLD ME.

MYRTLE

AH, YES.

WE’RE PLAYING THE DAMN TELEPHONE GAME.

I could have lost my patience with her, but I held steady.

KEVIN

DO YOU HAVE ANY REASON TO BELIEVE THAT MANDARC IS LYING?

She had spent time with Mandarc during her depression at Rindle Rose. The vampire held a special place in her heart. He was a gentle soul.

MYRTLE

…

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

KEVIN

YEAH, I DON’T THINK SO EITHER.

The hot water still sat in the kettle. I think we’d both lost our appetite.

KEVIN

MOM.

I KNOW OUR FAMILY OWES DAVIAN A HUGE DEBT AFTER ALL HE’S GIVEN US.

BUT HE DID NOT BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE TO CLING TO HIS COATTAILS.

HE BELIEVED IN YOU AND YOUR POWER TO MAKE REAL CHANGE IN THE WORLD.

YOU ARE INCREDIBLY CAPABLE AND EVERYONE SEES THAT EXCEPT YOU.

I did not expect her to accept my compliment, but I gave it anyway. She needed to hear it.

KEVIN

DAVIAN WILL RETURN AND WE WILL SHOW HIM WHAT WE’VE DONE.

She continued to stare at the cooling kettle.

KEVIN

WE COULD RESTART THE SCHOOL–

MYRTLE

I’M NOT BRINGING MORE CHILDREN INTO THIS.

She spoke quietly, but firmly, with a resigned finality that indicated she’d already made up her mind.

KEVIN

BUT WASN’T THAT THE PLAN?

She finally turned toward me as if to magnify her conviction.

MYRTLE

I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FATTENING OF PIGS FOR THE SLAUGHTER.

I did not like where this was going.

KEVIN

MOTHER, THIS IS THEIR WORLD TOO.

SHOULD WE NOT GIVE THEM THE TOOLS TO FIGHT FOR IT?

She looked away again.

MYRTLE

…

WE WILL HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH WHAT WE HAVE.

KEVIN

THAT IS INCREDIBLY SHORT-SIGHTED!

IT COULD BE LIFETIMES BEFORE WE ACHIEVE PEACE!

MYRTLE

THEN FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO RAISE THE CHILDREN.

I CAN’T DO IT.

NOT ANYMORE.

KEVIN

MOTHER, WE NEED YOU!

I was pleading now. She was retreating, hiding again. I thought we had moved past this.

MYRTLE

I’M TIRED.

I’M SO DAMN TIRED.

YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR TALENT.

YOU DO IT.

KEVIN

I STRUGGLE TO DO HALF - A QUARTER - OF WHAT COMES SO EASILY TO YOU!

MYRTLE

I’M OLD.

KEVIN

YOU’RE A MAGE!

YOU COULD LIVE FOREVER IF YOU WANTED TO!

MYRTLE

I DON’T WANT TO LIVE FOREVER.

I WANT TO FINISH WHAT I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO DO AND THEN I WANT TO REST.

DESPITE MY MANY SINS, I THINK - I HOPE - I WILL HAVE EARNED THAT.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was as if nothing we had done over the past several years had made any difference. It was all a farce. She was just as she had been.

KEVIN

AND WHAT ABOUT DAD?

DON’T YOU CARE WHAT HE THINKS?

MYRTLE

YOUR FATHER MANIFESTED LONG BEFORE I WAS BORN AND HE WILL CONTINUE ON LONG AFTER I CEASE TO EXIST.

KEVIN

HE LOVES YOU!

MYRTLE

AND HE WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

KEVIN

HOW CAN YOU JUST LEAVE HIM BEHIND?

THAT’S…

I searched for a curse to come even close to conveying the rage brewing inside my soul.

KEVIN

THAT’S INCREDIBLY SELFISH OF YOU!

She paused for a moment, considering my outburst.

MYRTLE

…

WE ARE ALL ALLOWED A SELFISH DECISION FROM TIME TO TIME.

Regarding the conversation over, she disappears in a wave of scintillating light, transportalating out of my sight.

By now, the water has returned to a lukewarm state. My mouth is dry, but I leave it sitting, abandoned, and walk out of the room.

CEDRIC//

Hey, Kev. How's it going?

KEVIN//

Honestly? Not great.

CEDRIC//

What's up?

KEVIN//

I told my mother about Davian. She did not take it well.

CEDRIC//

It's not good news.

KEVIN//

Yeah, I know... Just--

CEDRIC//

What kind of trouble could Lila have gotten herself into?

KEVIN//

Do you think this was orchestrated?

CEDRIC//

Could be.

KEVIN//

My mother... just sank back into her old depression. It was hard to see her like that. I thought she had made progress. But it was like old times.

CEDRIC//

...

Like before she died?

KEVIN//

She and Dad have seemed so happy. Like how they must have been long ago. Before me.

CEDRIC//

Do you really think they were ever happy?

KEVIN//

I think when the future was bright and the house was new and--

CEDRIC//

Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

KEVIN//

...

CEDRIC//

I need you to come over and take a look at AVAEL. Maybe she needs a tune-up or something, I don't know.

KEVIN//

She hasn't been well since the cat left.

CEDRIC//

Before that. I don't know, I think she...

KEVIN//

Did it on purpose?

CEDRIC//

Yeah. She wasn't just forgetting shit like that.

It was over ten years ago, yes, longer than that, back when I was still a vampire, that Straud introduced us to Avaelle Easton.

She was in rough shape. Physically, superficially, she had wounds like none I’d ever seen on a vampire. Her skin was dark, blackened as if from a fire. One eye was swollen shut, stubbornly refusing to heal. And her hair, once a vibrant auburn hue, was haphazardly cut short against her scalp. Clothes hung off her body, barely hiding her bones and paradoxically making her seem even more naked. And yet, sustained by the mystery of the Curse, she stood straight, never-the-less too weak to kneel and beg clemency.

Straud asked me to help her. I had earlier taken up a half-hearted interest in robotics and cybernetics, but not with any particular goal in mind. It was a flight of fancy intended to stave off the pain of idle hands. But the Count seized upon it, insisting that I was the only one who could do this for her.

And he promised that he would help.

KEVIN

HI, CEDRIC.

NICE NIGHT WE’RE HAVING.

I had not even needed to knock on the door. He had known of my arrival. Yes, I had a key, but I had no reason to be so rude.

CEDRIC

GUESS I COULDA JUST LEFT THE DOOR OPEN.

I MEAN, WHO KNOWS; SHE COULD JUST WANDER BACK INSIDE.

KEVIN

MAYBE WE’LL GET A CAT DOOR.

CEDRIC

UGH, DON’T BOTHER.

IT’LL JUST MAKE A DRAFT.

KEVIN

YOU CAN GET ONES THAT SECURE SHUT.

CEDRIC

THAT KINDA DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.

I could hear AVAEL plinking away at the piano on the second floor. There was no hiding it: this was an intervention.

Cedric and I gingerly ascended the stairs.

KEVIN

AVAEL?

HEYA.

HOW’S IT GOING?

She stopped playing.

AVAEL

NOT WELL, KEVIN.

…

NOT WELL.

KEVIN

HOW ARE YOUR AUGMENTS?

IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU’VE HAD A TUNE-UP.

AVAEL

A BAD WIRE HERE AND THERE BUT NOTHING I CAN’T FIX MYSELF.

THERE ARE USUALLY A FEW DEAD GIVEAWAYS THAT SOMETHING IS GOING TO MALFUNCTION BEFORE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

KEVIN

IF YOU EVER NEEDED HELP AND I WASN’T AROUND, YOU KNOW CEDRIC COULD ASSIST YOU.

She paused.

AVAEL

…

YES, I AM AWARE.

She tilts her head just slightly.

AVAEL

ALTHOUGH CEDRIC DID NOT ASSEMBLE MY COMPONENTS.

KEVIN

STRAUD, THEN.

HE HELPED ME A LOT.

HE HAS A GREAT KNOWLEDGE BASE.

I DON’T KNOW THAT I COULD HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT HIM.

AVAEL

…

I SUPPOSE NOT.

The room is filled with an awkward silence.

KEVIN

I’M SURE I’M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING YOU DON’T ALREADY KNOW, BUT WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL IN THE WINTER MONTHS.

THE AIR IS DRY AND EXCESS STATIC–

AVAEL

I TAKE ALL THE NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS.

KEVIN

I BELIEVE YOU.

I JUST WORRY; I DON’T WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.

AVAEL

I APPRECIATE AND VALUE YOUR CONCERN.

Cedric and I look at each other. AVAEL was our Elder by a considerable amount. Over a century, nearly two, in fact.

CEDRIC

IT’S NOT JUST ELECTRICITY WE’RE CONCERNED ABOUT, AVAEL.

…

IT’S YOU.

AVAEL

ME, SIR?

CEDRIC

YES, YOU!

YOU’RE AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE TEAM!

She did not move a muscle.

AVAEL

ME, SIR?

I AM ALL BUT HOUSEBOUND.

I RUST IN THE RAIN.

I OVERHEAT IN THE SUN.

I CAN’T CHANGE MY SHAPE, I CAN’T FALL INTO MIST.

MY FANGS ARE HIDDEN BEHIND AN LCD AND I RELY ON CHARITY SUCKED THROUGH A STRAW TO SUSTAIN MY EXISTENCE.

“AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE TEAM”?

PLEASE DO NOT INSULT ME WITH YOUR PLATITUDES AND FLATTERY.

CEDRIC

BUT AS TECHNOLOGY IMPROVES–

AVAEL

MY BODY WILL CONTINUE TO WITHER.

KEVIN

SO WE’LL KEEP TRYING.

AVAEL

THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HEAL THESE WOUNDS.

CEDRIC

…

THE OLD MAN WOULD NEVER ALLOW IT.

KEVIN

HE HAS HIS REASONS FOR ENFORCING THE LAW.

DIABLERIE IS FORBIDDEN BECAUSE–

AVAEL

BECAUSE THE SOUL IS CONSUMED AS WELL.

BECAUSE WE ARE IRREVOKABLY TAINTED BY THE CRIME.

YES, I AM AWARE.

EVEN THE DOCTOR ONCE DENOUNCED THE PRACTICE.

CEDRIC

HE DOESN’T ANYMORE.

AVAEL

NO, HE DOES NOT.

KEVIN

I KNOW IT FEELS AS IF THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY OUT.

I KNOW IT FEELS HOPELESS.

AVAEL

OH, KEVIN.

EVER THE OPTIMIST.

CEDRIC

WE HAVE SO PRECIOUS LITTLE LEFT OF WHAT WAS.

ARE YOU READY TO BREAK THAT BEYOND REPAIR?

She does not like what he says.

AVAEL

…

I HAVE ALREADY BEEN THERE.

CEDRIC

BUT THIS IS WORSE, AVAEL!

AVAEL

YOU YOUNGBLOOD HAVE LITTLE BASIS ON WHICH TO MAKE A JUDGEMENT.

YOU ARE POSSESSED WITH VIGOR AND YOUTH AND DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO BE RAVAGED BY DISEASE.

YOU STILL HAVE YOUR FAMILIES.

YOU HAVEN’T LOST…

…

EVERYTHING.

I had to there admit defeat. But I wasn’t ready to surrender.

KEVIN

THE ACT OF DIABLERIE REMOVES THE VICTIM FROM THE CYCLE.

THEY CAN NEVER REJOIN THEIR LOVED ONES IN THE UMBRA.

THEY…

CAN NEVER MAKE THE JOURNEY TO ELYSION.

THEIR STORY JUST…

ENDS.

ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE JUDGE, JURY, AND EXECUTIONER?

But my plea for the greater good falls flat.

AVAEL

…

I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

None of us know what to say.

AVAEL

AND MAYBE, ANYWAY, THAT’S A MERCY I BELIEVE IN.

For the second time today I was arguing for joy and perseverance in the face of despair. For the second time today I doubted the source of my conviction. Maybe they were right. Maybe I was the fool.

CEDRIC

THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES THAT CONSUMING THE VITAE OF IMMORTALS WILL HEAL YOU.

THAT BLOOD…

IS NOT FOR US TO TAKE.

YOU RISK–

AVAEL

I RISK WHAT?

MY SALVATION?

