The truth was that I was still reeling. The moon had completed many cycles since I had last seen the Thief and his hedge wizard. I hadn’t been at my best on that day. I hadn’t been prepared. But that wouldn’t happen again.

I sat in front of my bedroom console and skimmed over the day’s headlines. I scrolled past a few screens to get the data I was pursuing.

COMPUTER

STILL NO SIGHTING OF DAVIAN HUGHES OR HIS APPRENTICE.

TRENTE

DISMISSED.


And the computer went silent. I don’t know what I was expecting. The Ivy League was hiding something, but I did not yet know what. I could lay in wait, but that would make my action late and responsive. No, I would not be mocked again.

It had been fairly simple to get Sierra turned back into her humanoid form. Just a few days and some ritual magicks. But it still stung my pride and I felt Sierra still hadn’t fully recovered from the debacle. Thank goodness there were always more soldiers.

Caleb, however, I was stuck with. The two of them had history together and Caleb belonged to one of the High Houses. I had no choice but to court him.

TRENTE

STATUS OF VATORE?

I CAN’T HELP THINKING I SHOULD ADDRESS HIM SERIOUSLY ONE OF THESE DAYS.

COMPUTER

CALEB VATORE IS IN THE GARDEN WATERING THE PRIMROSE.

TRENTE

HE’S COME A LONG WAY; GLAD HE’S MAKING HIMSELF AT HOME.

THERE WAS A TIME I DID NOT BELIEVE IT WOULD EVER HAPPEN.

COMPUTER

HE LOVES YOU, MISTRESS.

HE’S DEARLY DEVOTED.

TRENTE

IT IS GOOD TO HAVE HIM AWAY FROM THE POLLUTING INFLUENCE OF VLAD AND THE WONDER WIZARDS.

COMPUTER

YOU SHOULD PUT HIM TO USE, SOMETHING MORE VALUABLE THAN PISSING ON THE PEONIES.

TRENTE

I’M TRYING.

COMPUTER

WHAT ABOUT HIS SISTER?

TRENTE

LILITH?

I DON’T BELIEVE HE’S HAD ANY COMMUNICATION WITH HER SINCE HE CAME HERE.

COMPUTER

SHE WOULD COMPLETE YOUR SET OF CROWN JEWELS.

TRENTE

I DO NOT THINK SHE WOULD COOPERATE WITH US.

SHE IS IN LOVE WITH ONE OF VLAD’S LACKEYS.

COMPUTER

AH YES, THE POWER OF LOVE.

SIGNING OFF.


The computer was always trying to push its agenda. I supposed being installed into the furniture got a little dull at times.

I decided to make my way into the garden. The sun had set several hours ago and just the edge of the horizon hinted at the existence of the huge sphere of flame.

I approached him from behind but made my presence known, stepping on one of the first dry leaves of the fall season.

CALEB

GOOD EVENING, MY PRINCESS.


He turned around to face me. His asymmetrical hairstyle brought a bang of hair to fall in front of his eye. In one fluid motion, he swept his hair from his face and fell into a graceful bow. He enjoyed these sorts of displays of subservience.

I, as much as I could, was getting used to it.

TRENTE

GOOD EVENING, MY PUPIL.


He smiled. Then, in a moment of theatrics, he gestures to the bright light in the night sky.

CALEB

THE MOON IS PRICELESS TONIGHT.


I followed his gaze. The white orb reminded me of home and my guard was softened.

TRENTE

YES, IT IS BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.

CALEB

YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID ON THE NIGHT I SAID IT.

IT’S STILL TRUE.


I still questioned his loyalty, as I did of anyone whose mind remained a mystery to me. I could not help being cautious. I had been burned before.

TRENTE

WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER?

WHAT IF SHE GROVELED AT YOUR FEET AND BEGGED YOU TO RETURN TO THE FORGOTTEN HOLLOW?

CALEB

I WOULD NEVER BETRAY YOU, MY LADY.

YOU SAVED ME FROM A LIFETIME LANGUISHING ON THE WRONG SIDE.

I’M WITH YOU UNTIL THE END.


I did not like the talk of the End. It was the Traitor’s rhetoric. It would be the beginning of my reign over Earth. The only thing that would end would be the lawlessness and chaos of a planet ruled by mortals.

TRENTE

I WOULD FEEL BETTER IF YOUR SISTER WERE CONVERTED TO OUR SIDE.


I paused a moment, surveying the moonlit greenery.

TRENTE

YOU SEEM LONELY.


His face widened in surprise.

CALEB

LONELY, MY LADY?

ANYTHING BUT.

BESIDES, MY SISTER WAS RARELY ADEQUATE COMPANY.


I tried to glean the truthiness of his statement.

TRENTE

I HAVE OBSERVED THAT THE VAMPIRES OF THIS PLANET ARE HIGHLY SOCIAL CREATURES.

IT IS NOTHING YOU NEED TO BE ASHAMED OF, IT IS SIMPLY YOUR NATURE.

CALEB

THE TRUEST FAMILY IS THE FAMILY YOU CHOOSE.


It was a genuine attempt but he had little knowledge of the depth of the subject of which he spoke.

CALEB

I’M SURE YOUR MOON KINGDOM WAS LIKE THAT.


I did not like to speak of this with him but I had no choice.

TRENTE

THE MOON KINGDOM WAS LIKE WHAT, SPECIFICALLY?

CALEB

OH. SORRY FOR NOT BEING SPECIFIC.

PEOPLE WERE FRIENDLY TO EACH OTHER.

