ROXXIE 007: Lifelong Learning
I awoke with a start. I could still feel the fear in my nerves; I had been dreaming. But what about? I tried to grab for the tendrils but there was nothing there - I had lost the vision to the sun.
I pushed the lid from my coffin and re-entered the bedroom. The pink walls made me uneasy but out of respect for the deceased, not to mention the ones that still remained, I would endure. Bob had wanted to return here, and so we had. I had some reluctance about claiming the bedroom of his dead wife, but there really had been no other options. He seemed to have no qualms about it, so who was I to make an issue where there wasn’t one?
I ran my fingers through my cropped hair. The sun had recently set and I had the night ahead of me. When I had time in front of me, in my hands, rather than behind… this was the best feeling. The world was my oyster.
That is not to say I had total freedom. I had already made plans. I wanted to visit my Master in the Forgotten Hollow. I had made a complete fool of myself at the holiday party. When the fire had broken out - I had turned tail and run. Like a yellow belly, I had taken flight and fled into the sky. I had abandoned the Count and shown myself a weakling. I hadn’t been there when the Tremere summoned their demon and desecrated the Master’s home. For all of my efforts to show myself worthy, when I had been needed, I had been scared shitless.
I apologized profusely to my Master, but none of that could alleviate the intensity of the shame I bore. He smiled gently and placed his hands on my shoulders, trying to reassure me that none of it was my fault. The fear of fire was perfectly rational, he reiterated.
And still, I resolved to myself that I must be better. Some of the coterie had withstood their terror. They had been there. They had fought. They had triumphed.
Maybe, though, I also needed to be patient with myself. So much had happened in these six short years. If I pushed myself too hard, I would break.
And that hinted at the deeper, unfortunate truth. I felt… fragile. Now that Makoa and Eliza were gone… Well - there went my graduating class. I was the only one left.
My phone buzzed angrily, temporarily quieting my anxieties. There was something soothing about having been issued a command - for a moment, no thought was necessary. The promise of peace lay just beyond the request.
It is my old friend. We had become close again over the past several years. It was sometimes difficult to refuse her invitations to afternoon coffee or sunrise on the boardwalk, but as time had passed, we’d developed an understanding. When I passed the evenings with her, I could forget about that enormous bestial bat who gorged herself on the blood of farm animals. In Ivette’s company, I was smart, capable, and contained. I was… human.

IVETTE//
Hey Roxxie, how are you tonight?

ROXANNE//
Oh, getting along. How about you?

IVETTE//
Eh. I've been better.

ROXANNE//
What's up?

IVETTE//
Latoya and I had a fight this morning and I really don't feel like going home.

ROXANNE//
You at school?

IVETTE//
Yeah, I'm finishing up.

ROXANNE//
You wanna go shoot some pool?

IVETTE//
That would be great. I'll see you there in a little bit.

ROXANNE//
Looking forward to it.
That Ivette and her wife were fighting came as no surprise to me. Since we had reconnected, it seemed as if those two were anything but partners. If I were being totally honest with myself, sometimes I felt used. Ivette had a habit of seeking solace from me when she was in the doghouse and while part of me was glad I had become her constant companion, the other part winced in agony when she would be reinvited to the bedroom.

ROXANNE//
I just got to the pool hall.

IVETTE//
Yeah, sorry, I'm still in the car.

ROXANNE//
Says they're closed for vacation.

IVETTE//
Vacation... Now?

ROXANNE//
... Yeah.

IVETTE//
That really blows.
And without thinking, I tapped in something I couldn’t have possibly planned out. Something bold and ballsy, something that would completely change the course of history.

ROXANNE//
Hey, instead... You wanna meet my boss?

IVETTE//
The old man who works you to the bone?

ROXANNE//
Yeah, that one.

IVETTE//
I dunno. I might not be able to hold myself back from telling him that you deserve a raise. A big one.

ROXANNE//
Oh, don't do that. I don't care about the money.

IVETTE//
It's not about the dollar amount, it's about respect.

ROXANNE//
He respects me plenty. Listen, if it's too much--

IVETTE//
No, sounds like fun. I'll behave. I'm in.