MY TICKET TO HEAVEN?

THAT WAS TAKEN FROM ME LONG AGO.

AND DON’T YOU DARE INSIST THAT I MIGHT BE SAVED THROUGH GOOD WORKS.

WE ARE ALL SINNERS AND WE ARE ALL DESTINED FOR HELLFIRE.

I KNOW WHAT AWAITS ME IN THE END.

OR WORSE YET–

I’M ALREADY THERE.

CEDRIC

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN?

TRELAINE WILL CALL A TOAST AND YOU’LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN?

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK HE’S GOING TO PRESENT YOU A FEW SACRIFICES AS A BELATED WEDDING GIFT?

DIDN’T YOU LEAVE HIM FOR A REASON?

Cedric has thrown out the caltrops.

AVAEL

…

I DON’T APPRECIATE THE CRUELTY.

CEDRIC

WELL I DON’T APPRECIATE YOU TAKING A DUMP ON EVERYTHING I THOUGHT WE STOOD FOR.

EVERYTHING WE WORKED SO HARD TO CREATE.

…

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

AVAEL

…

WE WERE FRIENDS.

BUT FRIENDS DON’T MAKE FRIENDS SUFFER.

CEDRIC

…

WE TRIED TO RELIEVE YOUR SUFFERING.

THE SUIT, THE HOUSE.

TRIED TO HELP YOU BE THE BEST YOU COULD BE.

NEVER ONCE TALLIED YOUR CRIMES OR QUESTIONED YOUR LOYALTY.

AVAEL

WELL, IT DIDN’T WORK.

CEDRIC

DAMMIT, AVAEL!

I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU!

I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU!

AVAEL

I DON’T LOVE YOU, CEDRIC.

…

YOU ARE A CHILD.

YOU MAY WALK UNPHASED BY THE SUN AS THE ANCIENTS DO–

YOU MAY STAND AMONG THE MORTALS WITH A PRIDE BEYOND YOUR YEARS–

BUT THE PLAIN AND SIMPLE FACT IS THAT YOU ARE STILL A FLEDGLING.

A YOUNGLING.

A BOY OUTGROWN HIS ROMPER.

CEDRIC

AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU, THIS IS WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO?

YOU CAN’T HURT ME.

I KNOW WHAT I AM AND I WILL CONTINUE TO GROW STRONGER.

BUT YOU?

YOU MAY HAVE MANY A YEAR ON ME BUT YOU HAVEN’T USED ANY OF THAT TIME TO LEARN A DAMN THING.

YOU’RE STILL THE SAME LOVESICK TEENAGER YOU WERE BACK THEN.

AND IF ANY OF US HAVE CLAIM TO DESPISE HIM, YOU SHOULD.

YOU THINK HE WILL SAVE YOU BUT IT IS HE WHO DAMNED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

AND YOU REPAY THAT WITH YOUR LOVE AND DEVOTION?

AVAEL

AS THE YEARS PASS, YOU WILL COME TO REALIZE THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS ABOUT US THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE.

CEDRIC

AND SO YOU JUST GIVE UP?

CALL ME NAIVE WHILE BLIND TO THE FACT THAT TO TRELAINE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A NEONATE?

HOPEFULLY YOU ARE NOT SO DELUDED THAT YOU BELIEVE HE SEES YOU AS ANYTHING BUT A CUTE PET.

AVAEL

I BELIEVE HE LOVES ME.

EVEN NOW.

KEVIN

HE REPLACED YOU, AVAEL.

YOU SAW HER, YOU MET HER.

TRELAINE DIDN’T COME TO RESCUE YOU, HE SOUGHT COMFORT IN A FIGMENT OF HIS OWN IMAGINATION.

HE LOVED THAT GHOST.

NOT YOU, FOR YOU, YOURSELF.

AVAEL

I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

CEDRIC

REALLY?

YOU SAY YOU DON’T GIVE A FUCK?

BULLSHIT.

KEVIN

TRELAINE DIDN’T TAKE CARE OF YOU.

WHEN YOU CAME TO US, YOU WERE BATTERED AND BRUISED.

BARELY CLINGING TO REALITY.

JUST ASK STRAUD–

AVAEL

“ASK STRAUD”?

“ASK STRAUD”?!

HE WHO REFUSED TO HEAL ME?

MISTER HE OF GREAT AND TERRIBLE POWER, BEING FROM ANOTHER WORLD, BIG BOSS OF ALL THE NIGHTFOLK?

“JUST ASK STRAUD”.

HE WHO PUT ME IN TORPOR?

WHERE WAS STRAUD WHEN I NEEDED HELP?

DID HE TEACH ME BLOOD MAGIC OR CURE ME OF VAMPIRISM?

NO.

HE SHUNTED ME OFF ON ONE OF HIS DUTIFUL CULTISTS, FAVORING HIS LITTLE CRONIES, AND PENNED A BLUEPRINT TO IMPRISON ME BEHIND STEEL AND SUTURE.

MEDICATE THE SYMPTOMS BUT DO NOT CURE THE DISEASE.

“ASK STRAUD”–

“ASK STRAUD”…

TO HELL WITH STRAUD!

We left the apartment. I did not like to do it but what else was there for us to do? She had made up her mind and we could not impinge upon her freedom.

Mandarc, however, had other ideas.

MANDARC//

You just let her go?

CEDRIC//

We left the house. Whether we find her there when we return is anyone's guess.

MANDARC//

She wasn't in her right mind! The AVAEL I know wouldn't do this!

CEDRIC//

She is lonely. The drive for companionship is enough to drive even the most resilient to insanity.

MANDARC//

She had us! All of us!

...

Did she even say goodbye?

To... me?

KEVIN//

...

CEDRIC//

She didn't say goodbye to any of us. She's got other things on her mind.

MANDARC//

She thinks her old master will take her back? He's got a new girlfriend now.

CEDRIC//

We tried to tell her that.

MANDARC//

Yeah, well maybe you didn't try hard enough.

KEVIN//

I think she had already made up her mind. I think she's been carrying this burden for a long time.

MANDARC//

We could have helped her.

KEVIN//

I don't think we could have helped her with this. She still loves Trelaine.

MANDARC//

...

How could she love him after everything he's done?

CEDRIC//

She's in love with the past.

MANDARC//

I'm pretty sure he was an asshole back then too!

CEDRIC//

Yeah, well. She doesn't see it that way.

MANDARC//

... I can't believe she didn't even say goodbye.

KEVIN//

We don't know that she's left yet.

MANDARC//

Then I've still got a shot.

Cedric did not linger too long at the Magicademy. I did not expect him to return to his post at the auxiliary apartments, no, not tonight. I knew exactly where he was going. Underneath the cover of night, he would slip effortlessly between shadows. He would wait just outside the reaches of the streetlamps, linger in the unknowable silence. He would then seize his prey precisely at the moment they thought to fear. Yes, he reveled in that arousal, just when the skeletal hand of terror choked the heart and sped the blood into the veins. I knew him. I knew where he was.

But tonight, I sheltered inside the same four walls I had taken refuge in since my birth. I could not follow Cedric into darkness, not here, not now, not like this. I had to guard myself. I was needed, I was necessary. I could not trust that the others would be there when I needed them, not with so many pulling away. If the pillars were crumbling, I would see myself remain to the last. For me to endure, I had to play conservatively. I would watch, wait, and when I finally got my hand, I would be ready to play.

The only one that remains in the old house is Father. I can sense him even as he tries to minimize his presence, taking a moment of reflection in his study. Though he has a sprawling complex and chapel underground, he seemed to prefer a more mundane existence. But it was all a grand masquerade - there was absolutely nothing Mundane about my Father.

I knew he was in there. I knew he knew I was here. And yet, I knocked.

KEVIN

FATHER?

CAN I COME IN?

VINCENT

COME IN, KEVIN.

He is surrounded here by books, but every single one of them is closed. There is no computer in this room, although a cellphone lays face down on the corner of the desk. Staying connected to the wintranet for him now required conventional methods.

I suppose, despite it all, when I was here I again felt small. Maybe that was a comfort, that even as the coterie dissolved at the edges, I was still the son of the fabled Prince of Elysion.

VINCENT

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

I couldn’t be sure if he asked out of courtesy or honestly needed to extract information out of me. We had long since ceased to share a singular body.

KEVIN

COULDA BEEN BETTER.

MOM IS DEPRESSED AND AVAEL IS PROBABLY GOING TO DEFECT BACK WHERE SHE CAME.

VINCENT

THERE IS A POWERFUL STRING DRAWING HER TO TRELAINE.

KEVIN

IT JUST ANGERS ME, THAT SOMETIMES LOVE IS SO DESTRUCTIVE.

VINCENT

I THINK STRAUD UNDERSTOOD THAT HER RESIDENCE HERE WAS ONLY TEMPORARY.

KEVIN

THEN WHY DID WE INVEST SO MUCH INTO HER LIVELIHOOD?

JUST TO HAVE HER GO BACK TO THE ABUSIVE HOME SHE FLED?

VINCENT

THERE ARE FEW THINGS MORE IMMOVABLE THAN THE HUMAN HEART.

KEVIN

AND IS NOT THE GIFT A WAY TO TRANSCEND THOSE TRAPPINGS?

VINCENT

WE ARE THE INHERITORS OF HUMANITY.

WE ARE FORMED IN THEIR IMAGE.

YOU CANNOT FREE A MAN FROM A PRISON OF HIS OWN MAKING.

KEVIN

I JUST WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT AFTER TEN YEARS–

MORE–

WITH US–

VINCENT

THAT SHE’D CHANGED?

MY SON.

I DO SO VALUE YOUR EYE FOR THE LIGHT, BUT THAT IS NOT THE WAY OF MAN.

WE ARE MADE, BUT MAN?

MAN IS BORN.

KEVIN

I DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT.

VINCENT

I KNOW YOU DON’T.

BUT A SCIENTIST CANNOT IGNORE THE FACTS THE UNIVERSE PLACES BEFORE HIM.

KEVIN

I AM NO SCIENTIST.

VINCENT

A MAGE, THEN?

A WIZARD?

KEVIN

NOT YET.

VINCENT

A VAMPIRE, THEN?

YOU ARE MY PROGENY, AFTER ALL.

KEVIN

…

NO, NOT ANYMORE.

VINCENT

YOU MAY REFUSE EVERY TITLE THRUST UPON YOU AND STILL YOU WILL BE FORCED TO RESPOND.

KEVIN

THEN LET THEM CHOOSE WHAT TO CALL ME.

VINCENT

AVAEL SEES YOU AS HER CAPTOR.

KEVIN

I THINK SO.

VINCENT

DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

WHAT YOU WERE ABLE TO DO FOR HER IS INCREDIBLE.

CERTAINLY BEYOND THE UNDERSTANDING OF MORTAL SCIENCE.

MORE THAN I COULD HAVE DONE.

KEVIN

I HAD STRAUD’S HELP.

VINCENT

HE IS CERTAINLY AN ENIGMA.

KEVIN

IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER THOUGH, BECAUSE I’M SURE THE FIRST THING TRELAINE WILL DO–

VINCENT

YOU CANNOT TROUBLE YOURSELF WITH THE MOTIVATIONS OF THE ENEMY.

THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN TRYING TO PREDICT THEIR ACTIONS AND LOSING YOURSELF IN THEIR RHETORIC.

KEVIN

I JUST RESENT THE FACT THAT SHE’S WILLING TO FORSAKE YEARS–

YEARS! OF FRIENDSHIP FOR THE VAIN HOPE THAT HER ESTRANGED, ABUSIVE, DERANGED LOVER WILL TAKE HER BACK.

IS THIS ALL BECAUSE WE DO NOT PERMIT DIABLERIE?

VINCENT

PERHAPS YES, PERHAPS NOT QUITE.

THE DOMAIN OF EROS IS FAR-REACHING, HIS INFLUENCE EXTENDS UNPARALLELED THROUGH MORTAL AND IMMORTAL REALMS ALIKE.

FEW, PERHAPS NONE, HAVE SUCH A TAXABLE BASE AS HE.

WITHOUT HIS INFLUENCE, MANY DO NOT SEE THE VALUE OF TRYING TO PERPETUATE AGAINST THE RAVAGES OF TIME.