EVERYONE WAS YOUR PROVERBIAL BROTHER OR SISTER?

UTOPIA?

TRENTE

YES, IT WAS PERFECT.

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT.

I WORRY ABOUT WHAT THAT IMPLIES TO EARTHLINGS, MANY OF YOU THINK JOY IS PERSONAL EXPRESSION.

IT IS NOT THAT WE DON’T HAVE FREEDOM, BUT IT IS NOT AS VITAL TO OUR FEELINGS OF WELL-BEING.

THE PEOPLE NEED THEIR LEADER AS MUCH AS THE LEADER NEEDS THE PEOPLE.

CALEB

I READ SOMETHING ONCE. PEOPLE ARE EITHER CHARMING OR TEDIOUS.

COMPUTER

OSCAR WILDE.

“IT IS ABSURD TO DIVIDE PEOPLE INTO GOOD AND BAD. PEOPLE ARE EITHER CHARMING OR TEDIOUS.”

TRENTE

COMPUTER!!

YOU CREPT UP ON ME AGAIN!

I WANT TO CHANGE TOPICS.

CALEB

ANYTHING, MY PRINCESS.

TRENTE

WHY DO YOU WANT TO SERVE ME?

CALEB

I’VE BEEN CAPTURED BY A FOREIGN POWER AND I’VE BEEN ENTRANCED.

TRENTE

NO, BUT REALLY.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

CALEB

I LOVE YOU.

SHOULDN’T THAT BE ENOUGH?

TRENTE

IT SHOULD BE, BUT I REMAIN UNCONVINCED.

CALEB

WHAT ELSE COULD I DO THAT WOULD CONVINCE YOU, MY DARLING?

COULD YOU FIND IT IN YOURSELF TO BE THE MORTICIA TO MY ADDAMS?

TRENTE

WHAT?!

CALEB

IT’S ADMITTEDLY AN OUTDATED REFERENCE, BUT –

TRENTE

NO, NEVER!


At this, I feel the irrepressible urge to run from the scene. And so, I do. In the distance, I hear him calling.

CALEB

PRINCESS, WHAT HAVE I SAID?

I DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND!


But that is all I can take, so I flee.


How dare he taunt me with the mythology of his home planet. I am tired of always feeling the outsider.

And yet it is so easy. Caleb is so eager to please, and he’s correct in that he didn’t mean to offend. I suppose my instinct toward theatrics is borne from my quick and sudden immersion in the culture.

I needed to escape him for a moment, and wasn’t that just perfectly Earthican of me. I’d become accustomed to this through my preacclimation period. It was difficult to unlearn what I’d spent so long learning.

Something would keep Straud elusive from me. Perhaps it was his friendship with the local, Davian. There was something irreverent about the Godless mortal.

Mages were not, as I determined it, mortal as far as mortals were, and yet were not immortal as was a vampire. These earthly mages gave only a passing nod to their Avatars, the creatures to whom they owed everything. They were not like the magic-users of the past. No, they were not. Instead, they were like the Guide.

The Guide!

COMPUTER

KRISTEN SCHAAL, THE GUIDE, A STAR/CO/STAR IN THE HIT SERIES WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS –

TRENTE

NO, THAT’S NOT IT!

COMPUTER

WELL, IT IS SOMETHING.

TRENTE

I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW THAT SERIES TURNED OUT, WITH SUCH SYMPATHY FOR THE FAMILIAR.

COMPUTER

BECAUSE OF THE CONTINUED FAITH IN THE FAMILIAR, GUILLERMO DE LA CRUZ.

TRENTE

THE FALSEHOOD THAT NO ONE ELSE COULD BE FOUND.

THAT NO ONE ELSE COULD BE TRUSTED WITH THE SECRETS.

COMPUTER

WHAT ABOUT JENNA?

TRENTE

WHAT ABOUT JENNA?

COMPUTER

SHE WAS GRANTED WITH THE GRAND POWER OF INVISIBILITY.

NO ONE’S TELLING WHERE THEY ARE.

TRENTE

IS THIS BACKGROUND DETAIL ON CEDRIC?

COMPUTER

HE’S… STRUGGLING, RIGHT?

TRENTE

YES, HE IS.

COMPUTER

HE THINKS IT IS DUE TO HIS LATE COMPANION’S DEATH.

TRENTE

WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS INFORMATION FROM?

COMPUTER

GUESSING, MOSTLY.

BUT HIS PATROLS ARE IRRATIC AND, WELL, WOULDN’T YOU BE STRUGGLING IF YOU LOST SOMEONE?

TRENTE

MAYBE HE LIKES TO BE ALONE.

MAYBE HE BELIEVES SHE’S IN A BETTER PLACE.

COMPUTER

STATISTICALLY IT IS POSSIBLE.

MY CALCULATIONS CONCLUDE IT IS UNLIKELY.

TRENTE

I DON’T THINK THIS PARTICULAR LIEUTENANT HAS MUCH TO DO WITH THE PRIZE AT HAND.

COMPUTER

YES, MA’AM. LET’S NOT LOSE SIGHT OF THE GOAL.

TRENTE

HE’S BEEN AT THE NIGHTCLUB A LOT RECENTLY, RIGHT?

COMPUTER

POURING HIMSELF INTO WORK, IT SEEMS.

TRENTE

IT STILL ENRAGES ME, THAT HE’S FORGOTTEN OUR COUNTRY SO QUICKLY.

COMPUTER

I’M SORRY, MISTRESS.

TRENTE

I’M SORRY, TOO.