ROXANNE//
Awesome, I'll send you the location.
Religion had always been… a sore subject. I suppose the most difficult thing about it was that it always reminded me of family. I had begun my life as a Catholic; bred, born, and baptised. But that had quickly worn out its welcome like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I am not sure I ever believed in God. I know I tried - I fell to my knees and prayed into the sky, desperate for a sign, a reassurance that I was not throwing my faith into a black hole. The Messiah, the Saints, and even the Virgin - they had to have existed. So many sources agreed on this fact. But were they holy? And the miracles…? I wasn’t sure.
The Toast & Caramel is a quiet, dusty old speakeasy hidden underneath an old church in Jamaica. Whether my Master had built the house of worship himself or rather acquired it in the dawning of the age of skepticism, I could not say. He could, and often did, walk there from his house on the hill. When the trip to the Blue Velvet was too arduous, he could often be found here, placing a new record on the player. I wasn’t sure he had left Jamaica since he had done battle with the Hellbeast.
I figured my chances to find him here tonight were pretty good.
I sat in my car, jotting down some half-baked writing ideas in a notebook, until I see Ivette parallel park behind me. I stuff my pen and paper into the center console and exit the vehicle.
Ivette is a little confused.
IVETTE
A…
CHURCH?
I smiled, knowingly.
ROXANNE
IT ONLY LOOKS LIKE A CHURCH.
EVERYONE GATHERS DOWNSTAIRS.
IVETTE
HUH.
WEIRD.
I DON’T COME OUT TO JAMAICA MUCH.
ROXANNE
I DIDN’T EITHER UNTIL I STARTED WORKING FOR THE COUNT.
Her eyes fell over the steeple with unease.
IVETTE
SO…
A COUNT.
UH–
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ADDRESS HIM?
ROXANNE
HE’S NOT REALLY A STICKLER FOR TITLES.
JUST CALL HIM WHATEVER FEELS NATURAL.
IVETTE
THAT’S…
NOT REALLY HELPFUL, BUT OKAY.
I hold out my hands and bow, feeling a little silly, trying to encourage her to enter the church. She walks, cautiously.
IVETTE
SO…
HOW’D YOU GET HOOKED UP WITH THIS GIG, ANYWAY?
ROXANNE
INTERNET.
IVETTE
SOME NOBLE FROM EUROPE WAS LOOKING TO HIRE A RANDO HE FOUND ON CRAIGSLIST?
I laughed.
ROXANNE
HE’S A LITTLE ECCENTRIC.
IVETTE
… YEAH.
I push open the heavy wooden door. It creaks loudly on the old hinges. Ivette shivers and tries to change the subject.
IVETTE
SO…
I–
UH–
SAW YOUR NEW POST.
I had heard some advice long ago that you should always write for yourself. Barring that, write for someone special: your spouse, your Master, your… Friend.
ROXANNE
THE ONE ABOUT GARDENING?
IVETTE
YEAH, YOU HAD SOME REALLY GOOD TIPS IN THERE.
I HAD NO IDEA RASPBERRIES AND BLACKBERRIES WERE ANTAGONISTS.
ROXANNE
YEP, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PLANT TOGETHER.
IVETTE
I’VE BEEN MEANING TO START UP MY GARDEN.
GUESS IT’S A LITTLE COLD NOW BUT I SHOULD START PREPPING.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I SWORE TO DO WHEN WE BOUGHT THE HOUSE.
There was that word.
But there is no time to grimace. I put what she’s said out of mind. We have descended the stairs and I am happy again.
My Master is here.
I rush forward when we enter the room and I see him sitting there. I will not touch him, not without invitation, if I can help it. But I run up to him, forgetting myself, as a little Childe.
He turns to me, granting me his face.
STRAUD
ROXANNE.
ROXANNE
COUNT!
IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU TONIGHT?
STRAUD
I AM WELL.
THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME.
I turn to Ivette.
ROXANNE
IVETTE, THIS IS THE COUNT VLADISLAUS STRAUD IV.
COUNT, THIS IS MY FRIEND, IVETTE CAMPBELL.
STRAUD
MISS CAMPBELL, IT IS SUCH A PLEASURE TO FINALLY BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH YOU.
ROXANNE HAS TOLD ME NOTHING BUT GOOD THINGS.
She blushed.
IVETTE
OH–
UH…
I DON’T KNOW THAT THERE’S MUCH TO SAY…
I could not help but grin with satisfaction, watching the two of them interact.
STRAUD
OH, AND SHE IS MODEST, TOO.
HOW CHARMING!
I could tell he was not exactly what she had imagined.
STRAUD
ROXANNE TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE WELL-VERSED IN THE LANGUAGES AND HISTORY OF THE FAR EAST.
YOU TEACH AT THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY?
IVETTE
Y-YEAH–
I’M AN ASSOCIATE.
STRAUD
THAT IS WONDERFUL.
DO YOU ENJOY YOUR WORK?
She glanced at me, seeming puzzled by the question.
IVETTE
YEAH–
I DO, MOST OF THE TIME.
I DON’T GET TO TRAVEL AS MUCH AS I USED TO, AND WORKING WITH THE STUDENTS CAN BE DRAINING…
With my eyes, I tried to let her know she was doing fine.
She tries to perk up.
IVETTE
BUT IT IS REALLY REWARDING.
I’M GLAD I CHOSE THIS PATH.
STRAUD
