Myrtle. Magicademy. Vincent. “Vince”. George. George-Hen-ree–.

dogs. many-dogs. ghosts?. roasts. [rooby-rooby-roo]. The-LEASH.

// THE MAGICADEMY //

It is breakfast time at 101 Church Road.

In the house, side-by-side, live the vampire GeorgeHenry & the young woman SUMMER HOLIDAY.

SUMMER has a bit of a ritual. Each day, after she gets up & gets dressed, she attends to her hunger need.

Most days, dare, I say, all days, her breakfast is eggs done her preferred way, that is, to say, “over-easy”– with a side of a dollop - a healthy dollop, that is - of goat cheese.

The goat cheese has a low melting point, so when she places it over the eggs, it softens and starts to melt.

Usually, G.H. waits until he is summoned, but today, he’s decided to favor the bold.

G.H.

HEY, SUMMER. WHAT’S UP?

SUMMER

MY GOODNESS, G.H.

YOU SCARED ME NEAR OUTTA MY PANTS.

HEY.

HOW ARE YOU?

G.H.

OH. OKAY.

WHATCHA EATIN’?

SUMMER

OH –

MY USUAL.

G.H.

AH.

WHAT’S YOUR USUAL?

SUMMER

EGGS OVER EASY WITH CHEESE.

G.H.

HUH. WITH CHEEZE, HUH? NEVER HEARD OF IT THAT WAY.

SUMMER

YEAH.

YA KNOW – I GOT THE IDEA FROM A MOVIE.

G.H.

A MOVIE?

SUMMER

YEAH, SOMETHING I SAW WHEN I WAS A KID.

G.H.

I DON’T WATCH MUCH TV.

SUMMER

NO?

I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR MYSELF.

I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION AS A CHILD.

G.H.

YEAH?

SUMMER

YES. DEFINITELY.

G.H.

AW.

I’M SURE IT WASN’T ALL THAT BAD.

SUMMER

EH.

YEAH WELL. NOW I’M 23 AND I CAN’T PAINT AND I’VE NEVER WRITTEN A BOOK.

G.H.

WRITTEN A BOOK?

AREN’T YOU A LITTLE YOUNG FOR THAT?

I MEAN…

ALL THE GREATS I’VE EVER HEARD OF… WERE…

WHAT…

IN THEIR SIXTIES AT LEAST.

SUMMER

WHAT ABOUT SYLVIA PLATH?

G.H.

AW GEEZ.

DON’T TELL ME YOU WANT TO BE LIKE SYLVIA PLATH WHEN YOU GROW UP.

SHE STUCK HER HEAD IN AN OVEN.

SUMMER

SHE… DID?

G.H.

YEAH, SHE ABSOLUTELY DID.

IT’S A SAD STORY, ACTUALLY.

SUMMER

OH…

I NEVER KNEW… THAT.

G.H.

YEAH. TORTURED ARTIST OR SOMESUCH.

BUT –

DON’T STRIVE TO MAKE SYLVIA PLATH YOUR MENTOR.

YOU WANNA WRITE A BOOK, YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR TIME.

SUMMER

TAKE YOUR TIME?

G.H.

YEAH, AS THEY SAY:

“ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY”.

SUMMER

UH… YEAH. OF COURSE.

G.H.

SO. YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER, HUH?

SUMMER

WELL. UH.

I’M NOT REALLY ALL THAT– COMMITTED TO THE IDEA.

PASSING FANTASY.

PIPE DREAM.

I’M ONLY 23, AFTER ALL.

G.H.

YOU STILL GOT TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT.

SUMMER

YEAH, I JUST GRADUATED SO I’M JUST BIDING MY TIME.

G.H.

SENSIBLE.

The conversation lulls a moment.

SUMMER

G.H.

I HAVE A CRAZY QUESTION.

G.H.

SHOOT.

SUMMER

WELL… UH…

DO YOU….

UH.

THINK THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED?

G.H.

HAUNTED?

SUMMER

YEAH. I KNOW IT’S A STRANGE QUESTION BUT

DO YOU THINK GHOSTS LIVE HERE?

G.H.

WELL.

MY MOTHER DID DIE RECENTLY.

SUMMER

OH, GOODNESS.

YOU KNOW, I TOTALLY FORGOT.

YOU…

PROBABLY AREN’T READY TO TALK ABOUT THIS YET.

G.H.