KEVIN

I THOUGHT WE HAD TRANSCENDED ABOVE LUST.

VINCENT

EROS HAS DOMINION OVER MORE THAN JUST UNBRIDLED PASSION.

THEREIN LIES ONE OF THE REASONS WE HAVE A PROHIBITION AGAINST CONSUMING SOULS.

CONNECTIONS ARE FORMED DURING THE TRAVERSAL OVER THE ETHER, THROUGH THE UMBRA, THAT ARE NEVER ERASED, NEVER FORGOTTEN.

SOULS ONCE PARTED ARE EVER AGAIN DRIVEN INEXPLICABLY TOWARD EACH OTHER THROUGH ETERNITY.

THESE…

LINES OF FORCE… WELLS OF POTENTIAL, INTERACTING PARTICLES, GIVE COLOR AND MEANING TO THE COSMOS.

SOULS SEVERED FROM THE CYCLE ARE NEVER AGAIN BLESSED WITH THESE INTERACTIONS.

KEVIN

AND WHAT IF THE REST OF CREATION IS DESTROYED?

STAR SYSTEMS OBLITERATED ALL IN THE NAME OF ANTIMATTER ANNIHILATION?

IS THAT JUST THE WAY OF THINGS?

WE’LL GO ALONG WITH IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT EROS WILLS?

I was inclined to defer to my father’s wisdom on some things, many things, most things even, but something here did not seem right.

KEVIN

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ONCE EROS HAS TAKEN GRASP UPON A HEART, HE NEVER LETS GO.

WHY?

DOES ANYONE, ANYWHERE FIGHT HIM?

WE MAY WAR AGAINST EVERY OTHER GOD WITH SELFISH PLANS FOR OUR SERVITUDE, BUT WHAT ABOUT HIM?

NO, MORTALS AND IMMORTALS ALIKE HAVE ACCEPTED HIM AS THE BENEVOLENT SLAVEMASTER!

BECAUSE THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH BEING IN LOVE!

BUT ISN’T THAT THE GRAND ILLUSION–

THEY ARE ALL STILL SLAVES!

LIVING AND DEAD, THEY ALL KISS HIS WHIP!

For once, for blessed once, my Father is silent.

VINCENT

…

IF YOU ARE ABLE TO STAND AGAINST HIM, MY SON, THEN STAND.

STAND TALL.

The day ends much as it began: with a whimper. I am alone on the top floor of this grand old house ignomiously dubbed by some as the Magicademy. In my room are reminders of my mortal limitations: I cannot yet conjure clothes to my form nor can I rest without the plush comfort of a bed. I require absolute darkness to sleep - to say nothing of the silence.

I chose this existence. I was given a taste of the other side and I refused its allure. No, I wanted, craved, something else. Some, even now, resented me for refusing my birthright - yes, son of the Prince of Elysion. But what was that worth when I would have to forsake the rest of the Tellurian? Maybe I would not persist into Eternity - I had given up that promise - but if I worked hard enough - and yes, I would have to work - maybe I could leave behind something that would endure long after no one could remember my name.

With this vain hope in my heart, heavy with the grievances of a world in pain, I fell asleep.

( TAKE MY PICTURE NOW, SHAKE IT 'TIL YOU SEE IT )
( "HOUSE OF MEMORIES" - PANIC! AT THE DISCO )

MANDARC 023: Rocket Science

Tue, 10 Dec 2024 21:45:00 -0500

MANDARC//

I had a vision in the Haunt. It's no real mystery why I was subjected to this vision - it was inspired by a struggle I'm having with caring for Dexx, but it was... vivid.

CEDRIC//

They always are. What did you see?

MANDARC//

Maggots. Or some kind of beetle larvae. IDK. There were so many of them. Uncountable. No matter how many I killed, more appeared to take their place.

CEDRIC//

Ugh.

MANDARC//

It's all to do with an issue I keep having with Dexx's food. I never wanted to feed him in the house, but I have to. And I keep finding bugs where I feed him. I've been trying to deal with it best I can but... I hate these creepy crawlies. Something about the way they wriggle really disgusts me.

CEDRIC//

No joints.

MANDARC//

Something like that.

CEDRIC//

Reminds me, if you don't mind me interrupting--

MANDARC//

Go ahead.

CEDRIC//

Toonces ran away.

MANDARC//

Aw. I'm sorry. Maybe she'll come back.

CEDRIC//

And maybe she won't. AVAEL and I neglected to feed her and she escaped out the window. Ripped the screen and everything.

MANDARC//

I thought you had taken her to the old Vatore place.

CEDRIC//

Yeah, I did. But then I brought her back when I returned.

MANDARC//

You tried your best.

CEDRIC//

I don't know about that. I forgot to feed her.

MANDARC//

AVAEL?

CEDRIC//

AVAEL is going through something.

MANDARC//

She coulda fed the cat.

CEDRIC//

I coulda fed the cat. I didn't. Anyway that's where we're at. Maybe it's for the best. From the wild she came, to the wild she returns.

I had a lot on my mind. Tonight, in this moment, the insubordinate son demanded my attention. But the truth was that I could not render my full consciousness.

Thankfully Cedric rose from the table to greet Makoa and his daughter. I did not, in my gut, feel like I had a dog in this fight.

Yes, it seemed that my Master had a strong opinion on this matter. Where I knew him so often for his tolerance and patience, here he seemed as an immovable object. It seemed far from my concern - I was not about to argue for the Islander’s mercy. He had never affected me one way or the other. He was a non-entity to me. I did not understand what the Master had seen in him so I tried not to dwell on the mystery. It was not mine to comprehend.

As far as converting his daughter was concerned, it did seem somewhat perverse to me. Cedric greeted him with the genteel civility he was due as the Master’s Childe, but my feelings regarding the Prohibition became ever more cemented as Makoa and his daughter Nani made their way into the throngs of mortals at the Blue Velvet. She did not belong here. Oh, she was cute enough, and perhaps if I were to linger in one frame of mind I could see the appeal. But my feelings, my gut, would not permit it. She was small, standing half the height of those she divided. The manner in which she clung to her father’s hand felt wholly out-of-place in this realm. To be a vampire was to stand alone against the world, to endure in spite of the eras, it was a place where self-reliance was a necessity rather than a luxury.

And perhaps it was also true that children simply made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t that I hated them, resented them, or envied their youth, I just simply did not like them. They were small, delicate, even more easily broken than the Mortals from whom they sprang. They were chaotic and unpredictable, slave to emotion rather than Logic. And as if to betray all this, they even looked strange, and I could not help but regard them as incomplete, very partial versions of their future selves. A star, I had learned, only ignited once it reached a critical mass. Below this threshold, it could not maintain the processes necessary to produce photons.

The Master wore a stern frown as Makoa weaved through the crowd. I did not like to see him this way. But soon, very soon, I would be the cause of this same grimace.

For I, Mandarc, am troubled by a secret. I had not yet told Cedric, nor AVAEL, nor anyone else. I was alone with this knowledge and knew I could tell no one else but the Master.

Davian was gone. For months their coterie had buzzed with suspicion and gossip, theory and hypothesis. But Davian himself had removed I, Mandarc from doubt and brought me into the light of confidence. It was now my responsibility to inform the Master.

It had all happened just a few nights ago. I, Mandarc, had been outside. It was all a chance, a random event. I did not often go outside, but something had possessed me. I snatched my starcharts from the shelf and stole into the inky blanket of night. But the clear night would provide me no respite, not would I be granted the opportunity to open my reference materials.

Almost as soon as I turned my eyes to the sky, I observed a strange star. Brighter than it should have been amidst the city lights - did that make it a planet? I still found myself a novice of astronomy but I could not refute my senses as I noticed it seeming to become larger, brighter, nearer?

Quicker than my skepticism could coalesce, it was all too evident what was occurring.

I was reminded of the Disney schlock, Pinocchio. The one who wishes to become a real boy. He wishes on a star and a fairy appears as if from the asterism, growing larger and larger until she finally appears before the puppet. It was much like that for me, except instead of a fairy, it was a tiny image of the mage himself.

DAVIAN

MANDARC–

ARE YOU THERE?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

I did not know exactly what to say at the onset. I replied the only way I knew how.

MANDARC

YES, MAGISTER.

I CAN HEAR YOU.

Standing before me, in miniature, was the grand worker of feats himself. Whether it was truly him or just a facsimile, I could not be as of yet sure, but I thought it prudent to act in good faith.

DAVIAN

MANDARC.

I AM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO REACH YOU.

I DID NOT KNOW WHO ELSE IN THE COTERIE MIGHT BE ABLE TO RECEIVE MY MESSAGE.

Surely he and Cedric had similar ground, as a former mage? And the Master and he–

DAVIAN

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH SOMEONE FOR DAYS.

For days? Have we all just been twiddling our thumbs?

DAVIAN

DON’T GET THINGS CONFUSED, THIS IS JUST A MESSAGE YOU’RE SPEAKING TO.

A GLORIFIED ANSWERING MACHINE, ONE OF MAGICAL MAKING, BUT LET IT BE CLEAR, THERE IS LITTLE I CAN CONVEY TO MAGISTER DAVIAN SAVE A SUCCESSFUL RECEIPT OF HIS MESSAGE–

MANDARC

I AM NOT SPEAKING TO THE MAGISTER HIMSELF?

DAVIAN

NO, YOU ARE NOT.

I AM A TINY FRACTION OF HIS GREATNESS SENT INTO THE COSMOS FOR ONLY ONE MISSION, AND THAT IS TO RELAY A MESSAGE TO YOU.

MANDARC

TO ME?

Really? Of all persons in the coterie, he chose me?

DAVIAN

YES, YOU.

THE MAGISTER PREDICTED YOU WOULD BE MOST LIKELY TO DETECT THIS MESSAGE, AND LO AND BEHOLD, AS YOU ARE THE ONE RECEIVING HIS MESSAGE, I WILL HAVE THE JOY OF RELAYING THAT HIS PREDICTION WAS CORRECT.

MANDARC

WHY ME?

DAVIAN

ARE WE REALLY ENTERTAINING THIS DIVERSION?

TO PUT IT SUCCINCTLY AS POSSIBLE, THE MAGISTER PREDICTED YOU AS THE MOST LIKELY TO HAVE HIS HEAD IN THE CLOUDS.

AND BEFORE YOU REMARK ON THE CLEAR WEATHER, KNOW THAT HE MEANT IT ENTIRELY METAPHORICALLY.

And here I had been, staring at the sky. The Magister had been correct.

DAVIAN

I WOULD LIKE TO HUMBLY REQUEST OF YOU A SIMPLE TASK.

IT MAY NOT BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE SIMPLE.

I paused to allow the figment time to speak.

DAVIAN

THE MAGISTER LAMENTS THAT HE MUST NOTIFY THE COUNT OF HIS ABSENCE.

HE IS REQUESTING A SABBATICAL OF SORTS.

HIS APPRENTICE HAS GOTTEN HERSELF IN, FOR LACK OF BETTER WORDS, A WORLD OF TROUBLE, AND HE FINDS IT HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE IN HER TIME OF NEED.

MANDARC

LILA BLACK?

He sighed emphatically.

DAVIAN

YES, LILA BLACK.

THAT YOUNG SCAMP, FINDING HERSELF LACKING OF BETTER JUDGEMENT POSSESSED BY HER ELDERS AND BETTERS, HAS FOUND HERSELF IN A GRAND HEAP OF TROUBLE.

My heart sank.

MANDARC

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

The projection chuckled, and I felt insulted.

DAVIAN

NOT UNLESS YOU’VE SUDDENLY BECOME CAPABLE OF INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL.

I may have been liberated from the threat of Death’s guillotine, but I still paled against the Enchanted.

MANDARC

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

DAVIAN

RIGHT-O.

YOUR PLACE IS ON EARTH, PROTECTING THE MORTALS FROM THE TYRANNY OF TRENTE GAGARIN AND HER LACKEYS.

I - ER - MAGISTER DAVIAN - WILL ADDRESS MY WAYWARD APPRENTICE AND DELIVER HER SAFELY HOME.

ALL I ASK OF YOU IS THAT YOU NOTIFY THE COUNT THAT I AM DISTRACTED, INDISPOSED, AND OTHERWISE BUSY, FOR THE TIME BEING.