THERE IS NO GREATER VOCATION THAN ELEVATING OTHERS OUT OF IGNORANCE.
He paused.
STRAUD
MISS CAMPBELL, ARE YOU DRINKING ANYTHING OR WILL YOU FIND YOURSELF BEHIND THE WHEEL THIS EVENING?
IVETTE
UH–
YEAH, I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE IT EASY.
STRAUD
ROXANNE, IF YOU WOULDN’T MIND.
I obliged without a word.
STRAUD
PERHAPS SOMETIME I WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE.
A LOVELY WOMAN FROM THE MIDDLE KINGDOM HAS BEEN STAYING WITH ME.
SHE HAS AN INTEREST IN OUR CULTURE AND ART.
I AM SURE THE TWO OF YOU WOULD HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
IVETTE
WELL, MY ACCENT LEAVES MUCH TO BE DESIRED…
I’M GOOD ENOUGH TO TEACH THE KIDS, BUT–
STRAUD
I AM SURE IT IS NOT SO BAD.
WE ARE OUR OWN WORST CRITICS.
I return with glasses of water for Ivette and myself.
STRAUD
IS THIS THE FIRST TIME ROXANNE HAS BROUGHT YOU HERE?
IVETTE
YES, IT IS.
I RECENTLY MOVED OUT TO NASSAU COUNTY BUT EVEN BEFORE THAT I NEVER REALLY FOUND MYSELF AROUND HERE MUCH.
STRAUD
YES, IT’S QUIET HERE, ISN’T IT?
THAT’S ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE AREA.
IF ONE IS NOT SUMMONED, ONE TENDS TO JUST FLY ON BY.
Ivette didn’t quite know what to say to that.
STRAUD
SO, TELL ME:
HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND ROXANNE BEEN FRIENDS?
IVETTE
LONG TIME.
Here, I was a little flustered and broke in.
ROXANNE
WELL, WE HAD LOST TOUCH FOR A WHILE, BUT STARTED TALKING AGAIN A FEW YEARS BACK.
IVETTE WAS THE FIRST FRIEND I MADE WHEN I MOVED TO THE CITY.
STRAUD
THAT IS A SPECIAL THING.
ROXANNE
IVETTE WAS KIND TO ME…
WHEN I HAD NO ONE ELSE.
I think I’ve embarrassed her.
IVETTE
OH–
IT WASN’T ANYTHING…
I JUST DID WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO.
…
YOU WERE NICE TO ME, TOO.
ROXANNE
IT MEANT A LOT TO ME THAT YOU DIDN’T THINK I WAS AN IDIOT FOR DROPPING OUT.
DIDN’T TELL ME I WAS MAKING THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.
DIDN’T TELL ME I’D REGRET IT EVERY SINGLE DAY.
OTHERS DID.
JUST TOUGH IT OUT, THEY SAID.
IT COULDN’T BE THAT BAD!
IVETTE
PEOPLE LEAVE FOR THEIR OWN REASONS.
LIFE IS HARD.
I WON’T LIE, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT A FEW TIMES.
ROXANNE
OH, GET OUT OF HERE.
IVETTE
NO, REALLY!
I THOUGHT I’D TAKE A BREAK, GET A JOB WAITING TABLES FOR A COUPLE YEARS, MEET PEOPLE; YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY ENJOY BEING YOUNG.
HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE.
THEN I’D GO BACK LATER WHEN I WAS READY TO PUT MY HEAD TO STUDYING.
ROXANNE
WELL, YOU MADE IT THROUGH.
AND YOU’RE A PROFESSOR NOW!
IVETTE
HA–
I GUESS.
I DON’T REALLY HAVE MANY OTHER FRIENDS FROM THAT TIME.
YOU AND LATOYA.
THAT’S ABOUT IT.
I didn’t relish being put in that category, and my mind stutters.
Luckily, Ivette turned to the Master.
IVETTE
LATOYA IS MY WIFE.
He raised an eyebrow.
STRAUD
YOUR WIFE?
YOU SEEM TO ME FAR TOO YOUNG TO BE ALREADY MARRIED.
Ivette shrugged in surrender.
IVETTE
OVER TEN YEARS NOW.
STRAUD
TEN YEARS?
MY MY.
YOUR DEDICATION IS REMARKABLE.
I, MYSELF, HAVE NEVER ENTERED INTO THE BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY.
OVER THE YEARS, I’VE KNOWN MANY DELIGHTFUL INDIVIDUALS AND WE’VE PASSED THE HOURS TOGETHER IN HARMONY, AND YET, ON THIS DAY, MY BED IS DUSTY AND UNKEMPT.
PERHAPS I MAKE MYSELF TOO BUSY.
PERHAPS I AM TOO PICKY.
OR PERHAPS, NOW IN THE TWILIGHT OF MY YEARS, I FEAR IT IS TOO LATE AND IT WOULD BE UNFAIR TO SADDLE SOMEONE I CLAIM TO LOVE WITH THE INEVITABLE…
I couldn’t disagree with him more but did not dare interject…
STRAUD
BUT ENOUGH OF MY LAMENTATIONS.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?
IVETTE
I’M GETTING BACK INTO THE GYM…
ROXANNE
IVETTE AND I WERE GOING TO THE POOL HALL BUT IT WAS CLOSED FOR THE WEEK.
STRAUD
PERHAPS I OUGHT TO PUT IN SOME GAMES HERE.
IVETTE
YOU…
OWN THIS PLACE?
He smiled.
STRAUD
IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.
IVETTE
I THOUGHT YOU OWNED THAT BAR IN ASTORIA.
STRAUD
THE BLUE VELVET.
HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
IVETTE
NO, NOT YET.
STRAUD
WELL, IT IS QUITE DIFFERENT THAN THIS PLACE.
I COME HERE WHEN I WANT TO HIDE AND PASS THE TIME IN REFLECTION.
THE BLUE VELVET–
IT IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL.
THERE, I DO MY BUSINESS.
THERE, I MAKE MY MONEY.
IVETTE
MONEY?
WITH A NAME LIKE YOURS…
ISN’T YOUR TIME WORTH MORE?
STRAUD
YOU FLATTER ME.
CERTAINLY TIME IS OUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET, BUT YOU ARE MISLED IF YOU BELIEVE MY TITLE IS WORTH MUCH IN THIS COUNTRY.
YES, IT OPENS DOORS FOR ME THAT MIGHT OTHERWISE BE CLOSED TIGHT, BUT NO–
LIKE ANYONE ELSE, I MUST CONTINUE TO WORK.
AND THOUGH I OFTEN FIND MYSELF IN A SUPERVISORY ROLE WHILE OTHERS ARE ENGAGING THEIR TASKS DIRECTLY, KNOW THAT MY POSITION HAS NOT COME WITHOUT A CERTAIN REDUCTION OF MY FREEDOM, MY AUTONOMY.