NO-NO-NO, IT’S OKAY.

I’M OK WITH IT.

SHE’S AT PEACE NOW.

SUMMER

WELL… I DON’T KNOW.

I JUST GET THIS WEIRD SHIVER UP MY SPINE FROM TIME TO TIME.

G.H.

NERVES?

SUMMER

I DON’T KNOW.

I’M NOT NERVOUS, PERSÉ.

AT LEAST…

I DON’T THINK SO.

G.H.

AND YOU THINK IT’S A GHOST?

SUMMER

I… I DON’T KNOW.

I DON’T WANT TO SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON….

G.H.

YOU DON’T SOUND CRAZY TO ME.

JUST CURIOUS.

WHY WOULD THAT BE A PROBLEM?

SUMMER

I DON’T KNOW.

IT’S NOT LIKE THEY TEACH THE PARANORMAL IN SCHOOL.

G.H.

NO. I SUPPOSE NOT.

BUT

THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID OF SPEAKING YOUR MIND.

WE’RE JUST

CHATTING

ANYWAY.

SUMMER

I SUPPOSE SO.

G.H.

ANYWAY… I SURE HOPE MY MOTHER ISN’T HAUNTING THE PLACE. THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.

I’D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT SHE’S FINALLY AT REST, UP IN HEAVEN, WATCHING OVER US ALL.

MAKING SURE WE

DOT OUR EYES

AND CROSS OUR TEES.

SUMMER

HAHA, YEAH I HOPE SO TOO. YOUR MOTHER WAS A NICE WOMAN.

AND A GREAT COOK!

G.H.

D’AW. I THINK YOU’RE A BETTER CHEF THAN HER.

MOM NEVER USED ENOUGH SPICE.

SURE, SHE COULD FRY UP A MEAN GRILL CHEESE BUT…

EH~

HER FACILITY WITH ETHNIC DISHES WAS A BIT WEAK.

SUMMER

PHO?

G.H.

WELL I DON’T THINK THAT’D BE IN HER REPETOIRE; MOM WAS HALF-CHINESE SO SHE SHOULDA KNOWN HOW TO MAKE CHOP SUEY.

SUMMER

CHOP SUEY?

G.H.

UH. WELL.

IT’S PROBABLY AN OBSCENE TERM NOWADAYS BUT IT’S JUST A GENERAL TERM FOR CHINESE LEFTOVERS REFRIED.

SUMMER

HUH.

I NEVER KNEW YOUR MOTHER WAS CHINESE.

G.H.

WELL. HALF.

HER FATHER WAS OF FOREIGN MAKE.

SUMMER

HUH. YOU COULDN’T TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT HER.

G.H.

SHE WAS BORN HERE THOUGH. SO HER DAD DIDN’T TEACH HER HIS NATIVE TONGUE.

SUMMER

OH YEAH?

AW. THAT’S TOO BAD.

I LEARNED FRENCH IN SCHOOL BUT I’LL BE DAMNED IF I COULD REMEMBER A LICK ANYMORE.

By now, SUMMER HOLIDAY has finished her plate.

G.H.

MAY I CLEAR YOUR SETTING?

SUMMER

OH. UH…

(pause)

[cautious] Sure.

G.H.

SO.

WHATE’R YOU UP TO TODAY?

SUMMER

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

I HAVE THE DAY OFF FROM WORK SO I WAS JUST GOING TO GO FOR A RUN AND –

G.H.

IT’S GONNA RAIN TODAY.

SUMMER

RAINING?

SHIT.

REALLY?

G.H.

REALLY REALLY.

SUMMER

HUH.

I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE.

GEORGE HENRY rinses the plates and loads the dishes into the washer.


When the conversation becomes awkward, GEORGE HENRY retreats into his basement lair.

He had taken up residence in the basement of the Magicademy.

It was here he’d been trained by the Elder VINCENT MARSCAPONE.

Things were different then. MYRTLE bustled about the upper floors with her magicians.

In those days, VINCE kept just one apprentice.

They slept during the sunlight hours and tried to ignore the incessant footfalls of the orphans.

MYRTLE came downstairs just once a day to bring sustenance to the vampires.

All other times were spent laying in wait.


GEORGE HENRY//

Vince. You in here?

VINCENT//

Indeed. Always. Forever.

GEORGE HENRY//

Are you still going to go through with the plan?

VINCENT//

Against my better judgement.