OF COURSE, I WILL RETURN, BUT NOT UNTIL I HAVE MY CHARGE SECURED.

I was filled with memories. Lila had helped me challenge the Sabbat fortress. She had helped me spit in the eye of my former master. Yes, she had joined with me, hand-in-hand, paw-in-paw, and treated me as an equal.

MANDARC

I WILL DO THIS FOR YOU.

DAVIAN

NOT FOR ME.

FOR THE MAGISTER.

AND FOR EARTH.

And like that, the hologram disappeared. As quickly, no, quicker, than it came, the night asserted its dominance and I was alone in the dark. In an instant, I was filled with the weighty, foreboding knowledge that I alone could move the story forward–

I had to speak to the Master.

But I could not do it now. No, for now the spotlight was on Makoa and his transgression, this tiny sprite of a girl who dared step into this colosseum of immortals.

She could not possibly understand where she found herself.

None of the Mortals were any the wiser as the pair were led to the table by Cedric. Nani had eyes to match her hair, dark and limitless. But those orbs set above plump cheeks shone with an impossible luster, seeming to take in everything set before them.

CEDRIC

COUNT–

MAKOA KEALOHA AND HIS DAUGHTER, NANI.

There is a heavy, invisible piece of punctuation only perceptable to the Extranatural.

STRAUD

MY CHILDE.

WELCOME BACK.

MAKOA

IT IS GOOD TO BE HERE, MY MASTER.

THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING US ENTRANCE.

Makoa bows, and his daughter follows with a curtsey. It is practiced and stiff. Or maybe my mind was already made up.

STRAUD

AND WHO IS THIS YOUNG LADY YOU HAVE BROUGHT WITH YOU?

NANI

NANI.

STRAUD

NANI.

His expression softens, small wrinkles appear at the corners of his eyes, but yet, he does not smile.

STRAUD

YOU HAVE INHERITED YOUR FATHER’S SPIRIT, THAT MUCH IS EVIDENT.

NANI

THANK YOU, SIR.

STRAUD

HAD YOU EVER BEEN TO NEW YORK CITY BEFORE?

NANI

NO, SIR.

IT IS MY FIRST TIME.

STRAUD

HOPEFULLY YOUR FATHER WILL TAKE YOU SIGHTSEEING.

NANI

THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE.

AND THE BUILDINGS ARE SO TALL.

I AM AFRAID THEY WILL FALL ON ME.

STRAUD

I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEAR.

I ONCE FELT THAT WAY, TOO.

SOMETIMES, I STILL DO.

Cedric takes a seat at our long table. The attendees observe the silence.

STRAUD

TELL ME, MY CHILDE.

WHY HAVE YOU COME TO ME?

MAKOA

I HAVE COME TO ASK YOU TO ACCEPT MY DAUGHTER, NANI, INTO OUR COTERIE.

STRAUD

OUR COTERIE?

His voice holds steady but there is a certain change, as if color threatens to creep in at the edges.

STRAUD

SURELY I KNOW NOT OF WHOM, PRECISELY, YOU REFER TO.

FOR THERE IS LESS WE NOW SHARE THAN THERE ONCE WAS, NOW THAT YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME AND TAKEN A NEW MASTER.

MAKOA

YOU CREATED ME.

STRAUD

AND YOU CREATED HER.

I CANNOT ACCEPT HER.

NANI

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, SIR?

I do not think any of us expected the girl to interrupt. Many eyes lock on to her without making a sound.

NANI

TELL ME, SIR.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

STRAUD

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, NANI.

NANI

THEN WHY CAN’T WE STAY HERE?

STRAUD

YOUR FATHER HAS COMMITTED A CRIME.

HE HAS DONE SOMETHING HE SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE.

SOMETHING I ORDERED HIM NOT TO DO.

NANI

YOU ORDERED HIM NOT TO CREATE ME?

YOU ORDERED HIM TO MAKE ME GROW OLD?

STRAUD

THAT IS WHAT I COMMANDED.

NANI

I DID NOT WANT TO GET OLD.

I TOLD HIM THAT.

I DID NOT WANT TO GROW FLOPPY BREASTS UPON MY CHEST OR HAIR BETWEEN MY LEGS.

I DID NOT WANT MY CUNT TO LEAK FLUID OR CURSE ME WITH CHILDREN.

I DID NOT WANT STRETCH MARKS OR BODY ODOR.

I DID NOT WANT TO WEAR BRAS OR TAMPONS OR HIGH HEELS.

I DID NOT WANT–

MIRIAM

IS THAT ALL IT IS TO YOU?

She was standing now, and all eyes were on her. The Salubri with the yellow eyes. She turned toward Makoa and we could all feel the rage rise off her like a wave of heat.

MIRIAM

IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TAUGHT HER ABOUT WHAT IT IS TO BE A WOMAN?

FIXATED ON A FEW TEMPORARY INCONVENIENCES TO BLIND ONESELF TO THE WORLD BEYOND?

STRAUD

WHAT OF YOUR WIFE, KEALOHA?

NANI IS OF HER AS SHE IS OF YOU.

MAKOA

DO NOT SPEAK OF MY WIFE.

NANI

MY MOTHER IS A TRAITOR TO OUR FAMILY!

SHE BROUGHT IN AN OUTSIDER AND ALLOWED HIM PRIVILEGE HE HAD NOT EARNED!

CEDRIC

DID YOU EVER BRING HER INTO THE INFORMED?

Makoa fumed, humiliated. Cedric was his senior, but only just barely, by the standards of the immortal.

To add insult to injury, Nani spoke for him.

NANI

MAMA HAD NOT SHOWN HERSELF WORTHY OF THE RIGHT!

MIRIAM

BECAUSE SHE WAS A WOMAN?

Miriam revealed that she knew the truth: Lilliana was dead. And the au pair? I supposed that was even more obvious.

STRAUD

PERHAPS THIS IS MY FAULT.

I SHOULD HAVE INTRODUCED MYSELF TO YOUR FAMILY AS I HAD DONE WITH OTHERS.

IT WAS MY ERROR OF JUDGEMENT.

EXCUSE ME FOR NOT TREATING YOU AS…

A CHILD!

The last words are accented with a telepathic burst of emphasis. Whether intentional or no, all in attendance wince. The televisions at the bar, which had been relaying some seasonal sporting event, erupt into static, upsetting the Mortals who had been enraptured by their chatter.

MAKOA

YOU GIFTED ME THE BLOOD THEN LEFT ME TO ROT!

CEDRIC

YOU CHOSE TO ROT!

YOUR MASTER GAVE YOU THE PLASMA FRUIT AND FAT LOT OF GOOD YOU DID WITH THAT!

ALL THE REST OF US HAD TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!

MAKOA

I WASN’T READY FOR THAT AND YOU KNEW IT!

YOU GAVE ME A TASK ABOVE MY CAPACITY AND PUNISHED ME WHEN I FAILED!

WHAT KIND OF JUSTICE IS THAT?

STRAUD

I AM NOT PUNISHING YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR REFUSAL TO DO WORK.

I AM PUNISHING YOU FOR YOUR FLAGRANT, KNOWING, INTENTIONAL DISOBEDIENCE.

MAKOA

YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT ME IN A STATE OF WANT FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS.

BECAUSE YOU SUFFER, YOU WANT TO BRING THE REST OF US DOWN WITH YOU!

STRAUD

YOU THINK YOU SPEAK OF ME, BUT YOU KNOW ONLY HOW TO SPEAK OF YOURSELF.

YOU COULD NOT BEAR THE PAIN OF BEING AND SO YOU BROUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER INTO THE CURSE AND BONDED HER TO YOU WHERE YOU HAD DEEMED YOUR WIFE UNWORTHY.

YOU DENIED HER LIFE AND TOOK IT FOR YOUR OWN.

NANI

I CAME OF MY OWN FREE WILL!

STRAUD

YOUR FREE WILL IS AN ILLUSION.

A FARCE.

SOMETHING MORTALS HAVE CONCOCTED TO BRING MEANING AND MOTIVATION TO THEIR TRAVAILS.

WE ARE ALL SUBJECT TO FORCES FAR GREATER THAN WE CAN IMAGINE.

WE TRANSLATE THESE MANIPULATIONS AS EMOTIONS, PASSIONS, DRIVE, REASON, LOGIC.

BECAUSE WE CANNOT TOLERATE THE IMAGE OF AN INVISIBLE HAND PLACING US AS PAWNS IN A GAME OF CHESS.

YOU MAY YET BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE PATH OF DESTINY, BUT YOU ARE A FOOL TO IGNORE THE PLAYS THE GODS MAKE FOR YOUR FUTURE.

MAKOA

WE HAVE FORSAKEN THE GODS AS THEY HAVE LEFT US TO LANGUISH IN HELL.

STRAUD

YES, I AM AWARE.

YOU HAVE TAKEN A CONDUIT AS YOUR MENTOR.

MAKOA

NOT JUST ANY CONDUIT.

STRAUD

ERIKSSON RELAYED THE NEWS TO ME.

THE SHARKS.

MAKOA

YES, THE SHARKS.

THE MASTERS OF THE SEA.

STRAUD

THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.

MAKOA

THE WHALES?

THEIR TIME IS DONE.

THEY CANNOT ADAPT.

LIKE YOUR SALUBRI, THEY ARE AN ENDANGERED SPECIES.

OVERWHELMED BY SUPERIOR FORCE.

STRAUD

YOU LIKEN THE GENOCIDE AGAINST THE SALUBRI TO THE STRUGGLES OF THE CONDUITS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER?

MAKOA

YOU HAVE DARED BEFRIEND THE CAMARILLA SO I IMAGINE ONE DAY YOU WILL TRULY HAVE TO SELECT A SIDE.

OF COURSE, YOU ARE WELL-VERSED IN THAT, HAVING ALWAYS SIDED AGAINST ME.

CEDRIC

WE WELCOMED YOU WITH OPEN ARMS!

YOU FORSOOK US BY DECLARING YOUR FEELINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR LIFETIMES OF EXPERIENCE!

The Master raises a hand to silence Cedric. Of course he did not need the gesture as he sent the same message telepathically, but I supposed he did this for the benefit of everyone watching.

STRAUD

I SHOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH YOU.

MAKOA

MAYBE IF YOU’D HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO CREATE MORE OF MY KIND–

STRAUD

I’M NOT SURE I EVER WOULD HAVE TAUGHT YOU THAT.

MAKOA

THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE ME?

STRAUD

I SAW SOMETHING OF MYSELF IN YOU.

And he is taken aback by the comparison, the implication of similarity. If he takes it as a compliment, he should.

MAKOA

IF YOU WILL NOT ACCEPT NANI INTO THE COTERIE, THEN I WILL BE FORCED TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

STRAUD

DO NOT INSULT ME, CHILDE.

YOU HAD ALREADY MADE UP YOUR MIND LONG BEFORE YOU ENTERED THIS COURT.

MAKOA

I CAME HERE TO OFFER HER TO YOU.

STRAUD

AND YET MY CAPTAIN HAD CONVEYED MY LAW.

NO, IT WAS NOT JUST HIM.

YOU KNEW MY WORD, AND YET I SUSPECT IT ENTICED YOU ALL THE MORE.

MAKOA

I WANTED HER TO BE TRAINED BY YOU.

STRAUD

I CANNOT DEMONSTRATE TO THE WORLD THAT I CONDONE YOUR CRIMES BY GRANTING YOU A PARDON.

MAKOA

WHAT ABOUT THE ZHOU SISTERS?

STRAUD

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

MAKOA

THEY ARE CHILDREN AND YOU ACCEPTED THEM WITH WELCOME ARMS.

STRAUD

THESE GIRLS ARE INNOCENTS.

IT IS THE REST OF THE WORLD AROUND THEM THAT FAILED TO PROTECT THEM.

NANI

I NO LONGER NEED PROTECTING!

MY FATHER HAS GRANTED ME THAT!

Everyone in attendance cannot help but be stunned silent at her naïve outburst.

STRAUD

NO, NANI.

THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE MISTAKEN.

YOU NEED PROTECTION NOW MORE THAN EVER.