TO USE A TURN OF PHRASE, I OFTEN, AS YOU WOULD SAY, AM FORCED TO TAKE MY WORK HOME WITH ME.
I hoped she would not be too impetuous here. She had contempt for the gentry and was convinced that he worked me as a dog, despite my protestations to the contrary. As she saw it, he was the reason I couldn’t meet her for brunch and mimosas.
Well, I suppose in a way, she was correct.
STRAUD
IF YOU ARE IN THE CITY FOR WORK, PERHAPS YOU CAN STEAL YOURSELF AWAY FOR A VISIT.
I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.
BRING A COWORKER AND FILE AN EXPENSE REPORT.
OUR PRICES ARE VERY REASONABLE AND WE ARE OPEN ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND MUCH OF THE NIGHT, IF THAT SUITS YOU.
PERHAPS IT GETS A LITTLE LOUD WHEN THE SUN BEGINS TO WANE–
IVETTE
MAYBE I’LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
STRAUD
I DO HOPE SO.
IT IS MY LIFEBLOOD.
Ivette drank her water - I would have to refill it soon.
STRAUD
I HAVE LET YOU ASK OF ME A HEAVY QUESTION, PERHAPS YOU WILL GRANT ME THE SAME COURTESY.
IVETTE
… I SUPPOSE.
STRAUD
WHY HAVE YOU TOILED TEN YEARS OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY?
DO YOU NOT VALUE YOUR LIFE?
YOUR TIME?
Her face paled in surprise.
IVETTE
… WHAT?
ME AND LATOYA?
… I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TOLD–
STRAUD
I HAVE “BEEN TOLD” NOTHING.
WHEN I REPORTED THAT ROXANNE HAS SPOKEN OF YOU ONLY IN THE HIGHEST ESTEEM, I MEANT IT.
AND BESIDES ALL OF THAT, I WOULD NOT ALLOW HER TO ENGAGE IN SUCH RAUCOUS GOSSIP, NO, IT IS TASTELESS, UNPLEASANT, AND DULL.
RATHER, I SIMPLY ASK MY QUESTION BASED ON MY PRESENT OBSERVATION:
YOUR EXPRESSION WHEN YOU UTTER HER NAME.
PLAIN, MATTER-OF-FACT, WITHOUT JOY.
YOU DO NOT SMILE.
THIS IS YOUR BURDEN, YOUR SITUATION, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
I DO NOT HAVE TO READ YOUR THOUGHTS TO SEE THAT.
Ivette was deeply blushing at this point. She could hardly stand to look him in the eyes.
IVETTE
WELL, AS HARD AS YOU FIND IT TO BE MARRIED, IT IS A HUNDRED TIMES MORE DIFFICULT TO GET DIVORCED.
WE OWN A HOUSE TOGETHER, WE’RE WRITTEN INTO EACH OTHER’S WILLS.
WE SHARE BANK ACCOUNTS, WE SHARE INVESTMENTS, WE SHARE INSURANCE–
STRAUD
AND YET, IF YOU WERE NOT HERE WITH US, WOULD YOU SHARE A BED?
Her eyes were dark with shame now. She shot me a recriminating glance.
IVETTE
I DON’T APPRECIATE YOU GOSSIPING ABOUT MY HOME LIFE.
ROXANNE
I DIDN’T SAY A THING!
NEVER!
NOT ONCE!
She looked down at her glass of water, half-full.
STRAUD
I APOLOGIZE, MISS CAMPBELL, IF I WAS TOO FORWARD, TOO HASTY WITH MY ASSESSMENT.
IT IS A FAULT OF MINE–
IVETTE
NO–
She spoke quietly.
IVETTE
NO…
YOU’RE RIGHT.
THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME MAD, I GUESS–
TO SEE THAT IT’S SO OBVIOUS THAT EVEN A STRANGER CAN SEE IT PLAINLY WRITTEN ON MY FACE.
She tried to look up.
IVETTE
YEAH, I AM UNHAPPY.
AND I HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.
I GUESS IT’S JUST SUNK-COST FALLACY OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE I KEEP TELLING MYSELF I’M IN TOO DEEP TO GIVE UP NOW, THAT IF I KEEP GOING, KEEP TRYING, THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
I LOVE HER, I REALLY DO.
AND THAT’S PART OF THE REASON I STAY.
I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS ALL IT TAKES.
STRAUD
LOVE IS BUT ONE PART OF THE PROCESS.
She was talking to the table now, head down.
IVETTE
I JUST KEEP HOPING…
SHE’LL CHANGE.
The air is heavy.
IVETTE
SHE WASN’T ALWAYS LIKE THIS.
SHE ONCE HAD PASSION, SHE HAD DREAMS.
SHE WAS GOING TO PLAY HER VIOLIN FOR THE WORLD, STAND UP THERE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND BRING THEM TO TEARS.
THAT WAS THE WOMAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH AND THAT IS THE WOMAN I TRY TO REMEMBER WHEN SHE’S BEING PETTY OR FIXATING ON THE LITTLE THINGS.
I KEEP WAITING FOR HER TO SMILE AND REALIZE HOW GOOD WE HAVE IT, BUT…
Ivette is getting a little tearful and I want to reach out and comfort her but think it best to wait.
IVETTE
I’VE BEEN WITH HER MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.
WE WERE…
STILL KIDS WHEN WE STARTED DATING.
I’VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYONE ELSE.
I’M AFRAID…
OF CHANGE.
She wraps her hands around her glass, spinning it in place. She was trying desperately to hold back her tears, but every so often, one fell from her cheek and landed in her lap.
STRAUD
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO TURN OVER A NEW LEAF.
IVETTE
YEAH BUT THESE AREN’T PLANTS, THEY’RE PEOPLE!
STRAUD
WHAT IS THE HARM IN TRYING SOMETHING NEW?
JUST TAKING A PEEK AT THE ALTERNATIVE?
IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, IF IT’S NOT FOR YOU–
OH, WHAT IS THAT ONE?
