// WEASLIE HOUSE //


It has been a couple months since the visit from TRENTE GAGARIN and her devoted DR LENARD TRELAINE. BRONALD WEASLIE has continued his work with the NSR without event. His employees complain about the work but the generous pay has enabled WEASLIE to take on several new workers.

He’s not bothered by the claim that they’d been the victim of a memory charm – how could one mourn what they didn’t know they’d lost? But FRIDAY PERKINS did not have the same blasé attitude. She’d become depressed and morose. She had stopped her job hunt and instead spent hours a day on the computer.

“Doing research.”

But, research on what? What could she possibly learn online when much about who and what they were was locked up in spelltomes hidden in the storehouses of private families? She wasn’t going to find PDFs posted up on her favorite filesharing resource.

WEASLIE reflected that it had been FRIDAY’s arrival that had reminded him acutely that he was no ordinary contractor. He was no ordinary supervisor. He was, and would always be, a wizard. And not just any wizard, but the sole heir to a famous name that could be tracked back to ancient Yeurop.

He yearned to make his mother proud.

He also yearned to make the world forget about his Great-Uncle.


Today he’s decided to forgo going into the office, instead choosing to dispatch his employees from his living room. It’s the last day of the work week and his morale is wavering.

PERKINS is tip-tap-typing away at her computer keyboard. At least, what had become her computer. It had once been his, and his alone, a time that seemed strange and far from the present.

WEASLIE

SO D’YOU EVER MAKE A LOVE POTION?


WEASLIE had not attended a formal school and as such, had a number of curiosities about how magic was worked close to the public sphere.

She swivels around in the chair to face him.

PERKINS

A LOVE POTION?

YOU’RE JOKING, RIGHT?

THEY’RE ILLEGAL.

WEASLIE

I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE IT’S…


He holds up his fingers to motion air-quotes.

WEASLIE

“ILLEGAL”.


Irritated, PERKINS turns away from him to resume what she’d been composing.

PERKINS

NO, I’M PRETTY SURE THEY’RE ACTUALLY ILLEGAL.

YOU REALLY THINK I WAS GOING TO LEARN ABOUT LOVE POTIONS AT THE MAGICADEMY?

WEASLIE

I DON’T KNOW.

I NEVER WENT THERE.

ONCE I…


But PERKINS cuts him off, turning back around to get him in view.

PERKINS

NO. MYRTLE DIDN’T TEACH US HOW TO BREW LOVE POTIONS.

SHE PROBABLY COULD HAVE USED ONE, BY THE LOOK OF HER.

BUT NO, SHE DIDN’T TEACH US THAT.

WHY.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW.

WEASLIE

I DON’T KNOW. JUST CURIOUS.


She gives him a dubious look, absorbs the silence in the room, and turns back to her work.

WEASLIE allows the awkward room to percolate.

WEASLIE

JUST… DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR, I GUESS.

PERKINS

I DON’T THINK LOVE POTIONS ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU THE FAME YOU WANT.

WEASLIE

MAYBE WE COULD WATER THEM DOWN.

YOU KNOW. SO IT’S MORE AN APHRODISIAC AND LESS A –


She agains spins around.

PERKINS

[interj.] DATE RAPE DRUG?


WEASLIE shudders.

WEASLIE

…WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY.


PERKINS straightens her posture, taking on a sort of know-it-all tone of voice.

PERKINS

IT’S ALSO ILLEGAL TO GIVE ANY OTHER SORTS OF POTIONS TO UNSUSPECTING MORTALS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO YOU?

WEASLIE

I…

PERKINS

[interj.] THEY KILL YOU, WEASLIE.

THEY KILL YOU.

IS SOME FAME AND A FEW COINS WORTH DYING OVER?


WEASLIE says nothing.

PERKINS

YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.

WE DON’T FUCK AROUND IN THE MORTAL’S PARADISE, OKAY?

ESPECIALLY NOT WITH LOVE POTIONS.

…

THERE SOME PRETTY THING AT WORK YOU GOT YOUR EYE ON?

WEASLIE

WHAT?!

NO!

HAVE YOU SEEN THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH?

PERKINS

YEAH.

TOTAL SAUSAGE FEST.

WEASLIE

NOT THAT I HAVE ANY CHOICE.

I PAY BY THE HOUR. DO YOU THINK CHICKS OR DUDES CAN DIG MORE HOLES IN AN HOUR?

PERKINS

EH.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT A FEW SORCERESSES ON THE PAYROLL.

WEASLIE

I WOULD IF I KNEW ANY.

…

PRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED.


In the pause, PERKINS takes the opportunity to change the subject.

PERKINS

YOU KNOW, LIFE FOR US WASN’T SO DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS FOR YOU.

WE LEARNED READING, WRITING, AND ARITHMETIC.

A SMATTERING OF SCIENCE.

HISTORY.

WEASLIE

PROBABLY MORE THAN I GOT.

MOM HAD ME DOING FARM CHORES MORE OFTEN THAN NOT.

BOTANY AND ANIMAL HUSBANDRY.

PERKINS

WELL YOU TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT.

EXCEPT FOR YOUR FASCINATION WITH LOVE POTIONS.

WEASLIE

FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!

PERKINS

SORRY, CAN’T.


Hopefully, she’s just teasing him.

WEASLIE

WHAT’CHA WORKIN’ ON TODAY, ANYHOW?

PERKINS

TRYING TO FIND OUT IF THERE’S A PLACE WE COULD MAKE SOME FRIENDS.

IMMORTALITY DOESN’T BREW ITSELF.

WEASLIE

THEY PROBABLY DON’T USE THE INTERNET TOO MUCH.

I MEAN…

ONCE YOU’VE GOT A CONFIDANTE, YOU JUST USE PRIVATE MEANS TO KEEP IN TOUCH.


She wheels back around to show him her back.

PERKINS

I’M NOT SATISFIED WITH THAT CONCLUSION.

WEASLIE

WHAT ABOUT LENARD?

PERKINS

WHAT ABOUT LENARD.


She absorbs herself in the computer.

[ CLICK. CLICK. CLICK-CLICK. ]


Somewhere, something would pique her memory.

WEASLIE

ISN’T THAT YOUR IN TO THE LARGER SOCIETY OF WIZARDS?

PERKINS

I WANTED TO SHOW HIM THAT I’M CAPABLE ON MY OWN.

BESIDES.

I’M KIND OF AFRAID OF THE GUY.

WEASLIE

AFRAID OF HIM?

YEAH, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

THERE’S SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HIM.