Soon, the pair leaves, quiet in their shame, embarrassed by the refusal. The Master clarified that though they could not be friends, this did not make them enemies lest Makoa’s actions infringed upon the rights of those he, Straud, had sworn to protect. But I wondered, silently, if he’d already done that.

After they left, the mood was somber. A good number of the Mortals had left due to the broken TVs. And the rest of us felt heavy, tired, laden with the knowledge that the world was changing. Things weren’t going to get easier until they got a lot harder first.

I wanted to stew in whatever it was I was feeling but I could not rest even for one second. Matilda came to the table with a tall glass overfilled with the vibrant purple drink that helped focus my nerves. But instead of pushing it across the table to me, she waved me over with an air of urgency.

When I get to her, she holds out the drink to me. Today it smells extra strong, if such a thing were possible. Matilda raises her hand as if to keep anyone else from hearing her. Of course, it is futile.

MATILDA

MANDARC, YUKI IS AT THE BAR.

SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

My forehead wrinkles in surprise. Yuki wanted to talk to me? It had admittedly been at least several days, maybe a week since we had been in contact. It had felt ominous, her radio silence, but I hadn’t been able to focus on it, not with everything that had been going on lately.

Matilda was right though. Yuki wore an unhappy, pensive expression. Her glass had long been emptied - the icemelt pooled at the bottom. She had been drinking liquor. She usually drank liquor when she was upset. She drank plum wine when she was happy. But tonight I smelled only vodka on her breath.

She toyed with the glass, swirling the remains anxiously, the clinking lost in the surrounding din.

MANDARC

HEY YUKI.

WHAT’S UP?

YUKI

YEAH, SORRY ABOUT BUGGING YOU.

IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE PRETTY INVOLVED IN ONE OF THE BOSS’S MEETINGS.

MANDARC

YEAH… HE, UH.

FIRED SOMEONE.

YUKI

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?

THAT’S ROUGH.

MANDARC

WELL IT DIDN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY, BUT THIS GUY BROKE THE LAW.

THEN HE COMES BY ON THE BOSS’S DAY OFF.

WANTED TO MAKE A BIG STINK ABOUT IT.

YUKI

WAS IT THE GUY WITH THE MOHAWK?

MANDARC

YEAH.

Her face twisted to display her disgust.

YUKI

WAS THAT HIS KID HE BROUGHT IN?

TO A BAR?

MANDARC

YEAH…

YUKI

TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

MANDARC

YOU’RE TELLING ME.

YUKI

ANYWAY, I HOPE I DIDN’T INTERRUPT ANYTHING.

I JUST NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU.

MANDARC

NO, YOU’RE FINE.

THAT’S ALL OVER.

FOR NOW.

I HOPE.

She pauses for a moment and she almost tries to smile to release the tension, but she can’t quite make it there. She exhales.

YUKI

SO, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

Sometimes the self-censorship was exhausting. But her presence was calming none-the-less.

MANDARC

OH, OKAY.

GETTING ALONG.

I smile weakly, superficially. Here, in this place, with her, Yuki, with gentle Yuki, I hid my fangs behind my smile.

MANDARC

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT.

YUKI

WERE YOU LUCID?

I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT.

I chuckled. It was nice of her to remember.

MANDARC

NO, NOT QUITE.

BUT I WASN’T SCARED.

YUKI

THAT’S GOOD!

MANDARC

I WAS IN NIHON.

ON A BUS OR TRAIN OR SOMETHING.

AND EVERYONE AROUND ME WAS SPEAKING THEIR NATIVE TONGUE.

I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING AND THE PATH WAS TWISTED LIKE A CORKSCREW, A ROLLER COASTER OF SORTS.

BUT I WASN’T AFRAID.

YUKI

NIHONGO IS EASY.

YOU’RE SMART, YOU’D PICK IT UP IN NO TIME.

MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A CLASS WHILE YOU’RE IN COLLEGE.

MANDARC

I DON’T THINK I HAVE THE TIME.

YUKI

YOUR EXAMS COMING UP?

MANDARC

YEAH, I HAVE A FEW THIS WEEK.

YUKI

I’M SURE YOU’LL DO GREAT.

MANDARC

THANKS, YUKI.

A blush spread across her pale cheeks. Our eyes met for a moment, then she tore away.

YUKI

LISTEN, MANDARC.

I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU RIGHT BEFORE YOUR FINALS, BUT I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

Pleasantries now gone, she couldn’t bear to look at me. Her voice quavered just perceptably and I wondered if she were about to cry.

YUKI

I DON’T THINK WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

My mind immediately lept to my list of transgressions. I hadn’t called her enough. I hadn’t bought her expensive gifts. I hadn’t been affectionate enough. Mortals were always seeking to share warmth with one another… But I had no heat, no blood… No heart.

MANDARC

WHY?

DID I DO SOMETHING TO UPSET YOU?

Finally, she turned toward me with a pleading, tearful face.

YUKI

NO, MANDARC!

IT WASN’T YOU.

IT WAS ME.

I felt confused. Wasn’t that one of those things people said when they didn’t want to tell the truth? I went back to my list of sins.

MANDARC

WERE THINGS GOING…

TOO…

SLOWLY?

Her eyes were brimming with tears now. It was almost hard to find their color beneath the water’s shine.

YUKI

NO!

IT’S NOT THAT.

I LIKED TAKING IT SLOWLY.

YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PUSHY, YOU’VE BEEN A GENTLEMAN–

I LIKED THAT!

YOU RESPECTED ME.

I…

I AM THE ONE WHO MADE A MISTAKE.

Our gaze met and for a moment I thought I could see into her soul, but she quickly hid again.

YUKI

I CHEATED ON YOU.

I was dumbfounded. Was that all?

MANDARC

I DON’T RECALL EVER ENTERING INTO A CONTRACT OF EXCLUSIVITY…

She looked at me again. Clearly she was as confused as I was.

MANDARC

YUKI, I NEVER DEMANDED MONOGAMY AS THE PRICE YOU WOULD PAY FOR MY COMPANY.

I JUST LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.

I WAS TOLD THAT THE MORTAL HEART IS LIMITLESS; JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE DOESN’T MEAN YOU LOVE ME ANY LESS.

YUKI

BUT THAT’S THE THING–

I DON’T LOVE ANYONE ELSE!

I MADE A MISTAKE!

MANDARC

THEN… UM…

YUKI

I HAVE ITCHY PLUMBOB!

I was not terribly well-versed in Mortal pathology but I did not want to admit my ignorance.

MANDARC

UM…

CAN’T YOU JUST TAKE MEDICINE FOR THAT?

YUKI

DON’T YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET ITCHY PLUMBOB?

I did not know what a plumbob was but I knew this was neither the time nor place to ask.

MANDARC

I… UH…

YUKI

I HAD SEX WITH HIM!

THAT’S HOW I GOT IT!

She still refused to look at me, her gaze fixed on something, anything else. The glass, the barback…

YUKI

AND I COULD GIVE IT TO YOU!

I didn’t know what to say. But I did know I desperately wanted to be back to normalcy.

MANDARC

IS… THAT WHY YOU WANT TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER?

BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID I WILL GET SICK?

She seemed to calm down, but for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t like what was going on; I’d said something wrong.

YUKI

THIS ISN’T THE COMMON COLD!

I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!

I COULD HAVE TO TAKE MEDICINE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I CAN’T MAKE YOU SUFFER BECAUSE I MADE A MISTAKE.

MANDARC

I DON’T THINK THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.

But now she was getting angry.

YUKI

MANDARC, YOU CAN’T JUST FUCK AROUND WITH THIS!

THIS IS A CONTAGIOUS DISEASE!

MANDARC

LISTEN, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ME ANYMORE, I UNDERSTAND.

YOU DON’T NEED TO MAKE UP EXCUSES–

YUKI

I’M NOT MAKING EXCUSES!

I DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU SICK!

MANDARC

YOU WON’T MAKE ME SICK.

YUKI

I KNOW WE HAVEN’T…

BEEN

TOGETHER YET…

BUT IT STILL COULD HAPPEN, EVEN IF WE TAKE PRECAUTIONS–

MANDARC

NO.

IT COULDN’T.

YUKI

YES, IT COULD!

How could I make her understand? Was there any lie I could concoct to get me out of this pit we’d worked our way into? But I had never been the most skillful liar - No. It was not my forte.

MANDARC

NO.

…

IT COULDN’T.

Finally, she was quiet. Her rage and frustration, however, yielded to an even more dangerous emotion.

Fear.

She retreated, even if only metaphorically. When she did break the silence, she spoke slowly, choosing each word very carefully.

YUKI

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

MANDARC

I CAN’T GET SICK, YUKI.

I DON’T GET SICK.

WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE, I CAN’T CATCH IT FROM YOU.

YUKI

EVERYONE…

EVERYONE GETS SICK SOMETIMES.

MANDARC

NOT ME.

I DON’T GET SICK.

YUKI

HOW…

HOW CAN THAT BE?

Without forsaking eye contact, I allowed myself to become aware again of where I was and who and what surrounded me. I was on a cliff, standing on the precipice, and I was gripped with an intense desire to live.

MANDARC

YUKI…

I CAN’T TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.

I reached out my hand and placed it upon hers. I could feel a chill emenate from where her fingertips made contact with the cold glass.

We sat there, just touching, until she spoke.

YUKI

WHEN?

Again, I gave a truth where a falsehood might have served me better.

MANDARC

I DON’T KNOW.

MAYBE SOMEDAY.

I NEED TO THINK.

YUKI

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY THAT.

The Master. I had to drive him home. He was done with the debrief and wanted to be gone.

MANDARC

HEY, I, UH, HAVE TO DRIVE THE–

MY–

BOSS HOME–

SO I GOTTA GO.

I’M SURE I’LL SEE YOU AROUND, OKAY?

She looked grateful, through all the tears. She even managed to smile a little bit. It was so nice when she smiled.

YUKI

YEAH.

YOU GET GOING.

I’LL SEE YOU AROUND.

MANDARC

SEE YA, YUKI.

Ever since I had learned how to drive, it had become my task. At first, climbing into the front seat felt awkward and inappropriate. Like climbing over a fence, I knew that fence had been constructed for a reason, a purpose, and I was not about to break the laws of the universe willy-nilly. But the Master insisted that it was good practice for me, even adding an addendum that he thought we were safer this way. I think he said something about my mind being less cluttered than his own. I wasn’t sure how to take that, though I suspected he was right.

Not that you’d ever know it.

Tonight, he didn’t say much. It was like that more often than not, I suppose. I always guessed that’s the way he liked it.

At first I hated playing music in the car. I always felt self-conscious about my taste in music, but especially around him. It is hard not to imagine him irritated at the simple melodies and shallow lyrics of modern music. But he had never said a word to me, so eventually I gave in to my impulses and began to fill the space with my creature comforts. I needed to keep steady and I did not think a thermos of plasma jane was a good way to keep under the radar.

STRAUD

WHAT DID MISS YUKI WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT?

I turned the radio down.

MANDARC

SHE… UH… WENT OUT WITH SOME OTHER GUY AND HE GOT HER SICK.

SHE DOESN’T WANT ME TO GET IT.

STRAUD

I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT THE YOUNG WOMAN IS NOT WELL.

MANDARC

ME TOO.

I LIKE HER.

STRAUD

I KNOW YOU DO.

I’M GLAD FOR IT.

MANDARC

I JUST CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF MAYBE I’D BEEN MORE…

I DON’T KNOW…

AVAILABLE–

MAYBE SHE WOULDN’T HAVE SOUGHT COMFORT IN A STRANGER.

THEN SHE WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN SICK.

STRAUD

TRY NOT TO BLAME YOURSELF.

YES, IT IS TRUE THAT WE CAN BRING MISERY AS AN INVISIBLE BEDFELLOW TO ANY RELATIONSHIP WE ARE A PARTY TO–

BUT I AM CERTAIN YOU DID NOT PUSH HER AWAY INTENTIONALLY.

NO, SHE IS STILL GROWING AND LEARNING AND SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW TO FIND THE COMFORT SHE CRAVED.

IT IS GOOD SHE CAME TO YOU AND YOU MUST RECOGNIZE THAT SHE IS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.