ROXANNE, PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP ME HERE.
I did not know exactly what he meant but I said the first thing that came to mind.
ROXANNE
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, LET IT GO.
STRAUD
WHY DON’T YOU STAY WITH US FOR A FEW DAYS AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL?
YOU ARE WELCOME TO STAY AT THE MANSION WITH ME, BUT PERHAPS IT WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH JUST YOU GIRLS.
I SUPPOSE BOB IS THERE–
ROXANNE
HE WON’T MIND, I’M SURE OF IT.
STRAUD
THAT HOUSE IS A FAIR BIT SMALLER THAN THE TOWNHOUSE–
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE SPACE?
ROXANNE
WE HAVE THE SPARE BEDROOM.
AND THE EXTRA MATTRESS IS IN THE ATTIC.
YOU’LL LIVE LIKE ROYALTY.
Ugh. Foot in the mouth.
ROXANNE
JUST FOR A FEW DAYS.
SEE HOW IT GOES.
CLEAR YOUR HEAD.
Something funny… please!
ROXANNE
WE’LL MAKE POPCORN…!
She was quiet for a moment and then could not resist laughing.
IVETTE
FINE, YOU GOT ME.
I’LL SLEEP OVER FOR A FEW DAYS.
CATCH MY BREATH.
WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I smiled from ear to ear.
IVETTE
OKAY.
I’LL STOP AT THE SCHOOL, PICK UP A FEW THINGS FROM MY OFFICE.
…
LOOK AT THE TIME.
I GUESS I HAD BETTER GET GOING.
DON’T WANT TO BE UP ALL NIGHT.
She stood up and made motion to leave.
ROXANNE
WAIT–
DO YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS?
She turned to look at me and I hoped we had made the right decision. Hoped we had not forced her to do anything she did not already want to do. Hoped–
She smiled, and her eyes were still shiny from the tears.
IVETTE
YEAH–
CHRISTMAS CARD, REMEMBER?
How could I forget?
ROXANNE
OH–
RIGHT!
IVETTE
COUNT?
She spoke over me but I thought nothing of it.
STRAUD
YES, MISS CAMPBELL?
IVETTE
IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
SORRY WE COULDN’T HAVE SPOKEN OF SOMETHING MORE CHEERY.
BUT I’M SURE THERE WILL BE ANOTHER TIME.
…
I CAN SEE WHY ROXXIE THINKS SO HIGHLY OF YOU.
STRAUD
AND YOU.
IVETTE
JUST…
ONE THING.
STRAUD
YES?
IVETTE
GIVE HER A DAY OFF ONCE IN A WHILE, WILL YOU?
He smiled and looked at me.
STRAUD
YES, I’LL SEE TO IT.
UNTIL NEXT TIME.
IVETTE
… THANKS.
YOU TOO.
And like that, she disappeared the way she had entered.
I was soon alone with the Master. It was not often like this anymore, and I was out of practice. I decided I would mix a plasma jane to still my nerves - this evening’s diversion had been worth it, I reasoned, but remembered that on most nights, by this hour I would have been heavy with the blood of a horse, perhaps struggling to fly home.
And yet, here I was, fumbling with a knife and sieve, trying to extract juice from something that came from a tree.
He allowed me a moment, and then spoke.
STRAUD
YOU WANT TO TAKE HER AS YOUR OWN, DO YOU NOT?
Never one to mince words, my Master.
ROXANNE
THE THOUGHT HAS CROSSED MY MIND.
STRAUD
DO NOT BE BASHFUL WITH ME, CHILDE.
I HAVE NO TIME FOR IT.
THE ADOPTION OF MORTALS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER.
ROXANNE
THEN, YES.
I WON’T PLAY GAMES.
I WANT HER WITH ME FOR ALWAYS.
STRAUD
YOU CANNOT DO THIS ON A WHIM.
BETTER SHE HAVE A FEW GREY HAIRS THAN YOU FORCE HER BEFORE SHE IS READY.
BEFORE YOU ARE READY.
HER WORLD WILL BE BROKEN IRREPARABLY.
AND YOU WILL FOREVER BE THE BURGLAR.
THE GIFT IS NOT JUST THAT–
AND I TRUST YOU KNOW THAT–
IT IS ALSO A CURSE.
I thought of the monstrous form I took in the darkness. I could hear the pathetic whimpering of the animals just before I silenced their pulse. I could feel them heave beneath my fangs and collapse in the grass, never to see another sunrise.
ROXANNE
YES, MASTER…
I UNDERSTAND–
STRAUD
DO NOT THINK I WILL BE PLACATED SO EASILY!
I blinked and he appeared before me in his true form, his gaze upon me fixed and intense.
STRAUD
JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER DOES NOT MEAN THIS IS A MANTLE SHE IS READY TO WEAR.
I protested.
ROXANNE
BUT SHE IS SO… GOOD!
SHE DOESN’T DESERVE TO DIE!
STRAUD
… THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO WARD OFF THE REAPER.
ROXANNE
I REFUSE TO MAKE A SLAVE OUT OF HER.
NO, SHE DOESN’T DESERVE THAT EITHER.
STRAUD
I DO NOT KNOW IF YOU ARE READY FOR THIS, ROXANNE.
THIS IS A DOORWAY THAT ONCE OPENED, CAN NEVER AGAIN BE SHUT.
I TOOK YOU ON WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT SO LONG AS I STAND YOU ARE MY RESPONSIBILITY.
I HOPED THAT YOU WOULD LOVE ME IN RETURN, BUT I GAVE THE LIFE TO YOU WITH THE CAVEAT THAT YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND.
YOU WOULD NOT BE THE FIRST OF MY CHILDER, NOR WOULD YOU LIKELY BE THE LAST, TO WISH ME FINAL DEATH.
REMOVE HER FROM A LOVELESS MARRIAGE, TEACH HER TO VALUE HER OWN TIME, LIFE, EXPERIENCE, YES, THAT IS ONE THING.