GEORGE HENRY//

You know you don't have to.

VINCENT//

I know no one's making me but...

GEORGE HENRY//

But?

VINCENT//

I really think Cedric has better things to do with his time than play our sys-admin.

VINCENT//

I heard he has a new job starting soon.

GEORGE HENRY//

Yeah. Straud helped him get a job as a cop.

VINCENT//

Good. He'll enjoy that.

GEORGE HENRY//

I think so, too.

VINCENT//

Did Kevin truly invoke his spirit?

GEORGE HENRY//

He did. I saw it with my own two eyes. Straud was there, too. It didn't last long. She was weeping & wailing, bawling, even, looking for you.

VINCENT//

How little has changed.

VINCENT//

/casts resurrection.

VINCENT//

Good morning, my dear wife.

MYRTLE//

Vince --

VINCENT//

/casts silence.

VINCENT//

"Vince --" nothing.

VINCENT//

You locked me in a basement for sixteen years while my kingdom fell to ruin. Let your "mages" run amok in my castle. Casting 'siphon life' on me and my children while you grew fat on grilled cheese and crumpets.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I can --

VINCENT//

Explain?

VINCENT//

No. It's too late for that.

VINCENT//

Much too late.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Rest assured your son has begged for me to be merciful toward you.

VINCENT//

He wants to grant you mercy you never showed to me and my kind.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

/casts silence.

VINCENT//

My courtyard, littered with corpses.

VINCENT//

You thought you'd break the cycle; do things differently this time.

VINCENT//

You aimed to become the trendsetter.

VINCENT//

But you're nothing except the Destroyer.

VINCENT//

My children wander the Earth in shackles, bound and gagged because you were too afraid to die. Too afraid to face me in my own domain.

VINCENT//

You maimed your only son, forced him to bear your shame.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

And you dared to dream that you'd see me as your steward in the afterlife?

VINCENT//

Ignorance, I can forgive. But knowledgeable malice?

VINCENT//

No. Never.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

Now the usurpers run freely in my halls. They've torn down my paintings, pissed in my books, all because you lusted for power you could never, would never, be able to wield.

VINCENT//

Your vices, ours. Your addictions, ours.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

Only a true witch lies.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

Twisted brambles clutter my sanctuary. While you just dared to cast duplicato to avoid doing any real work.

VINCENT//

And you thought your prison was fool-proof.

MYRTLE//

What I did, I did for...

VINCENT//

For "her"?

VINCENT//

You've never done a damn for anyone but yourself.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

Shall I number thy days?

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

And the vivisections?

VINCENT//

You wouldn't even let me keep a dog to numb the pain.

VINCENT//

Zombified the Count.

VINCENT//

Cutting the tongues of any who dared speak against you.

VINCENT//

The only thing I can say is that you were ignorant of religions you eschewed. I cannot damn a man for what he does not know.

VINCENT//

When you sealed me away, you inadvertently saved me from a scourge that infected my home plane.

VINCENT//

But I will never forgive you for making servants of my sons. My sons who, in their grace, showed nothing but love for you. A pardon you did not deserve. Did not earn.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

You knew that those years in your realm were eons in mine. You knew my kingdom would fall to despair. And what, because you feared the Haunt?

VINCENT//

Your world needed me too, your people needed their respite in Elysion. You stole that from them, stole that from me.

MYRTLE//

Vince, I --

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

I have placed you inside this black box. I think you'll find it is a merciful prison. Where my jail cell was saturated with the horror of the haunt. All I could see were the faces of my sons. I held on to that one memory and tried to keep myself from slipping. All while you and those with whom you keep company grew fat at my table.

MYRTLE//

Vincent...

VINCENT//

"Marscapone".

MYRTLE//

Mars...

VINCENT//

Silence!

VINCENT//

You will speak when spoken to!

VINCENT//

You will serve your sons and give them joy in what are now their final days. you will cook, clean, and sell each and every picture you have taken. I never want to hear you speak in my presence again.

VINCENT//

I will keep you alive, in my heart, only because I must remember those who have trespassed upon me.

VINCENT//

When GEORGE HENRY tells you to dance, shall you dance. And if Miss Holiday needs a shoulder on which to cry, you will report for duty. Sharp. Prompt. Never. Tardy. With. No. Complaint.

VINCENT//

As for the kingdom I build, no, rebuild, you shall ne'r know its glory.

VINCENT//

THAT is the final admonition.