MORTALS MUST VERY TENDERLY GUARD THEIR HEALTH–

THIS IS SOMETHING YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND BUT MUST GRASP WITH YOUR REASON.

MANDARC

I TOLD HER I CAN’T GET SICK.

STRAUD

A DANGEROUS PIECE OF A LARGER TRUTH.

I AM SURE YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH PANDORA?

MANDARC

VAGUELY.

STRAUD

SUFFICE IT TO SAY YOUR DISTASTE FOR UTTERING FALSEHOOD MAY BE YOUR UNDOING.

WE MUST BE CAREFUL LEST IT UNDO THE REST OF US.

MANDARC

I AM SORRY, MASTER.

STRAUD

I PREDICTED THIS DAY WOULD COME AND AM NOT SURPRISED.

IF ANYTHING, I AM ASTONISHED YOUR COURTSHIP HAS BEEN THIS PROLONGED.

IT SAYS GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE BOTH OF YOU.

CERTAINLY THINGS WERE NOT LIKE THIS WITH THE WITCH.

MANDARC

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID THINKING ABOUT HER.

STRAUD

I KNOW YOU HAVE BUT AVOIDANCE WILL ONLY ALLOW THE WOUNDS TO FESTER.

MANDARC

I THOUGHT I NEEDED TO MOVE ON.

STRAUD

YOUR WORDS, NOT MINE.

AN INJURY NOT PROPERLY TREATED TURNS TO GANGRENE, OR AT BEST, A SCAR.

RED, INFLAMED TISSUE THAT CAN SPIKE PAIN AND DISCOMFORT INTO AN OTHERWISE HEALTHY BODY.

MANDARC

HOW CAN I HEAL FROM WHAT FRIDAY TOOK FROM ME?

STRAUD

I CANNOT SPEAK TO THIS.

I DO NOT KNOW THE HEART AND FIND ANY SUGGESTION I MIGHT MAKE UNSUITED TO YOUR EMOTIONAL MAKEUP.

MANDARC

I’M OPEN TO SUGGESTION.

STRAUD

WELL, I AM NOT OPEN TO SUGGEST.

BUT ALLOW ME TO DELIVER A RELEVANT PIECE OF INFORMATION ADJACENT TO THIS MATTER.

MANDARC

I’M ALL EARS.

STRAUD

BRONALD WEASLIE HAS DISAPPEARED FROM THIS REALM.

MANDARC

DISAPPEARED?

STRAUD

YES, DISAPPEARED.

I CAN PROVIDE LITTLE ELSE OF USE.

I SIMPLY KNOW THAT HE IS NOT PRESENT IN THIS SPACE ANYMORE.

WHETHER THE WITCH KILLED HIM, OR BANISHED HIM FROM THIS PLANE, I CANNOT SAY.

PERHAPS THE EXPLANATION IS EVEN MORE BENIGN.

IT OFTEN IS.

MANDARC

I CAN’T IMAGINE SHE HAD ANY REASON TO BE RID OF HIM…

STRAUD

AT ANY RATE, SHE IS NOW, AS FAR AS WE KNOW, ALONE AND WITHOUT AN INTIMATE COMPANION.

WHERE WE HAD LITTLE REASON TO BELIEVE SHE MIGHT RESIST THE NSR IN OUR FAVOR–

SHE HAS EVEN LESS REASON NOW.

NO, I EXPECT SHE IS FINDING HERSELF QUITE ALONE AND IN DIRE NEED OF COMPANIONSHIP.

THE NSR WILL PROVIDE THAT TO HER IN SPADES.

WHAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW IS THAT THEY WILL ASK A PRICE SHE CANNOT HOPE TO PAY.

BUT WE HAVE NO WAY TO CONVEY THAT TO HER.

MANDARC

SHOULD WE TRY TO SAVE HER?

STRAUD

I WOULD NOT, AND DO NOT, ASK THAT OF YOU.

AS FOR ME, I THOUGHT HER NOT BEYOND THE HOPE OF REDEMPTION BUT I WAS NOT SURE THE PATH WE SHOULD TAKE.

I ONCE THOUGHT THAT LAY WITH YOU, BUT I NOW BELIEVE I WAS MISTAKEN.

MANDARC

YOU THOUGHT I COULD REDEEM HER, SIR?

STRAUD

YES, THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT.

THAT IS WHY I DID EVERYTHING SHORT OF WELCOMING HER INTO THE COTERIE.

MANDARC

I’M SORRY I FAILED YOU.

STRAUD

FAILED ME?

NO, ANYTHING BUT.

YOU PERFORMED ADMIRABLY.

THIS STORY IS FAR FROM OVER.

WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.

MANDARC

DO YOU THINK SHE’LL BE BACK?

STRAUD

YES, I DO.

I DON’T KNOW WHEN OR HOW, BUT SHE WILL RETURN.

AND I THINK YOU WILL BE READY.

MANDARC

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, MASTER, I WILL NEVER BE READY.

STRAUD

WE SHALL SEE.

DROP THE CAR OFF AT WIDOWSHILD AND I WILL WALK UP TO MY DOMICILE.

MANDARC

ARE YOU SURE?

He paused, as if to refute the question.

STRAUD

YES, MANDARC.

I AM SURE.

PERKINS 010: A Stitch In Time

Sun, 17 Nov 2024 23:59:00 -0500

It had failed, the whole thing had failed. All of their plans, all of their hopes and dreams gone.

It was all her fault. On the night that they were supposed to make the journey to New Jersey, she had made a simple request. It was small, but she had said the wrong thing.

PERKINS

TAKE MY HAND.

DON’T BE AFRAID.

IT’S ALL GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

And he had said nothing, simply put his trust in her. She was supposed to protect him, to keep him safe. But she’d been careless. Her last words to him rang in her head, taunting her. That nagging resentment–this was all so unfair! They’d just been married! They were going to spend eternity together! They hadn’t had enough time to develop their potions, no, they’d been focused on other things.

And it was as if all his worst fears had come true. Fears she’d chided him about, even belittled him. How she regretted that cavalier attitude now!

Who was there to blame? Only herself. But as she reflected, what could she really have done? She could have been more careful, but no guarantee that would have changed anything. So was the capricious nature of magic. Magic giveth, magic taketh.

It galled her that they’d not had the chance to have children. She wasn’t sure if she’d wanted them, but now the choice was taken from her, made for her. She would never have children by Bronald. She mourned for the emptiness, mourned the void. Here she was, in his house, surrounded by his things, and where was he? Lost in the nothingness of space and time.

Trente Gagarin had been little help.

PERKINS

YOUR MAJESTY, I’M AFRAID TO REPORT THAT BRONALD IS…

HE’S…

GONE.

TRENTE

GONE WHERE?

PERKINS

I THOUGHT…

I THOUGHT WE WOULD PRACTICE ASSISTED TRANSPORTALATION IN PREPARATION FOR THE RELOCATION.

IT WAS A STUPID IDEA.

I SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR YOU.

I MUST HAVE MADE A MISCALCULATION AND HE FELL THROUGH A RIFT.

TRENTE

ARE YOU SURE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED?

PERKINS

IT ALL HAPPENED SO SUDDENLY…

BUT YES, I AM SURE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.

I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES.

TRENTE

SOMETIMES WE CANNOT TRUST OUR SENSES.

PERKINS

IT WAS MY ERROR.

I THOUGHT IF WE JUST, WELL, PRACTICED, IT WOULD PUT HIM AT EASE WHEN WE WOULD FINALLY MOVE HIS HOME.

I SHOULD HAVE–

TRENTE

YOU DID WHAT YOU COULD, I AM SURE.

HIS LOSS IS A TRAGEDY.

WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME?

I paused, unprepared for the question.

PERKINS

ARE YOU STILL MOVING OUR HOME TONIGHT?

TRENTE

I DO NOT KNOW.

I DO THINK IT WOULD BENEFIT YOU TO BE NEAR YOUR PEOPLE IN THIS TIME.

IT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU TO BE ALONE.

BUT TO MOVE YOU NOW WILL REQUIRE A MORE CAREFUL HAND AND I AM NOT INCLINED TO RUSH THINGS IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO?

Again she made a request of me and again my thoughts stumbled through the dark.

I said the first thing that came to mind.

PERKINS

I…

I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE.

TRENTE

THEN I WILL BRING YOU HERE.

GO TO SLEEP, STAY IN THE HOUSE, AND WHEN YOU WAKE, YOU WILL BE SOMEWHERE SAFE.

PERKINS

THANK YOU, YOUR MAJESTY.

How could I sleep at a time like this? I could still feel adrenaline rushing through my veins. I had just lost my husband! How could I ever possibly hope to rest?

But now she was all I had. There would be no funeral, there would be no ritual of the rites, no, life would simply go on without him.

But he had been the one who had saved her! On his mechanical steed, he’d whisked her off her feet and delivered her from the jaws of the monster. Isn’t that how it had happened? Her head was fuzzy, her thoughts swirled, but it felt good to remember him in the best possible light: her savior.

She had just become comfortable with her life. For the first time ever? Something about Myrtle rang in her head.

And something about someone else. But who was it?

Grief had a funny way of scrambling thoughts.

She hadn’t been grateful for him when he’d been alive. Tears welled up in her eyes, but no release came. And after all, it was pity for herself. She’d so often treated him poorly, taken him for granted. Thinking she always had tomorrow to make amends.

But now there was no tomorrow.

She tried to sleep, tried to console herself that when she woke, she’d be near the Queen and life would go on.

Change. Perhaps she had desired it. Her life had always been constant change, hadn’t it? Had the universe done this to her because she’d wanted it? She had never felt right simply sitting anywhere. There was always something she needed to be doing.

The Queen would save her. The Queen would reassure her. The Queen would assert that she’d done nothing wrong.

All she needed to do was fall asleep.

Her bed felt like stone. It was that now - “her” bed. Only hers. Isn’t that what she’d always wanted? Hadn’t she felt flashes of hatred and resentment when her husband was asleep inside of ten minutes? Hadn’t she wished him gone instead of listening to his breathing as he’d slept?

And had she not also hated his choice in television? Yes, she’d wished for silence many a night. She had thought his taste vapid, dull, and even used it as evidence to question his intellect. Her interests were worthy of attention, and his were not. But by what merit? Because they were different? Maybe, she feared, because they touched upon joy.

She had spent her life running from joy. It was not for her to touch. Perhaps some of that fear was unjustly thrust upon her when she’d been left in the care of her grandmother, but even later in life, when it came into her proximity, she’d dismissed it as a sin. But she’d wanted joy, hadn’t she? Somewhere deep inside of her, she had hoped in vain that it would come to her, if only she’d let herself embrace it.

Perhaps that is why she’d married him.

She lifted her blankets and turned onto her other side. Sleep was still a ways off.

There had been no grand proposal, no moment for the storybooks. No, marriage just seemed like something they should do, something that should be done, something overdue.

And she had thought it would make her happy. She supposed that part of her was like any other little girl, that making him happy would in turn grant her happiness as well. He had wanted it, she reflected, probably more than she, herself.

But something had held her back. No, and she stirred in heart, body, and mind with these uncomfortable thoughts, she had not loved him with her entire heart. Her husband had been completely loyal to her. Perhaps that had paradoxically frightened her. Who was he if he could love someone like her? Yes, it had scared her and beckoned her to remain at arm’s length. But something else had kept her reserved as well.

It was not simply that she did not love him, no, that was not the case. She had loved him. But that love was not the right color, was it? She had wanted to love him because he’d saved her. Because it seemed right to repay love with love.

But there had been something in the way. What it was eluded her, but she had a certainty that it was there.

But what was it? She fumbled to grasp at her emotions. She hated emotions, so immobile, so monolithic. They got in the way of progress and reason.

They’d gotten in the way of her loving her husband.

Because that is what she should have done. After he’d risked his life to liberate her, and after he’d given true love’s first kiss, she should have repaid him in kind. A life for a life.

But again, her emotions got in the way of duty. She had not wanted this life. She had wanted something else.

She waded through murky memories. Long ago, she’d spent years somewhere, looking for something. She’d been alone in that time, near destitute, penniless, hungry. That emotion had been easier to tolerate, hadn’t it? She had felt more comfortable driven by whip than spoiled upon cushions. That need, want, requirement. It felt deserved, justified. It felt like there was reason for her to be in that place. But was that just window-dressing on yet another emotion?