BUT WHAT YOU ARE EYEING IS SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT.
IT SHOULD BE DONE FROM A PLACE OF WISDOM AND HOPE, NOT COVETOUSNESS, GREED.
IT IS A DANGEROUS TIME TO BE A FLEDGLING.
WE ARE BESIEGED BY ENEMIES ON ALL SIDES.
SHE WOULD ENTER THE BATTLEFIELD CLUMSY IN HER ARMOR AND UNTRAINED IN THE WAY OF THE SWORD.
I knew he spoke truth, and I felt small.
ROXANNE
I…
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M FEELING.
I JUST KNOW…
IT’S STRONG.
He clutched me gently, hugging me, for a moment wrapping his long fingers around my head and over my back. It is all-too-brief, but his touch soothes my tension.
STRAUD
I KNOW IT IS A LOT, MY CHILDE.
I WANT TO HELP YOU MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
ROXANNE
I KNOW IT’S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY–
STRAUD
THE BIGGEST.
NO, THAT WORD IS INADEQUATE.
IT IS THE ULTIMATE RESPONSIBILITY.
AFTER WE PASS ON, THEY ARE WHAT REMAINS TO CONTINUE OUR LEGACY.
ROXANNE
THEN IT’S NOT TRUE THEN?
THAT OLD MYTH ABOUT ONE’S SIRE?
He laughed.
STRAUD
OH, THAT ONE IS A FAVORITE.
NONSENSE AND POPPYCOCK.
I DON’T KNOW WHO STARTED THAT ONE BUT I’D LIKE TO HAVE THEIR HEAD.
I looked down, feeling a little shy.
STRAUD
NO, REST ASSURED, EVEN IF I CEASE TO BE, YOU WILL CONTINUE ON, UNBLINKING, CONSCIOUS AND REAL, FREE TO REFRAME THIS ALL AS YET ANOTHER MEMORY.
A HAPPY ONE, IF I HAVE DONE WELL, BUT A MEMORY NEVERTHELESS.
ROXANNE
MASTER, DO NOT SPEAK OF SUCH THINGS!
He softened his face.
STRAUD
OH, VERY WELL, AS YOU COMMAND, MY CHILDE.
He again took his disguise.
STRAUD
BE PATIENT WITH HER.
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WORTH RUSHING.
IF YOU CHARGE HEADLONG, YOU WILL ONLY CAUSE ALL OF US GRIEF AND HEARTACHE.
He put his hand tenderly upon my shoulder.
STRAUD
SEEK YOURSELF.
BE SURE THIS IS GOING TO RELIEVE SUFFERING RATHER THAN CREATE IT.
KNOW THAT EVEN IF YOU DO NOT EMBRACE HER AS A VAMPIRE, YOU CAN SUSTAIN HER BEAUTY IN YOUR MIND, YOUR MEMORIES, SO LONG AS YOU LIVE.
SHE WILL, REGARDLESS, LIVE FOREVER IN THE DREAM.
YOU MUST HAVE FAITH IN THINGS BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN SEE AND TOUCH.
BUT THAT IS NOT TO SAY YOU SHOULD DENY YOURSELF ALL SENSATION, ALL JOY.
THAT IS NOT WHY I CREATED YOU.
WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, LET US DO IT, YOU AND I, TOGETHER.
ROXANNE
Y-YOU MEAN IT?
MASTER?
STRAUD
DO NOT SUFFER ALONE.
LET US HELP YOU.
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
ROXANNE
OH–!
MASTER!
YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!
I wrapped him in my arms in a manner that was probably too tight to be polite. But I supposed I could not hurt him even if I tried.
STRAUD
GO NOW, YOU’LL WANT TO ARRIVE BEFORE SHE DOES.
ROXANNE
Y-YES–
I DO.
STRAUD
PEACE.
I could hardly keep my cool on the drive home. I was often jittery and anxious when I did not engage in my nightly rituals. I had a few plasma packs in the mini-fridge for emergencies but I hated to resort to that. They would be cold and stale - something no hot water bath could hope to fix.
I maintain my calm as I drive up to the house and allow my aurasight to assess what I faced.
Bob was upstairs, asleep. I was glad for that - if I remembered correctly, he had an audition in the morning. His early success on stage had slowed somewhat and he now just had to put in the time. He’d broken up with his girlfriend several months ago - or maybe she’d broken up with him. Regardless, he again slept alone.
My dog Edward is sleeping in the living room - that is, at least, until he hears the slam of my car door. I am glad I have arrived first - maybe I can keep him from loudly announcing that we have a house guest.
I go inside and Edward is overjoyed to see me. He showers me with kisses and I ruffle his waxy hair.
ROXANNE
YOU NEED A BATH, DOG.
YOU STINK.
But he takes no offense to the words that come out of my mouth. I could curse him out and he would still shake his tail.
In the quiet house, I steady him, quieting the claws clacking on the floor, and bring his eyes to mine. It is uncomfortable for the gentle beast and he quickly refuses my strange gesture and instead licks my hand, coating my skin with his salty saliva.
He could not, in his innocence, know the source of my intensity. Sometimes it was difficult to look at him now. Though he had always been black and white, I had begun to notice the grey spreading over his muzzle. Yes, it made him look quite wise and distinguished, but I also knew what it meant. Someday I would never again hear his voice, fill his bowl, pat his head.
