// THE LABORATORY //


The next day, a Thursday, arrives without fanfare. Autumn brings a heaping tray, a fair bit more generous than some of my previous offerings.

KEVIN

I CAN’T EAT THAT.


I point to an orange upon the tray.

KEVIN

THE DOCTOR’S REMOVED MY TEETH.


I open my mouth to reveal my snaggletooth maw. It is an embarrassing gesture, bold and heedless but I’m beginning to lose my concern.

KEVIN

HE WAS UNABLE TO LOWER MY ADULT TEETH.


The nurse seems flustered and unfocused.

AUTUMN

I’M SORRY, KEVIN.

IT’S JUST A STANDARD DIET. I CAN MAKE A NOTE IN YOUR FILE…

KEVIN

I’M SURPRISED HE DIDN’T HIMSELF.

AUTUMN

THE DOCTOR IS OFTEN…

I…UH…


She stammers, at once ashamed to betray her better’s poor bookkeeping habits.

KEVIN

IT’S FINE. I’M HARDLY HUNGRY ANYWAY.


It was true enough.

KEVIN

WILL THE DOCTOR BE ABLE TO JOIN ME THIS EVENING?

AUTUMN

I SEE NO REASON NOT BUT I’M NOT ABLE TO SAY FOR CERTAIN. I DO NOT KEEP THE DOCTOR’S CALENDAR.

HE IS A BUSY MAN.

BUT I DO KNOW HE HAS MADE YOUR CARE OF THE UTMOST PRIORITY.

KEVIN

I’M SURE HE HAS.


KEVIN

TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW MY FATHER.

TRELAINE

THERE IS NONE AMONG OUR KIND THAT DON’T KNOW HIS NAME AND TITLE.

YOU SHOULD COUNT YOURSELF FORTUNATE THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF A NATURAL MEMBER OF SUCH A FAMILY.

OF COURSE, I SUSPECT IT IS YOUR MOTHER TO WHOM YOU OWE THE DEBT OF YOUR EXISTENCE.


I felt an immediate regret for having opened this subject.

Why did I think I had anything productive to learn about my family from this stranger? A stranger who’d stolen me practically from my bed?

TRELAINE

OF COURSE, IF YOU’RE PRIVY TO ANY INFORMATION THAT I’M NOT, IT MAY ILLUMINATE THE REASON I WAS UNABLE TO MOVE YOUR TEETH.

YOU’RE NOT A MORTAL, THAT MUCH IS FOR CERTAIN.


I am a monster. And now I have no teeth.

TRELAINE

I’VE NEVER HAD ANY IMPEDIMENTS TO MY WILL WHEN EMPLOYING MY SERVICES ON THE ORDINARY.

I REALLY, DEEPLY APOLOGIZE ABOUT THE SHIFT IN EXPECTATIONS CAUSED BY MY UNDERESTIMATION.

KEVIN

UNDERESTIMATION?

TRELAINE

I THOUGHT YOUR CHILD NATURE WOULD OVERWHELM YOUR STATUS AS A VAMPIRE.

IT WAS TRUE THAT YOU WENT UNDER THE ANESTHESIA JUST FINE, WITHIN PREDICTABLE LIMITS OF THE ORDINARY.

BUT YOUR TEETH, THEY JUST WOULDN’T BUDGE!

KEVIN

THAT’S GREAT.


I found the chilling description of his work upon my face uncomfortable and I didn’t want to listen.

TRELAINE

I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE IT AS A GOOD THING.

ALL SIGNS SAY THAT THE TEETH ARE HEALTHY AND PROGRESSING AS THEY SHOULD.

KEVIN

PERHAPS THE TEETH WOULD HAVE JUST FALLEN OUT ON THEIR OWN.

TRELAINE

IT’S POSSIBLE, BUT THE PRESENCE OF THE REMNANTS OF THE FIRST SET SUGGESTED THAT THE GUM WAS UNWILLING TO LOOSE THE TEETH.

AND THE TEETH APPEARED AGED AND IMPROPERLY ATTACHED.

KEVIN

I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT YOU ARE CORRECT.

I CAN HARDLY EAT.

SOME LUKEWARM SOUP MIGHT DO ME WONDERS.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO NOTE THAT IN MY FILE.

TRELAINE

DULY NOTED.

MY SINCEREST OF APOLOGIES THAT THE STAFF WERE UNABLE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE NECESSARY ADJUSTMENTS.

KEVIN

THEY SEEM TO TAKE THEIR ORDERS DIRECTLY FROM YOU.

TRELAINE

AND THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. WE ALL SHOULD POSSESS A MODICUM OF SELF-SUFFICIENCY.

KEVIN

I DIDN’T THINK THAT’S WHAT YOU ENCOURAGE HERE.

I ASSUME THE COMMAND TO KIDNAP A YOUNG BOY FROM HIS HOME CAME DIRECTLY FROM YOUR DESK.

TRELAINE

OH, KEVIN.

I KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENED TO YOU HAS BEEN TRAUMATIC BUT HOPEFULLY IN TIME YOU’LL COME TO SEE THAT WE ONLY DID WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO SAVE YOU AND THE LARGER WORLD AROUND YOU.

KEVIN

PERHAPS YOU COULD HAVE FOUND A MORE POLITE METHOD OF RESCUE.

TRELAINE

I’M SORRY KEVIN. I REALLY AM.

KEVIN

EVERYONE IN THIS INSANE ASYLUM LOVES TO SAY THAT WORD.

I’M SICK OF HEARING IT.

TRELAINE

BUT IT’S HOW WE FEEL ABOUT YOUR SITUATION, KEVIN.

KEVIN

WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT A FEW WEEKS AGO.

TRELAINE

WE DID WHAT WE FELT WAS NECESSARY.