She had always taken her magical Talent as a sort of a given. Like her husband, this was just a fact of life. But back then, there was something she had wanted more.

She thought of the Matron. So frail she had seemed, without her magic. The few times conversation had stumbled upon the Elixir of Life, it seemed evident that such mysteries still eluded the Great Matron. Something vindictive stirred as she wandered over these memories. In her jealousy, perhaps she’d been happy that the Matron would vanish from the world. That still left her something she could have as an advantage over the old woman. Yes, the old Crone would disappear, but she would not. She would live forever.

That would be how she’d get back at those who’d been responsible for setting her back. Her mother, father, grandmother, even Myrtle in her infirmity. She would dance upon their graves. And perhaps she’d wanted Bronald there too, playing the trumpet. She’d raise him to surpass what he thought he was capable of, and someday they’d be worthy.

She winced. That thought wasn’t right, was it? Shouldn’t it be that he was already worthy?

She had a habit of placing herself above all the others. Perhaps that is why she so valued her association with the NSR. They gave her something to aspire to.

She continued to toss and turn. If she could not fall asleep, then she could not wake and find herself in the Queen’s realm. She had finally cast off her yoke–

No!

She winced and buried her face in her hands. She could not think this way! She had loved Bronald, hadn’t she? She felt at peace when they ate dinner together. She had blushed at his praise and let it absorb into her flesh. She had made plans to develop his magic and she had wanted to do it, wanted to be there. She had wanted to banish his cynicism and soothe away his fears. But maybe she hadn’t done it for him and his sake. Maybe she’d wanted to reshape him in her image.

Something told her that wasn’t what Love was supposed to be about. But then, what was it? Everyone, everything that she’d ever loved had become a dictator, something that commanded her every thought and she hated it. But that love, no, that obsession, gave her a constant companion when she could not stand to look herself in the mirror.

Mirror? A memory flooded her mind and she allowed herself to indulge as she tossed her pillow aside in an attempt to find comfort laying flat on her stomach.

Yes, the Matron had said something of mirrors once, a very long time ago. It was stupid, she’d thought. Just one of the myths the Matron had perpetuated in the interest of giving the Orphans some kind of cultural background.

The old hag had said that a mirror was not a reflector as it appeared. She claimed it was actually a window into an alternate reality that lay very close to the one we found ourselves in. How did one know it was a window?

The Matron claimed things were different on the other side. No two universes could ever be exactly the same (for then they’d be but one universe) and if you stilled your mind and looked very carefully, you would see the differences between that world and our own.

In her shame, she recalled spending an inordinate amount of time staring at herself in these so-called windows. Somewhere, she concluded, was another Friday Perkins desperate to disprove the mortals’ science. Or maybe it was the Matron she wanted to catch in a falsehood. At any rate, someone was wrong and she wanted to be the one who found the evidence.

So she stared. And stared. And stared. But nothing ever came.

…Or did it?

She wracked her brain searching for some kind of clue to what she thought she remembered.

Hadn’t the Queen said that she and Bronald were victims of a memory charm? But if she could not trust her own mind, what could she trust?

She wanted to reach out to her husband for solace, but he was not here. Tomorrow she would have to meet the Queen by herself. She felt partial, incomplete.

Sleep would never find her if she wallowed in guilt. The gears in her mind would keep turning, churning out fuel for the fire.

Suddenly she realized how very alone she was. There was not another being in the house but her. What if someone attacked? Could she call on her Talent in this emotional state?

Of course she could! Hadn’t she been one of the most talented Orphans at the Magicademy? Yes, she had. Maybe she hadn’t the raw ability of Tzu or Larry, but she’d more than made up for it by studying and working hard. And that would carry her far. She’d never been the Matron’s favorite but who gave a damn? She hadn’t been there to make friends or impress anyone but herself. She wasn’t like them. They were soft, sentimental, weak. Always looking for validation from the Matron. But if life had taught her anything, it was that most things but especially one’s acquaintances, were impermanent. The only constant on which one could rely was the self. Everyone else would be gone when she needed them.

Even Bronald.

The flare of anger disappointed her. Why should she be angry with him? This wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask to die. And even if he had, death so rarely comes to those who crave its silence. No, this was her fault. It was her miscalculation that left this realm without her husband. Her careless hand had allowed him to fall into nothingness.

He did not leave her. She had left him.

And still the tears did not flow. Perhaps she was still in a state of shock and she could not expect to cry until some time had passed. But she feared that she would never cry. She so rarely did.

Except, of course, when she felt frustrated. It had been a while since she’d found herself in that vulnerable emotional state, but that was the place where she was most likely to fall into a show of waterworks.

If only she could break her own rules, she thought, and shed a tear for her husband. Wasn’t this supposed to be an event in one’s life that was more tragic than any other? Some people were so affected by the loss of their spouse that they vowed to never take another lover so long as they live. Was she that kind of woman?

There was something beautiful in it, the affirmation of the belief that you had already found your soulmate and that no one else could ever replace them. She wanted that love. She wanted to be a party to that kind of devotion.

And after all, she could not even think about another man. The very consideration of sexual relations was anethema to her right now.

She remembered when she had first heard the term “widow’s fire”. It had been raised to her attention by one of the more contemptable Orphans. This particular individual asked whether she thought the Matron suffered such a malady.

Friday was disgusted. She did not want to soil her mind imagining that the Matron bared her skin to anyone. It suited her that the Matron was entirely asexual: now, then, and into perpetuity. Her sex drive could not increase because it had been nonexistant to begin with.

But, that couldn’t be true, could it?

She felt sleep begin to crowd at the edges of her consciousness but it was still a ways off.

Wasn’t it true that the Matron had a singular son by her deceased husband? But she couldn’t conjure a picture of his face, nor could she remember the sound of his voice. Was he real? Had she simply imagined him?

No. No, she insisted to herself. It was true that she could not completely trust her own memory - she had been victim of a memory charm after all - but this was something she had not made up. The Matron did have a son, even if she could not remember him. Maybe he was old. At least, older than her. The Matron was, what, eighty? Ninety? She had no idea.

Sometimes she wondered what had kept the Magicademy running as a well-oiled machine. Though there had been many Orphans, she could not recall a time when they took advantage of the Matron by virtue of their superior numbers. Rather, they were all quite well-behaved, perhaps eager to extract wisdom from the old woman on the nature of magic. Maybe some of them were grateful that their lot had improved. Friday herself had never known the walls of an orphanage but she knew that some of the children had. The Magicademy was certainly formed in the image of a group home, but it offered an education that could liberate the otherwise damned. Only a fool, child or not, would refuse that offer.

Bronald, on the other hand, had never received such an education on magic. Yes, he had a mother, and she had to admit she had no small amount of jealousy over that fact, but she had learned that the simple existence of biological parents was not enough to cure all the ills a child might face. Certainly Bronald’s mother had instilled in him a number of fears she did not war with.

And though she had once thought her Magicademy education to be in the lower percentile, as she went forward in her experience, she suspected this was not the case.

When she’d been on the run - but why had she been on the run?

She had been looking for something. But what?

Maybe one of the reasons she’d resented Bronald is that she felt she had nothing she could learn from him. He’d always looked up to her, envied her. Though she’d always regarded herself as part of the underclass, it was he who’d suffered the indignity of ignorance.

Maybe that was part of the difficulty of it all. Being with Bronald meant accepting nuance, which she did not like. It was easier when the world was painted in black and white. Rich and poor. Magical and Mortal. Immortal–

What was the path to eternal life? Yes, she concluded - that must have been what she had been searching for. The secret to avoiding death. She knew that a great many mages never discovered the path to immortality. It was different for every individual so it was not simply something one could look up in a book. Rather, the path to eternal life consisted of developing your own particular cure for the curse of mortality. She had to eventually conclude that the influence of a biological mother or father made this task no more straight forward. Of course she had the tendency to add qualifiers - perhaps a mother or father would not make the journey easier but wasn’t it true that those without stable formative years were more likely to struggle with basic issues like finding enough food or sustaining healthy relationships? And if one could not satisfy the basic needs, like building the base of a pyramid, the very foundation of the structure would collapse?

She concocted a myriad of reasons to excuse herself from accountability concerning her failure to develop her potion of immortality. Not the least of which was that by virtue of comparison, if Myrtle had not done it, why should she be expected to have done any better?

Of course, this was faulty as well. Because in all other cases, she regarded herself as better, superior, even, to the Matron Marscapone. But if she could not complete her life’s work, then her feelings were upon a bed of sand.

So, she must have left, then. After the Magicademy. Yes, that narrative seemed right. She left the city to pursue her potion. For she had not come from that place, so could she very well hope to glean the ultimate truths in its shadows? But that didn’t seem quite right as well. Though she had not been born in the city, was this not where she came of age, and truly, as the Mortals say, found herself?

Yes, she owed a debt to this place, as she owed a debt to Myrtle, as she owed a debt to Bronald. Was that the key error, that she’d gone to the forests to seek truth when it had been in the libraries all along?

She felt something familiar in this revelation, as if she had been here before. She had gone to remote locations, thinking the secrets lay in plain sight but the reality was that they lay in even plainer sight.

She’d returned to the Magicademy.

And what she had found was even more terrifying. The Matron had been seeming to be approaching the realm of death. And if the Matron could die, she could too.

But the Matron wouldn’t die because she had begat a son.

That was what she was looking for, wasn’t it? The secrets behind her fertility at such an advanced age? But the very question disgusted her. Surely there was more to it than that. Magic worked in mysterious ways. Many a man’s life was lost trying to ascribe law to the inexplicable.

There must have been something else. She could not believe herself so stupid to chase after the incorporeal.

Incorporeal. That without a body. The things one could not see.

The Matron’s son. Christopher? Clark?

She had only seen him a handful of times. So few, in fact, she suspected he was what he appeared to be, a ghost, a spectre. There had been many a room in the house that had been kept locked and forbidden, and one in particular she suspected was the boy’s bedroom. And one night, she’d been out of bed, traipsing about, and she’d sworn she’d seen someone she didn’t recognize. She’d done a double-take and he’d vanished. Or had she imagined him to begin with?

No, this was reality. But why was the boy such a recluse? Did he consider himself too good to associate with the likes of them? When did Myrtle find time to teach him magic when it seemed she spent all day with the Orphans?

It all seemed so inconsequential but it was a respite from her grief. She needed to get to sleep and she feared it would never come if she were mired in her regrets.

It was more comfortable to instead think of the things she disliked. That anger was like an old pair of jeans, it was worn in just to her liking. It was a comfortable scapegoat when she was feeling resentful.

Considering how many years of her life she’d spent there, she had few contacts from that time. The only person she could even call a friend was Larry. But something kept her from getting close to him. Perhaps it was that he seemed to idolize the Matron. Her complaints about the holes in their education fell on deaf ears. He would defend Myrtle to his dying breath. But I knew better. There was no such thing as a wholly altruistic act. Rather, she believed that every act done by a human benefitted the actor in some way. Myrtle would be no exception to this rule. There was a reason she started the Magicademy, and that reason was not simply due to the goodness of her heart. The most obvious seemed to be that she wanted to secure a faction of mages loyal to her. But so many of the children had gone their own ways after graduation - if that were her aim, it did not seem she was being very successful.

Some old wizard’s tales told of a chosen one. And wouldn’t any old witch of middling talent be glad to find herself as their adoptive mother? This “Chosen One” was a mage fabled to bring about the end of the Enchanted living in the shadows. They would be able to show their faces and work their craft without fear. For a long time, Friday hoped that she were the Chosen One. She wanted to be famous and be recognized as special. Her hard work would not be in vain and her struggles would be validated because she had a destiny to fulfill.

But as she had become older, the dream had fallen to the wayside, the prospect of supporting the world upon her shoulders seeming daunting. Many aspire to greatness, especially the young, before the monotony of life wears them down. Being recruited by the Doctor Trelaine and the NSR had tempted to revive that dream. Only this time, the dream was in color because it seemed more plausible than ever before. Yes, it felt like maybe she could be great because this time she wasn’t alone - she had help. Maybe she wasn’t the Chosen One - and that suspicion stung a little - but maybe she could come close by being allied with greatness. It did not scintillate quite as brightly as her vain childish hopes, but maybe this one, unlike the rest, would come true.