At times I resented him when I saw fresh gashes in the flooring. Often I didn’t want to walk him or pick up his leavings. But I knew I owed him the world. He had stood by me as my companion when I had become a vampire, never once did he bare his teeth at my scent or shudder from my cold hands. Yes, he had always been there for me, and as I felt his impending mortality, I wanted to pull away, protect my little heart, spare myself the pain of goodbye.
And yet, I would not do it. Edward is my friend, I remembered, and I would stay with him until the last.
His ears perk up as he hears a unfamiliar car pull up and park in front of the house. Instinctually, he emits a low growl. But I try to soothe his worries.
ROXANNE
NO BARK.
NO GROWL.
FRIEND.
IVETTE.
FRIEND.
I walk into the foyer and open the front door. Edward bounds from the porch to greet the newcomer. She is pulling a small duffel bag from the backseat. Edward is still sniffing her enthusiastically as I approach.
ROXANNE
HEY, BOB IS ASLEEP SO I DON’T REALLY WANT TO GO FUMBLING AROUND IN THE ATTIC RIGHT NOW…
D’YOU MIND SLEEPING ON THE COUCH?
She throws her luggage over her shoulder.
IVETTE
NOT AT ALL.
I’M…
KINDA USED TO IT.
ROXANNE
EDWARD MIGHT BUG YOU BUT I HOPE HE’LL JUST KEEP YOU COMPANY.
He sniffs her spare hand, eager for attention.
IVETTE
AW.
She obliges and acknowledges him.
IVETTE
WHAT A SWEETIE.
I smile.
ROXANNE
JUST BE CAREFUL.
IF YOU SPOIL HIM, HE’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.
IVETTE
THAT’S ALRIGHT.
ROXANNE
COME ON IN.
I’LL GIVE YOU THE FULL TOUR TOMORROW.
We began to make our way inside. Ivette uses her fob to lock the car. The beep is loud in the night.
IVETTE
YEAH, THAT’S FINE.
I’M TOTALLY BUSHED AND I’VE GOT A BIT OF A HEADACHE.
ROXANNE
OH…
UH–
I DON’T USUALLY TAKE ANYTHING BUT I CAN SEE WHAT WE HAVE–
IVETTE
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I JUST NEED TO GET TO BED.
I SHOULD BE FINE IN THE MORNING.
ROXANNE
OH, ALRIGHT.
We were in the house now. I shut the door behind us and felt the weight of this upon my shoulders. I loved her; I wanted to protect her from the dangers that lurked outside in the world, dangers she didn’t even know to fear. Having her here was exactly what I had wanted, and yet - it meant change for me. It would be much more difficult to hide.
ROXANNE
HEY, UH–
She plopped her bag on the couch and turned to me. Her gaze was unintentionally piercing and I nervously ran my fingers through my hair.
ROXANNE
I’LL GET YOU A COMFORTER AND STUFF, JUST–
I MIGHT MISS YOU IN THE MORNING.
THE COUNT IS SOMETHING OF AN EARLY BIRD AND–
IVETTE
NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE, EH?
I chuckled awkwardly.
ROXANNE
IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING…
She turned away from me and began to remove items from her bag. A toothbrush, lotion, a pill bottle…
IVETTE
NO WORRIES.
I’VE GOT TO GET GOING EARLY TOO.
I felt stupid. I wanted forgiveness.
ROXANNE
DON’T WORRY ABOUT LOCKING UP - I CAN DO IT ALL REMOTELY.
She laughed and looked at me.
IVETTE
THE FUTURE IS NOW.
ROXANNE
Y-YEAH–
I GUESS IT IS.
I stroked Edward’s fur in need of his warmth, trying to ease the discomfort of the silence.
Suddenly she raised her fingers to her temple.
IVETTE
HEY, UH–
IF YOU DON’T MIND–
MAYBE I DO WANT TO TAKE SOMETHING.
THIS HEADACHE IS KILLING ME.
Soon, she has settled in and buried herself in a blanket on the couch. It seemed Edward has accepted her presence and intends to guard her on the first floor. I thanked my lucky stars for his sweet disposition.
Still jazzed up from an evening of excitement, I linger in the office on the second floor for a while. The threat of dawn is too near for me to journey out now. Reluctantly, I decide, tonight I must go without.
I don’t have any creative inspiration, feeling so completely drained, so I read the messages on the wIntranet for news from the coterie. Apparently the Master was planning to make an appearance at the Blue Velvet on Thursday. He wanted to meet with Tomas. News of what had happened at the New Year had spread like wildfire. A statement needed to be made by the Camarilla. The Prince himself counted one of his wives as a member of the Clan Tremere. It was time to discuss what this all meant for the future of peace between the two boroughs.
I didn’t know if I would be in attendance. I hadn’t been able to feed tonight, so - tomorrow’s need would be even more dire. And yet, I could not forget my houseguest. I could use my “employment” as an escape to excuse myself in the daylight, but I couldn’t see being absent tomorrow, not on her first night here… To feed perhaps I could encourage her to retire early - if she would turn in around eleven or twelve, perhaps there would still be enough time for me to make the flight to a pasture out east…
I try to quell my worries and shut off the computer. I could not join the coterie tomorrow, I decided. But it was fine. I was needed here.