Finally, her face seized with the threat of tears. They did not fall but her eyes were wet with anguish. It was true, wasn’t it? So many times life had let her down. And today was another disappointment to add to the pile. Her husband was gone and to make matters worse, it was due to her own carelessness. Maybe life kept kicking her in the shins, but maybe she was bringing it upon herself. She was alone again. She had tasted the joy of companionship only to lose it just a moment after she’d grasped it.

Men always leave, she reflected. Just like -

And her tears stopped. Like who? The name, the face, the sense-memory fluttered away like a dream fades in the morning’s coffee. Her father? She’d never known him and she rarely thought of him. Her grandmother, too, had been made a widow, though it had been long ago. No, this had felt as a flash of anger very different than the quiet, resentment she felt for the absent father figures.

She could not deny that she was forgetting something important. Something very close to her heart had become obscured by mist. Was this the memory charm? Who had done this to her, and why? Why had they wanted her to forget?

But she would not let go. No, this thought, this feeling, it was hers. She would not let go. Like a dog with a bone–

Dog. A dog.

She hated dogs, she thought. Always slobbering, always in a state of thoughtless need. I want walks, I want food, I want play, I want–

Her heart dropped.

I want to live forever.

That was what she had wanted. Yes, her potion could offer such a boon, but it was contingent on so many conditions. She would live forever if she could discover her recipe, if she could find the ingredients, if she could continue to source them from an ever-changing world.

But there was one creature that did not fear the Reaper’s scythe.

It was the Vampire.

Her mind was flooded with satisfaction as the puzzle snapped into focus.

She had realized that the Matron’s son was not simply agoraphobic, as was her earliest hypothesis. He was afflicted with the curse of vampirism. That was why he did not associate with the Orphans and that was why she’d only seen him outside his room at night. And that was why she’d left the Magicademy and that was why she’d returned.

But when she’d returned, she’d not found Kevin. No, she had found something better. She had found someone vulnerable, someone who did not wear the walls of the Magicademy like a shield.

She had found Mandarc.

How could she forget the first time they had met? She had been shocked by the degree of his simpering demeanor. He cowered in the shadow of the old man, and for what? What did one of the fabled nightfolk have to fear? She would come to find that he was trying to hide his terror, but even from the start, she could see through it. He possessed a number of weaknesses she associated with mortals - distractability, emotionality, jealousy. He was a manchild in a body that did not suit him. A quiet schadenfreude filled her as she recalled his arithmomania. And how he had stooped to his knees, practically on her beck and call in order to please her! For a while, it had seemed like it was going to be all too easy to take his power for her own. She had started out slow, trying to gain his trust. But maybe her overconfidence had done her in.

He had refused to grant her eternal life. Just the recollection galled her! He gave some song and dance about how it was a curse and that being a mage was better. Would it be better if she were dead?! Giving her the gift of eternal life would cost him nothing, and yet he’d refused to give. That was when she knew their relationship was over. He did not love her enough, and after all they’d been through! She had dared stand against the Doctor Trelaine by curing one of his agents - and that memory made her uncomfortable. She was grateful that the Doctor had seen to grant her mercy. Certainly he did not have to, but he’d done it anyway.

And Mandarc had deserved her betrayal. He had never even tried to give himself to their bond, always reserving his loyalties for his friends. His - male - friends.

Cedric. Damn him! He had been like her once, one of the Enchanted. But he had been changed. Mageblood had not made him immune to the Curse as so many liked to repeat. That smarmy asshole had done it so why couldn’t she?

He had always been everyone’s favorite. The Orphans, in their pathetic habit of fawning over their seniors, had kept him in their idle gossip long after he’d left the Magicademy. Tzu idolized him, putting him on a pedastal she might have reserved for an older brother. But she was deluded. They had no siblings. The world had left them Orphans. The wise would see the truth - it was every man for himself.

In the end, she’d realized that the Matron must have been in collusion with the Vampire. She had gone so far away only to learn that the secret had been right under her nose the entire time. Her heart burned in rage and she knew none of them could ever be trusted.

That was why she’d gone to Bronald. She needed to free herself from anything to do with the Magicademy. After discovering that her life was a lie, she swore to rebuild it. She was worth more than being a pawn in someone else’s elaborate game of deception. She had Talent, she had work ethic, she had moxie. She had the will to survive.

Maybe she would never be a vampire. Maybe she wouldn’t live forever. She may be destined to fade into dust and be scattered to the wind. It was difficult to even approach these possibilities but she vowed to keep going with the same determination that had gotten her this far. For once, she had been nothing but starstuff floating in an uncaring universe, not yet possessed of a soul nor even belonging to a planet. And yet, somehow she’d made it here and collected into one being and born. Yes, she’d been unloved and unwanted, but she had transcended all of that. Considering how the odds had been in the house’s favor, she’d florished, and triumphed, even.

No, she reasoned. Let’s not put the cart before the horse. She had not yet won because the game was still being played. And it had not been too many moons since she left black and started playing for white. Once she had believed man to be her salvation, but she had been mistaken. The age of Men and Mortals was drawing to a close. Soon would rise the era of Magic and Mystery. She was the Flower and the Soil, the feminine, the Mother, the Divine. Life began with her. In her grief, a grief began long before her mind had been given Word, she’d assumed she was missing something essential. She’d gone to the ends of the Earth to find it, but her hands remained empty because there was nothing to be found. She was the Goddess. They wanted her because of what she had but could not see. So it remained for her to turn her gaze inward, where it belonged, and recognize her own fullness. Anything she could want, she already had. She had the blueprint for her own utopia.

In the morning, she would wake and find herself at the side of the Great Queen. The Great Queen would wipe away her tears and tell her that everything was going to be okay. And finally, she would believe her. The doubt that had clouded her mind would vanish, replaced by hope and faith, a flame fueled by dedication and diligence. The voice rang clear and beautiful in her mind because it was one she knew so intimately but had never dared to trust:

Her own.

( KINDA DREAM THAT CAN'T BE SOLD )
( "FLOWERS" - MILEY CYRUS )

Episode 11

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 21:12:00 -0400

Original Airdate: July 11, 1966

VICTORIA

MY NAME IS VICTORIA WINTERS.

COLLINWOOD SITS, AS IT HAS FOR ALMOST 130 YEARS, IN BROODING ISOLATION ON THE CREST OF ITS HILL.

THE SECRETS OF THE PAST HAVE NOT YET BEEN OPENED TO ME.

BUT I’VE COME THIS FAR AND I MUST WAIT.

IT’S A STRANGE HOME FOR ME, BUT EVEN STRANGER FOR THOSE WHO’VE SPENT THEIR LIVES WITHIN ITS WALLS.

Episode 11 opens on Elizabeth's stunned face, the face of utter betrayal at the hand of her daughter. She stares at Burke, after not having seen him for at least ten years.

BURKE

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MRS. STODDARD.

CAROLYN

MR. DEVLIN WAS KIND ENOUGH TO DRIVE ME HERE.

THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS ASK HIM IN FOR A DRINK.

ELIZABETH

WHERE DID YOU MEET MR. DEVLIN?

BURKE

IN MY HOTEL ROOM.

CAROLYN

OH IT WAS ALL VERY PROPER, MOTHER.

I CALLED HIM ON THE HOUSE PHONE AND INVITED MYSELF UP!

AND HE’S REALLY NOT A MONSTER AT ALL…

But Elizabeth, thankfully, is not having it. She asks what he's after. As well she should, knowing as well as the rest of us do that he's up to no good.

The oddest thing about this scene for me is that Collinwood doesn't have a coat closet. Surely when it was constructed in the 1830s people had need of such things.

Elizabeth tries her best, saying to Carolyn that she'd like her to wait in the entry, but Carolyn, not to be controlled by her mother anymore, replies, "No, I wouldn't miss this for the world." What a wild girl. It must not be easy being her mother.

Burke makes an arrogant houseguest, chit-chattering with Carolyn about the paintings in the drawing room. He even goes so far as to suggest that Elizabeth "did not teach (her) the proper respect for the people that founded her fortune." Really! Have you met Carolyn? Can you teach this girl anything?

SAM

A DRINK, A DRINK.

MY KINGDOM FOR A DRINK!

THAT’S A PARAPHRASE OF A FAMOUS AUTHOR – BY THE NAME OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.

Sam is quickly shaping up to be one of my favorites. He always shines when he's on screen and makes quite the affable drunkard. He shows up at the Collinsport Inn looking for his daughter, but is dissuaded by the clerk Mr. Wells, who is quite concerned at his drunken state and suggests a coffee. Sam is about to walk out when Mr. Wells mentions the magic word: Burke Devlin! Enough to make your skin crawl, eh?

Elizabeth tries to have a huddle with her daughter to catch up on the latest Burke Devlin intel and Carolyn spills the beans about this business deal in Venezuela. Now my question is, was the letter faked and does he really have all the money he says he does? He's been paying the PI and getting hotel rooms, so he's got some cash, but he's clearly trying to make it seem like he's got much more money than he does.

Mr. Wells really is a good friend, looking after Sam, and by extension, Maggie. I wonder what happened to Mrs. Evans.

Sam calls Collinwood looking after Roger, but gets Elizabeth instead and refuses to give his name, hanging up when he realizes that Burke is there. Poor thing, he's really shaking in his boots.

And here it comes, Burke trying to get a price for Collinwood out of Elizabeth.

BURKE

TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND?

A QUARTER OF A MILLION?

ELIZABETH

IT’S NOT FOR SALE!

BURKE

IN MY EXPERIENCE, MRS. STODDARD, EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE.

Back at the Collinsport Inn, Sam has returned from the bar and repays the dime he owes Mr. Wells.

SAM

I’M A SCOUNDREL, MR. WELLS.

I’VE CREATED MY OWN HELL.

MR. WELLS

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

SAM

IT’S FEAR, MR. WELLS.

FEAR THAT MAKES A MAN DO THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS.

BURKE

YOU CAN’T GO FAR ENOUGH, THAT’S THE THING.

AS MANY PLACES AS YOU RUN TO, YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY FROM WHAT YOU ARE.

ELIZABETH

BUT YOU TRIED, IS THAT IT?

BURKE

GROWING UP IN THAT… SHACK NEAR THE WATER.

WATCHING MY FATHER SCROUNGE FOR WORK; REPAIRING LOBSTER POTS.

OR WHATEVER HE COULD GET.

I WANTED TO MOVE, AND FAST.

BUT INSTEAD I GOT STOPPED COLD.

IT WASN’T ANY FUN, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

SITTING STILL IN ONE PLACE FOR FIVE YEARS.

HEARING THE WORLD SPIN FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

KNOWING I COULD NEVER BE PART OF IT.

WAITING.

ELIZABETH

IT MUST HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE FOR YOU.

BURKE

YOU OUGHT TO KNOW HOW IT FELT.

ELIZABETH

ME?

BURKE

WELL, YOU’RE STILL HERE, AREN’T YOU?

YES, YOU’RE STILL HERE.

ELIZABETH

YES, BUT…

BURKE

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU’VE BEEN OFF THIS HILL?

EIGHTEEN YEARS, ISN’T IT?

ELIZABETH

YES, BUT…

BURKE

WELL, WE ALL HAVE OUR PRISONS, MRS. STODDARD.

THAT’S ALL I WANT TO SAY.

SOME HAVE BARS, LIKE MINE DID.

BUT THE REAL PRISONS, THE ONES YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE FROM, ARE IN HERE.

ELIZABETH

THAT’S TRUE.

They continue their heart-to-heart, Burke insisting that it's all over now, "the world is still spinning" and that he intends to forget what's happened to all of them over the past ten years.

Carolyn rushes in with an ice bucket, desperate to remain relevant. Oh Carolyn, he just isn't all that into you.

Speaking of just not being into you, the phone rings. It's Joe. Apparently they have a date for tonight. Dinner and a movie! We'll see how that goes. Poor Joe.

Overall this was a solid episode with some great quotes in it. I was surprised to see Burke arrive at Collinwood so early on in the drama but glad for it.

★★★☆