I unlock the door to Eliza’s - now my bedroom. It was on my never-ending list of things to do that I wanted to seek the Elders’ wisdom for a technique to supernaturally seal my door. I knew it could be done but I did not yet know how. Bob was long among the Informed and knew better than to go looking for trouble. But Ivette…? I wasn’t so sure.
I would have to tell her the truth, and maybe sooner than I wanted to. And yet, still, I would do this in my own time, when I was ready. When I thought… she would be ready too.
I open the door, intending to pass the remaining hour of the night in quiet solitude, but it is not to be.
In that hideously pink room, sitting atop my coffin, is a face I recognize. She has haunted me for years, stalking me in the night, taunting me. I wasn’t completely sure what her game was, but since we had chanced upon her camping out in the abandoned Goth Mansion, she had never left me alone.
Tonight her raven hair is wild and the only thing she wears is a smug expression on her face.
ROXANNE
PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, KALI.
She smiles, licentious and unbridled, revealing her pearly, cat-like fangs.
She ignores what I say.
KALI
SO, YOU HAVE A LITTLE GUEST IN YOUR HOUSE.
I stood my ground, frowning.
She spoke softly now.
KALI
DO YOU LIKE HER?
IS SHE YOUR…
PET?
I grimaced.
ROXANNE
LEAVE HER ALONE.
She played coquette, bringing her hand to her face.
KALI
OH, I’VE MADE A SPARK IN YOU, HAVE I?
ROXANNE
YOU WON’T LAY A FINGER ON HER.
She toyed with me.
KALI
MAYBE NOT A FINGER.
I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER, YES, SOMETHING BETTER.
ROXANNE
SHE’S MINE.
She laughed at me.
KALI
YOU ARE A TRUE DELIGHT.
NO, I WOULD NOT DREAM OF STEALING YOUR LITTLE PRIZE.
AND ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR FIRST.
NO–
THAT IS SPECIAL.
I did not remove my eyes from her.
KALI
BESIDES, THOSE DAYS ARE FAR BEHIND ME.
I HAVE NO DESIRE TO TAKE ON A TINY MORTAL THING LIKE HER.
MY OFFSPRING LITTER THE GLOBE.
I RUN ACROSS THEM EVERY NOW AND THEN BUT THEY ARE ALL GROWN NOW AND MANAGE THEIR OWN AFFAIRS.
I LIKE IT THIS WAY.
I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THE CARE AND TAMING OF LITTLE CHILDREN ANYMORE.
She looked at her nails in a vain gesture that seemed misplaced and modern for an ancient warrior.
KALI
THAT IS, OF COURSE–
She looked up at me.
KALI
UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE MARKET?
I narrowed my eyes at her.
ROXANNE
I HAVE A MASTER.
She moved forward, still on my coffin, but she lowered her feet to the floor, keeping her legs neatly together.
KALI
YES, I AM AWARE OF YOUR LINEAGE.
IT IS WRITTEN ALL OVER YOU.
YES, YOU HAVE THAT FEROCITY, THAT FAITH–
BUT ALSO–
THE FLAWS.
ROXANNE
DO NOT SULLY HIS NAME.
She mocks me.
KALI
OH, NO–
I WOULDN’T DARE…
JUST–
Her eyes travel about in a show of false skittishness, and then she locks on to me.
KALI
WHY DO YOU PREY ON THE ITTY BITTY ANIMALS?
Her eyes were intense, a strange color, like fuchsia. I wasn’t sure I’d ever noticed them before.
KALI
DON’T YOU THINK THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?
ROXANNE
MY FEEDING HABITS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
She rose to her feet and stared at me with those eyes.
KALI
THEY ARE EVERYONE’S BUSINESS WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSKS BEHIND.
TAKING THE LIVES OF EARTH’S FAUNA IS LOATHSOME–
PARTICULARLY FOR ONE WHO CARRIES THE BLOOD OF THE ANCIENTS AS YOU DO–
BUT YOU ARE NOT A LOST CAUSE.
YOU ARE A PRETTY YOUNG THING WHO DESPERATELY NEEDS A GOOD TEACHER.
ROXANNE
I WOULD NEVER BETRAY MY MASTER.
KALI
AND I WOULD LIKE TO AVOID GETTING ON HIS BAD SIDE.
HE HAS SUCH A FOUL TEMPER, BUT I’M SURE YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY, DON’T YOU?
YES, IF YOU DON’T ALREADY, YOU WILL SOON.
IT IS JUST A PITY THAT HE HAS SO LITTLE TIME FOR YOU.
A LITTLE FLOWER WILL WITHER WITHOUT THE RAIN.
ROXANNE
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
KALI
OH, MY, I HAVE OFFENDED YOU.
IT IS TOO BAD, YOU REALLY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY.
ROXANNE
LEAVE.
NOW.
KALI
I DON’T HAVE TO BE TOLD TWICE.
I HOPE YOU’LL AT LEAST DO ME THE HONOR OF ENTERTAINING MY OFFER.
THINK ABOUT IT.
THINK OF WHAT WE COULD DO, WHAT WE COULD BE, TOGETHER.
AND UNLIKE HIM, I HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME ON MY HANDS.
ROXANNE
GO.
She grins.
KALI
YOU REALLY ARE JUST MY TYPE.
And she disappears into mist. Faced with a creature such as she, I can’t trust my senses that she’s truly gone. But I have no choice. The night is nearly gone.
In the pink room that still reminisces about the deceased, I climb into my coffin and smooth the wrinkles from my clothing. I pull the lid over my hiding place and expel air from my lungs.
Tomorrow is another day.